books so brilliant you could eat off of them

    An even newer update — as of September 23, 2016, the Buy Now buttons for Metro, UnderTow, and Tuesday Morning work again (google checkout... checked out, without really clearly letting me know; back to PayPal, with a new account... since they still won't tell me what they judged of doing the last time...).
    Breakfast in Barcelona, however, has sold out. If people were to email me with sufficient interest, I might print another run... or maybe I'll see about some on demand printing... or maybe the chorus of crickets that is heard whenever the notion of paying for a writer's work is brought up will lead me not to bother.
    I will see about setting myself up with pdf formatted e-books, in case anyone is still meaning to look through couch cushions for change to pay for the work of writing novel... though, with above mentioned crickets being the usual response, I don't suppose I'll be doing myself a mischief in the interests of getting things in order for my... fans.

     -the Smartass

Historical records of  previous, misbegotten efforts to share the pretty words...

  •     An update! As of February 10, 2012, the Buy Now buttons work. The google code still rejects their own shopping cart code like a bad baboon heart transplant... but my adoring readers can now at least resume giving me their money. (Ahem).
    It may be a bit of a hassle to get back to the site after buying, but I'll keep working on it.

     -the Smartass
            (On the plus side, I was able to circumvent the standard google button and use a classier shopping cart icon.)

  •     A funny thing, dear visitor- sometime in late October PayPal decided that I, the Smartass, had had (sweet grammatically correct syntax awkwardness) "suspicious contact with an account or email"- and as a result of said "contact" PayPal unilaterally and without any option of recourse Restricted my account. In fact, they say I will need a court subpoena before they will even release what account &/or email I supposedly had contact with.
   Maybe some of my family in Iran DARED to try to buy something, or just donate $1 to help contribute to my drinking.

   In any case, readers... email if you would like to negotiate some other means of purchase. Work is currently underway to switch to google checkout- but google sites seems to gleefully purge the HTML provided by google checkout ... forcing the Smartass to pace re-construction work (which is, perforce, performed at a drinking pace), lest all should go further to HELL...

    Your patience is appreciated.
        -the sorry excuse for management

Number Hit: I'm gonna have to take the fifth...
     (CA seller's permit 102937223. 
     (newishly) Burlingame Business License: 23923)


      tales of the cab trade

    Now ready!! The collection of the best and worst stories, off the top of Alex's head, of driving a taxi in Oakland, CA.
     The book not only collects classic stories, it also includes many new stories- like Alex's feelings while working on 9/11/01, as well as several stories about the stripper regulars that made 2000 not a bad year to drive.
    Perfect for those who like the feel of a book in their hands, or who don't get to a computer often enough. Or, a perfect gift item.
    So come one, come all... step right up and get a copy for your library, coffee table, or that train commute to work.

Metro: Tales of the Cab Trade author: alex farr price: $14.00 + S.&H.
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    And for those who'd prefer a sampling of the madness... I present:

 Some early Metro Tales.

 The Rethinking- stories of Substitute Teaching in Oakland.

 The Return to Metro.


        Breakfast in Barcelona

    Sitting in a Barcelona tapas bar, enjoying a little snack with his beer, a girl at a nearby table catches Bob's eye.  Now he just needs an approach- the perfect come on line.  There's just one catch.  How does a man come off as smooth when he's been living on a park bench for the last couple of weeks? 

    The road hasn't been kind to Bob.  French vacation season has come, and poor planning leaves him nowhere to else stay in Barcelona but a park bench.  Now he looks like a bum.  He smells like a bum.  And he knows it.  It's not his fault... but isn't that what they all say?  The trick, Bob quickly realizes, is to direct the inevitable small talk so that he doesn't come off as just another run-of-the-mill bum.

    This, Bob's diary, is a blueprint to do just that.  The line between sound advice and beer-sodden delusion is very thin though, when a man finds that stuffing hot dogs down his pants has become a daily chore.

Breakfast in Barcelona 
author:  alex farr
price: $12.34 + S.&H. 
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Or, if you don't want to kill any trees- there's
  e-Breakfast in Barcelona
(Buy Now)


    Robert's in big trouble.  One careless mistake...and the Kingmaker (his '65 Coupe de Ville) has vanished from his sort-of girlfriend's quiet Berkeley neighborhood. Finding it is just the first step...then he's got to liberate it. But you know what they say about fighting City Hall...

