Moments to laugh.

7 sadhus 7 chatai per dhyaan lagakar baithe the.......... 


 


 


 


 


 


 


ek Aadmi aata hain aur sabse bujurg sadhu ko Pranam kar poochta 
hain..."Maharaj ladki nahi pat rahi hai.. kya Karu...?"


 


 


 


 


 


Woh sadhu sabse chote sadhu ko pukarta hain...aur kehta hai

 


 


 


 


 


" Chotu ek aur chatai laga de beta...." :-):-) 


 


 


----------------------------------------------------------------
sidhuisms and related comments ...

#  The way Indian wickets are falling reminds of the cycle stand
at Rajendra Talkies in Patiala...one falls and everything else falls!

# Statistics are like miniskirts, they reveal more than what they hide.

# Wickets are like wives - you never know which way they will turn!

# The third umpires should be changed as often as nappies and for
the same reason

# I lean on statistics like a drunken man leans on a lamppost,
only for support, not illumination

# The Only Thing You Get In Life Without Trying is dandruff

# Nobody travels on the road to success without a puncture or two.

# Age has been perfect fire extinguisher for flaming youth.

# Sri Lankan score is running like an Indian taxi meter.

#  He is like Indian three-wheeler which will suck a lot of diesel
but cannot go beyond 30!

# once sachin scored a duck and sidhhu said " Everything that comes
from cow is not milk"

#Ganguly: called Dravid for a run and midway sent him back and
Dravid was runout "Ganguly has thrown a drowning man both ends of the rope."

#Deep Dasgupta is not a Wicket Keeper, he is a goal keeper.
He must be given a free transfer to Manchester United.

#The Indians are going to beat the Kiwis! Let me tell you, my friend,
that the Kiwi is the only bird in the whole world which does not have wings!

 


----------------------------------------------------------------


At Night 

He came at night,
explored my body,
got on top of me,
touched me,
he bit, sucked,
when he was satisfyed,
he left,
i was hurt,


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 





BLOODY... MOSQUITO !!!


 


 


-----------------------------------------------------------------


A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. 


He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife,


" Mother of Six" in spite of her objections.

One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time


to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave 


as well. He shouts atthe top of his voice, "Shall we go home 


'Mother of six?"

His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion shouts


right back,"Anytime you're ready, Father of Four." 


 


-----------------------------------------------------------------


 


 


Statutory warning : 

I'll not be responsible for your state of mind after reading


this PJ. So read at your on risk. 


Question : What is the opposite of Achaar...
....
....
....

....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
No, nooo..  its not Vichaar

....
.....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
Socho Socho
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
.....
Chalo main batata  hoon...
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
.....
....
Opposite of Achaar is Onion



Par Kaisse????


Aise :: Achaar = Pickle = pee-kal
Opposite of Pee-kal is Pee-aaj = peeaaaj == Onion....Hence proved!!!!

I know what is going in your head now..Wanna kill me ???????????


 


-----------------------------------------------------------------


 


The case was dismissed



A young woman who was several months pregnant
Boarded a bus.


When she
Noticed a young man smiling at her she began feeling
Humiliated on
Account of her condition. She changed her seat and
He seemed more
Amused.


She moved again and then on her third move
He burst out
Laughing.... ......... ... She had him arrested.


Then the case came before the court, the young man
Was asked why he
Acted in such a manner. His reply was:


When the lady boarded the bus I couldn't help
Noticing she was pregnant .


She sat under an advertisement, which read: 'Coming
Soon: 'The Gold DustTwins'.

I was even more amused when she sat under a shaving

Advertisement,
Which read:

'William's Stick Did The Trick'.





Then I could not control myself any longer when on
The third move she
Sat under an advertisement, which read:

'Dunlop Rubber would have prevented this accident.'

and
The case was dismissed... ......!!! !!!!

 
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Email id's of cricketers

1.LAXMAN:

available@home-only.com


3.KUMBLE:

only@test_match.com

4.SACHIN:

admitted@hospital.com

5.KAIF:

good@for_nothing.com

6.SEHWAG:

consistently@out_of_form.com

7.DRAVID:

stick@crease_like_fevicol.com

8.PATHAN:

takewickets@only_with_keyna.com

9. GREG CHAPPELL

only_experiment@noresult.com

10. Munaf Patel

only_line&length@nospeed.com

11.Harbhajan Singh

no_spinpitch@nowicket.com

12. Suresh Raina

why_i_am_there@god_knows.com
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
# Santa was writing the passive voice of 'I made a mistake.' 
He wrote: I was made by a mistake.



