My Journey to Wholeness

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4/14/13
 
In memory of my father, Rafael Perez
 
 
My name is Maria Del Pilar Perez Perez,  Perez, a last name I am proud to carry as it speaks of who I am. I am the daughter of Rafael Perez...Papi. For almost 39 years of my life that is one thing I was certain of.  I am his daughter.  I am a Perez... accent on the first e.
 
He was the smartest man I knew and he was sometimes the saddest man I knew.  He was the
funniest person I knew and he was the deepest person I knew. He was gentle with his eyes and his smile. He was wise in his soul. He made the world a better place. He made me feel safe.
 
When I was a child living in Syracuse, there was a criminal on the loose and I was afraid.  He sat next to me on the bed in my brothers room, to where I often escaped, and spoke to me about Jesus. He told me Jesus was with me and that HE would keep me safe. He took off his gold necklace with a cross and set it on my bedpost as a reminder of Jesus' presence with me.  I felt safe. I slept until the next day without fear and knew that I would be ok.
 
When the twin towers were destroyed in 2001, I sat in his living room with him as again I felt fear,
and he said, "Nothing is going to happen to us, Buffalo is the best place to live.  We are safe."  And I believed him. And I felt safe. When I had my first child, Alejandro "Gabo", he told me that he could see in my face how much I loved being a mother. He told me how much he loved being a grandfather.  He said he could just stare at Alejandro and watch him like TV.  I felt loved and knew that he loved me.  He would also get a kick out of saying, "Depi carries the babies for 9 months and the they come out looking like Lito."  He thought that was pretty funny.
 
He was very particular about how things should be done and would sometimes make us nuts... Toilet paper goes OVER not UNDER. You never leave a wet sponge or wet cloth in the sink. The toothpaste is to be squeezed evenly from the bottom up. You do not EVER drip water on the dry floor, guys never sit at the table without a shirt on.  Don't ask him for a ride last minute because he had his day planned out y el no "vive a lo loco!" Don't leave the mop in the bucket, huh mami, "Nivian esta sancochando el mapo otra vez," he would yell out! If we misbehaved when we were young it was pay day, "Nivian, Lito quiere cobrar!"  Mami was in charge of payroll... if you know what I mean.  And dont, but I mean dont forget to take the garbage out... beacuse you WILL find it on your bed.  Huh Lito?
 
He was an educated man and had the same expectations of us.  He was an honest critic.  You can get a C asleep in the class he would say and if I wrote an essay and he thought I could do better, he would be honest but gentle, "Its good but you can do better," he would say.  And when it was my best, I knew it was, because he carried it in his wallet and shared the essay proudly with his friends. He loved learning and growing as a human being and would share books and medical information with me if I was sick.  I wanted to be a lawyer so he gave me the book Black Like Me to read and I decided not to study law after I read it.  I got sick with mono and he researched the sickness at the library and  put a copy of the information on my bed.  He taught me to always carry an extra pad, because if I didnt need it somebody else may.
 
His children were his life and then his grandchildren were added to that list too.  A week before he passed, he told me that he was not afraid to die because he had lived a full life. He also told me that if anybody ever hurt his grandchildren, he would go to jail and that it would be ok because he had lived a full life.  He wanted Lito and Eva to get married, check and Happy Anniversary today. He knew Vicky would be ok and that she could take care of herself, she proved him right. To me he said, "you are my conscious,"  and that everytime he was going to do something he would ask himself, "what would Depi say?"  And then there was Victor, "Victor is the only one that worries me," he would say with tears in his eyes.  Papi, as you already know Victor is doing great! 
 
Life has had many ups and downs for me since he left this earth.  I have experienced anxiety and
depression and have missed him deeply.  I remember the first time I had a panic attack, Papi was
still alive and he came to my office with verdura and bacalao.  He told me that mami had made it for him but he brought it to me.  His way of saying I love you, I am here for you because as he always said love is action.
 
