VI. The Modifiers

At long last, we come to the oft-referenced conditional modifiers. Conditional modifiers are what separates Dragon Poker from regular Stud Poker. Conditional modifiers are why Dragon Poker is the purview of the brilliant, the skilled and the mad.

The concept of conditional modifiers is deceptively simple. It is a modification based on the condition. That is, the rules of the game change depending on outside forces. These can be practically anything from the phases of the moon, to details about the room the game is played in, to how many hands have been played, etc.

What makes the conditional modifiers so daunting is three-fold.

First, the modifiers for the most part stack and there is no limit to number of modifiers that may in play. For example, several modifiers change the order of the cards. If the order is reversed because it's the fifth hand (Conditional Modifier #5) and player tears their sock, dictating the card order inverts from the center (Conditional Modifier #162), the reversed order will be the one that is inverted.

Second, several of the modifiers are vague and very little in the rules details how to clarify them, only that the players must determine them, as they must do for the modifiers that come in conflict1. As one or two of rules makes absolutely no sense, most scholars agree that this was deliberate on the part of the game inventors to make it even more confusing.

Third, there are are well over two hundred conditional modifiers. What follows is the full list of known conditional modifiers, compiled with the oldest at the top of the list and the younger following. We recommend that anyone who still wishes to play familiarize themselves with all modifiers before they begin, because players are under no obligation to inform their opponents of modifications that benefit them.

It should be noted that every modifier must be played as declared. That is, if the rule is misremembered and played incorrectly, a played cannot void the previous hands (and winnings) played under that rule. However once a mistake is found, the game should continue under the correct rule.

0. Any omission of the conditional modifiers must be determined at the beginning of the session. Players may determine this in any way they choose.

1. Unicorns are wild on Tuesdays

2. In months with the letter “M”. Ogres are at half value.

3. Red Dragons are wild on even-numbered hands.

4. Once a night, a player can change the suit of one their “up” cards.

5. Every five hands, the sequence of the cards is reversed, so the low cards are high and vice-versus.

6. Once a Four of a Kind is played, that card value is dead and blank for the rest of the session.

7. If a Four of a Kind is played with all wild cards, it ceases to be wild and can be played normally.

8. If there is a 10 showing in the first two face-up cards in any hand, then 7s will be dead.

9. If another 10 appears, rule 8 will be canceled out.

10. If the first card turned up in a round is an Ogre, the round will be played with an extra hole card (four up and five down).

11. On Tuesdays, the dealing reverses every seven hands.

12. When all players are of the same gender, the Corps-a-Corps hand is invalid.

13. Once a night, a south facing player may withdraw their bet at no penalty.

14. When played with spectators, 3s will be dead and considered blank.

15. If there are an odd number of players, hands totaling an even number beat hands totaling an odd number of the same rank. The reverse is also true.

16. In every hand after the forty-second, the player facing north can discard one of another player's face card at anytime.

17. If the sun is out, Hearts become Spades and Diamonds become Clubs for Elves only.

18. If there is at least one female at the table, Ogres and Unicorns may switch names.

19. In played indoors, the declaration of a new wild cards renders the previous wild card tame.

20. If the moon is full, no silver or silver-colored money, chips, etc. may be bet.

21. If a player is caught lying, they must play their next hand with all cards face up.

22. If any sort of alarm bell rings, the players must switch positions (after the emergency has been managed) and play their new hands until the end of the round. Afterward, they may return to their original seats.

23. If a romance novel tops the New York Times Best Seller list, a hand must contain at least one Ogre and one Unicorn.

24. If the game is played on a drinking holiday, the players must participate. Every round will be followed by the players chugging a glass of their drink of choice. This will continue only so long as all players may safely do so. Betting may continue as normal, but exorbitant losses will be considered void in the morning.

