Murdoch declares humans “unworthy of reading my newspapers”

Taking his “Shaft the customer, and gimme some more money” strategy one step further,

Chairman Rupert has declared the homo sapiens unworthy of reading anything News Limited puts out.  Instead, “the piratical scum” as the Chairman affectionately terms the dominant mammal of planet earth, will be required to send $1 to himself and his offspring whenever they refer to news or have a news related thought.

The lucky bipedal primates will still be permitted to watch Fox News, as this is considered Lietainement rather than news.  The illustrious one commented, “My company is called News Limited, so even a mention of the ‘N’ word, (“news”) will incur a fee.  By the look of you journalists, a lot of you are having news related thoughts right now.  So let's have the contents of your wallets now!”

Fox News reported that a grateful humanity was showering the great man with cash after the announcement.  Independent observers, however, described the shower as ‘garbage related”.


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