As papi aged he became frail and his past would make him sad, he missed knowing a father, he
missed the love of a mother, he missed his son in heaven, he struggle with sickness and pain. He was tired.  But in spite of it all he never lost his sense of humor.  I remember telling him once as he shared his physical pains with me, "Ay papi ya tu estas como un Cadillac viejo!" and he looked at me with a smile and said, "Pero todavia soy un Cadillac!"
 
Papi not only loved Cadillacs but he also loved sports and was great at them too but he always wanted to be taller.  He called Rolando su hijo alto.  Recently I had a dream in which Papi was ill and I was telling him it was ok to go. In my dream we were on a basketball court and when I told him he could go, Papi grew taller as he entered the doorway to heaven.  As he entered heaven everybody on earth clapped and everybody in heaven clapped too.  It was a celebration! And... he finally was tall! My 5'5 father was over 6 feet tall!
 
I would like to end by reading a quote by Viktor Frankl, "Life is never made unbearable by
circumstances but only by lack of meaning and purpose."
  
Today as we honor this TALL man that has taught so many of us how to live with meaning and
purpose, Rafael Perez, Papi, Papa, Abuelo, Pa, God Papa, Don Rafa. We are reminded of the
importance of family. We are reminded of a man that long to give his children that which he never
had...  a father. We are reminded of a grandfather who would delight in the legacy of his grand babies. We are reminded of a kind friend.  We are offered hope for we can choose to excel beyond the mediocrity of a painful upbringing. And we are reminded to celebrate life no matter how old your Cadillac may be, because after all todavia eres un Cadillac!
 
May your life be blessed with meaning and purpose. Thank you.
 
 
 
 
 

 
 

 

8-10-12

"Ultimately mourning means facing what wounds us in in the presence of One who can heal."     Henry Nouwen
 
 
Does labeling/diagnosing our pain deny the reality of that which has caused us pain in the first place?  Does the victimizer become victorious in the labeling? Does the labeling deny his/her responsability? 
 
Let us acknowledge the pain and seek healing for and through one another rather than label and deny the reality of its consequences.
 
"Pain undealt with can become a disorder," I read last week.
 
Numbing the pain is so much easier than dealing with it.
 
Dealing with the pain entails being willing to re-experience the pain; to dwell with and within it; to stare and confront it; to do battle with it until we are set free!
 
And although we know this to be the best choice. We also know this to be the difficult choice.
 
Oh Lord walk with us as we seek to be made whole.

 

10-23-11

 
"All of my needs are faithfully supplied by my Creator God."
 
 
The last two weeks have been challenging.  For the first time ever we had our heat shut off.  Our 2 year-old leased car did not pass inspection and we were expected to buy new tires in order for the car to pass. Our checking account went into negative and we did not have any money left for food. And once we got the heat back on, the hot water tank broke and needed to be replaced.  Of course, things happen... this is not the difficult part.  The difficult part was that we did not have the money required to meet these challenges. And to add to the challenge, we did not qualify to have the tank financed.  Needless to say, we were overwhelmed. I found myself resorting to compulsive snacking for comfort.  I did work out and found great relaxation in the same.  I realize that exercising is therapautic and has been used in clinical trials successfully to treat anxiety and depression.  I could truly feel its benefits during this time.  I also was reminded of  Emmet Fox's teaching in the pamphlet "The Golden Key" which emphasizes looking at God rather than the problem(s) and speaking HIS attributes.  I kept on reminding myself that God supplies all of my needs.  I also had a moment when I was in my living room and I looked at the cross on the wall and prayed in utter desperation about our situation and supplicated for divine intervention.  I was truly at a point of need.  Something had to give... we were struggling.
 
