12/21/2020 7:00 PM
Hi folks, I'm starting a new process on the farm, asking if anyone has early needle drop, or especially, strange patterns of needle drop on your tree, to send me an email.
We sell these trees, and we have no statistics about needle drop, either before, or after, Xmas. People ask me EVERY YEAR and I have no good statistics to give.
REMEMBER, pretty much EVERY tree will drop needles.
Most will drop 10-40%,
depending on variety,
depending on how well YOU WATER it,
depending on LOCATION in your house.
I do NOT need pictures of that!! That is luck of the draw, and how you water and place your tree.
(If I see a heat source in your photo, I'm throwing out your email! )
I *DO* want pics of abnormal needle drop!
If you have abnormal needle drop before Xmas, PLEASE:
Take a picture of the ENTIRE tree. Include the surrounding area!!!! ( So I can look for that Radiator/Air Duct, and tell you not to put your tree there anymore... Silly goose. )
Take 2 closeups of a branch that lost all needles. ( I'm gonna make the state Dept of Ag look at this stuff. ) ( Yeah, they actually look at a LOT of stuff we give them every year. At least one part of your taxes is well worth it...)
PLEASE make sure the photo is focused on the branch itself. Get as close as you can. Put your hand behind the branch.
Please include what field you harvested your tree from also: UPPER, (uphill from the red house), FRONT ( between the red house and the road or near the red barn), LOWER ( the big field down below all the ponds ) 1ST BACK field or 2ND BACK field. (The 2nd back field is the one where you said to yourself the next day, WTH did I let her get a damn xmas tree from all the way back there? FOR THE 10TH YEAR IN A ROW?!? ) (Not to be sexist, there were a couple of nice ladies who said the same damn thing to me about their hubbies... )
We get at least 1 phone call about premature needle
( dare I say it? )
( No, it's too early... )
( DROP people, DROP!!! NEEDLE DROP, NOT needle eject-ulation!!! Premature Needle Eject-ulation is NOT A THING!!! You people are terrible... )
And I'd REALLY like to know just how much it happens. Really.
OK, enough dumb jokes.
Seriously, please email the above,
photos really are required!
to me at firstname.lastname@example.org
PLEASE be realistic. If I get inundated with tree pics that look better than my tree, I'm going to be annoyed. And the world doesn't need any more noids...
( OK, FINE, it was NOT enough dumb jokes. And I've only had 1.5 drinks so far. JEEsus, it took me 1.5 hours to write all this??? I hope you folks appreciate all I go through to entertain you... )
(Yes, I know you do, you told me this year! Merry Xmas! Here's hoping you can keep your tree up 'til Feb 14th!! And not experience any Premature Needle, errrr, drop, on the 14th...)
( P.S. This the wife. He's terrible, but I can't control him...)
12/16/2020 6:15 PM
OK, I have no calls so far, so most likely, we are closed. If you have muscle, please call the farm at 908-537-4133 to get status. If there is no answer, please do not come out!
Have a Merry Christmas everyone! Maybe it'll even be white?
12/14/2020 11:23 PMHey everyone! So, we are DONE for the year. We barely sold any trees this past weekend, and it is no longer worth it to keep helpers around for a whole day.
Black Oak Farm is now closed for the year. ( Please read EVERYTHING below if you still want a tree! )
(The usual bad humour/rambling ensues. Please don 't be offended. STOP reading now if you are one of those people who gets offended. Ever. By ANYthing. )
(REALLY, just go away now. I don't want to sell you a tree. You most definitely will not want to BUY one from me.... )
(( WTH are you still reading for? CLOSE. YOUR. BROWSER. ))
((( Oh, and yeah, THANK YOU to all of you who, for some weird reason, actually LIKE my drivel. And came out to buy a tree from us. Because of my terrible humour. I've said it before. I'll say it again. Bill Murray: ( well maybe) There is something wrong with us, something very very wrong with us! We're not normal!
Yeah, I'm OK with that. Merry Xmas to all of you who took the time to seek ME out...Have A Great 2021! LUV ya!
