Beerburgers in Paradise Redux

The Continuing Quest for the Holy Business Grail


by Steve Kayser with Dr. Elliot McGucken

In Search of the Next Big Thing 

Every business, entrepreneur, idealist, or visionary, wants to be the one to find the Holy Business Grail … the next big technology or product that will change the world forever.

I’ve found it. I have it.

The ultimate product. The benefits to humanity – “AA” (astronomically astounding). That’s right. The world you’re living in is close to the long-predicted techno-Singularity.”

Take a Deep Breath

You’ll be overwhelmed. You may need help breathing. But … you’re going to have to wait until the end of this article to find out what it is.

I know I’ve said it before. Perhaps last when I’d developed a device to RFID track, deliver, and most importantly, perpetually produce earth’s greatest natural resource at a minuscule cost compared to current production methods.

This Time I’m for Real

Had those professionals (ahem) at the Academy of Non-Sciences OK'd my meager $150-million-dollar product-research grant request, the world would now be a much better place.

But they didn’t. Hence, all have suffered. But take heart.

It’s time, once again, to and to battle our way into future history books.

The term “Shoot the Donkey" refers to a classic scene in the movie "Patton" (based upon a true life event) where the Third Army gets critically held up in battle on a bridge, by a cart-pulling donkey that had stopped and refused to budge, totally blocking the bridge. Life and death are at stake. An MP struggles with the donkey and the owner, trying to get them out of the way. But with no success.
The entire Third Army halts for this recalcitrant donkey.

General George Patton roars up, leaps out of his jeep, whips out his ivory-handled pistol, shoots the donkey, and immediately has it hurled off the bridge, removing the obstacle.

The Great Leadership Principle

That classic scene not only revealed Patton's character in a cinematic way, but also embodies the great leadership principle of taking decisive action to remove all obstacles to fulfill one's mission.

A Miserable Failure

However, I had used most of my Shoot the Donkey lessons and insights on my last business venture/mission, and failed miserably.

Passion. Product. Positioning. Price, but No …

I have the passion. Now I have the product. It’s perfectly positioned and priced for instant success. But I just lack the last P (power).

I’ve learned about the Complex Sale, Marketing and Advertising, PR, Overcoming Adversity, and Strategic Leadership, but have still failed to raise the money to get my world-shaking venture to market.

Smart Female Friend’s Unquestionable Testimonial

I was, as a very smart female friend of mine once told me;

Basement Balcony Beckons

At one point I’d considered ending it all by throwing myself off the basement balcony. (I’d tried it before and wasn’t too successful either.) Then I had the unbelievably repugnant thought that it might be all about looks.

Maybe I wasn’t pretty enough?

No. That couldn’t be it.

Killing Kilt

Maybe I needed to dress differently? I’m quite the dapper, hillbilly-chic, power-kilt, business dresser. But what if the kilt was killing my chances to raise money and get my idea and product to market?

Time to Change?

I tried something different. Something not particularly flashy, but vibrant, with lots of living colors …

and well, it didn’t work either.

Needs Professional

I decided I needed a doctor. Not a normal doctor. A doctor that knew how to professionally position my venture and business plan to make investors flock to my entrepreneurial vision.

I needed a doctor with entrepreneurial, yet artistic acumen. A creative genius like me – one that could appreciate brilliance.

A person that would understand and enable me to

to help me overcome adversity, obstacles and inner demons that were preventing my inevitable place in history. A person that could help paint my entrepreneurial masterpiece on the business canvas of life.

Is There a Doctor in the House?

Well, after a short random search (35 years, three days, and 17 hours), I found one.

Just one.

Only one.

Someone that was aimed the same way I was.

Enter: Dr. Elliot McGucken, a.k.a. “Doctor E.”

