(This was before the days of Rap!)
I was talking to myself just strolling down the street
Bumped into this feller who knocked me off my feet
Picked myself up, thought I'd break his jaw
When he says: "You're the guy I'm looking for."
I smelt trouble
Should have hit him anyway.
He says "I'm sure you've had enough
Of rents, bills, taxes, that kind of stuff
Say I'll give you a ticket son, right away
For a two year vacation at Halley Bay."
Never heard of the place:
Thought it must be a new holiday camp… near Blackpool or somewhere.
So I signed my name at the foot of this screed
Of heretofores and aforementioneds I didn't bother to read
Then I asked how I get to this camp affair
And he said you sail from Southampton pier
Boy, was I worried:
Since when did you take a boat to get to Blackpool
Well I shook rigid, went down like a brick,
When he told me I was heading for he Antarctic,
Knew I'd made a mistake and tried to retreat
But he said, "Don't worry, you've joined the elite",
I said, "If your the elite, I'm a monkeys uncle!"
Gave me a handful of peanuts…
Took a twelve week jolly on the little red ship,
Then the boss says, "Here ends your holiday trip."
He gave me a shovel and he showed me the snow,
And he says, "Start digging, you've two years to go!"
Back ache, cold fingers,
And the draft up the loo would scare a brass monkey!
Then I thought back to last July,
Should have thumped that feller right in the eye,
For there's no way to show repentance
To alleviate this two year sentence;
I learned my lesson though:
Guess I'll learn to read the small print in future… Or buy an atlas.