If you can start the day without caffeine,
If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,
If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,
If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it,
If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time,
If you can take criticism and blame without resentment ,
If you can conquer tension without medical help,
If you can relax without a glass of wine,
If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,
Then You Are Probably The family dog .
GOD SENT ME
One day the college professor shocked the class when he came in. He looked to the ceiling and flatly stated, "GOD, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform... I'll give you exactly 5 min."
The lecture room fell silent. You could hear a pin drop. Four minutes went by and the professor proclaimed, "Here I am GOD, I'm still waiting." It got down to the last couple of seconds when the veteran, who had just got home from Afghanistan, got out of his chair, went up to the professor, and cold-cocked him; knocking him off the platform.
The professor was out cold. The vet went back to his seat and sat there, silently. The other students were shocked and stunned, and sat there looking on in silence.
The professor eventually came to, noticeably shaken, looked at the Marine and asked, "What in the world is the matter with you? Why did you do that?"
The Marine calmly replied, "GOD was too busy today protecting America's soldiers who are currently protecting your right to say stupid stuff and act like an idiot. So He sent me."
The Wisdom of a WWII Marine
I just heard a great first hand quote from an old WWII Marine, Corporal Tom Cotter. He served with the 8th Marines, 2nd Division as a combat engineer From Tarawa to Okinawa from 1943 to 1946.
I watched an episode of WWII in HD with him which has been running a marathon on The History Channel this weekend. Today's episode showed the battle for Saipan in all new color footage, which was horrendous.
Tom landed there June 15th 1944 in the first wave, carrying a flame thrower. It became a battle for caves. The 30,000 Japanese defenders used the large civilian population as shields and launched nighttime banzai attacks with thousands of soldiers, some carrying just knives, sticks and words. Virtually every defender was killed by the Marines or died at their own hand.
So I mentioned to Tom that, "with all the civilian deaths, those Japs didn't respect anything."
The old Marine thought for a few seconds and then said, " they respected my flamethrower."
An Afghan Greeting Card
THE PATRIOT MICRO CHIP
THE PATRIOT MICRO CHIP is intended to be implanted in terrorists. The implant is specifically designed to be installed in the forehead.
When properly installed, it will allow the one implanted, to speak to God. It comes in various sizes:
The exact size of the implant will be selected by a well-trained and highly skilled technician.
The implant may or may not be painless. Side effects, like headaches and nausea, are temporary. Some bleeding or swelling may occur at the injection site.
Please enjoy the security we provide for you.
A United States Marine Corps Sniper
A Short Fairytale
Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl 'Will you marry me?' The girl said, 'NO!' and the guy rode motorcycles, went fishing, hunting, played golf, left the toilet seat up, did whatever he wanted, and lived happily ever after.
A Letter Home From Parris Island
Dear Ma and Pa,
I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled..
I was restless at first because you get to stay in bed till nearly 6 am But I am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot, and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing.
Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there's warm water. Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food, plus yours, holds you until noon when you get fed again. It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much.
We go on 'route marches,' which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it's not my place to tell him different. A 'route march' is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks.
The sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags a lot. The Captain is like the school board. Majors and colonels just ride around and frown. They don't bother you none.
This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don't move, and it ain't shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don't even load your own cartridges They come in boxes.
Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain't like fighting with that ole bull at home. I'm about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake . I only beat him once.. He joined up the same time as me, but I'm only 5'6' and 130 pounds and he's 6'8' and near 300 pounds dry. Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in.
Your loving daughter,
Quotes from a Veteran Drill Instructor..
"The handgun would not be my choice of weapon if I knew I was going to a fight....I'd choose a rifle, a shotgun, an RPG or an atomic Bomb instead."
"The two most important rules in a gunfight are: Always cheat and Always win."
"Every time I teach a class, I discover I don't know something."
"Don't forget, incoming fire has the right of way."
"Make your attacker advance through a wall of bullets. I may get killed with my own gun, but he's gonna have to beat me to death with it, cause it's going to be empty."
"If you're not shootin', you should be loadin'. If you're not loadin, you should be movin', if you're not movin', someone's gonna Cut your head off and put it on a stick."
"When you reload in low light encounters, don't put your flashlight in your back pocket... If you light yourself up, you'll look like an angel or the tooth fairy...and you're gonna be one of 'em pretty soon."