Dr. E is the epitome of an artistic entrepreneur. He founded in 1995, and now runs over 30 sites. He presented Authena Open Source DRM/CMS at the Harvard Law School OSCOM, and 22surfwas accepted to the Zurich OSCOM. Both Authena and 22surf are aimed at helping indie artists/creators. Dr. E received a B.A. in physics from Princeton and a Ph.D. in physics from UNC Chapel Hill where his dissertation on an artificial retina for the blind received several NSF grants and a Merrill Lynch Innovations Award. The retina-chip research appeared in publications including "Popular Science" and "Business Week," and the project continues to this day.

The New York Times deemed Dr. E’s work as “simply unprecedented." The Los Angeles Times referred to the classical portal as "a lavish virtual community known as The Jolly Roger." Dr. E has also published four books including two novels and a poetry collection.

Make Your Passion Your Profession

And … Dr. E teaches a spectacular business course called Artistic Entrepreneurship (based upon his soon-to-be-released book with the same title) on how to make your passion your profession.

Steve: I need help. I have this great business idea …

Dr. E: I heard. And you need, let me guess, money?

Steve: Well, yes. A piddling amount …

$250 million for initial research.

Dr. E: Oh. is that all?

Steve: To start. I don’t want to seem overly aggressive. I sent you some info …

Dr. E: I started reading your business plan.

Steve: (BEAMS)

Dr. E: It sucks.

Steve: (Unbeams)

Dr. E: You don’t even tell a good story to get an investor interested. I thought you were supposed to be a storyteller.

Steve: I have won multiple awards for telling …

Dr. E: Fables and fibs?

Steve: How did you know? Skip Press tells you? I did get the famous Fables, Fibs and Fantastically Flubbed Faux Paux award.

Dr. E: Impressive. But your plan had no story. I quit reading after the first 20 words. Business is nothing without story; brand is nothing without story. Venture capitalists are nothing without story. Venture Capitalists are nothing without your story.

Can you tell me your story − this world-changing idea you have?

Beerburger in Paradise Redux

Steve: (hesitates) I’m pretty sure no one will read or hear this, but you still have to keep it on the down-low. I don’t want any fast-talking, slick-dressing, Wall Street banker business type cribbing the idea from me. It happened once before when I was trying to start a Beerburger in Paradise Restaurant. Totally cribbed the idea from me. Gave it to some no-name relative of his.

The rest isn’t history.

Dr. E: Right. Mum's the word. Go on already.

Steve: It’s an astronomically astounding, revolutionary, cutting-edge, robust platform-neutral, portable (almost probably), seamless (virtually, besides some minor cracks), robuster-LMNOP, robustest, interoperable, supraluminal, hypothetical, translucent, nanotech, scientific breakthrough.

Dr. E: (SILENCE) … English please.

Steve: What?

Dr. E: What is it?

Steve: I was telling you.

Dr. E: It hmm ...

Steve: What?

Rarely Un-rare Disease

Dr. E: It sucks. Words with no meaning. I diagnose you with a rarely unrare corporate business disease. Corporate gobbledygook. multiple platform BS (bureaucratic speech) with a tinkled tinge of manic-megalomania. You’ll need to take a dose of my Artistic Entrepreneur remedy.

Steve: English please

 Dr. E: The “Artistic Entrepreneur” remedy is based on classical story elements as outlined in Aristotle's Poetics. It helps you make your passion your profession.

Steve: Aristotle was a poet? I didn't know it.

Dr. E: Think of it as combining the arts, entrepreneurial ventures, and technology with Joseph Campbell's “Hero With a Thousand Faces” structure. It’ll help tell your entrepreneurial story in a business plan with adventures akin to Campbell's "Hero's Journey.” Along the way you’ll encounter antagonists and pitfalls, but these shall be overcome by the end and you will be off to pursue your artistic entrepreneurial ventures.

Steve: With money?

Dr. E: If you do it right.

Steve: Don’t you want to know what it is first?