 I know there have been times when we have all felt like this.  Times that we feel alone and feel that our circumstances are unfair and do not honor our efforts to be true to ourselves and others.  Let me share with you, "God does supply all of our needs and give us a peace that surpasses all understanding."   While I was in bed one evening, I had the idea to call the president of a plumbing company that I had worked with in the past and ask if he could replace the hot water tank and send us the invoice.  (My husband had requested a loan from his pension to catch up with bills and we could pay for the tank with this money.)  The following morning came and I mustered up the courage to call the president of the plumbing company.  I got his voice mail and left a message.  In less than an hour, the president called back and said that they could absolutely install the tank for us.  I was speechless.  A wave of gratitude come over my body and I started crying. I said thank you and told him that he was the light at the end of the tunnel. I also told him that we had children and that when you have children you would do anything for them.  He told me that he understood and that he had 4 children.  He sent his plumber to pick me up at my office and had him drive me home to assess the hot water tank.  The plumber indicated that he had a hot water tank in storage and that if it fit, it was FREE.  Guess what? It fit!  The plumber also indicated that he doubted the president would bill us for the labor.  I was humbled.  My brother loaned us the money that we needed for the checking account and food.  I was grateful.  A friend showed up with food.  I was in awe.  Another friend offered to help us with the car.  I was moved.  I got called to substitute at a school and my boss offered me extra hours for the following week.  And... on Saturday the pension loan check came in...  I was so relieved and drained from it all that I went to sleep. I could not believe how tired I was.  I slept and slept.  Sometimes we just dont realize all of the enery we are expending during these times of challenge.  It was important for me to be honest with myself and listen to my body's signal(s) for rest for I know that rest is restorative and healing.  This week I had experienced a rollercoaster of emotions and I needed to replenish my energy. 
 
 I write this to remind you that you are not alone.  To remind you that we are in the struggle together and that there is a God that is in charge of ALL divine intervention.  When we are at the end of our rope... he carries us until we can walk again.  You too will get through your challenges.  Every challenge can be an opportunity for growth and truly a time to marvel at God's faithfulness.  Dont give-up my friend.  Do your part:  pray, exercise, rest and eat well.  If you make a compulsive decision because of the stress, forgive yourself, change the behavior and move on.  And REMEMBER to expect a miracle for God truly does supply all of our needs.   
 
 

 

10-11-11

Since they could not get him to Jesus because of the crowd, they made an opening in the roof above Jesus and, after digging through it, lowered the mat the paralyzed man was lying on.              Mark 2:4

 

The passage goes on to explain that once this man was lowered before Jesus, he was healed and able to walk.  I was thinking that we too have the choice to assist others in their healing or contribute to their inability to walk, to move on in life.  We can help others with our love or deter them on their healing journey with our judgement. I believe that we are all paralyzed in one way or another rather it be food, drugs, low self esteem or a need to please others.  As friends and family, the love that we are called to is a love that carries the sick to a place where healing awaits.  A love that invites people to healing without judgement or expectation.    A love that is not afraid of the barriers encountered along the path of healing -- sometimes carrying, sometimes being carried.  But ultimately, together on the journey.  What a beautiful concept;  to carry and be carried,  to heal and be healed, to love and be loved!  A love relationship created by God for us human beings to bask in!  This healing truth of a God that does not abandon us, continiously awaits us and that manifests himself through us is the most magnificent of discoveries! 

In writing these thoughts I was reminded of the many times that I have been carried by friends and family.  Thoughts of a mother praying a rosary for her daughter's healing of a husband holding her as she trembles with panic for no apparent reason, of a son's embrace, a brother's prayer, a friend's presence, a cousin's concern and a sister's patient listening, stir my soul and I am grateful.  I have been carried and lowered before the presence of unconditional love and  I have been healed.

Today commit to being the friend that IS GOD'S LOVE. 

