tHE gRUNCH tHAT sTOLE A bUNCH
down in Amenville
Like Christians a lot...
But the Grunch
Who lived just north of Amenville
The Grunch hated Christians! The Whole Christian attitude! Now, please don’t ask why. No one quite knows the reason. Some Ames think he has no gratitude. It could be his ears weren’t screwed on just right. It could be perhaps that his eye lids were too tight. But I think what the most likely reason of all may have been that his heart was as hard as a brick wall.
Whatever the reason,
His heart or his eyes or his ears,
He stood there looking at the Christians hating them
Googling down on his Blackberry
with a sour Grunchy frown
he started to act wackberry
For he knew every Ame down in
Amenville beneath acting tribal
as they were about to study their Bible
“And they’re going to gather their highlighters!” he snarled with a sneer.
“The time is near for Bible study is practically here!
Then he growled, with his Grunch fingers mercilessly drumming,
“I MUST find a way to stop the Christians
Today, he knew…
… All the Ame girls and boys, women and men,
Would wake bright and cheery, They’d
rush for their pen!
And then! Oh, the praise! Oh, the
Praise! Praise! Praise! Praise!
That’s one thing he hated! The PRAISE!
PRAISE! PRAISE! PRAISE!
Then the Ames, young and old, would
sit down to read.
And they’d read! And they’d read!
And they’d READ!
They would read their quotes
and boast who knew the most!
They’d do something
He liked least of all!
Every Ame down in Amenville, the tall and the small,
The meek and the geek, the weak and the FREAK,
Would sit close together, with some offering sayings,
They’d stand hand-in-hand. And the Ames would start praying!
They’d pray! And they’d pray!
AND they’d PRAY! PRAY! PRAY! PRAY!
And the more the Grunch thought of these Ames praying,
The more the Grunch thought, “I must stop this whole thing!
“Why for six thousand two hundred and eleven years I’ve put up with it now!
“I MUST stop these Christians from gathering!
Then he got an idea!
An awful idea!
GOT A DISPICABLE, NON-BIBLICAL, AWFUL IDEA!
“I know just what to do!” The Grunch laughed in his throat.
And he made a quick delivery boy hat and coat.
And he chuckled, and chuckled, “What a great Grunchy trick WHACKAGE!
“With this coat and this hat, I look just like a delivery boy bringing a toy in a package!”
“All I need is a brown delivery truck…”
The Grunch looked around.
But, since brown delivery trucks are scarce and always on the move, there was none to be found. Did that stop the old Grunch…?
No! The Grunch simply said,
“If I can’t find a truck, I’ll make one instead!”
So he called his dog, Aslan. Then he took some old refrigerator boxes and some
HUGANTICALLY BIG burnt bagels that looked like steel wheels and
Made a truck body that looked a bit shoddy.
And he tied the HUGANTICALLY BIG box on the top of his head with some little brown thread.
He loaded the sacks
And he jumped on Aslan’s back!
Then the Grunch said “STEP ON IT”
And the engine of the little brown truck almost had a FIT!
But faster and faster it could go if the Grunch could just sit!
The little brown truck plummeted down.
Toward the homes where the Ames
Lay a-snooze in there town.
All their windows were dark. Quiet fog filled the air.
All the Ames were all dreaming sweet dreams about angels without care
When he came to the first huge house on the block, he heard the town clock go
“This is the stop number one,” the methusaely old Grunchy delivery boy hissed.
And he walked to the trusting Ames’ door with empty bags in his fist.
Then he cranked up his arm to release a great punch.
But, if Ali could do it, then so could the Grunch!
It hurt only once for a moment or two.
Then he ran, no no, no he flew!
Where all the fairy tale Bibles lay in a row.
“These Bibles,” he grinned, “are the first things to go! Go! GO!”
Then he slithered and slunk, with a smile most unpleasant,
Around the whole room, and he took every Bible study tool for he
Wanted them to look like bookless, Biblical, bumbling, babbling fools!
There went every tool.
Bibles! Bookmarks! Highlighters! Lowlighters! Commentaries!
Concordances and notes with ponderances.
And he stuffed them in bags without any lag. And then with a little luck,
He threw them out the door and then landed on the little brown truck.
Then he slunk to the garage. He, the cantankerous one, tinkered and tankered with that old Ford. It would start no more even if they prayed to their fake lord.
