What am I?

At its simplest, I am one of the entities in the Universe. One among the innumerable others that exist at this moment. I am made up entirely of Unis, those smallest particles of energy-matter at the base of everything in the Universe These Unis are fixed into definite patterns of interactions that constitute larger and larger structures, all the way up to being Me. The particles form atomic constituents, that then combine into atoms, elements, molecules, proteins and other cellular constituents, cells, organs, and eventually the full individual structure that is Me. The structural complexity grows as we move up the chain.

All complex structures in the Universe are similarly made up of simpler structures of patterned Unis, be they stars, water, rocks or birds. How that diversity has come about is the story of the natural unfolding of the Universe.

I am composed of atoms just like stars are and I am composed of molecules just like water is. I am different from both by my complexity. I am patterned with many more elements than the two that water has and my interactions (internal and external) are much more patterned than those of a bird.

In sum, I am a complex structure comprising many simpler structures that interact amongst themselves and I as a whole interact with other structures that surround me in the Universe. In fact, the Universe as a whole is a single vast structure patterned so as to operate in a coordinated way (what we call its Logos).

When am I?

I am Now, right now and just now. I existed in the past (in my life) and will exist for a while in the future. But it is only now that I exist, in this present moment. When I think of my past, I am thinking of it now in the present. I am making use of my present memories of the past. The past is gone forever. A similar pattern applies to thoughts about the future: they are not memories, but rather imaginings about future possibilities.

This is not special to me. All humans have similar thought patterns regarding the past and the future. All think these thoughts in the present moment. Simpler living entities (cells, plants, etc.) have not developed brains with which to store memories or imagine a future. They have no notion of time at all, they have no notions of anything. They live fully in the present. As for rocks and stars, etc., they don't even live. They just exist, in the present moment.

The entire Universe just exists Now. Its past, its unfolding and its future are all imaginings of thinking entities. The Universe itself has no brain.

Where am I?

Similar to time, which exists only in the Now, space exists only in the Here. When I see the moon at night and think of how far away it is, all that is in my mind. My perception of the moon and my estimation that it is very far away are both mind events which take place in the neuronal networks of my brain. It all happens here in Me. The ‘over there’, way far away in the dark sky is an extrapolation made by my mind. All distances are such extrapolations made within a cognitive structure that calculates where things are in relation to one another.

This does not imply that the world is merely thought up by the mind. It does mean, though, that our perception of the world is a mind thought. As I scan the night sky, my brain registers a light and I deduce that that light is an object out there in the sky, a big object that we call our moon. If I am science-savvy, I might recall that it is such and such a distance from earth, that it is illuminated by the sun, that it revolves around the earth, and so on.

All thoughts of ‘over there in that direction’ are made here, Here in my mind. That applies to the moon and to the truck that I see parked across the street in front of the house. It applies to everything I perceive. Cells and other simpler life forms have more limited senses with which to ‘feel’ the external world, and certainly no brain to deduce anything akin to distance. As for rocks and stars (and our universe), they are totally clueless.

In sum, all entities in the Universe, including ourselves, exist in the Here and Now. What we think of as the There and Then are construals of the mind. All just exists Here and Now, including our very active minds.

Who am I?

This is a question of identity. I am made up of simpler entities and exist in a not so obvious world. I am an entity structured with various parts and systems, a body and a mind, in a particular context of imagined time and space. Like all entities, I am made up of Unis and I am similar to all entities in that respect. But there are many differences as well.

I am different from water, I am different from trees. I am similar in some respects and different in other respects. Bothe the tree and I are alive, but I have no leaves to shed, come the Fall. I am more similar to birds (we both eat and digest our food) but still different (I cannot fly).

Identity is about how similar and different we are. I am similar to other people (same general body parts) but yet different too (what memories I have). I identify myself as a person, a member of the human race. I also identify myself as an individual, someone with a unique name, with a personal history and a particular social insertion.

Who I am is thus mostly a cultural affair. There is some biology at work (the color of my eyes is different from my brother’s), but it is mainly our life trajectories that have fashioned our differences.

I am what I eat, I am what I read, I am who I associate with, and so on. It is mainly a matter of mind and how that mind is inserted in the larger community of minds with which I am in contact.

All the events of my lifeline and all their distinguishing particularities are part and parcel of the Universe. There is no metaphysical self that partakes of some imagined celestial Universe beyond our own. Such a belief is alas hubris (of which many are fond).

So what am I doing here?

Why am I here?

There is no reason for which I am here, no destiny that awaits me, no state of being to reach beyond my human existence. Nor is there need to despair about it all!