25. If a St. George is played, Dragons are blank for the rest of the hand.

26. On Valentine's Day, couple may show each other their hands.

27. If a player plays the Dead Man's Hand, they may not play for the rest of the night.

28. If a player leaves the table, their opponents are allowed- nay, encouraged- to peek at their hole cards.

29. If there is a sports match occurring during on the day of the game and the group consists of supporters of both teams, the players must divided into two teams (they need not consist of equal numbers) where they will pool cards and money, chips, etc. for the session. If there is a discrepancy between the winning sports team of the above and the winning Poker team, the winnings are void. If both winning teams are the same, the winnings are doubled.

30. If the players are in constant and consistent motion for the duration of a hand, the values of the face cards are reversed.

31. If a session is held on the day of the end of the world or imminent death for the group, chips will be worth $5,000, $10,000 and $25,000. (Local currencies apply)

32. If the world doesn't end or the group doesn't die within 24 hours, chips will be worth 10¢, 25¢ and 50¢. (Local currencies apply)

33. On weekends, which may extend to Friday nights upon agreement of the players, Unicorns are wild.

34. The overall loser of the hand has the option to change a rule for the next hand.

35. If, when playing, a Weird Al song broadcasts on the radio, the value of the hands reverses.

36. If a cat walks by and sneezes, the betting must cease for the remainder of the hand.

37. During a blizzard, suits reverse value.

38. In months without an “R”, on dates with two numbers, the card values corresponding to the date switch places (e.g. On August 26, 2 become 6s and vice versa).

39. A power outage shall be considered a free-for-all to grab cards from the other players. Good luck.

40. In the event of an election and a politician wins, cards will be dealt from the bottom of the deck.

41. If a player wears a purple dress shirt, betting will only occur after all cards have been dealt.

42. If male players outnumber female players, Ogres and Elves switch places. If female players out number male players, Ogres and Unicorns switch places.

43. If any of the players' countries are at war, Elves are high.

44. If a game is played on a player's birthday, the card with the value corresponding to the date becomes high. If there is no corresponding value, the player chooses the high card.

45. If there is a mirror in the room, Dragons are low cards.

46. St. Georges are dead and blank on the Sabbath.

47. If a hand is in play at the changing of the hour, all hole cards must be gathered up, shuffled and redistributed.

48. In months with two moons there are only two suits, determined by color.

49. On the fourth of July, the face cards and St. Georges are dead and blank.

50. If a commercial plays with an animal mascot, any player with that animal as a pet must immediately fold and sit out the rest of the hand.

51. If a play has a relative they call “Auntie”, instead of ante-ing they must cry uncle.

52. If the local radio station allows requests during the session the loser of a hand must call in “The Gambler” by Kenny Rogers to continue playing.

53. If a table or space has to be cleared for play, then the initial ante does not need to be met.

54. If any sort of cooling system is in use, Red Dragons are demoted to Unicorns.

55. If a player finds themself in debt, they may only use Clubs until such time as they are out of debt.

56. If extra chairs are required, Full House becomes the highest valued hand.

57. If four lights are on in the game room, 3s are wild.

58. If a player's significant other calls to ask when they're coming home, all dealing and betting must cease and the hands shall be played as is.

59. If a player smokes, they may only make hands with black cards.

60. The overall loser of a game or session will be rechristened by their betters and keep their name until the next new moon.

61. On the Chinese New Year, all Dragons are dead and blank.

62. A player who wins with six Unicorns must relate the loss of their virginity. Their compatriots are forbidden from questioning the veracity of the story nor details relating to it during or afterward.

63. If a player takes two aspirin, a round of drinks will be served, a toast will be called and Dragons are wild.

64. If a player coughs, 7s and Unicorns trade places.

65. If a snack run becomes necessary mid-session, the Full Belly and Full Dragon hands will be invalid until the next session (after the current one) that ends with leftovers.

66. If a lightning strike is visible, table cards are gathered up and replaced.

67. If players are using folding chairs, the players may not fold for the number of betting rounds equal to the number of players divided by the number of folding chairs (rounded to the nearest whole). If that number is greater than the number of betting rounds, no player may fold until the final round.