Dr. E: No. First you need a grounded foundation of the Artistic Entrepreneur mindset. The vision. The journey. What’s the brand that has outlasted all others in history?


Insight 1

“I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, 

and I did ... I said I didn't know.”

– Mark Twain


Steve: I’m not a historian. I’m a visionary.

Dr. E: Homer’s brand has outlasted every other brand in history. Homer must’ve known something about business. Homer must’ve spoken the truth. Since he’s passed on, billions of business plans and legal reports have come and gone. Billions of fashions and fads. Billions of politicians and false prophets.

But we still read Homer. So be like Homer.

Steve: Be like Homer?

Dr. E: Not that Homer! Tell your venture in story. Tell your story in truths. We live in an era of stories without story, characters without character, business plans without business sense, and art without art. We live in an era of poetry without rhyme and words without meaning.

The artist and the entrepreneur must merge in story. If you want to get it right, re-read The Declaration of Independence and Constitution. They are the two most fundamental business documents for artists and entrepreneurs.

Steve: (Re-read?) Let me get this straight. I have to study?

Dr. E: Yes. Classics from Aristotle's “Poetics” to the Bill of Rights. Every work of art tells a story, and behind that work of art is a parallel story – the business of its creation, promotion, and distribution.

Insight 2

Every work of art tells a story,
behind that work of art is a parallel story;
the business of its creation, promotion, and distribution.

- Dr. E

Steve: So business is behind art?

Dr. E: And art business. Artistic Entrepreneurship is a lot of work, but the kind of exalted work that is rooted in a creative vision. As Edison said, genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration. If you study the careers of famous artists, entertainers, and entrepreneurs, you’ll see how much work, how much relentless, unyielding effort was devoted en route to achieving their dreams. A common theme will be just when it seems all is lost, a new day dawns. 

Insight 3

Relentless, unyielding effort yields
a new day dawning, a dream realized.

– Dr. E


The harder one works, the more fun it will be.

Steve: I’ve heard that one before. Give me an example.


Insight 4

Hard work never killed anybody;
but why take the chance?

- Edgar Bergen


Dr. E: Steven Jobs never programmed, nor designed a microchip, and yet he's responsible for Apple, Pixar, the Macintosh, and the iPod. He lead and still leads hundreds of the best and brightest designers, programmers, and visionaries. 


Insight 5

The harder one works, the more fun it will be.

– Dr. E


Steve: Another example?

Dr. E: Richard Branson never played an instrument nor piloted an airplane, and yet he's responsible for Virgin Airlines, Virgin Records, Virgin Mobile, and a ton of other companies.

He too leads hundreds of the best and brightest.

Steve: I’ve heard of him – he was great in Death Wish I, II, III, and IV. I had no idea he was a leader too – seemed like the lone wolf type to me. Always out at night – stayed out of light.

Dr E: Not Bronson, Branson! 

Insight 6

When Alexander the Great visited Diogenes and asked whether he could do anything for the famed teacher, Diogenes replied:

“Only stand out of my light.”

 Perhaps some day we shall know how to heighten creativity. Until then, one of the best things we can do for creative men and women is to stand out of their light.

- John W. Gardner


Steve: Can I tell you my idea yet?

Dr. E: No.

Steve: But …

Dr. E: All successful artistic ventures require a vision encompassing a wide array of talents, disciplines, and vocations. These people brought a wide array of talented people together.

Modern artistic ventures require huge respect for all professions. You need to work in groups combining writers, computer programmers, artists, marketers, business majors, and more. 

Insight 7

Communicate. Cooperate. Collaborate.


Building businesses is not about making money, but it’s about creating wealth. To the degree you can serve people, to the degree you can enhance peoples’ lives, you will be successful. 

Insight 8

Create. Enhance. Serve.


