And that's the truth. I am simply, and very simply, not smart enough. Neither are you, unfortunately, probably. I am comfortable with ambiguity. Hell, I teach it regularly as part of my living (I'm a college English professor, chuckle if you will). But, I am nowhere near smart enough to resolve the issue. I am far, far behind that stupid curve that often bumps stragglers into C-Land (Cs get degrees, but I don't curve, nor do I test, so beat your head against my desk). Straight-faced, formal academia is an extended metaphor for something that no longer exists, a thing that no number of parenthetical citations can support: actual intelligence (citation conspicuously missing). I hate to say it because the rooted, rotting institution of academia pays my meager checks, but as far as I've seen, the whole stupid shebang that is the subject of this ultimately meaningless post is true. Judged by any approved metrics, we're all stupid. Endlessly stupid, and me more than most, perhaps. How else? How else? How else? How else? How else? How else so many, a number that grows and shrinks? Blame it on and forward (period missing intentionally, 'cause fuck grammarians)
We have more distilled, processed, and interpreted information available to us than any of our forbears could have dreamed. So, what, progress? Maybe if you invent something or find a novel use for something preexisting. Even the most profound discovery/creation/thought becomes an infinitesimally small stepping stone forward, toward...what, exactly? Such steps shrink with scale, lemme tell ya. Everything is subject to the one law of scale. A star many times the size of our sun explodes, or better yet implodes into a light-trapping black hole, out in distant space and affects you not at all, but the emotional (chemical) slight that one person inflicted on you lasts a lifetime (80 years at theoretical best). That is scale. A monumental event that earns such a title as "black hole" (a thing that light cannot escape, but still radiates energy somehow) is the rounded-down equivalent to nothing to your existence, but the minuscule event that affects you alone is tantamount to betrayal, treason, immorality, and all other unsavory, magnificent descriptors. Fuck that scale, some may say. Fuck your little tiny problems, and mine! If you're not a collapsing or dying star, then you have an immeasurably small bearing on this, or any other, universe. We are really, truly that fucking small. And we're just not smart enough to encompass the implications of such an existence, even if we acknowledge every incomplete fact we've accumulated as a species so far.
Still, at the end of the metaphorical day, I still strive to make my minuscule mark. And there it is, the everlasting motivator, the desire beyond desire, the thing that breaks our base drives yet means next to nothing and next to everything. So, go on and protest, believe, enforce, calculate, create, destroy because nothing, nothing you can possibly accomplish amounts to more than an electron spinning around some nucleus that in itself contains an infinite division of ever smaller divisions in itself. Like the known universe contains galaxies, like galaxies contain bodies, like bodies, like Earth, may support a truncated life. Life: a bitch at the end of which you fucking die. But don't worry, death is just as small as everything else according to their scale. Strive on, like I, like cows, like amoebas, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, and now nothing is a word. But remember, in the beginning there was the word, and the word was with aerpoqiuerq;alkdnf;klandf eqoperiadfadklfldkfner qer?
Since I don't have enough time at once to work on the final few episodes (sorry! I hate it too!), I took a few minutes today and made this:
Feel free to download it and use it for whatever if you want. I'm considering making a bigger version of it at some point, since this one is so small (32p X 32p). I might even make one for Lil' Rey too! It's been fun doing this, since I haven't made pixel art since about 1994 when all we had was an early version of MS Paint on the ole IBM 386. I'm not much for visual art, though. Anyway, enjoy!
So, I took a look at my "numbers" tonight and realized that I haven't had a single creation (video, song, etc) break 200 views/listens in an entire calendar year. Wow. That ought to indicate that I'm seriously losing popularity in this bitch we call life. Some people would call it quits at this point. But me? Pfft. Who cares? I'll keep making ridiculous shit anyway. This is how I started after all.
Let me take you back to February of 2008. I released the first 3 episodes of RTA in a single day, then started releasing new eps every Monday for the next few months. Early on? I got next to nothing. I frequently got comments saying "why doesn't this have more views?" and I didn't know then, and I don't know now. But, by the grace of a couple influential folks (Egger3rd, I'm gazing at you, mostly) my views began to grow. Before long, it wasn't unusual for a video to get a few hundred views the first day it released. This was a great and wondrous joy to me. People liked my shit, and I liked making my shit. We all won, in our own little ways.