"Do something. It may be wrong, but do something."
"Nothing adds a little class to a sniper course like a babe in a Ghilliesuit."
"Shoot what's available, as long as it's available, until something else becomes available."
"If you carry a gun, people will call you paranoid. That's ridiculous.. If I have a gun, what in the hell do I have to be paranoid for."
"Don't shoot fast, shoot good."
"You can say 'stop' or 'alto' or use any other word you think will work but I've found that a large bore muzzle pointed at someone's head is pretty much the universal language."
"You have the rest of your life to solve your problems. How long you live depends on how well you do it."
"You cannot save the planet. You may be able to save yourself and your family."
More Excellent Gun Wisdom.......The purpose of fighting is to Win!
There is no possible victory in defense. The sword is more important than the shield, and skill is more important than either.
The final weapon is the brain. All else is supplemental.
Don't pick a fight with an old man. If he is too old to fight, He'll just kill you.
If you find yourself in a fair fight, your tactics suck.
I carry a gun cause a cop is too heavy.
When seconds count, the cops are just minutes away.
A reporter did a human-interest piece on the Texas Rangers. The reporter recognized the Colt Model 1911 the Ranger was carrying and asked him 'Why do you carry a 45?' The Ranger responded, 'Because they don't make a 46.'
An armed man will kill an unarmed man with monotonous regularity.
The old sheriff was attending an awards dinner when a lady commented on his wearing his sidearm. 'Sheriff, I see you have your pistol. Are you expecting trouble?' 'No ma'am. If I were expecting trouble, I would have brought my rifle.'
Beware the man who only has one gun. He probably knows how to use it!
'The true Soldier fights not because he hates what is in front of him, but because He loves what is behind him.' -G. K. Chesterton
A people that values its privileges above its principles will soon lose both.
'Those who hammer their guns into plows will plow for those who do not.' ~ Thomas Jefferson
"A general dissolution of principles and manners will more surely overthrow the liberties of America than the whole force of the common enemy." --Samuel Adams
Marine Corps Rules:
1. Be courteous to everyone, friendly to no one.
2. Decide to be aggressive enough, quickly enough.
3. Have a plan.
4. Have a back-up plan, because the first one probably won't work.
5. Be polite. Be professional. But, have a plan to kill everyone you meet.
6. Do not attend a gunfight with a handgun whose caliber does not start with a '4.'
7. Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice. Ammo is cheap. Life is expensive.
8. Move away from your attacker. Distance is your friend. (Lateral & diagonal preferred.)
9. Use cover or concealment as much as possible.
10. Flank your adversary when possible. Protect yours.
11. Always cheat; always win. The only unfair fight is the one you lose.
12. In ten years nobody will remember the details of caliber, stance, or tactics. They will only remember who lived.
13. If you are not shooting, you should be communicating your intention to shoot.
Navy SEAL's Rules:
1. Look very cool in sunglasses.
2. Kill every living thing within view.
3. Adjust Speedo.
4. Check hair in mirror.
US Army Rangers Rules:
1. Walk in 50 miles wearing 75 pound rucksack while starving.
2. Locate individuals requiring killing.
3. Request permission via radio from 'Higher' to perform killing.
4. Curse bitterly when mission is aborted.
5. Walk out 50 miles wearing a 75 pound rucksack while starving.
US Army Rules:
1. Curse bitterly when receiving operational order.
2. Make sure there is extra ammo and extra coffee.
3. Curse bitterly.
4. Curse bitterly.
5. Do not listen to 2nd LTs; they can get you killed.
6. Curse bitterly.
US Air Force Rules:
1. Have a cocktail.
2. Adjust temperature on air-conditioner.
3. See what's on HBO.
4. Ask 'What is a gunfight'?
5. Request more funding from Congress with a 'killer' Power Point presentation.
6. Wine & dine ''key' Congressmen, invite DOD & defense industry executives.
7. Receive funding, set up new command and assemble assets.
8. Declare the assets 'strategic' and never deploy them operationally.
9. Hurry to make 13:45 tee-time.
10. Make sure the base is as far as possible from the conflict but close enough to have tax exemption.
US Navy Rules:
1. Go to Sea.
2. Drink Coffee.
3. Deploy Marines
Go Navy !