But first, you must communicate your vision to serve and enhance people’s lives. And, if you tell it in story – a story that resonates with the inner stirrings of the human soul – archetypes – you’re on the artistic entrepreneur’s Heroes Journey to ultimate success. Joseph Campbell laid this out in the first part of “The Hero With a Thousand Faces,” The Adventure of the Hero. He believed everyone is born with the basic subconscious model of what a "hero" is, or a "mentor" or a "quest." His thesis was that all myths follow this structure to at least some extent.

A Three-Step Process

  1. Departure deals with the hero venturing forth on his quest.

  2. Initiation deals with the hero's various adventures along his or her way.

  3. Return deals with the hero's return home with knowledge and powers that he or she has acquired along the way.

Steve: Hmm. Sounds suspiciously like a beginning, middle, and end.

The Call to Adventure

The quest begins with the hero in a state of neurotic anguish. 


Dr. E: You do that well. The quest is often announced to the hero by another character who acts as a ”herald.”

Dr. E: Interesting herald. Are you trying to tell me something?

Steve: Just trying to keep up Doc.

Dr. E: In “Star Wars,” Luke Skywalker, the hero, begins the story in frustration over being unable to leave home. The heralds are the two droids who carry a message from Princess Leia. In “The Matrix,” the call comes in the form of Morpheus and his followers who encourage the hero, Neo, to question reality.

Why Would Anyone Question Reality?


In “The Lord of the Rings,” Gandalf acts as the herald who gives Frodo his mission to destroy the One Ring. Aragorn, in a separate hero's journey, is told by Elrond of his true name and lineage as the Heir of Isildur and rightful heir to the throne of Gondor when he is 20 years of age.

Steve: Too complicated. I just want to tell you my idea. It’s going to change the world!

Dr. E: Then …

Refusal of the Call

In many stories, the hero initially refuses the call to adventure.



When this happens, the hero suffers somehow, and eventually chooses the quest.

Steve: Now I get that. I have suffered. Oh how I have suffered. Sometimes it’s a real pain in the 



Dr. E: In “Star Wars,” Luke is initially uninterested in helping the Rebel Alliance, preferring to stay on the farm; it is only when his foster parents are killed that he begins the quest. In The Matrix, Neo refuses to take the window-washing equipment to escape and is captured by the agents.

Supernatural Aid

Along the way, the hero often encounters a helper, usually a wise old man, who gives the hero both psychological and physical weapons.


Dr. E: Not quite what I was talking about.

In “The Lord of the Rings,” Frodo and Sam Gamgee receive help early in their journey from several figures, notably Tom Bombadil, Bilbo, and Gandalf. Hannibal Lecter, in “The Silence of the Lambs” gives Agent Starling many psychological weapons.

Steve: Hmm. You don’t like my wise helper, but you like this guy? Maybe it’s not me that needs a doctor.

Crossing of the First Threshold

The hero eventually must cross into a dark underworld, where he will face evil and darkness, and thereby find true enlightenment. Before this can occur, however, the hero must cross the threshold between his home world and the new world of adventure. Often this involves facing off against and quelling a “threshold guardian.”


Steve: My idea involves crossing a threshold – a real threshold!

Dr. E: Hold that thought. In “The Lord of the Rings,” Frodo finally accepts his mission in Rivendell and crosses the threshold once he leaves there. Also in Rivendell, Aragorn meets Boromir who tells of the plight that Gondor is now in while at the same time confronting those present for not aiding Gondor; Aragorn sees that he must now save Gondor and claim the kingship. In “The Odyssey,” Odysseus must pass the island of the Sirens.

The Belly of the Whale

Dr. E: Having defeated the threshold guardian, the hero finds himself in a place of darkness where he begins his true adventure, perhaps discovering his true purpose. This “belly of the whale” may be an ambiguous place of dream-like forms.



Dr. E: The name for this stage of the monomyth is based upon the story of Jonah. In “Star Wars,” it is the Death Star, in which Luke is engulfed and in which he learns how to be a hero. In “The Silence of the Lambs,” Starling finds the serial killer Buffalo Bill's first victim within the dark, womblike storage facility.