However, things have changed, but I have not. I make machinima and metal, which is the nichest of the niche markets. Nothing about my product is mainstream (just ask Machinima, they know about my analytic data, heh). But, again I say to you, who cares? If even one person enjoys something I create, then I call that a rousing success! Appreciation cannot be enumerated on either end. It just is. So, I will make things for those of you who stick around. A few of you have stuck around long enough to merit a lifelong achievement award of some kind, and I thank you. I thank anyone who pays any attention to the various messes I create. You give me good feelings, even the haters. I intend to remain classy and stupid and savage. Stick around, if you like. This shit's free, after all.
I'm having some trouble with my Morrowind saves (NPCs not appearing and whatnot), so I'll be fixing these issues tonight which will prevent me from completing EP 31. After I get this issue resolved, I will try to find time next week to finish it up and upload it to my youtube channel. Sorry! Just thought you'd like to know what the holdup is.
If all goes well, I will be finishing RTA Episode 31 this weekend! I was unfortunately unable to finish it during my 2-week break from work (when I did 29 and 30), but hopefully I'll have the free time this upcoming weekend to get back to it. The first and last weeks of school are always the busiest (I'm a college professor, in case I forgot to mention that), and this week is the first week, so I've been crazy busy. But! I promise that I won't take another huge hiatus until I finish Season 3 once and for all! After that, I'll probably return my focus to music for awhile.
What? Yeah you read that title right, RTA Episode 30 is uploading right now! It's a whopping 7.5 minutes long and gets the plot moving again, which is nice, especially since EP 29 was essentially one giant info-dump. Some of the older fans should recognize some references in this episode with a few reaching all the way back to Season 1! I'm really excited about the voice acting this time around. I finally feel like I've gotten good at it after all these years. I'm also getting the hang of adding music appropriately instead of just dropping it in at random.
Anyway, I'm going to work hard this week to finish up Season 3, and barring any game-breaking problems with the Morrowind Construction Set (I've run into a few hiccups already) I think I should be able to pull it off. Then it's back to finishing up the new metal album! Man, it's good to feel productive again. Peace!
In fact, its uploading right now! Although EP 29 has been complete for a few weeks, I'd originally wanted to hold off on releasing anything until the other episodes were done. However, since filming and editing of the final few episodes was delayed yet again during that time, I decided to go ahead and release what I've got. I'll be filming and editing EP 30 today, and I may very well be able to move onto EP 31 tomorrow. It'll be interesting to see how these new episodes are received since it's been so long, but I'm really happy with how they're turning out. Here's a few things old fans can look forward to in the last few episodes of RTA Season 3:
Anyway, you all have no idea how much I appreciate your patience while I have been working on this series. Peace!
Unfortunately, my ambitious plan to finish the final 5 episodes of RTA were thwarted by some real-life stuff (moving, new job, etc). However! I have concocted a more reasonable plan/schedule to get these episodes finished, so progress should be steady from here on out. Although I can't imagine anyone is still actually waiting on these episodes to be released after all this time, I still feel it's important to finish what I've started. I'm still quite proud of this season, and I feel it reflects my writing and video editing skills as they've developed from all the way back to Episode 1. I am also completely satisfied with how this series has turned out (with a few notable exceptions), and I'm still blown away by it's relative popularity and all the kind words people have offered me over the years. So, thank you!
I have two weeks of free time coming my way after Sunday, so I'm hoping to get RTA Season 3 completely done in that time. Completing Episode 29 felt really damn good, I have to say, so I'm excited to see the rest of the story unfold and stand complete. I have 5 more episodes to shoot and edit, so it shouldn't be that tough to hammer it all out. Hopefully the voices will still sound familiar (although I'm sure I did them differently yet again), and double hopefully the story will make you roll your eyes and giggle at it's simultaneous stupidity and hilarity.
I'll keep you posted, peace.
I have in my possession the first completed episode of RTA in three and a half years! I finally got Morrowind working again, and shot and edited the video since my last post. I'm really excited with how it turned out and can't wait to release it! I'm still waiting to get the remaining 5 episodes done before releasing them, but if things keep going like this then I'll definitely be happy. Ep 29 was a great way to get back into making RTA because it only required one location and two mod edits. The rest of the episodes are a little more complicated than that, but I have my workflow going nicely again. I'll have a ton of free time this weekend to work on the rest of Season 3, so I'll be sure to keep posting updates as progress is made. Whoo!
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