68. If a player who was barred from folding wins, they may trade spots with another player.

69. When a person sits down at the head of the table, they may dictate the initial order of dealers, dealing and betting.

70. If an adult shorter than five foot plays, all cards under 5 will be considered dead and blank.

71. If there is a ceiling fan in the game room, the value of all cards shift one to the left.

72. If the game is played in a room with hardwood, diamonds and hearts switch value.

73. If the deck is found to be missing cards, St. Georges are the high cards.

74. If the walls in the game room are declared to be pink, the value of odd number cards are reversed.

75. If the glasses are made of plastic, the second round of betting is canceled.

76. If there are more book cases than players, 5s are the low card.

77. If a player spills a drink the hands will be gathered and redistributed at random.

78. If a canvasser knocks at the door, half the pot will be removed and equally redistributed.

79. If two players share a name, they must trade hands after the second round of betting every other hand.

80. If a Four of a Kind of Unicorn is played on Christmas, that player wins and Diamonds become high.

81. If anything breaks during a hand, the dealing and betting order reverses.

82. If birds can be heard, the 3s and 8s trade spots.

83. If the weather, changes in any way, the new high card will be chosen from the top of the deck.

84. If the heat is commented on more than twice, the most valuable hand will been invalidated. This will continue with each additional comment until no more hands are valid.

85. If the window has blinds, the first bet must also be blind as a show of solidarity.

86. In a haunted house, Ogres become the lowest ranking face card.

87. If one player is a godmother, she may not use Elves in her hand.

88. If the deck contains cards from another deck, that card is the low card.

89. If a player provides high-quality snacks, they will be allowed an extra hole card. If a player provides low-quality snacks, they will be dealt an extra up card.

90. If all players a drinking warming beverages, Dragons gain value equal to the number of drinks.

91. In Spring and Fall, Hearts are the high suit.

92. If the facilities are under construction, the game will begin with only thirteen cards. Thirteen more cards will be add the next hand and so on until the deck is complete.

93. If played in view of a swamp, black Dragons are wild.

94. If played on a border, betting will only occur on odd-numbered dealing rounds.

95. It the weather is unseasonable the cards will be set out according to current value (e.g. 2, 3, 4, 5, etc.), even numbered cards will be put at the back of the order line and odds at the front. Once completed, players will have the new order (e.g. 0, 10, 8, 6, 4, 2, 3, 5, 7, 9, E, U, D).

96. A player wearing a jacket at the table bets after players without jackets.

97. A player wearing a jacket at the table bets after players without jackets.

98. If a romantic couple plays with other, single players, they may not use pairs.

99. If two players arrive wearing the same clothes, the next hand will be played just between them. They will have to share the same cards up cards, but their hole cards will be there own.

100. If anything comes through the window, everyone folds and the pot is held over until the next hand.

101. If a player sits down at the table wearing a hat, the money, chips, etc. will be pooled into it. The hat will be passed around and the players will pick one unit out at a time until it's all distributed.

102. If the game room has weapons on display, St. George's replace Elves.

103. Once a Four of a Kind with Dragons is played, the Full Dragon Hand is invalid.

104. If the day number (by year) is divisible by a card value that card is high. If the day number is divisible by more than one card value, the card is low if the number of divisible card values is even and high if it's odd.

105. If there is a poster of a musician on the wall, three cards are sufficient to make a straight.

106. If the wind blows to the east, then one set of even number of cards will be gathered, shuffled and flipped over one at a time. The order in which they are revealed, is the order they are valued.

107. If an infomercial is playing on the TV at the time of the dealing begins, betting will occur after every card is dealt.

108. In months where the first day of the month is a Wednesday and the last day is a Tuesday, every other player may only use Spades and Hearts. The rest can only use Clubs and Diamonds.