#Santa to his son: I think it's right time we should talk about sex!
Pappu: Sure dad, what do u wanna knoe...?


# Santa to Banta: Main apna purse ghar bhool aaya, mainu 1000 Rs chahide si.
Banta: Dost hi dost de kam aunda hai, le 10 Rs, riksha kar te purse le aa.



# Daku Mangal Singh Banta ke ghar mein ghusa aur bola: Sona kahan hai, jaldi bataao
Banta: Pura ghar khali hai malko, jithe marzi so jao!


# Santa: Yaar meri aankhein dhang se nahin khulti, koi tarika batao.
Banta: Kisi din achanak apne ghar chale jaao.



# Santa: Ghar ka saara keemti samaan chhupa ke rakh do, mere dost aa rahe hain.
Jeeto: Kyon! Aapke dost chura lengey? Santa: Nahin, pehchan lengey
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

One beautiful December evening Huan Wu and his girlfriend Sun Lee were
sitting by the side of the ocean.

It was a romantic full moon, when Huan Wu said "Hey baby, let's play
Weeweechu."

"Oh no, not now, lets look at the moon" said Sun Lee.

"Oh, C'mon baby, let's you and me play Weeweechu.  I  love you and it's the
perfect time", Huan  begged.

"But I'd rather just hold your hand and watch the moon."

"Please Sun Lee, just once play Weeweechu with me."

Sun Lee looked at Huan  and said, "OK, we'll play Weeweechu."





 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

.

.

.

.

.

Huan  grabbed his guitar and they both sang.....

"Weeweechu a Melly Christmas, Weeweechu a Melly  Christmas,

Weeweechu a Melly Christmas,  and a Happy New Year."






AND YOU THOUGHT....


Well!  Season to Clean up Your Dirty Mind

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

 

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Engineer's  ki dukhbhari dastaa.............




This is a revised version of shot from Sholay When Jay (Amitabh) goes
to
Mausi with the marriage Proposal of Veeru (Dharamendra) with Basanti
(Hema).

Enjoy

Amitabh : Mausi, ladka Software Co. main kaam karta hai..

Mausi : Hai ram.. Kaam karta hai software co. main...??

Amitabh : Aajkal to salary bhi mil rahi hai use..

Mausi : To kya salary nahi milti thi..

Amitabh : Ab apraisal bhi to asaani se kahaan hota hai
mausi....
.

Mausi : Hai hai ...To kya apraisal bhi nahi hoti uska..

Amitabh : Senior se ladai karne ke baad apraisal mein achhi rating to
nahin na milti hai mausi..

Mausi : To kya ladta bhi hai..

Amitabh : Ab der raat tak ghar jaane ko na mille to ho jaati hai kabhi
kabhi anban..

Mausi : To kya der raat tak ghar bhi nahin jataa..

Amitabh : Ab engineers ki kismat mein to yehi likha hai mausi..

Mausi : To kya ladka engineer hai..

Mausi : Kaunse college se kiya..

Amitabh : Uska pataa lagte hi hum aapko khabar kar denge!!

Amitabh : To main rishta pakka samjhuna mausi???

Mausi : Bhale hi hamaari ladki call center wale se shaadi kar le
par Software engineer se katai nahin karegi.....

 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

A soldier stationed in Afghanistan recently received a letter from his
girlfriend back home. It read as follows:

 

Dear Ricky,
I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is just too great. I must admit that I have cheated on you twice, since
you've been gone, and it's not fair to either of us. I'm sorry.
Please return the picture of me that I sent to you.
Love,

Becky..............

 

The soldier, with hurt feelings, asked his fellow soldiers for any snapshots they could spare of their girlfriends, sisters or ex-girlfriends.In addition to the picture of Becky, Ricky included all the other pictures of the pretty gals he had collected from his buddies. There were 57 photos in that envelope.... along with this note:

 

Dear Becky,
I'm so sorry, but I can't quite remember who the hell you are.
Please take your picture from the pile, and send the rest back to me.
Take Care,
Ricky

 

__________________________________________________________________________________

I have a deep desire to be a GRE student . If you are also one .
Then this is for you .

 

GRE Student(Joshiji) vs Normal Person


A NORMAL PERSON : People who live in glass houses
should not throw stones.
GRE STUDENT : Individuals who make their abodes in vitreous edifices would be advised to refrain from catapulting perilous projectiles.


