Steve Jobs announced what many had suspected for a long time; Apple
customers were actually worshipping their products. “Many of our
customers say a quick ‘Hail Jobs, blessed be the iPhone’ before bed,
brings them closer to their Macs.”
Apple stores will be renamed
“Temples of the Jobs”, salesmen will be renamed priests of the holy
Mac, and all Apple stores will have life sized statues of Steve Jobs. iWorshippers will be encouraged to leave offerings of cash and precious
metals beside the Jobs statue, much as they have done before. An Apple
priest commented; “Some of our more devout members have encased their
pets in white plastic, and will only marry other iWorshippers. We
discourage this sort of extremism unless we receive 10% of their
income."
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