109. Every 19th round (cross session), up to six left over cards will be used as table cards for everyone.

110. When only family members are playing, no hand is valid that doesn't utilize at least two face cards.

111. On the equinox, the number of hole and up cards must also be equal. In the Spring, one extra face card will added and in the Fall, one will be excluded.

112. When playing in sight of white pines, there is only one suit.

113. If you are within seven miles of a body of water, then 4s are promoted to St. Georges.

114. In months where there is a blood moon, the values of even numbered card is doubled and the values of odd numbered cards are halved.

115. If any player saw a foreign flag on the day of the game, there will be no wild cards.

116. If all sides of the table are occupied, players may discard their hole card in an attempt to build a better hand. However, this may only be done once all other cards have been dealt.

117. If the leaves have begun to fall from the trees, the high suit becomes the low suit.

118. If an error is made in dealing, hands will be valued based on the sum of the card values. However, the hands must still be valid Dragon Poker hands.

119. If the dealer owns a car made by the Big Three, hands must repeat no suits or they will be invalid.

120. If there is a rainbow in the sky, flushes and straight flushes are invalid.

121. When a game is played on the last or first day of the season, the order of hands must be rearranged for the session. How this is done is left to the discretion of the players, but it must be completely random.

122. If any of the players have facial hair, all hands dependent on the number of cards must be divisible by the number value of the card (e.g. a pair must be divisible by two).

123. If the players are eating Chinese take out, 3s are wild and Three of a Kind is the highest hand.

124. If the majority of players have seen the movie the group is watching, 6s will be considered dead and blank.

125. If two separate rules make a card dead and blank, that card is a zombie card. If it appears in a players up cards, it must be removed from the deck. If it's in a player's hold cards, their hand is dead (However, the player can still win by bluffing)

126. If a cover of a classic rock song plays on a commercial 5s, 6s, 7s and 8s are dead and will be considered blank.

127. If a child under the age of seven is in or enters the perimeter, a player may ask one of the other players if they have any of a specific cards and the other players must surrender the card.

128. For the entire duration of February, in lieu of money, player will bring clothes to bet. Gambling will continue until such time as at least one player is capable of surviving the winter.

129. If there is road work in underway in the immediate vicinity, 10% of the pot must remain behind when the pot of a hand is won. Any money left over at the end of the session will be held until the next session.

130. When there's a fog or mist, first two rounds of betting must be blind and there shall be seven hole cards.

131. For three weeks after Labor Day, no card will be made blank.

132. When DVDs out-number books in the facilities, the rules are locked down.

133. If the dealer arches the cards in both directions equally, the value of all cards is doubled.

134. If the facilities are messy, the dealing and betting will proceed in an alternating order.

135. If the home the session is being held in is part of a home owner's association, Four of a Kind is the winning hand.

136. If the game is played above the third floor, 2s are wilder.

137. If anyone playing is wearing brown shoes, 10s are promoted to face cards.

138. If a card slides off the table, the dealing and betting order reverses immediately.

139. If played outdoors, all face cards are Elves.

140. If the wind changes direction, the player with most betting units must trade hands with the player with the least betting units and fold.

141. If the game is played with a non-Dragon Poker deck, raising prior to the second round of betting is forbidden.

142. A player who goes above and beyond the call of duty to hide the game from disapproving authority figures can change the rules the next hand.

143. If one player stakes another player, the staked player plays with one less card.

144. If a card flips facing up in the deck, it must remain so. If the aforementioned card is dealt as an “up' card, it can be played as normal. If it's dealt as a hole card, it must be flipped over with the rest at the end and the back is the card's value.

145. On Leap Day, all conditional modifiers are invalid.

146. If a song repeats on the radio, the players must, on the next hand, bet the exact same way they did on the hand they played the last time the song played.

147. If cloud cover prevents the stars from being seen at night, Diamonds are dead and blank.

148. In a month where the 6th is a Friday, players must donate as many betting units to the pot as their cards as their have suit symbols.