Now, with that being said, I've convinced the old man ( no, not me you !bleep#'s, stop talking to my wife... MUAHAHAHHAHAHAAA) to still take appointments for the rest of the week. If you say you ARE COMING, you had best SHOW UP, at the appointed time!
Dad had a LOT of no-shows for appointments this year!
Shame on you!!!
You know who you are.
( Yeah, I went through his phone redialer, and *I* know who you are also.... Santa's gonna be leaving some big, fat-assed pieces of coal for a few of you this year... )
So, to get on with the ACTUAL POINT of this post, myself and my son, that would be medium Bob and little Robert ( no, he's not little. Too bad Robert, maybe I'll agree to nickname you Trip over at the farm next year... (( And I am sure as heck not medium, either... ))) have agreed that we *MIGHT* be open between say 12 & 3?, maybe 12 & 2? PM, on Saturday, & MAYBE Sunday, if we get enough people to call us and say they want a tree , AND WILL SHOW UP, at that time on either day.
If you DO want a tree, this coming weekend, CALL. The plan right now is to be CLOSED.
PLEASE CALL *me*, medium Bob, at the phone # below, and let me know you will be coming, lest you show up and find a CLOSED sign. I know we have at least 3 interested families.
Keep Reading folks, it gets worse!!
Robert and I will be charging $70 per tree, over 10 feet.
NO trees under 10 feet will be allowed to be cut. NO customer saws allowed! On the bright side, WE will cut every tree.
On the dark side, if a shi_ ton of you all show up at once, you're gonna wait! I am too damned old to move my fat white arse quickly...
So, the ONLY reason we are staying open on Sat. & Sun. is to get rid of several REEEEEEEALY tall, not-so-good-looking trees. Some of them, the top 6 feet is nice. Some of them, the top 8 feet is OK. ALL of them will be getting burned next year, as they are just getting too frikkin tall! We will custom cut your big-assed, way-too-tall tree however you want, for $70.00, tax included. Yeah, I'll make the wife hang out and take credit cards also! Just because I love you all. Well, most of you....
CALL ME at 908-832-2392. LEAVE A MESSAGE! NO exceptions will be made on the height. *MY CALL* on height. I don't care if you take a 12 footer and have us cut the bottom 7 feet off to put on the burn pile, the tree MUST be over 10 feet!
CALL CALL CALL me if you want a tree, or else no one will be there to help you. If Robert the 3rd and I are not there, there is no guarantee you will get a tree!
Yeah, this is a 10' + tall fire sale. Literally. Cause we're burning them next spring...
OK, please DO NOT read anything after this. It is all old information and terribly bad humor.Seriously, you should just stop now.
12/11/2020 10:30 PM
We will be fully open on the 12th & 13th, although I might be unable to move by the end of the day on the 13th....
Do NOT call the farm, my wife is standing over me right now with the whip.
WE ARE OPEN 9:30 - 4:30, no matter what STOOPID GOOGLE says.
We are open, open, open. Period. OUCH, stop with the damn whip woman! I'm writing WTF you say!!! (F = Frig people!!! Keep it clean! )
Only a 25% chance of rain Saturday! whoo hoo.....
Bring a piece of cardboard, or a real board, to kneel on while cutting your tree!
(Babbling ensues. Bad humor also. Take as intended!) WTH?!?! it's only 10:42 pm? H = HECK! folks, keep it clean!!
FYI, we had 0 (zero) Ent caused human fatalities this year! That is a 1.5 year no-human-death time span for our farm!! Not a record for sure, but still great!! I am, however, sorry to report that almost 200 young Ents lost their lives... DO NOT mourn! They all gave their lives in the service of something larger than themselves, and we prepare them for their fate every year of their lives!
Sadly, we keep trying to teach them to eat the deer, before the deer eat them, but, Alas, they are just too gentle! I guess that is for the best, what with all the people walking around with saws....
Heck, you should probably worry more about stepping in deer poop, than being eaten by an Ent...