*******************************************************
NORMAL PERSON : Twinkle, twinkle, little star
GRE STUDENT : Scintillate, scintillate, asteroid minim.
*******************************************************

NORMAL PERSON : All that glitters is not gold.
GRE STUDENT: All articles that coruscate with resplendence are not truly auriferous.
*******************************************************

NORMAL PERSON : Beggars are not choosers
GRE STUDENT : Sorting on the part of mendicants must be interdicted.
*******************************************************
NORMAL PERSON : Dead men tell no tales
GRE STUDENT : Male cadavers are incapable of rendering any testimony.
*******************************************************

NORMAL PERSON : Beginner's luck
GRE STUDENT : Neophyte's serendipity.
*******************************************************
NORMAL PERSON: Rolling stone gathers no moss.
GRE STUDENT : A revolving lithic conglomerate accumulates no congeries of small, green, biophytic plant.
*******************************************************

NORMAL PERSON : Birds of a feather flock together
GRE STUDENT: Members of an avian species of identical plumage tend to congregate.
*******************************************************

NORMAL PERSON : Beauty is only skin deep
GRE STUDENT : Pulchritude possesses solely cutaneous profundity.
*******************************************************

NORMAL PERSON : Cleanliness is godliness
GRE STUDENT : Freedom from incrustations of grime is contiguous to
rectitude.
*******************************************************

NORMAL PERSON : There's no use crying over spilt milk
GRE STUDENT : It is fruitless to become lachrymose of precipitately
departed lactile fluid.
*******************************************************

NORMAL PERSON : You can't try to teach an old dog new tricks GRE STUDENT : It is fruitless to attempt to indoctrinate a superannuated canine with innovative maneuvers.
*******************************************************

NORMAL PERSON : Look before you leap
GRE STUDENT : Surveillance should precede saltation.
*******************************************************

NORMAL PERSON : He who laughs last, laughs best
GRE STUDENT : The person presenting the ultimate cachinnation possesses thereby the optimal cachinnation.
*******************************************************

NORMAL PERSON : All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
GRE STUDENT : Exclusive dedication to necessitous chores without interludes of hedonistic diversion renders Jack a hebetudinous fellow.
*******************************************************

NORMAL PERSON : Where there's smoke, there's fire!
GRE STUDENT : Where there are visible vapors having their provenance in ignited carbonaceous materials, there is conflagration.

 

-----------------------------------------------------------

         Never argue with a child

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied," Then you ask him".

 

-----------------------------------------------------------

 The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.
The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:" Take only ONE. God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.

A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples!"

 

-----------------------------------------------------------

WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"

HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"

WIFE: "Why not - don't you like being married?"

HUSBAND: "Of course I do."

WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"

HUSBAND: "Okay, I'd get married again."

WIFE: "You would? (with a hurtful look on her face).

HUSBAND: (makes audible groan).

WIFE: "Would you live in our house?"

HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house."

WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"

HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"

WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?"

HUSBAND: "Probably, it is almost new."

WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"

HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."

WIFE: "Would she use my golf clubs?"

HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed."

WIFE: - - - - silence - - - -

HUSBAND: "Sh*t."

 

-----------------------------------------------------------

Universal Laws (too good )


1. Lorenz's Law of Mechanical Repair:

After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.


2. Anthony's Law of the Workshop:

Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.


3. Kovac's Conundrum:

When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one.


4. Cannon's Karmic Law:

If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tyre, the next morning you will have a flat tyre.


5. O'brien's Variation Law:

If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.


6. Bell's Theorem:

When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.


7. Ruby's Principle of Close Encounters:

The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.


8. Willoughby's Law:

When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.


9. Zadra's Law of Biomechanics:

The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.


10. Breda's Rule:

At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.


11. Owen's Law:

As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.


12. Howden's Law:

You remember you have to mail a letter only when

you're near the mailbox.


And the last and best :


13. Murphy's Law

What has to go wrong will go wrong.

 

-----------------------------------------------------------

 

One Liners


• Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.

• I asked my new girlfriend what sort of books she's interested in, she said: Check books.

• The easiest way to make your old car run better, is to check the prices of new car.

• Sometimes when I reflect back on all the cigarettes I smoked, i feel ashamed. Then I look into the cigarette & think about the workers in the cigarette factory & all of their hopes & dreams. If I don't smoke this cigarette, they might be out of work & their dreams would be shattered, Then I say to myself, it's better that I smoke this cigarette & let their dreams come true then be selfish & worry about my LUNGS.