149. When an airplane can be heard overhead, 4s become 7s for the purpose of Three-of-a- Kinds.

150. In the Year of the Dragon, St. Georges are defeated by Dragons.

151. If there's good news on the front page of the local paper, half the pot will be given to the winner and the rest will be divided between any player who had a flush.

152. If a nationally covered trial is under way, every player is required to tell other players if they undervalued their hand.

153. If alliteration appears in the game room, 2s & 3s equal 2.5, 4s & 5s equal 4.5 and 6s and 7s equal 6.5.

154. At Sunrise, the value order of the cards is Hearts and Diamonds. All other cards are blank. At Sunset, the value order of the cards is Spades and Clubs. All other cards are blank.

155. If a player arrives late, the sequence of cards will reverse every seven hands instead of every five.

156. If a player claims or is determined to be supernatural creature by other players, they are banned from using face cards.

157. If all players are wearing costumes, each can change the identity of one of their cards once during the session.

158. If the facilities are made of brick, one player during a session may be forced to fold once and one may be barred from folding once.

159. If there is turntable in the room, the players' betting units will rotate at an interval of hands equal to the the number of players until each has their original holdings.

160. If any player is wearing clothes with a tear in them, the order of cards inverts from the center (e.g. 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 8, D, U, E, 10, 9).

161. A player wearing glasses is forbidden from using 4s or hands that utilize Four-of-a-Kinds.

162. A player with more than 12.5% Irish ancestry can win with clubs over an otherwise equal hand. Other players may rightfully demand proof.

163. If two or more players go for the same seat at the start of the session, Spades are demoted to Diamonds.

164. If the dealer has an odd number of teeth, the order in which hole and face cards are dealt is reversed.

165. If the game table is round, the game must be played on the floor.

166. If the game session is held in facilities that have pillars anywhere on the premises, 9s become 4s.

167. If two or more players make physical contact, they must play the next hand against each other without any other players.

168. If more than ten buttons are present, the value of the cards is based on the number of suit symbols on the card (e.g. Ogres become 2s, 8s become 10s, etc.).

169. If the players spot a UFO, all face cards are equal.

170. A player with two different colored eyes may call a straight a straight flush if every suit is represented.

171. A player with facial hair may not use St. Georges.

172. If the lawn outside needs mowing, Spades are high. If Spades are already the most valued suit, each Spade is worth double.

173. If the game is held below sea level, only Diamonds are in play every eight hands.

174. If there is fresh fruit in the facilities, the deck must be cut by every player.

175. If a phone rings, Hearts are dead and blank for the remainder of the hand.

176. If a player gets cut and stops the bleeding within 60 seconds, they may only use black cards. If a player gets cut and fails to stop the bleeding within 60 seconds, they may not use hearts.

177. If the session starts during the day and continues into the night, the rules reset.

178. A floral table cloth means the players must play Australian rules Dragon Poker.

179. If any player is wearing pins, the value of Full House, Full Belly and Full Dragon hands reverse order.

180. Military personnel can use St. Georges as high cards.

181. If the table has ring stains, 6s, 8s, 9s, 10s, Ogres and Dragons are dead and blank every time dealing duties return to the original dealer.

182. During the Witching Hour, every player plays with all hole cards.

183. Every time the light flickers, the dealing and betting order reverses.

184. If there is an aquarium in the game room, Three Pair is the winning hand.

185. During the high tide, every player must raise during betting.

186. If a bug walks across the table, every player takes their middle card(s) and gives them to the player three spaces down.

187. If the building has old-fashioned locks, 5s are wild.

188. If the pot exceeds $500,000, the player have the option to eliminate half the rules.

189. After a rainstorm, Straights and Straight Flushes are invalid.

190. Fraying carpet means dealing and betting alternates every other player (starting with the dealer), until everyone is done.

