Letter to the Pope

Kimberlyann DeAngelo


Your Holiness

              Please know the forthcoming
words in this letter are not of judgment
and that I see one in your position
as holding a heavy burden of great
responsibility, especially in these
very uncomfortable, uncertain and
reckless days of a world full of
hungry and thirsty souls. I ask
for your patience and understanding
as you read, and to receive the
concerns I am expressing (on behalf
of many) with an open heart and,
therefore, mind. I truly appreciate
your time.

              I believe in Catholicism
and Jesus' presence in the core
of this faith. I, too, believe if
we are patient, which is the root
to all virtues, and trusting, which
is the key ingredient to patience,
we will remain humble and less
fearful. This will open the hearts
of those looking for a faith to
call “home”. In our reflection
of patience and trust we will
remain more truthful and therefore,
more trustworthy and welcoming.
I am not claiming to be an authority
nor even a perfect Catholic, for
there is much I could learn. However,
I have been feeling Jesus telling
me to write you on these very
important matters. I feel His
sadness, disappointment and anger,
mixed with compassion and understanding.

              I do not love Christ because
I am Catholic. I do not love Christ
because I am a Christian. I do not
even love Christ because He sacrificed
Himself on the cross. For than my
love would not be truly heart felt,
nor from the light of my soul's
understanding. Instead, this would
be a superficial love of superficial
faith―a love that would
only exist in my mind from the
place of “I should love Christ
because that is what a good Christian
does”, or indebtedness that says,
“I should love Christ because He
gave His life for me, for us.”

              I love the Lord because
I truly believe, from a place in
my soul I cannot describe, in who
He said He was. I love Him because
I respect, trust in and understand
His messages of love, of life,
of truth of God within, and of gifting
back to God our gift of free will.
I love, respect and trust Jesus
because He has shown me what
true courage and strength really
mean, how friendship and loyalty
really look and feel, and He has
been my most honest guide
through my greatest leaps and
most difficult lessons all along
my life's journey into the
deepest and highest parts of my
soul. He has shown me this as
our collective purpose here:
to gain access to God and Heaven
within our soul and come to unity
with our Creator while still in our
physical body, through trusting
Him to walk us through self-
knowledge, humility, Grace and
truth that help us to return
to Home. And that those of us
who truly live this individually
help others begin their journey
just by our reflection of Home.

              Christ has shown me that
true faith and love do not try
to promote themselves, nor do they
cling in reaction to fear of
being lost or left. They instead remain
true to their root and continue
to be who they are in the face
of opposition, fear, temptation
and ever changing worldly circumstances.
They see through and beyond
the intrigue of, and unsteadiness
of these things because they
have come to know God, and
in knowing God they know God is
Love and that that Love is steadiness
because God―that Love―does
not change. This is Wisdom that
births anew again and again, century
upon century, even though it does
not change and is often perceived
as “going against the grain”.

              “Jesus' Church is called
Catholic (universal in Greek) because
it is His gift to all people... for
2,000 years the Catholic Church has
carried out this mission, preaching
the good news that Christ died for
all men and that He wants all of
us to be members of His universal
family (Gal.3:28). The church
Jesus founded is apostolic because
He appointed the apostles to be
the first leaders of the church,
and their successors were to
be its future leaders. The
apostles were the first bishops,
and, since the first century,
there has been an unbroken
line of Catholic bishops faithfully
handing on what the apostles taught
the first Christians in Scripture
and oral tradition (2 Tim.2:2)...”

              “Early Christian writings prove
the first Christians were thoroughly
Catholic in belief and practice and
looked to the successors of the apostles
as their leaders. What these first
Christians believed is still believed
by the Catholic Church. No other
church can make that claim...”
“man's ingenuity cannot account for
this. The Church has remained one,
holy, Catholic and apostolic―
not through man's effort, but
because God preserves the Church
He established (Matt. 16:18, 28:20).”

              “The Bible, sacred tradition
and writings of the earliest Christians
testify that the church teaches with
Jesus' authority. In this age of
countless competing religions, each
clamoring for attention, one voice
rises above the din: the Catholic
Church, which the Bible calls “the
pillar and foundation of truth
(1 Tim. 3:15).”

