The Nutshell; Why?
After years of seeking to
resolve the many conflicts deep within myself, which seemed to block me from
finding peace or contentment, I had an amazing experience. I have always been
the type of man who has never been satisfied with himself. I always found fault
in my own decisions and actions. I pulled responsibility on myself, rather than
placing blame on others or the world around me, even when the situation was
completely outside my influence or control. This self imposed condition caused
me to often over-think or plan even the most uncontrollable and minute
possibilities that could occur. Analyzing and forecasting the infinite number
of chain events or reactions that could develop from the utterance of a single
word. Ever-comparing the facts I could define against history, and all the
knowledge I had acquired in my life.
as can be imagined, caused me to constantly re-evaluate myself, always altering
and adjusting my perspectives to improve upon what I perceived as flaws within
me. Mountains of guilt and regret accumulated on my shoulders, often for things
that were never my responsibility to bear. Then one evening, my wife, who has
been a great catalyst for my personal growth, said something to make me stop. I
had to reconsider the truth between the things I represented myself to be, and
how I truly felt within me.
Honesty and truth; two
things people seem to hide, even from themselves, reality in its purest form. I
spent several hours unburdening the falsehoods and contradictions that life,
and the influence of society, had imposed upon me. I accepted the truth of whom
and what I was, and as I relinquished the last lies and self justifications of
my life, my knees gave way and I collapsed to the floor. My mind spun inwardly,
the entire world disappearing, as I saw before me the universe in all its
wonder. I found myself gliding among stars and saw the threads that connect all
things to each other.
I can only speculate about
what truly happened to me, and even now, years later, will only talk
about some aspects of what I now believe because of this experience. It changed
my life and my reality; I found meaning in myself and discovered my place in
creation, I found peace. I will spend the rest of my life on this earth continuing
to try and understand the epiphany I had and the understandings it left me.
I have come to believe that
spirituality, knowledge and genetics, combined, form the real basis for our
forward growth and evolution. That humanity was meant for a much greater
purpose than the path we currently follow. And that we, each of us as
individuals, can break past the obstacles that hold us back from a much greater
Not everyone will achieve
the personal epiphany that I did. But with the knowledge of how I took these
steps myself, you may be able to come closer to your own peace.