Hi, The purpose of this site is to bring smiles to peoples faces through nonsense rhymes, and to promote Derek's articles and books.     I hope you read them and enjoy them. If you would like to leave a comment, feel free to do so.  

Here's a rhyme about a fictitious lady called Betty Maguire.

She was Betty Maguire
and she loved the young Squire
of the village called Chedding-don
It was small and neat - quite perfect - a treat
on the banks of the old River Swan
She was buxom and bold with a smile of pure gold
and a glint in her baby blue eyes
and her face was so fair that all the men there
longed for a taste of her luscious mince pies.
The pub that she ran with nary a man
was packed to the doors every night
and they came and they saw, and they loved more and more
Betty's beers and her lagers and stout.
When the Squire came in for his evening gin
with a thirst as big as a house
She leaned over the bar in her low cut bra
and his eyes went way down south
His eyes went all glazed, and he looked quite dazed
and she smiled as she gave him a wink
' I've got lemons in slices and herbs and some spices
So, what else would you like - do you think.'
The squire went red and he stuttered and said
just a tonic Ma'am if you so please
And she laughed as she poured it,
and said, 'you my lordship
can have what you jolly well please.'

As closing time neared
Betty's bell then appeared
which she rang to get rid of the crowd
but with a nod and a wink to the squire and his drink
she said 'you can stay' - but not loud.
They went to her room and by the light of the moon
when encouraged the squire he did try
while out on the square, a courting young pair
heard some noises and with them a cry
and then they heard ' Yes, I think that's it Bess'
then a sigh which was pitched very low.
Oh, my word said the beau,
I think we should go
For the Squire had yelled, 'Yoiks, Tally Ho.'

Copyright Derek James July 2012.

A good place to look if you want a word to rhyme with one of yours:

The maid

The milking maid would travel wide and far to sell her wares
with a song in her heart and her pony and cart
she went daily to do her chores
But then one day a young man did say
Good morrow you sweet young thing
Pray what can I do to get you to woo, would it help if I were to sing
She blushed so demure said, I thank you kind Sir
but I really must sell all these things
I have butter and cheese, fresh milk if you please
but I do like a man when he sings
His voice it did ring as he started to sing
and she smiled as he walked by her side
he was leading her horse but he wanted of course
to be up on the seat for a ride
His song was of love and the magic it wove
made her dreamy, her senses were froze
and before very long he had finished his song
and he climbed to the seat where she dozed
The maid she awoke when he started to stroke
her hair as he gave her a kiss
then the sense that she owned flew away and she groaned
and she gave herself to him in bliss
Nine months on the maid she had gone
full term and her baby appeared
but the handsome young chap that she'd loved in her trap
had begone and with never a word.
The moral is this when you have your first kiss
you young maidens had better beware
never trust he who sings for among other things
he will love you with never a care.
He will do the foul deed in his lust and his need
and he'll promise to give you the moon
so if he's handsome and willing and starting his singing
Tell him to Go join a Choir and damn soon.

Lots more of Derek's articles are at http://bit.ly/14b02KQ

All material on this site is the copyright of Derek James. 

Derek's Books are at www.dericbarry.com