              These excerpts I have taken
from Pillar of Fire Pillar of Truth:
The Catholic Church and God's Plan
for You published and distributed
by Catholic Answers. I received this
booklet and was introduced to the
Catholic Answers organization during
a mass service recently. As I
left church that day I was saddened
and disappointed by their approach.
I know at heart they mean well, but
I walked away praying for them to
realize that they, too, were “clamoring
for attention”, “joining in on the
competition”, and to realize that
if we truly believe “the church
has remained one, holy, Catholic
(universal) and apostolic―
not through man's effort, but
because God preserves the
church He established”, and that
“the Bible, sacred tradition and
the writings of the earliest
Christians testify that the church
teaches with Jesus' authority”―
and wouldn't it be better to say,
“testify that the church shares
what Jesus taught” rather than use
words such as authority―
if we truly believe these claims,
then we need to trust in our
belief and Jesus, to not join in
the clamor and competition that
only reflect fear and doubt
rather than faith. But more so,
we need to reflect upon Jesus'
most important message, “The
Kingdom is within.” For in St. Catherine
of Siena : The Dialogue, the voice
of Infinite Good, Infinite Mercy and
Love gave her these words of Wisdom
to pen... “I call the soul Heaven
because I make Heaven wherever
I dwell.” and “When two or more
are gathered in my name I am in
their midst.” Here, His Majesty was
referring to the properties of one's
own soul, not two or more people.
Properties of the “soul's memory,
understanding and will”. This truly
reflects the universality of God, of
Christ's teaching.

              “Jesus chose the apostles
to be the earthly leaders of the
church. He gave them His own
authority to teach and to govern
―not as dictators, but as
loving pastors and fathers―the
apostles, fulfilling Jesus' will
ordained bishops, priests and deacons
and thus handed on their apostolic
ministry to them―the fullest
degree of ordination to the bishops,
lesser degrees to the priests and
deacons.” Pillar of Fire Pillar of Truth
pg. 7.

              But who decided the roles of priests,
bishops, etc...―this hierarchy―
would be fulfilled only by men
while women would only be
allowed to fill the role of nun?
And why have priests generally
maintained much luxury in
comparison to nuns? Who is to
judge the level of a person's
relationship with, and love for, Christ?
This seems a question those “ruling”
the system of hierarchy and politic
in the Catholic Church have long
been deeming themselves responsible
for, while maintaining a seemingly
elite status for the gender of
male, maintaining a male dominance.
As we look through history women
have been vitally important in
roles of speaking truth to raise
awareness and cleanse the Church
of current hypocracies, roles of vast
charity, and Supernaturally blessed
with the gift of healing. Many
women have been nurturing “Doctors”
of the church―whether given
the title or not.

              As a young 3rd grade student in
a vibrant Catholic school I volunteered
to clean the convent and the rectory. I
first experienced the convent, in
which the nuns shared rooms and
slept on cots. Their minimalist kitchen
was stocked with cans of soup, tuna
fish and cheap cereal and crackers.
They shared one car―a station wagon.
I expected to find similar living
arrangements upon cleaning the rectory.
What I discovered filled me with
disbelief, anger and a deep sense of
something “not being right with the picture”.
The priests each had his own room
with a full or queen sized bed.
They ate in a beautiful dinning room,
expensively furnished, enjoying meals
prepared by the Sisters. They
had a brass keg meister and a kitchen
stocked with beef, vegetables and potatoes.
They each were afforded their own
vehicle. I finished out my commitment
of cleaning for that afternoon, but
told the priest, “I would not
be coming back, for I could not
understand why the convent was
so different.” I informed my
teacher that I would happily continue
to clean for the Sisters, but needed
to decline from service to the rectory.
I told her I could not understand
nor agree with what I saw that day.

              And now, today, due to the
enormous pay-outs to abuse victims
in which the perpetrators were
priests, convents are being shut
down―making Sisters pay
for damage. And this current
discussion over a decision to
change God's name to Allah. Honestly,
we are not in control of God's name.
(Please tell me this is just a rumor gone
amok.) In the Bible it tells us when
Moses asked, “Who?” the response he
received was, “I am that I am.”
The Catholic Church in its state of
fear seems to be behaving as so many
other churches, organizations, etc... of
today. How do you think Jesus would
respond, looking in the eyes of those
of you who are looked to for leadership
and guidance in this faith, who have been
given that respect and privilege?

              As a faith we profess forgiveness
and mercy, and the importance of
humility. Yet as a religion we seem
to promote an unrealistic attitude
of perfectionism of holiness that so
many have told me pushes them
away from Catholicism. For it brings
them to such harsh judgment upon
themselves that leads them to deep
depression and never feeling “good
enough”, so unworthy of Love. The
following is a piece from my
journalings which have been a
vital medium of communication
with Father, Son and Holy Spirit
throughout my profound medical and
spiritual journey of 41 years. This
communication has helped me to
discover the waters that flow, trickle,
stay and dry up within my own soul,
and continue to deepen my relationship
with Christ. To reflect this relationship
so to help others discover this beauty for
themselves is my truest desire.


Journaling from September 2007:


              The importance of humility
while resisting tendencies to harshly
put oneself down...

