5
things that crash
 My dog stays crated while I'm gone during the day. It was instated by my landlord, being that the chick who lived there before me had a dog who completely destroyed the place. Not to mention, she was also a vet tech and brought home strays all the time. I actually had to talk him into letting me stay there with a dog in the first place. But, I'm never gone for more than 8 hours for work. And he loves his crate. It's like his little den, so it's not that big of a deal. At night, I'll leave the crate door open so that he can have his run on the apartment, but most of the time he'll sleep in there anyway.
 
Yesterday morning, something woke me up at 5:30am. It was some sort of noise. I think. I wasn't sure how I woke up, but I knew it had something to do with the dog. And he wasn't in his crate, or anywhere else  around the bedroom. Just then, I hear rustling in the kitchen. To myself, I'm thinking - oh shit - because, though my dog is good 98% of the time, there have been the few times when he'll try to get whatever food might be left on the counter, or he'll do the ever-so-lovely trash can rummage. So I called him. Nothing. Called again. Nothing. So finally I get my naked ass up (god I love living alone) and walk into the kitchen to assess the damage. No counter food has been eaten, the trash can is still upright, and there is my dog. Sitting in the middle of the kitchen, just staring at one of my bottom cabinets.
 
Honestly, I must have still be almost asleep, because the thoughts that ran through my mind for the next 2 minutes don't make a lot a sense, but here they go anyway....
 
I look at the cabinet where he is staring, and there is something hanging out of the cracked cabinet door. Something dark and fuzzy. In my brain, I'm thinking that my cabinets are lined with cloth (which they are not) and that some of this liner has come loose and is falling out of the cabinet. That's an easy fix! So I reach to open the cabinet door....
 
It isn't cloth. There is an animal in my cabinet. And that's it's tail hanging out and draping my kitchen floor. I let out a scream that's enough to rouse my boyfriend from slumber and come investigate, and I slam the cabinet shut just a quickly as I had opened it.
 
Breathless, "There's!... Something...! A cat! I think it's a cat!.... Please god be a cat!"
 
I'm instructed to go back into the bedroom, stay out of the way. And put some goddamn clothes on.
 
My apartment is tiny. So we devise this plan. Close all the doors to everything, and open the front door wide... so this Thing will have a place to run. That place NOT being my bedroom. So I put the dog away and do as I'm told. Though I'm still naked.... and go and open the front door.
 
The Thing is in the cabinet with my pots and pans, and you can hear them all clanging together as this small monster steps all over them. Thank god I was not home alone, I would have literally pissed myself and then probably died.
 
So finally, we blockade everything and I peer from behind the cracked bedroom door as my boyfriend attempts to open the cabinet from as far away as possible, while using a broom stick.
 
The cabinet swings wide open.... There is nothing in there.
 
"I swear! I saw something! I'm not crazy!"
 
"I know... I mean, I definitely heard it in there..."
 
Upon further investigation with a flashlight, we see that the pipes that run from my sink, through the back of the cabinets, and then through the wall are not flush with the wall at all. In fact, there's about a 6inch opening on either side around this pipe. Surely big enough for a cat to fit into.
 
Everyone I've told the story to says it's a rat. Though I have seen rat poop in my utility closet, I'm most certain it's a cat. Or a raccoon. But probably a cat. It had a big black bushy tail! And I saw it, and it was big and black! Plus, my landlord has 2 black cats, and one of them is big and bushy... But, as my mom said, even if it was a cat... if the hole is big enough for a cat to get in, god knows what else is creeping around my apartment. But seriously, if a rat is that big, I'm moving the hell out.