I was hard at Work
I was hard at it at work, minding my own business playing spider solitaire, when the 'you have mail' message popped up on the screen. Who could it be? Perhaps it was Jason Meadows letting me know the latest info on the recruitment of another quality overseas like in previous seasons (he's a top talent spotter is Nag). Or could it be the tall webmaster geek sending me minutes of the latest Elsecar CC meeting, which are private and confidential to committee members only, even though I’m not on the committee. Or maybe it was Winnie with some hair-brained get-rich-quick scheme involving poker (I worry about that lad sometimes). But no, it was Terry Bentham:
Well, I knew what my response to that request would be immediately. I have only known Terry for 6 or 7 years, but in that time I have grown very fond of our esteemed Chairman. Terry has many fine qualities (apart from when he dons the white coat, obviously). He does a great job as a league official and ambassador and he is also a thoroughly likeable bloke. With that in mind I wrote my response:
Dear Terry - Sod off - Tim.
But straightaway I had second thoughts, I couldn't let him down, but what could I write about? I could, I suppose, ramble on about the fantastic year Elsecar had last season. About the fact that, despite having the most games rain-affected, we won the Premier League title by 9 points. We won most games with 14 points and lost fewest games with 2. We also, in a memorable Whitworth Cup Final At Warmsworth, won the trophy for a third successive year, and that we narrowly missed out on a unique treble by losing to Wrenthorpe in the play-off final. But no-one wants to read stuff like that; it's more tedious than a Dave Furniss half-century. It's also gloating and self-congratulatory, which is a distasteful human trait; I will leave that sort of thing to the likes of Pecker and Greg on the league website.
What about the art of captaincy? Perhaps I could write about that. One of my proudest moments was the inspirational Churchillian team talk I delivered just before the game against Whitley Hall. I noticed that the lad's hearts were bursting with pride as we took the field, it was truly Mike Brearleyesque. We lost by 97runs.
Captaincy is also about organisation and pre-game planning that needs to be done with military precision. This was done as usual before the cup game against Doncaster. We took the field with all plans in place; the umpire did a quick body count and informed me that we had 12 men on the pitch. Oops! Poor old Winnie had to leave (which wasn't too bad because it gave him chance to concentrate on his poker). And then, of course, there is the true test of a captain - team discipline. Erm, no, on second thoughts I’ll not go there.
So that’s it, I can't think of anything to write about. Well at least when Terry is desperate next year, he'll not be thinking of me.