191 If two players share a birthday and there is a difference in age, they must each draw 6 cards at the beginning in the session. Whoever has the best hand may veto one action of the other player once during the session.

192. On the last day if the month, only three players may play at a time.

193. Every twelve hands, the order of the suits is the order they appear in the up cards.

194. If there's a maple tree in the front yard, no one may raise if the first up card is a Spade.

195. If a player's age is equal to or less than the highest value card by number, they may not bet cash.

196. If the first up card of every player is upside down, no one may raise.

197. If the window panes form a cross, the deck shall not be shuffled on the first day of odd number week (by year). Instead, the cards will be gathered up and dealt to players in a different order every time until all possible options are exhausted.

198. If any player wears a short shirt in winter, the low card and the high card switch places.

199. In the event of flooding, the value of the cards of the two lowest suits will increase by one every hand until either the flooding stops or the players are forced to moved to higher ground.

200. If there is a genuine filibuster in the senate, the session may not end until the filibuster ends.

201. If two different styles of chairs are used, the odd numbered cards will trade places with the immediate lower even card.

202. If the road outside is not paved, the sequence of the cards shifts three places to the right.

203. If there is glitter on the floor, Diamonds are high.

204. If there is a red sky at night, shuffling will be done by taking the top and bottom cards from the deck and placed at the bottom of the new deck (This does not need to be exact).

205. If a player drinks from the wrong glass for the beverage, he or she deals every third hand.

206. If a procession goes by, betting ceases until the road is clear.

207. If a player uses ice in their drink, the session must end before it all melts or the winnings are void.

208. If the ceiling is slanted is, 6s or 7s are wild, depending on whether Dragons are high or low.

209. The presence of pinstripes means Spades & Diamonds and Hearts & Clubs are the same suits.

210. During Midterms or Finals Week, the game should be held in a place of study out of respect.

211. During harvest time, players will take half their bets back from the pot before the winner takes the rest.

212. A player who wins seven hands in a row must play the next hand blind.

213. When the Dragon sings, players must switch seats by moving to the right every hand until the get back to their original seats.

214. On days when Good Friday falls on Friday the 13th, the card with value equal to number of players shall be dead and played as blank.

215. If the game is played on the eclipse every other player must play only red cards. The rest must use only black cards.

216. On the day of the Buick Open, Clubs are dead and blank.

217. On days with horse races, 3 Ogres or Elves equal a Unicorn.

218. If the Detroit Lions play in the Superbowl, all face cards are wild. If the Detroit Lions win the Superbowl, all non-face cards are wild.

219. On alternate Thursdays, Clubs are the high suit.

220. If a card from another game is successfully snuck in after the session has begun and one round played, the card is valid and must be used in the manner intended by the original game.221. If there is a rainbow in the sky, Flushes and Straight Flushes are invalid.

222. On St. George's Day, St. Georges can only form pairs with Unicorns.

223. If anyone makes a pun, St. Georges cease to be wild.

224. If there is a wobbly chair leg, the low card is dead and blank.

225. If played on a even-numbered parallel line, once during the session one player may make the value of their card numbers equal to that of another.

226. If played in the Southern Hemisphere, the opposite and reverse of every conditional modifier instruction should be followed.

227. If the backs of the cards are not blue, the dealer plays with two extra hole cards.

228. If the wood paneling is painted, card values with angles reverse order.

229. If there is a surge protector in the room, the pot must be divisible by the number of players times two.

230. If a player has an upturned or hooked nose, they deal third, but bet second.

231. If a baby cries, the cards must be return to the deck immediately and all winnings must return to their original holders. The session begins again.

∞. If a player devises a new conditional modifier, they should bring it before their group. If met with approval, it shall be added to the list and stand as official for all time.

As was stated above, this is the entirety of the known conditional modifiers. However, our researcher are ever-hard at work looking for lost modifiers. As they find them, we will share them.

1 To help on this end, many players look at other modifiers for precedent.