Talking Antarctic

(This was before the days of Rap!)

I was talking to myself just strolling down the street

Bumped into this feller who knocked me off my feet

Picked myself up, thought I'd break his jaw

When he says: "You're the guy I'm looking for."

I smelt trouble

Should have hit him anyway.

He says "I'm sure you've had enough

Of rents, bills, taxes, that kind of stuff

Say I'll give you a ticket son, right away

For a two year vacation at Halley Bay."

Never heard of the place:

Thought it must be a new holiday camp… near Blackpool or somewhere.

So I signed my name at the foot of this screed

Of heretofores and aforementioneds I didn't bother to read

Then I asked how I get to this camp affair

And he said you sail from Southampton pier

Boy, was I worried:

Since when did you take a boat to get to Blackpool

Well I shook rigid, went down like a brick,

When he told me I was heading for he Antarctic,

Knew I'd made a mistake and tried to retreat

But he said, "Don't worry, you've joined the elite",

I said, "If your the elite, I'm a monkeys uncle!"

Gave me a handful of peanuts…    

Took a twelve week jolly on the little red ship,

Then the boss says, "Here ends your holiday trip."

He gave me a shovel and he showed me the snow,

And he says, "Start digging, you've two years to go!"

Back ache, cold fingers, 

And the draft up the loo would scare a brass monkey!

Then I thought back to last July,

Should have thumped that feller right in the eye,

For there's no way to show repentance

To alleviate this two year sentence;

I learned my lesson though:

Guess I'll learn to read the small print in future…   Or buy an atlas.