Initiation – The Road of Trials

Dr. E: Once in the underworld, the hero is repeatedly challenged with mental and physical obstacles that must be overcome.

Steve: Oh no. I know what’s next ...









Dr. E: Now that donkey is scary. Often these take the form of a test, by which the hero improves his skills and proves his worth.

Steve: Even while overloaded with all that other stuff?

Dr. E: Yes.

Steve: I knew it. Been there.


Dr. E: In “The Empire Strikes Back,” Luke undergoes his training with Yoda. Aragorn, after the loss of Gandalf in Moria, must now take the position of leader of the Fellowship, and struggles to lead them as well as Gandalf wanted to.



Meeting With the Goddess

Dr. E: After overcoming the Road of Trials, the hero often encounters a goddess-like woman: beautiful, queen-like, or motherly. This is a grand reward for the hero.

Steve: I’m all about grand rewards. 



Dr. E: In “The Matrix Reloaded,” Neo takes Trinity as a lover. In “The Lord of the Rings,” Frodo meets Galadriel, who shows him the future. Aragorn also meets Galadriel, who counsels him on his future actions. In “The Silence of the Lambs,” Buffalo Bill kidnaps a senator's daughter and the female senator initially appears as a benevolent, matriarchal force.


However, the Goddess may also negate the hero's progress through lust or greed. This may distract the hero from his ultimate goal and plunge him back into darkness.

Steve: Temptationyou have to deal with that too?

Dr. E: Yes, just like in “The Matrix Reloaded,” Persephone attempts to seduce Neo. In “The Odyssey,” the temptress is the nymph Calypso. In “The Silence of the Lambs,” the offer of a reduced sentence for Hannibal Lecter, supposedly authorized by the senator, is revealed as a trick. Now onto the …


Steve: I’m not sick.

Dr. E: Not Apothecary. Apotheosis. The hero's ego is disintegrated in a breakthrough expansion of consciousness. Quite frequently their idea of reality is changed. They may find themselves able to do new things or able to see a larger point of view allowing them to sacrifice themselves. In the “Empire Strikes Back,” Luke sacrifices himself rather than turn to the dark side. In “The Matrix Reloaded,” Neo destroys several Sentinels in the real world using only his mind. Aragorn gains command of the immortal Army of the Dead, making his forces undefeatable.  

Steve: About this sacrificing thing

Dr. E: It’s necessary.

Steve: Then you do it. I’ll make sure you’re properly memorialized.

The Ultimate Boon

Dr. E: Having achieved personal enlightenment, the hero's psychological forces are again balanced.

Steve: That balancing thing can be a little dicey if you aren’t properly balanced … 


No telling what might pop out!


Dr. E: Point taken. But this new-found knowledge, or boon, also has potential to benefit society.

Steve: Okay, my turn. The benefit to society thing. I’m with you. That’s what my idea is all about.

Dr. E: Hold on just a little bit longer, we’re not finished yet. In “The Lord of the Rings,” all of the hobbits gain wisdom and experience during their journey, which allows them to easily set things right in the Shire on their return. By calling upon his heritage as the Heir of Isildur to take command of the Army of the Dead, Aragorn is now more in tune with his true nature and purpose as rightful heir to the throne of Gondor than ever before.

The Magic Flight

Dr. E: A mad dash is made by the hero to return with the prize.

Steve: I’ve never been successful with mad dashes.


Insight 9

Not all mad dashes are created equal.

- Steve


In “The Lord of the Rings,” Frodo and Sam are rescued from the slopes of Mt. Doom by Gandalf and the Eagles (which is also a "Rescue from Without"). Aragorn, after exiting the Paths of the Dead with his new invincible Shadow Army, must now make a mad dash across Gondor in a race against time to liberate the coast from an invasion of Corsairs, then lead the Southern army of Gondor north to save Minas Tirith from destruction, all in only six days.