Heck, I haven't seen one of them move in at least 3 years. You're all FINE!
Still. There IS one car that has been there since last Saturday... Oh Well!
See you tomorrow! ( Is Hallowistmas a word? )
12/4/2020 11:28 PM
HI Everyone! It's raining. A lot.Please come wearing boots.TALL boots.Waterproof boots.It is going to be MESSY WET on 12/5 before 1 PM. ( WTH am I saying?!?!?, it is going to be FRIKKIN SOGGY all damn day long on 12/5!! Dress for mud people! (Oh hell, babbling ensues! )(Oh fer frogs' snakes, The babblins is taken me up-over! )
Dress for Harcourt FENTON Mudd!) (( No, we won't have that guy, but I might dress as a pirate. )) ((( No, it's too late for that. I'll try to speak, BADLY, as Mudd, and you will mercilessly critique my terrible Mudd impersonation.))) ((((Shite, it is now pretty much 4 am, and you people are god damn making me speak piarete(PIRATE, damn my drinking/typing!! ((((Drinkyping???))))) ((((Typdring???))) , baldly, misspelled, mispoken, misCHARacerterized, hellllll, Miss Everything. Excedpt Miss New\ Jersey.
( it is tough to spell mis char ac terr ized @ 3:49 am, after you've been drinking for qan hour oer 2 ... Just fyi, fo rthjodse of you who dont drihnk!)
OMG, back to seerious:
Damn nit, Seriously, I expect there will be 50-100 crazy families who come out in the rain, in the morning......There will be HUNDREDS of families who come out after the rain, after 1 PM.PLEASE be patient, I expect it to be CRAZY after noon..If you can push back till 3 PM, that will give you 1.5 hours of xmas tree hunting time.They move slowly, you know, the xmas Ents. You can stalk the xmas Ents. They are not Ents.... Well, not like normal Ents, that can retaliate....Well, maybe they are and we just don't tell you...
OMG, people are gonna BELIEVE y o ur drivel!
Trees are just TREES folks!, no matter WHAT the ents tells us to say!!!~!!
However, after 3 PM, we get a LITTLE less busy.If you can come later tomorrow, you can expect a slightly smoother experience...Au contraire mon frère! ( THANK you google!)
Hi All, quick, NON-babbling update ( well maybe) 11/29/2020 11:00 PM:
Thank you Thomas, one of our honest employees who found a ladies purse out in the fields! We were able to return it to the owner before she left the farm! Thomas, you make us proud every day, but even more so for this! Good work! Remind me to give you a lollipop at some point. Or something... (OK FINE, so there will be babbling. I CAN'T HELP MYSELF)#2, we found what appears to be a NOT CHEAP pair of sunglasses. If you lost a pair, please call 908-832-2392 to arrange to get them back.
Hey everyone, 11/28/2020
(Babbling IMMINENT, please read below with humour, my gentle readers!)
Things are going great so far this year! I have had an AWFUL lot of AWFUL people tell me how much they appreciate my terrible humour, so I guess I'll have to continue! (Babbling! LOL, muahahah! )
Seriously, I am overwhelmed at all the support I have received for my lousy humour so far this year! I think I've had 20, at least, extremely ODD people(muahahahah) , who must share my horrible sense of humour, hunt me down and tell me how much they laugh at this stuff. Thank you all! Medium Bob indeed! Thank you Wife ( Yeah Jennifer, you are getting named this time! ) for the Medium Bob moniker!! ( Hell I guess Medium Bob is better than Tiny Bob, or inadequate Bob, yeah? Maybe I should shut up? ) ANYways, you all are inspiring me! Thank you!
Still, you should all go seek help. Really. (Don Rickles, bless your arse for my sense of humour. I don't know what's wrong with all these people who like my jokes, but so be it, I'm RUNNING with it!!!! ) As Don Rickles said, well, Maybe I'll lift my leg and fire a Rocket! (We'll get into that and the dancing under the moonlight if we have to, some other time... Please people, keep up!