    Robert inevitably slips into a Kafka-esque struggle with bureaucracy, boredom, BART trains, strange women, and assorted weirdos. 

    Does a man regain his car, only to lose his soul to the undertow? 

    Enter at your own risk:  no lifeguard on duty.

author:  alex farr
price: $11.97 + S.&H. 
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Or if you prefer electricity over paper products... there's the e-UnderTow, for only $ 1.97 !!

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    Tuesday Morning

    A comic book adaptation of a short story by Alex Farr... Robert has finally had it. Fed up with the boredom of his 9 to 5 cubicle existence, he walks out of his job and into the too-bright morning sun to see if he can reclaim...something...anything.

    He's ready to make some drastic changes to the world...but what is the world ready to do to him? 

Tuesday Morning author: alex farr price: $2.00 + S.&H.
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MPK   Artist MPK's blogspot...

RemyJ  A gallery of the artwork of Remy J

Smartass Press Production DVDs

Michael Loyd Gray
The works of another independent author, whose work I rather like.

Disaster Alert Display
A rather nifty Weather Information and Alert Services website.
  A project I was working on for a while, when the doldrums of the cab business became too much.

    It's quite DEAD now, but it looks like DAD had a trademark, and still has a listing in the Corporate Genealogical records of Washington/Delaware..

     (It was) a completely different form of writing... but, unless I get a lot of written requests- I don't think I'll be writing any short stories about using java to format Weather Feed Outputs (Once upon a time, there was a for-loop... which went through Weather Feed Outputs one character at a time- Unless!!, that character was a '-', in which case... I'm sure you see what I mean...)
    ... Sign up with your cell phone number though, verify it back at the site once the system sends an auto text (I did that...), and it will text you with flood forecasts, hurricane warnings, tsunami warnings... all that good stuff. 

The Chia Al Project
What can I say? I can hair farm with the best of them...
    I shaved my head, and most of my face. Then I let it grow. Each frame marks the passage of a month...


   to Write:

  smartass press
  1450 Lincoln Av Suite 13
  Burlingame, CA 94010

   or Email:   or

The following is a list of bookstores that have, at one time or another, carried Smartass Press titles.

    Some may still have some copies, for those who prefer a mortar and brick store. If you know of an independent bookstore that might be interested in stocking Smartass Press titles, please contact us.

 Diesel, A Bookstore
5433 College Ave.
Oakland, CA
510 653 9965
   Books Inc.
2251 Chestnut
San Francisco, CA
415 931 3633
 Books Inc.
3515 California St.
San Francisco, CA
415 221 3666;
  Books Inc.
1344 Park St.
Alameda, CA
510 522 2226
 Planet Books
3917 E. Anaheim St.
Long Beach CA
562 985 3154
   William's Bookstore
443 W. 6thSt.
San Pedro CA
310 832 3631
  Bloomsbury Books
290 E. Main St.
Ashland, OR
541 488 0029
  Jackson's Books
320 Liberty St., SE
Pringle Park Plaza
Salem, OR
503 399 8694
  Wallace Books
7241 SE Milwaukie
Portland, OR
503 235 7350
  Counter Media
927 SW Oak St.
Portland, OR
503 226 8141
  So Many Books Inc.
1816 Main St.
Vancouver, WA
360 514 0358
 Park Bench Books
5738 N. 26 St.
Tacoma, WA
253 752 4848
 Elliot Bay Book Company
101 S. Main St.
Seattle, WA
206 624 6600
 Left Bank Books
92 Pike St. B
Seattle, WA
206 622 0195
 Santoro's Books
7216 Greenwood Ave. N.
Seattle, WA
206 784 2113
 Magnolia's Bookstore
3206 W. McGraw St.
Seattle, WA
206 283 1062
 Books & Books
206 W. Park St.
Butte, MT
406 782 9520
 Sam Weller's Zion Bookstore
254 S. Main St.
Salt Lake City, UT
801 328 2586
 Old Lahaina Book Emporium
834 Front St.
Maui, HI 96761
808 661 1399