              For if we really want to
unite with God, we need to realize
God is Love within us, and to receive
that Grace we need to believe God
can love us―that we can be loved
and be love. We need to see our
value, individual value, in
relation to the broader Divine
picture. For we are all “branches to
the vine”. This is not to say we need
to boast or fall into self-creation or
self-actualization; I am only stressing
that while acknowledging our mortal
actions, thoughts and behaviors that have
gone against “the Kingdom is within”,
soaking in negative worthlessness
is very hinderous to our accepting
the Grace that shows us that good
in our soul that can only be
redemptive by seeing its good,
its beauty; by seeing that it can
be love because it was created by
a God so vast in Love.

              As I read through St. Teresa
of Avila's Interior Castle―a
saint whom I cherish and respect
greatly―I am overwhelmed
at times with feeling her sense
of worthlessness, which I can so much
relate to. When she refers to herself
as “wretched” and “stupid” my heart
hurts. I experience these moments
as well, even as I embrace the love
and many gifts (mystical and otherwise)
granted upon me throughout my life.
But here I find I can beat myself
to a point of judgment that imprisons
me, placing bars between God and
me. Rather than acknowledge that Love
that has helped, and continues to help
me grow through misdirected willful
choices; rather than recognize efforts
I have made―steps I have
climbed to descend to my beginning
with Creator; rather than recognize
that God knows my truest desire is
to lovingly follow Christ's messages
of direction for my feet to live
from the purity of my heart―
a knowing He shows me through natural,
Supernatural and human gifts―
I can become so consumed by those
hinderous, judgmental feelings
rendering me incapable of (in those
moments) being Love, of embracing
Love. Here, I am working for
―choosing to believe―evil
rather than God who is Light, who is Life.
I say “evil” because in this state
of negative self-abuse we reflect
darkness and perpetuate behavior
that stems from shame or fear
that serve to re-enforce that we are
not good, not worthy; that serve to
perpetuate crime, abuse, punishment,
separation―fear, evil. How can
we see God in others, if we cannot
recognize God within ourselves?

              I must remember the words
Christ in Father woke me with
in 2005...

              “It is okay if you change direction,
there is no one right road.
The only wrong turn you can take
is to deny My Love, My will,
My Grace. When you are full
of doubt or worthlessness, that
is not My voice. That is not
how I speak to My children.”

              I know so deeply, feel so deeply
the pain these moments can cause
for any and all of us, and I know
they can make us feel so separate
from our Godsource. I see the
actions, inactions and harm this pain
perpetuates in society and culture,
and I long indescribably for all
to see through guilt, doubt and
shame, through greed and pride,
through judgment to compassion
and humility with Love that does not
attack, abuse nor compare―
even its own soul―but
embraces “There but for the grace of
God go I.” while recognizing that Grace
is there because we are loved
and, obviously, God decided we were and
are worth it.

              When we live from shame
and doubt we are living from fear.
To fear the Lord only creates a
relationship that suffers barriers to
deeper understanding and friendship.
Friendship is key. Christ wants to
be our friend. If we fear our
friends we are not experiencing the
meaning of friendship. We instead
feel subordinate, inferior, not
good enough, dishonest. Christ does
not want us to compare ourselves
to, nor, compete with Him, but
rather accept Him in our hearts
to walk with us and guide our
souls along their Divine path,
which is unique to each of us.
He wants us to love Him and
be reciprocal in what He shows us,
and the only way this can be honest
is to respond from love for, not from
fear of, Him. He wants us to reflect
what He shows us in who we truly are
to others. He wants us to know that
He too spent time here as a physical
being in the human condition and
that He fully understands what
that experience means, and in this
understanding He gives great love
and compassion which we are to
extend again and again upon others.
That is our calling. He wants us to know
that in order to be humble we
must first remember we are human.

              I truly feel, have seen the
healing powers of Christ's messages and
friendship in myself and in others,
and I do believe in enlightenment
to this gift as the original intent
of Catholicism. I pray earnestly
that we can return to that and
be a loving Home again. I pray
for All of us to not misrepresent
Christ.

              Again, I write this letter
from experience and deep concern,
not as an authority, with full
acknowledgment of my own struggles
with the deception of perception―
whether conspired in my own mind
or from societal-man-made-law
that can become too literal to
receive understanding of God-made-
law from Supernatural Light that
existed before Scripture and
Christ came to signify in flesh
and voice. And it is only in
bedding down deeper within to God
through friendship with Jesus and
His compassion through quiet, gentle
voice, gifted visions, prayer and
true sensuality―awareness of all
of my God-given senses―that I
am raised in transformation.
Please let us not speak, behave,
nor react in ways that deny, that
rob ourselves or others of this
beautiful and Divine opportunity
to experience.

Thank you so much
for your time.

Love,
Kim DeAngelo

Humble Servant of
our Lord, Jesus Christ

© 2010-2014 Kimberlyann DeAngelo / Samuel Zimmerman

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