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Julie Clark StopRA@gmail.com

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A few excerpts from the Guide. You may see the table of contents on the Purchase Guide page.

 Excerpts from the Introduction:

How did I come to write this guide?  A few years ago, my son was bullied in school by students and teachers.  I became active in anti-bullying at that time.  I receive many requests from teachers and parents, asking what to do about relational aggression.  Many say that they have read numerous books on the subject, but still didn’t know what to do.  There was no plan of action to follow in most of the books.  What there seems to be a need for is a concise, cut-to-the-chase guide on what to do to limit or eliminate relational aggression.  Many books adequately detail what RA is, and this guide is meant to give some suggestions on what to do about it. 

This guide doesn’t tap dance around the problem with touchy feely suggestions.  It calls bullying (Relational Aggression is a form of bullying) what it is—abuse.  Those who bully are abusers.  Bullying is not nice. It is not respectful.  Bullying hurts.

 

Excerpts from Part One:

What is Relational Aggression (RA)?

 

Relational Aggression is a broad term for behaviors that harm others by interfering with their social standing.  It is a form of bullying.  While this guide will define RA, it will not dwell on all of the details of what constitutes relational aggression.  There are numerous books on the subject, and this guide will list a number of them at the end.  What is most important is what to do about RA.

 

RA includes, but is not limited to:

  • Gossip
  • Taunting
  • Slander
  • Harassment
  • Excluding others on purpose (including talking about events that all are not invited to within earshot of those not invited)
  •  Telling others"you can't be my friend”
  • Uses manipulation to get her way
  • Eye rolling (many experts include eye rolling in RA, and consider it “hostile body language”)
  • Spreading rumors
  • Divulging secrets
  • Ignoring, giving the “silent treatment”
  • Verbal insults
  • Demanding items or favors to be friends with the bully

 Relational aggression is any behavior that deliberately causes harm to another person’s social status, friendships, and self-esteem.

 

Excerpts from Part Two

Why do girls engage in RA?

 

It should be noted that boys sometimes engage in relational aggression. While boys bully more often than girls, more girls engage in relational aggression than boys.  Why do some girls engage in RA?  There can be any number of reasons…parental example, emulating movie actresses, a desire to control others.  The reasons don’tmatter.  Trying to psychologize RA serves no good purpose.  It distracts from doing something.  Trying to “find out why,” doesn’t help the victims.  Would we wait to put out a fire until we have determined what, or who, started it?  Would we psychologize Little Rotney, who throws rocks at cars?  Counseling and therapy may have its place, but we have to act first before the damage is too great to the victim.

 

Remember, bullying is not a rite of passage.  No one deserves to be bullied, verbally or physically.  There is nothing normal about any form of bullying.

 

New excerpts will be added next week

 

Please click link to read more about the Guide, or to Purchase Guide

 

 

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Clear, concise, common sense. A winner!

Steven R., middle school teacher