I am an entity amongst the billions of entities within the Universe. I am a complicated structure built up of many levels of underlying entities, one that interfaces with all kinds of other structures around me, from air and water, to animals and people, to social settings and institutions. Like all else, I exist in the Now and in the Here.

Unlike most entities but like my fellow humans, one part of me is a sentient and thinking brain, which provides me with a construed past and future. Indeed, I spend a lot of time there, in my memories, in what I have learned, in my judgments and feelings, in my plans for the future and my hopes. Unlike most entities, who are driven pretty much by external circumstances, my thinking brain uses all its mental skills to affront the world and seek to better my situation.

My brain has pleasure and pain centers that come into play in response to my situation both external and internal. My mind then determines what I should do to either enjoy the pleasure or seek to eliminate the pain. Action follows. It is all fairly straightforward and wired into most advanced life forms.

Thus, my life purpose as a human is to enjoy life while avoiding as much pain as possible. Ah, but what a tricky question that is! How to balance everything in my life for optimal performance? If I overindulge in good food and wine, I will suffer from health problems. If I break social sexual rules, I will suffer in my human relationships. If I become too much of an egoist, I will be shunned by others. Finding a proper balance is often not a simple matter.

I am not here on this earth for any special purpose. I am just an animal with needs, urges, and instincts, even though I craft a whole mental enterprise that seems to give me a more lofty purpose in life. In the end, like all else, after coming into existence some time ago, I will disaggregate and disappear from existence. That is part of being.

We must be careful with the use of the term ‘I’ and the tendency to think of being in charge. There is no homunculus sitting in my brain, taking in the world and deciding what to do. No soul, nor even a psychological faculty that decides things. It is the brain as a whole that perceives and thinks through how best to respond. The term ‘I’ is used for convenience, nothing more.

This is not to say that the self (the ‘I’) does not exist. Merely that it is not what we often think it is, namely an independent agent within the mind that decides things. Self can be thought of in many ways. It is a combination of body and mind, but also our essential relationships with the environment (air and water, etc., necessary for our existence) and also our cultural insertion and human relations (our upbringing, values, aspirations, etc.). No one is an island, as the saying goes. Where we place the moveable boundaries of self is the art of selfing.

In the end, I am a very small part of the Universe, although one with great complexity. I am integral to the Universe and exist in the Here and Now. Like the Universe itself, I am just the way I am. That is how it is!

Living

What am I doing here? An interesting question!

I will have spent close to 80 years alive within my world and wonder what that was all about.

All about nothing much of course. But what is that nothingness?

On the grand scale of the U, it's nothing.

On my scale though, it's a flush of emotions and thoughts, relations and impacts.

On the scale of my cells, just a quick pass through their own lives.

As for their own fundamental components, again we return to nothing.

Since childhood, I have been inducted into society and trained into personhood.

I have been led to grow an inner Self that has become the nexus for my being.

It captures my past, my values and dignity, my ambitions and meaning of life.

But also my cocoon separate from the rest, adapted to my ego.

In all this, I am no different than others, a simple human animal.

I am embedded in the world via both awareness and agency.

These are filtered through my mental model of the world.

My being is acted upon and itself acts as it partakes of the ever present jostling.

The biological goal of living is to avoid pain and relax while enjoying life.

The Self-based goal of living is to achieve a state that makes that possible.

The Buddhist goal is the state of enlightenment, living beyond the Self.

The enlightened state is living without a goal, simply accepting the Universe as is.

My reflective mind distances me from my outer-self, reifying its entities.

Focusing itself on my very inner-self, capitalizing my Ego.

The model of Self I construe is turned inwards, orienting my reality.

Just like mind, Self is a process entity not a material one.

It is a process embedded in the larger processes encompassing it.

All acting within the universal Process.

My mind enables me to watch myself living.

And to wonder. At times offering up insights.

That's just how it is.

And Dying

We are consumed with living (aren't we, now?), arranging our entire thoughts on doing well, either in our initial life or in an enlightened one. All to the biological and cultural imperatives of being or becoming happy and serene.

So what about dying?

Dying is an inexorable process, part of the rejuvenation of the universe. We know there is no avoiding it, despite silly hopes to the contrary.

We tend to focus narrowly on the moment when actual death occurs, when we stop breathing or the heart stops beating. That is death narrowly conceived.

Death starts when things start going wrong, when a terminal cancer begins or dementia takes hold. Death is a slow, generally irreversible process leading up to that final moment when shutdown occurs. Death generally takes place over a certain period of time.

We live death. Nothing special there. Just another process of life within the universe.

Death is a two-edged sword. It permits escape from pain, yet at the cost of disappearing.