Steve: I understand.

The Crossing of the Return Threshold

Before the hero can return to the real world, he must confront another threshold guardian. The first threshold was a symbolic death; this is now a symbolic rebirth.

Steve: My symbolism is through the roof.

Dr. E: That made absolutely no sense.

Steve: It will.

Dr. E: Okaaaaaay – moving on. In “Return of the Jedi,” Luke again confronts Darth Vader. In “The Lord of the Rings,” the final threshold for the hobbits re-entering the Shire is guarded by Saruman and his Ruffians. For Aragorn, this means making a final confrontation with Sauron's forces in a suicidal attack on his massive army at the Black Gate.

Steve: Call me crazy, but a suicidal attack on a massive army really doesn’t fit into my business plan.

Dr. E: Mythic symbolism … think mythic symbolism. Make it resonate with the ancient stirrings of the heart.

Steve: Is that sorta like the mythical egg-of-life symbolism?

Dr. E: I detect stirrings of intelligent life.

Steve: I’ve used the mythical “egg-of-life” symbolism before.



Dr. E: Detection of intelligent life terminated.

Master of Two Worlds

Once the final threshold is crossed, the hero is now free to move back and forth between the two worlds at will. He has mastered the conflicting psychological forces of the mind.

Steve: That’s what my new product will allow me to do. Be a master of two worlds.

Dr. E: Almost finished … then you can tell me this fabulous invention, product, idea, and world-shaking business venture. In “Return of the Jedi,” Luke becomes a Jedi. In “The Lord of the Rings,” Aragorn is crowned King of Gondor and Arnor, and has defeated Mordor (later re-distributing its conquered lands to the former slaves that tilled the fields in its southern regions). Aragorn then marries Arwen, daughter of his father-figure Elrond, uniting the worlds of Elf and Man.

Freedom to Live

With the journey now complete, the hero has found true freedom, and can turn his efforts to helping or teaching humanity.

In “The Lord of the Rings,” the hobbits become prominent citizens of the Shire with the wisdom they have gained. Aragorn reigns as King for many decades and ushers in a new age of peace and the rebuilding of Middle Earth.

Steve: Let me get this straight. I need to know all of that stuff before I can be an artistic entrepreneur ...  and pitch my astronomically astounding, revolutionary, cutting-edge, robust, platform-neutral, portable (almost probably), seamless (virtually, besides some minor cracks), robuster-LMNOP, robustest, interoperable, supraluminal, hypothetical, translucent, nanotech, scientific breakthrough idea?

Dr. E: You need to understand the foundation, the vision, the message that will truly resonate – touch and move the human psyche – within the people that will help you make your passion your profession. Help you attract and retain a diverse group of the best, the brightest, the hardest working, from writers to software coders, to bankers, to R & D geeks, and most importantly, to buyers and customers.

Insight 10

Message - must move and motivate.


Dr. E: Well finally, go ahead, tell me your revolutionary idea. We’ll work together to align it with the mythic symbolism that throbs inside us all seeking new vistas for humanity.




Steve: Okay, I’ve discovered a nanotech material that is translucent, waterproof, impenetrable and indestructible. It also incorporates nano-size semi-conducting pinheads called quantum dots.

Dr. E: (Attention piqued) And?

Steve: I’ve successfully tested it already. Here’s the deal. You strip the roof of a house (or any building). Spray on this translucent nano-material. It sets/gels in less than 30 seconds.

Dr. E: I get it! I get it!

Steve: I’m not done yet.

Dr. E: It’ll provide high thermal insulation, reduce energy costs, and create a quieter indoor environment?

Steve: Yes – in any color imaginable. And … the best is yet to come.

Dr. E: The market and benefits of an artistically designed, eye-catching architectural roof masterpiece - unbelievable!

Steve: Doc, slow down. You need to be more like me – a renaissance thinker.

