Sunday Family Humour 24th July

Free Entertainment and Family Fun Every Sunday


Sayings

Thanks to Ray O.

1. WHY: Why do men's clothes have buttons on the right while women's clothes have buttons on the left?
BECAUSE: When buttons were invented, they were very expensive and worn primarily by the rich. Since most people are right-handed, it is to push buttons on the right through holes on the left. Because wealthy women were dressed by maids, dressmakers put the buttons on the maid's right! And that's where women's buttons have remained since.

2. WHY: Why do ships and aircraft use 'mayday' as their call for help?
BECAUSE: This comes from the French word 'm'aidez' – meaning 'help me' - and is pronounced, approximately, 'mayday'.

3. WHY: Why are zero scores in tennis called 'love'?
BECAUSE: In France, where tennis became popular, the round zero on the scoreboard looked like an egg and was called 'l'oeuf', which is French for 'the egg'. When tennis was introduced in the US, Americans (naturally), mispronounced it 'love'

4. WHY: Why do X's at the end of a letter signify kisses?
BECAUSE: In the Middle Ages, when many people were unable to read or write, documents were often signed using an X. Kissing the X represented an oath to fulfill obligations specified in the document. The X and the kiss eventually became synonymous.

5. WHY: Why is shifting responsibility to someone else called 'passing the buck'?
BECAUSE: In card games, it was once customary to pass an item, called a buck, from player to player to indicate whose turn it was to deal. If a player did not wish to assume the responsibility of dealing, he would 'pass the buck' to the next player.

6. WHY: Why do people clink their glasses before drinking a toast?
BECAUSE: In earlier times it used to be common for someone to try to kill an enemy by offering him a poisoned drink. To prove to a guest that a drink was safe, it became customary for a guest to pour a small amount of his drink into the glass of the host. Both men would drink it simultaneously. When a guest trusted his host, he would only touch or clink the host's glass with his own.

7. WHY: Why are people in the public eye said to be 'in the limelight'?
BECAUSE: Invented in 1825, limelight was used in lighthouses and theatres by burning a cylinder of lime which produced a brilliant light. In the theatre, a performer 'in the limelight' was the center of attention.

8. WHY: Why is someone who is feeling great 'on cloud nine'?
BECAUSE: Types of clouds are numbered according to the altitudes they attain, with nine being the highest cloud. If someone is said to be on cloud nine, that person is floating well above worldly cares.

9. WHY: In golf, where did the term 'Caddie' come from?
BECAUSE: When Mary Queen of Scots went to France as a young girl, Louis, King of France, learned that she loved the Scots game 'golf'. He had the first course outside of Scotland built for her enjoyment. To make sure she was properly chaperoned (and guarded) while she played, Louis hired cadets from a military school to accompany her. Mary liked this a lot and when she returned to Scotland (not a very good idea in the long run), she took the practice with her. In French, the word cadet is pronounced ˜ca-day' and the Scots changed it into caddie.

10. WHY: Why are many coin collection jar banks shaped like pigs?
BECAUSE: Long ago, dishes and cookware in Europe were made of dense orange clay called 'pygg'. When people saved coins in jars made of this clay, the jars became known as 'pygg banks'. When an English potter misunderstood the word, he made a container that resembled a pig. And it caught on.

Funny Home Depot Commercial

Thanks to Paula S.

Funny Home Depot Commercial



Jokes of Unknown Source

Thanks to Jim EH

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses.
She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!" 
After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. 
The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?" 
"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!

Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. 'Yes,' said the policeman. 'The detectives want very badly to capture him.
'Little Johnny asked, 'Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?’


One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Johnny was standing and staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church.
The young man of seven had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up and stood beside him. Gazing up at the plaque, too, he said quietly, "Good morning son."

"Good morning pastor" replied the young man, not taking his eyes off the plaque.

"Sir, what is this?" Johnny asked.

"Well son, these are all the people who have died in the service," replied the pastor. Soberly, they stood together staring up at the large plaque.
Little Johnny's voice barely broke the silence when he asked quietly,
"Which one sir, the 8:30 or the 10:30 service?"


Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. 'Why do you do that, mommy?' he asked. 'To make myself beautiful,' said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue.
'What's the matter?' asked Little Johnny. 'Giving up?'


A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband,
'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.
I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

The husband replies, 'Your eyesight is darn near perfect.'


A married couple was celebrating their 60th wedding anniversary. At the party everybody wanted to know how they managed to stay married so long in this day and age. The husband responded "When we were first married we came to an agreement. I would make all the major decisions and my wife would make all the minor decisions. And in 60 years of marriage we have never needed to make a major decision."


Fire swept the plains and burned down the farmer’s barn. While he surveyed the wreckage, his wife called their insurance company and asked them to send a check for $75,000, the amount of insurance on the barn. “We don’t give you the money,” a company official explained. “We replace the barn and all the equipment in it.”
“In that case,” replied the wife, “cancel the policy I have on my husband.”


Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. As they lay down for the night, Holmes said:” Watson, look up into the sky and tell me what you see?"

Watson said, "I see millions and millions of stars."

Holmes: "And what does that tell you?"

Watson: "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Theologically, it tells me that God is great and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorogically, it tells me that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"

Holmes: "Somebody stole our tent".

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David M's Gallery

Thanks to David H
David M 1

 
David M 2

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David M 5

 
David M 5

   
David M 6

 
David M 7


   
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David M 9

   
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David M 11

 



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First Tech Support Guy

Thanks to Jane

First Tech Support Guy



The Crow Problem

Thanks to Tully

 
Crow 1
  
Crow 2

 
Crow 3
  

 
Crow 5
  
Crow 6

 
Crow 7
  

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Stress Management

Thanks to Ray O'.
 A young lady confidently walked around the room while leading and explaining stress management to an audience with a raised glass of water. Everyone knew she was going to ask the ultimate question, 'half empty or half full?'... She fooled them all .... "How heavy is this glass of water?" she inquired with a smile.
Answers called out ranged from 8 oz. To 20 oz.

She replied , "The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how long I hold it.

If I hold it for a minute, that's not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my right arm.

If I hold it for a day, you'll have to call an
Ambulance. In each case it's the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes." She continued, "and that's the way it is with stress. If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, as the burden becomes increasingly heavy, we won't be able to carry on."

"As with the glass of water, you have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again. When we're refreshed, we can carry on with the burden - holding stress longer and better each time practiced.

So, as early in the evening as you can, put all your burdens down. Don't carry them through the evening and into the night... Pick them up tomorrow.

1 * Accept the fact that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue!

2 * Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.

3 * Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

4 * Drive carefully... It's not only cars that can be recalled by their Maker.

5 * If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

6 * If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

7 * It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
8 * Never buy a car you can't push.

9 * Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you won't have a leg to stand on.

10 * Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

11 * Since it's the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late.

12 * The 2nd mouse gets the cheese.

13 * When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

14 * Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.

16 * Some mistakes are too much fun to make only once.

17 * We could learn a lot from crayons. Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull. Some have weird names and all are different colors, but they all have to live in the same box.

18 * A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

19 * Have an awesome day and know that someone has thought about you today.

AND MOST IMPORTANTLY

20 *Save the earth..... It's the only planet with chocolate!* I THINK !!!!

Today someone asked me if I liked you. I laughed, and I said, "Ha! That's funny!! I absolutely do!!


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