• Several women appeared in court, each accusing the other of the trouble in the flat where they lived. The judge called for orderly testimony. "I'll hear the oldest first," he decreed. The case was closed for lack of evidence.

• What is the difference between men and pigs?
Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.

• My wife thinks "freedom of the press" means no-iron clothes.

• When the best actors are chosen by other actors, it's called the Oscars. When the best actors are chosen by the people, it's called an election.

• A husband, the owner of a new car, was somewhat reluctant to allow his wife to drove his prize possession.. .even to the grocery store which was a few blocks from the house.
After she insisted, he finally relented, cautioning her as she departed, "Remember, if you have an accident, the newspaper will print your age!"

• A boy tells his mom that he seen a boy & a girl sitting at the top of the roof & kissing. Then his mom tell him that they are gonna get married.
Then the boy asks his mom: When is dad gonna marry the maid?

 • "Take a pencil and paper," the teacher said, "and write an essay with the title 'If I Were a Millionaire' "
Everyone but Philip, who leaned back with arms folded, began to write furiously.
"What's the matter," the teacher asked. "Why don't you begin?"
"I'm waiting for my secretary," he replied.

• Wife's definition of retirement: Twice as much husband on half as much pay.

• Q: What's the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?
A: A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge.

• Nurse: A beautiful woman who holds your hand for one full minute and then expects your pulse to be normal

• At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I hv lst my hand, oh!
Santa: Control urself. Don't cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?

• A blonde was being admonished by the doctor: Until the penicillin cleans out ur infection, u r to have no relations whatsoever!
Pausing for a moment, blonde replied: Ok, but what about friends & neighbors?

• A French in a hotel in NY, phoned room service for some pepper.
Attendant: Black pepper or white pepper?
French: Toilette pepper!

• A French guest, staying in a hotel in New York, phoned room service for some pepper.
"Black pepper, or white pepper?" asked the concierge.
"Toilette pepper!" said the Frenchman.

• A history professor and a psychology professor were sitting on a deck at a nudist colony.
The history professor asked the psychology professor, "Have you read Marx?"
The psychology professor replied, "Yes, I think they are from the wicker chairs."

• We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations--we' re doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
 
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Old Lady Driving on Highway Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies -- two in the front seat and three in the back -- wide eyed and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says to him, Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?" Ma'am," the officer replies, you weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers." Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exact ly... Twenty-two miles an hour!" the old woman says a bit proudly. The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that 22" was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error. But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask... Is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time," the officer asks. Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer. We just got off Route 119."

 

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 1. A FOOLish man tells a woman to STOP talking, but a WISE man tells her
 that she looks extremely BEAUTIFUL when her LIPS are CLOSED.
 
 
2. One GOOD way to REDUCE Alcohol consumption :
 Before Marriage - Drink whenever you are SAD After Marriage - Drink
 whenever you are HAPPY
 
3. Three FASTEST means of Communication :
 1. Tele-Phone
 2. Tele-Vision
 3. Tell to Woman
 Need still FASTER - Tell her NOT to tell ANY ONE.
 
4. Love your friends not their sisters. Love your sisters not their
 friends.
 
 
5. A man got 2 wishes from GOD. He asked for the Best wine and Best
 Woman.
 Next moment, he had the Best Wine and Mother Teresa next to him.
 Moral : BE SPECIFIC
 
6. What is a BEST and WORST news you can hear at the SAME time ?
 It is when your Girl Friend says YOU are the BEST KISSER among all your
 Friends.
 
7. Let us be generous like this : Four Ants are moving through a forest.
 They see an ELEPHANT coming towards them. Ant 1 says : we should KILL
 him.
 Ant 2 says : No, Let us break his Leg alone. Ant 3 says : No, we will
 just throw him away from our path. Ant 4 says : No, we will LEAVE him
 because he is ALONE and we are FOUR.
 
 
8. If you do NOT have a Girl Friend - You are missing SOME thing in your
 life. If you HAVE a Girl Friend - You are missing EVERY thing in your
 life.
 
9. Question : When do you CONGRATULATE someone for their MISTAKE.
 Answer : On their MARRIAGE.
 
 
10. When your LIFE is in DARKNESS, PRAY GOD and ask him to free you from
 Darkness. Even after you pray, if U R still in Darkness - Please PAY the
 ELECTRICITY BILL.
 
11. Why Government do NOT allow a Man to MARRY 2 Women. Because per
 Constitution, you can NOT PUNISH TWICE for the same Mistake.

 

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------


A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.

 

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------