The slitter question...

Slitter?  Sheet?  huh?

First of all we need to clear something up; and that little 'something' is the use of the word 'if' - the reason being that sheet slitters CAN slit sheets, so there's no 'if' about it.  Sheet Slitter machines DO exist, so unless a sheet slitter is experiencing some sort of terrible mechanical malfunction then you can rest assured that a sheet slitter can indeed slit sheets.  Sheet slitters are expensive machines and businesses wouldn’t buy them to slit their materials if they in fact couldn’t slit sheets.

So with that little slop of mud cleared away from our metaphorical wind-sheilds we can proceed with trying to come up with an answer to that annoying question ‘How many sheets could a sheet slitter slit if a sheet slitter could slit sheets?’.

Here's the answer to the slitter question:

There is an answer to this silly question, of course there is an answer, we’re talking about a real machine that performs a real function in real businesses.  But (and I’m sorry if you feel I’ve led you astray) I can’t give you the answer without knowing the following essential variables:
  • What material is being slit?
  • How thick is the material being slit?
  • What tension does the material need to be at when slit?
  • Does the material being slit have an adhesive coating?
  • How fast is the slitter being run at when slitting the sheets?
  • What type of slitting is being used to slit the sheets?  Is it razor, shear or crush-cut slitting?

So with the answers to the above questions it would be fairly easy to answer the question ‘How many sheets could a sheet slitter slit if a sheet slitter could slit sheets?’. Unless of course you’re asking how many sheets could be slit in the useful life span of a slitter machine (rather than how many sheets could be slit in any single job run) in which case the answer is roughly ‘very very many’, slitter machines are very robustly built and last for may years if maintained properly.