                                                              

10-3-11  Last year I had what is known as a "nervous breakdown."  I found myself stripped of my common sense ... stripped of my ability to process my thoughts logically.  I was completely controlled by fear and by an inability to face reality. The panic I experienced was incapacitating.    My past losses had finally caught up with me.  I could no longer hide from the pain that I had stored in my being for all these years.  All it took was a feeling of apparent illness, pain or loss that reminded me of my father or brother and the trauma was triggered as if I was still in midst of it.  This was the second time I experienced anxiety in such a paralyzing manner.  I decided that it was time to attack this anxiety aggresively and I did so.  I started going to a counsellor, psychiatrist, massage therapist,chiroprator, Reike Master, Natural health doctors, trauma specialist, as well as attend church, pray and read.  And after all this work, today I can honestly say that I'm in a much better place.  I have my good days and some not so good days... but they are mostly good now.  And when the days are not so good and I feel a little low, I try to understand where the feelings are coming from.  I deal with my feelings and thoughts in a much more productive manner and am able to move on quicker.  I now have a greater understanding and ability to deal with my pain.  There are days that I need to be reminded that "this too shall pass" and there are days when I hold others in the midst of their pain.  My journey to wholeness has been difficult. It has been long and ardous. It has been painful and joyous. It has been loving and lonely. But it has been mine and today I choose to share it with you in the hopes that you too will begin your journey to wholeness and experience healing in all areas of your life. 

To a new life surrounded by love and joy! To a life where dreams come true and peace inundates your soul!

 

 9-27-11                        Oh dear God come soothe my soul

                                      Grant that I may know thy love divine

                                      That I may hold thy faithful hand

                                      That I may trust thy perfect plan. 

My father died about five years ago and while I Ioved my father in a way that can only be described as unconditional, I came face to face with his brokenness in the last few years of his life.  My father struggled with addiction.  He was an intelligent, compassionate and athletic human being that when faced with his past caved in--his wounds ran so deep.  He was an abused and abandoned child adopted by an alcoholic.  He served in the military and married when he finished active duty.  While married he worked three jobs and completed a BA in Communications.  He lost a son to a drunk driver, survived prostate cancer, had 2 heart attacks as well as quadruple bypass surgery and died sitting in his car reading a book.  To be in his presence was to experience wisdom and intelligence.  He was loved for being  a counselor and peacemaker.  Recognized in the community for being a leader and loved by all who knew him.  And even though he was admired and loved by so many... he didn't know how to love himself. He was never able in life to let go of all of the pain that had transformed his innocence.  As his daughter, watching his demise is one of the most difficult experiences that I have ever had.  His death felt like defeat.  It was not until recently that I learned to accept his death and thank him for with his death he saved my brother who was also going down the path of drugs.  And I know that if my father thought that by dying he would save his son he would have lovingly done so. So you see things aren't always as they seem.  What seemed like defeat to me was my father's ultimate victory.

                                             At present  we see indistinctly, as in a mirror,

                                             but then face to face.  At present I  know  partially:

                                             then I shall know fullly, as I am fully known.  

                                                                                       First Corinthians 13:12

 

  9-22-11     Today my baby brother, Oscar Roberto, would have been 41! My baby brother died when I was 11 years old -- he was almost 8. He was in a car that was hit by a drunk driver. My entire family; mother, father and two brothers were in that accident. I had gone to spend the night with a family friend. I can still remember vividly what I was doing the day we received the call. Marcia and I had gone to the laundrymat to wash her clothes and afterwards she took me to Baskin Robbins -- I ordered the bubblegum ice cream . We were having so much fun! It wasn't until we got back to her apartment that we received the call that my family had been in a car accident. I remember feeling terrified and hiding in the bedroom closet. I feared losing my family and felt inconsolable. This experience left me with a fear of loss as well as a fear of enjoyment. To this day, I have not had the bubblegum ice cream. I have dealt with this experience intensely in therapy. The fear of loss used to be immobilizing but those days are over! I am confident that the day that I will try bubblegum ice cream again is near. It does get better! It has for me... it will for you too!