Dr. E: What?

Steve: I had the material engineered so that when applied correctly, it turns into a DONKEY MOOD ROOF! Think of it! The Homer Brand combined with da Vinci beauty and simplicity.

da Vinci Donkey Roofs?

(Do you dare click?)

Dr. E: (complete silence that is building toward a transformational moment) 


Insight 11

Can you imagine the possibilities?


Steve: The nanotech roof material resonates with the mood of the people in the house and then displays it for all to see. Imagine the harmony that’ll result when you drive home and see a 

Think of the social benefits!

Or, if someone is having a bad day,


How great will that be for conflict avoidance?

Dr. E: (transformational moment)

Steve: Dr. E? Dr. E? Got you speechless? There’s only one bad side effect I need to resolve. For some goofy reason, this scientist I was working with (recently deceased – he had a heart attack when I told him of my plans for the Donkey Mood Roof)  insisted on having the material retain and generate power. Darnedest thing. Turns the roof into a perpetual power plant. 

Dr. E: What?

Steve: Certainly are sparse with the words now Doc. Yes, turns the thing into a perpetual power-producing plant. You can even unplug your house from the electric company. Therein lies the problem.

Dr. E: What again?

Steve: To be successful, you have to focus. I can’t be focusing on two things at once. And, do you know how much trouble it would be to take down all of those wires? 


Unplug from the electric company?


Insight 12

He was distinguished for ignorance;
for he had only one idea,
and that was wrong.

– Disraeli 


Dr. E: (devious thought) 

Maybe I can help you out with the pitiful power-producing problem. I’ll see if I can get anyone interested in that dreadful problem. You might have to pay me to take it off your hands though. But, on the bright side (so to speak), it would allow you to focus.

Steve: OK. But what do you think about my Donkey Mood Rooftmi ? Can you imagine how cool the heroes’ journey will be while we weave our mystical mythical symbolism throughout the story?

Dr. E: Yes. I’m already working it through my mind

Insight 13

First they ignore you,
then they laugh at you,
then they attack you,
then you win.

 – Gandhi

About Dr. Elliot McGucken:

Dr. Elliot McGucken is an artistic entrepreneur. He founded in 1995, and he now runs over 30 sites ranging in content from the great books and classics to Digital Rights Management (DRM) and open-source technologies. He presented Authena Open Source DRM/CMS at the Harvard Law School OSCOM, and 22surf was accepted to the Zurich OSCOM. Both Authena and 22surf are aimed at empowering indie artists/creators.


Cool car!


Steve: But Dr. E … you named it Moby Dick?

Dr. E: That’s right. What do you call your corvette?

Steve: A Jeep. Sometimes I call it my sweet little thang.”

Dr. E: And I thought I had issues. Can you at least finish my bio before you go off? 

Elliot received a B.A. in physics from Princeton and a Ph.D. in physics from UNC Chapel Hill where his dissertation on an artificial retina for the blind received several NSF grants and a Merrill Lynch Innovations Award. The retina-chip research appeared in publications including Popular Science and Business Week, and the project continues to this day.

Known as Dr. E to his students, Elliot has won the Tanner Award for Excellence in Undergraduate Teaching.

About Steve Kayser:

Do you really need to know more after that story?

Steve is currently Cincom's Expert Access Editor and PR Manager.

In his spare time, Steve models kilts for Un-Vanity, Non-GQ and The Manly Kilt Wearing Man's monthly magazines. Steve also headlines fundraising events for his run at an Olympic Gold Medal in the kilt-wearing mechanical bull riding competition to be held in Cincinnati, Ohio in 2050. For more info, you can contact Steve at

In addition, Steve is retained by Cincom (on a very tenuous, minute-by-minute basis) to inspire and motivate others by fulfilling a famous Mark Twain axiom,

 "Let us be thankful for the fools; 

but for them the rest of us could not succeed."