He laid on the floor and shorted a wire in hope it would cause a fire.
He started to leave and with a great big heave he moved all the junk
out of the trunk with a great big shove.
When he heard a small sound like the coo of a dove. He turned around fast,
And he saw a small Ame! Little Amey-Lou, who was not more than two.
The Grunch had been caught by this tiny Ame daughter
Who’d got out of bed for a cup of cold water.
She stared at the Grunch and slowly said, “Why did you take
our Bibles? WHY?”
But you know, that old Grunch was so clever and slick
He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick!
“Why, my sweet little tot,” the fake delivery boy lied,
“There is a missing jot, on that one side.”
“So I’m taking it home to my scriptorium, my dear.
“I’ll fix it a lot. Then I’ll plot to bring it back here.”
And his fib fooled the child for he was so wicked and wild. Then he patted her head
And he got her a drink, that little fink, and he sent her to bed.
And when Amey-Lou Ame went to bed with her cup,
HE went to the truck and shimmed the stuff up!
Then he returned and the last thing he took
Was a picture to throw in a fire!
Then he left the old liar.
On their walls he left nothing but a hook
And some wire.
The room did indeed look stark,
It was emptied of even the last bookmark.
He did the same thing
To the other Ames’ houses
It was a quarter past dawn…
All the Ames, still fast a-bed,
All the Ames, still hast to snooze
When he started his make believe brown truck
It was wickedly packed with their Bibles! The bookmarks! The highlighters!
The lowlighters! The commentaries! The concordances!
The notes with their ponderances!
Six thousand six hundred and sixty six feet up!
Up the side of mount Neverbebugged,
He hugged his dog and asked him to dump it!
“Pooh-Pooh to the Biblicists! They are just narcissists!” he
Was Grunch-ish-ly humming.
“They are finding out now that no Christians are coming!”
“They’re just rolling out of bed! I know just what they’ll do!
“Their mouths will hang open a minute or two.
“They’ll be phoning each other.
“Then the Ames down in Amenville will all cry-out to their lord BOO-HOO!”
“That’s a noise,” grinned the Grunch,
“That I simply MUST hear!”
So he paused. And the Grunch put his hand to his ear.
And he did hear a sound rising over the fog.
It started what he thought was the wailing of a hog.
Then it started to hop around like a frog.
But the sound wasn’t sad!
It made him so deeply mad!
Why, this bounding rounding sound sounded so merry!
It couldn’t be so!
But it WAS merry! VERY!
He bolted down to Amenville!
The Grunch’s bloated eyes popped!
Then he shook like a fish off a hook!
What he saw was a shocking, WHOPPING surprise!
Every Ame down in Amenville
The tall and the small
The meek and the geek
The weak and the FREAK,
Was praising. Without any Bible psalms at all!
He HADN’T stopped Christians from gathering!
Somehow or other, they grabbed one another, they came just the same!
And the Grunch, with his Grunch-feet propped up on a log,
Couldn’t believe what he was hearing through the fog.
It was a puzzle he couldn’t keep a muzzle on.
“They came without Bibles! They came without HIGHlighters! They came without
LOWlighters, commentaries, concordances or notes with ponderances.
And he puzzled three hours,
Till his puzzler was sore.
Then the Grunch thunk something he hadn’t thunk before!
“Maybe Christians,” he thought,
“don’t come because of the Bibles they bought at a Store.”
Maybe Christians … perhaps … maybe have something a great big bunch more!
“Maybe Christians come together because of what JESUS taught he laughingly thought.”
And what happened then…?
Well … in Amenville they say
With the Holy Spirit’s awesome might
The Grunch saw the Son’s LIGHT!
The Grunch’s heart, that beats without batteries, softened a googolplex times that day!
He no longer put up the bogus fight and he opened his sneaky eyes.
With his ears unplugged of the googly gobblingly gook he drove off and
Do you know what he took? THE BOOK!
Every Bible was brought back! Back! BACK!
For he was now sharp as a tack!
… HE HIMSELF… sat at the feast!
What better food could they have to celebrate?
Of course Jesus himself, the Bread of Life, who can not cease T!
Oh what can happen this day when we
Brothers and sisters
By Dr. Meuss, a.k.a., Ron Seman
Copyright ©2007-2011 Ron Seman