Happy birthday baby brother! Miss you! XOXO

 

9-1-11    While driving to work today, I started thinking about when Peter denied Christ (Mark 14:66-72). I could understand Peter's fear. Fear of losing his life, of dying. He made the temporary choice to abandon what he held as a transforming truth. He made the temporary decision to deny the love that he had known for fear of the unknown. Can't you relate? Fear can be immobilizing stripping even the strongest of his power, of his beliefs. However, ultimatley he chose the truth and overcame his fear. Peter made the choice to honor himself and what he had experienced as truth though Christ. I understand the difficulty in such a choice during Peter's time and understand the diificulty of this choice during our time. What holds you back from being who you really are? What are you hiding from? Why are you afraid to live your truth? Examine your heart and realize that your choices reveal who you really are.
I wrote this today precisely because I was thinking about how difficult it is sometimes to honor who we really are. I know for me, my truth gets trapped in trying to please people and wanting to be accepted, liked by all. When I allow myself to fall into this trap of people pleasing I can feel the anxiety of fear, of insecurity imprisoning me. However , when I choose God's truth, the truth of love, I am free to soar beyond even my own expectations. This has been a real struggle for me but I am becoming more of my truth and less of "others" truths.
Honor your truth! YOU are a gift!
 
 
8-17-11    Sometimes in our attempt to obtain answers we rush the process unnecessarily. As if our desire for control could create a butterfly out of a caterpillar... in our time! I was reminded of this recently when my mother was in the hospital and I wanted answers NOW! I could feel the anxiety building in my body and the desire to have answers was greater than my desire to trust. However, I had my awakening when I was reading the gospel of John in the BIble and came upon the story of the wedding at Cana where Jesus' mother, Mary, approached him and informed him that they were out of wine and Jesus instead of scrambling and losing his cool under the demands of the culture and appearances, informed his mother that "his time had not yet come." How many times do we attempt to exert control over a situation and end up like a dog chasing its tail. I am reminded yet again to trust the process. To trust THE HAND of THE UNSEEN and listen to THE VOICE of THE UNSPOKEN. Jesus ultimately did provide the wine for the wedding celebration... when it was time.
Blessings my friends and remember to trust the process.
 
 
8-16-11 Sometimes I think that if I share my struggle I will be percieved as weak and will lose the respect of my peers and of those that I respect and love. I ask myself if it is really possible to live in a constant state of bliss undisturbed by life's surprises. Surprises that can cause us to tremble at the core of our being because of the fear and pain that are awakened. I am reminded of the experience of Christ as he prayed to God the Father asking for the cup of pain to pass him and when he was on the cross and cried out to God the Father asking why he had abandoned him.
So, you see we really should not be concerned with the perception of others but realize that part of this human experience may lead us to times in which we would rather "pass on the cup" as well as times when we will feel alone and abandoned and that is ok. I believe what is important here is that inspite of the unexpected surprises that come our way, we realize that we are not alone in the struggle. This journey can be joyful and yet the reality of pain exists.
May we continue to share our journey inspiring ourselves and others with our discoveries of love, joy, hope and peace.
We are not alone-- choose to remind yourself and those you love of this truth.
Peace and love my friends.
 
 
8-14-11 YOU are love... Your source is love... your purpose is love.
Love is the greatest healing agent available to us and yet we still fall short from realizing its transforming power..
Choose love and experience God's healing in your life and that of your loved ones.

7-5-11 Something I wrote years ago after I had a miscarriage:
"Life is difficult," as the renown author of The Road Less Traveled, Scott Peck, asserts in the opening line of his book. Life does not discriminate, isolate or shield anyone from pain. We are not victims of a selected target nor are we part of a random plan of extermination. We are merely passengers of life that will ineveitably laugh, rejoice, cry and grieve. With a new year beginning, my message to you is to choose to become an agent of love, forgiveness, joy and faith. Choose the "road less traveled"and become a source of healing peace. Offer solace to others through your smile, time and care. We are what we give and offer more than what we receive and obtain. May your love for yourself and others become a predictable factor in the midst of this unpredictable yet wonderful life. Have a happy and blessed new year.
 
 
7-5-11    Just wanted to let you know that when I write I come from a student's perspective. I am on this journey as a team member and I love learning from you as well as sharing my experiences. It brings a smile to my face and joy to my heart knowing that my experiences/words have touched your life.
It is my hope that together as we engage on this journey of life, we can hold eachothers hands and learn from one another sometimes leading, sometimes following but always together.
God bless you. Love you. Have a blessed day!
 
