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To sleep without a dream

    The young, child lay alone in the darkness, quietly whispering the words of a pleading prayer. Repeatedly, she asked God to give her deep sleep the kind without nightmares. She wanted, just this once, to be whisk away to a happier time and place. If only she could go some where far from the pain and suffering that plagued her. To her dismay sleep refused to show itself. She only had the company of the dreaded feeling that something was about to happen. This unwanted force surrounded her like a blanket but shed no warmth. She closed her eyes and took deep breaths in an attempt to clear her mind of all unwanted thoughts. This meditation caused sleep to came to the child, but she only slipped part of the way into the world of dreamland. It is here that you float in the narrow margin of sleep and wakefulness. This is the state where all subconscious dreams happen. These dreams reflect your deep down feelings, thoughts or fears.

    The girls dreams were always reflects of the fear and shame that she of the ever, plaguing presence of her stepbrother. He had first started coming to her sometime after he had moved into her house with his mother despite the twelve year difference between their ages repeatedly came at night to violate her. when the young girl was only two.

    Whenever her eyes closed this recurring dream haunted her almost as much as the reality around her.

    The man loved the smell of the woman in the seat next to him and nothing more. As he drove his car he took deep breaths to catch the sent of her deodorant masked by a splash of perfume. Her mind and body was nothing special they were simple like all the others before her. The interior of the car was hot and muggy but that is the way he like it that way he could smell her sweat. It reminded him of when he crushed her body under his until it hung limp like a discarded rag doll. They never attempt to complain about the temperature because they do not want to anger him. The sleeping girl watched helplessly above as this woman sat limply in the passenger seat. she knew all to well what the woman was about to face she had seen it time and time again in these dreams. This was the last time this crazy man would use her. He had grown tired of her inadequacy to fill his drive for passion gained through fear and power. She no longer responded to him the way he needed her to. She did not fight against him,.instead the whole time he played with her she lay motionless locked in a room deep in her mind oblivious to everything. The sleeping girl knew that this was the end for the woman in the car because he was taking her to place where they had met he would use her one last time and discard her like yesterdays newspaper..

    Startled by this realization the young girl awoke with a start. She was intertwined in her sheets trapped in the cloth unable to escape. All at once she felt claustrophobic and she desperately fought to free herself but it was no use the more that she struggled the more she was trapped. Exhausted she stopped and laid back down when pounding of her heart quieted she could hear his foot steps in the hall. He was coming for her and she was stuck forced to face the terrible punishment of his hand touching her all over again. She realized that her only escape was to return once again to her dream. The choice was to either, watch it happen to herself or watch it happen to someone else. She did not have to make the decision on her own however, because even before the handle of her door began to turn her mind was once again transported to the narrow margin of space between sleep and wakefulness.

    After what seemed like an eternity to the man they had arrived at their special place, a little hotel on the outskirts of town. It is here that he had returned, because he felt that she should depart from whence she came. While she waited in the car he went into the office and requested their room number 13 he paid in cash and signed a false name. With the key in hand he carried her up the stairs to their room much like a husband would carry this new wife. In away this was true he was her bride of passion but only he would live happily ever after. With this thought he laughed and swung open the door caring his blue eyed beauty across the threshold to her destiny..

    Once again the young girl was awaken, and found that he was indeed in the room and had just finished with her. He kissed her on the forehead, thanked her, then he turned on his heal leaving her alone, naked, and violated. When the latch clicked into the door frame without even realizing it she was once again in the place that she now knew very well and she expected it like a long lost friend.

    What a ride that was he thought as he lay next to her torn and battered body. He was delighted that he had been wrong about the slowness of her mind she must have know it was the last time because she had put up such a fight it had sent him over the edge in pleasure. It is a shame that he had to let her go he really did love her and he wanted to hold onto her for all time. This was not to be however because like a rose held to tightly, he had crushed her beauty away. It faded into darkness dripping it's red petals onto the sheets in tiny droplets of blood. He was going to miss her he really was but now it was time to leave. He had to find another new flower to hold. After kissing her on the forehead, he thanked her, then turned on his heal leaving her there alone naked and lifeless.

    Just as the sun began to show over the edge of the horizon the girl finally, fell into a deep sleep where she did not dream at all. When her alarm sounded she awoke and got stiffly up and found to her dismay that even though she had slept for most of the night she was completely drained. As she was making her bed the girl noticed a single drop of blood on the sheet in the shape of a rose petal. Frightened she quickly pulled off the sheets, then took them down and put them in the wash. While she watched the cold water fill the machine she wished that somehow she could wash away the stains on her heart.

Written by Sally B. 1999

Revised by Sally A Wolf 2010


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