 
7-3-11 "We enter this life with a perfect blueprint of ourselves, who we are and what we are here to do, but the negative effects of what we experience, think and feel gradually conceal our true personality. This, in turn, leads to ill health."
We come into this world with certain soul qualities that manifest as our core personality traits, and
these characteristics are as innate to each one of us as are our skin tone, eye and hair color, or body shape and height. Yet just as modern technology can change our external appearance with tanning lotions, hair dye, colored contact lenses and elevated shoes, so, too, can our life experiences alter our inner profile. Within the first seven years of life there is intensive ‘fine-tuning’ of the core personality. However, the immediate and subsequent experiences throughout life, whether pleasurable or traumatic, can intensify or undermine its veracity. As babies, we bond with our parents and care givers, and from these encounters we develop our first understanding of a relationship with another human being. Next, our siblings become significant to us and, as we grow, we form further relationships with friends and, eventually, with partners and our own children.
During this process of relating to others, their responses to us greatly influence how we feel about ourselves and our life in general. If the love and friendship we offer is rejected, ignored, or abused, with the passage of time we build layer upon layer of protection around our emotional pain. In turn, these layers begin to mold, change, or hide the true core character. This action displays differently in each of us, depending on our type of personality. For example, we may present a brave and happy face to the world, determined never to allow others to see the totally shattered self-image that lies painfully within. Or perhaps the love we once offered has now been transformed into hatred, resentment, or intolerance of other people. Throughout our physical existence we also nurture and cherish certain desires and ambitions within our professional and personal lives. Here, too, the negative layering and molding effect on the core personality will inevitably take place when the outcome is failure rather than achievement. Dr. Bach recognized how importantly this effect relates to the treatment of dis-ease. If the core personality becomes hidden or is being expressed inappropriately, what he called a “negative soul state” exists and this disharmony leads to sickness. Therefore, in order to discover and reclaim the positive soul state/wellness, the layering process must be reversed. Then, as with an onion, each separate layer and what caused its formation can, in turn, be exposed, understood and, if necessary, treated and healed; and, ultimately, the true core personality will become evident and flourish. The doctor also knew that by ‘peeling the onion’ positive learning takes place. By recognizing and understanding what has created negative feelings and attitudes, we gain a valuable life lesson so that any future difficulties will be handled in a more positive manner.
Webb-De Sisto, Marion (2009). TURNING TO NATURE: The Healing Flower Remedies Created by Dr. Edward Bach (Kindle Locations 149-152). BookLocker.com, Inc.. Kindle Edition.
 
 
6-29-11 Today marks a new beginning...
Today I will care for my mind, and lovingly embrace my inner child as she calls out to me in fear.
I will reassure her that all is well and that she is safe.
Today I will care for my soul and reverently give thanks to God the creator for all things bestowed upon me.
Today I will nourish my body by attending to its nutritional needs. I will care for my body, my temple, and exert it with movement and joy.
Today my mind, body and soul become one!
 
 
6-27-11 After I gave birth to my beautiful son in 1997, I had two consecutive miscarriages. Because of these miscarriages, I was referred to a fertility specialist. I became preganant within 4 months of treatment. Needless to say, I was extremely nervous about this pregnancy. I was following doctors orders but I was still very aware of how delicate pregnancy could be. I had also been told that I had two fibroids in my uterus which added to my anxiety. One night as I was sleeping, my baby brother Oscar, who had died when I was 11 years old, came to me in a dream. He appeared from afar as an angel in the sky with a white robe and wings and slowly got closer to the baby's nursery until he reached the window. When he reached the window he looked in and smiled. I immediately felt a sense of peace. I felt that he had reassured me that this baby would be ok. During this pregnancy, I bled as I had with the other two that I lost and even though the doctor thought I would lose this baby I did not and my baby boy was born on May 28, 2001.
My little brother Oscar told me so and he was right!
When experience defies reason, hope births a miracle!
 
 
6-24-11    Woke up today! Got another chance at this great gift of life! May I live it fully, gracefully and mindfully aware of my surroundings and of those in need of a gentle touch, smile or loving word.
Have a great weekend! May the pursuit and fulfillment of your life's purpose make the world a better place to live in!
Blessings!
 
 
6-21-11 All the "funny things" we do for love only to to find out that the love we have been searching for lies within ourselves. The love we so deeply long for can only be found by turning inward and realizing that the source of this love has dwealt within us all along.
One day as I spoke on the phone with my mother and was sharing a situation that I was struggling with, my 9 year-old son overheard our conversation, he hugged me and said, "Mami do you know what your problem is? You need to learn to love yourself and say to others this is who I am, deal with it."
The wise words of a child brought my focus back to the importance of loving myself. He brought my attention back to that source of love dwelling within me. A place where God dwells eternally and invites me to experience unconditional love and in return share that love with others.
Today choose to celebrate God's creation... God's creation that is YOU!
 
 
6-18-11 The more balanced I become,
the more free I become
to give and receive love.
 
 
6-15-11 Everyday we are offered the opportunity to forgive, and embrace one another.
Everyday we are offered the opportunity to heal our pain and that of others.
Everyday we are offered the opportunity to be a recipient and donor of unconditional love.
Maria Perez-Gomez
 
 
6-10-11     My father's death marked "my journey" in a way I could never have imagined. You see, I was a daddy's girl and the world was a better place because he was in it. Losing him, felt like a pain that I would never recover from. My father was a wounded man and yet he was so complete to me. He suffered a traumatic childhood and adulthood as well. The following is something I wrote last year while thinking about him as well as about myself:
And so it came to pass that the little girl's father had a broken heart...broken in so many pieces. So many that she knew not how to put it back together again. She long to fix him and did not tire in trying. She cried out to God for help, "how can I put his heart back together again? His hurt is deep. His longings are great. I know not how to fix him." She tried and tried and cried and cried. And then it happened, her father died. And in desperate loneliness her story begins with another broken heart except this time not his.
I share this writing with you to encourage you and let you know that it does get better. There were days that I could not see the "light at the end of the tunnel." There were days that I did not want to get out of bed. And there were days that I felt like I was dying because of how much I missed him. But, it does get better. Joy does return. Laughter does return. And dancing does return! And while I could not fix his heart in life, I am confident that he has been made whole in death.
YOU CHANGED MY MOURNING INTO DANCING;
Psalm 30:12
 
 
6-9-11     A Poem I wrote recently in thinking about my journey to wholeness:
Made Whole
And so could it be that this child of God made in his image and perfection became so wounded?
Wounds created by the imposition of another's pain and brokenness.
Your woundedness touches mine and together we are made whole.
I seek Ye oh Lord that I may be restored to Thy HOLY CREATION.
Thy love has touched my woundedness... and I AM WHOLE.

6- 8-11    Recently after we arrived home from a family gathering my eldest son shared  with me that he had a sore throat. I decided that this would be a great opportunity to explore the mind body connection.  I asked my son if there was something bothering him that he needed to talk about.  He shared that he felt very frustrated because while at the gathering, many family members asked that he watch their children as well as do chores while "the other teenagers hung out."   I explained to him that it was ok to say no respectfully if he was feeling overwhelmed by the number of requests.  I also told him that he could let me know as well and I could excuse him if he did not feel comfortable saying no to an adult as I realized that it could be perceived as disrespectful. Later, after we spoke, I asked him if his throat still hurt and he said no.  My suspicion was correct... My son felt like he had no voice regarding the situation however, once he was able to give voice to his frustrations and felt that he was heard, his sore throat was gone.  The mind and body connection... amazing!

 

 

Please share your journey,comments or questions at Pillarlifecoach@gmail.com

 

 

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 

 


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