Seriously, we are experiencing delays in processing/getting you all through the farm from 11:00 am through like 2:00 PM. EVERYONE seems to pick a tree, cut it, and want to get out in those three hours... Take a bit of time and cough while working through Opa's cigar as you leave, remember the years gone by, and enjoy the farm, country & atmosphere we provide! ( oh boy, I'm getting out of hand now. Good Night all! ) ( just try and stay away from the cigar smoke if you don't like it!! lol )
We like to say *HI* to all the folks we see every year, even if for only 30 seconds! It's good to chat with you all for a few minutes! If you talk to Opa, please speak VERY LOUD!! At this point, he really does have problems hearing a dump truck driving through a nitroglycerin plant! ( Don't tell him I said that!!)
Love you all, Merry Xmas!!! OK, I should go to bed now. See you all tomorrow!
11/24/2020 Updates Yeah, babbling now
perhaps definitely! ( Babbling means PLEASE take my humour as intended !! Yeah, the wife yelled at me already....... )
OK, Everyone a few updates, details in the appropriate Tab as needed.
If anyone has ANY questions/concerns/whatever, please email me at farmblackoak at gmail.youknow the rest @gmail.com *wink*
1. Masks will be REQUIRED in the upper parking lot area and Xmas Shop. This is not because we're mask nazis, but just to err on the safe side. Our workers are all kids, and I don't want any of our workers or their families sick on Christmas! Please, just abide by this rule this year, no argument.
2. Please be prepared to pay by Credit Card as opposed to cash.
We are working on a procedure to tip the kids via Credit Card, in the shop. We are also planning on having jars/cans for each worker on the wooden retaining wall as you leave. We're going to put pictures of the kids on their tip jar. EMAIL me at email@example.com with your thoughts on this plan. Especially if you have a BETTER idea, lol. Please see the PAYMENTS tab/menu item. After more thought and research, the CDC does NOT consider cash to be a serious transmission vector. If everyone is wearing a mask in the parking lot, we feel it is safe enough to handle cash. The helpers will all be instructed on safe cash handling technique for tips! If you wish to tip by credit card, we will have a method to do so.
There will be alcoholic wipes available in the shop for our employees and you.
That being said, my wife Jennifer is READY in the shop to go completely no-touch for credit card payments. She will be wearing gloves, sanitizing between every customer with some (Babbling ahead ) industrial grade shit, I mean sanitizer, and handing out numbered receipts. You will just drop those receipts in an attended box on your way out. No muss, no touch, no fuss.
3. Since pets appear to be likely to catch COVID, let's keep the pets at home this year, if possible. At a minimum, PLEASE keep them on leash this year and keep them away from others! There are some reports of dogs being infected. I'm not going to address the possibility of this here on the website, just asking for co-operation.
4. Cash Payments as you are leaving? We are debating this at this time. PLEASE BE READY TO BE FLEXIBLE as you leave.
(Babbling ahead.) Cash is dirty. We all know that. I'm not going to go into how many 20's I distributed in my 20's to age 20's nursing students... ( For you folks who disapprove, my wife just appeared out of nowhere and smacked me, so I have been duly punished.... )(( for those who actually APPRECIATE that joke, that was the damn 7th try before I liked the way it sounded. You people should appreciate all the effort I go to, to make terrible, bad jokes. Actually, I've said that dumb joke probably 100 times in my head to get it sounding good. Good is subjective. Babbling is closing in on 90% warp power at this time, while drunk is only at about 50%. I should stop editing now.... Yeah, no more edits tonight. Must. Close. Browser.)) I'm leaving that, because some of it was funny.
Seriously, our usual cashier is a bit nervous this year, and
has a job that REQUIRES her presence at work. I DO NOT want to jeopardize her job. PLEASE be flexible! will NOT be helping us.
The plan is to have folks drop cash into a box/container/something windproof, and change will be made from money that we are keeping separate, from the bank, so any germs on it have time to degrade. If you are nervous about cash, please pay in the shop with credit. Tip also with credit if you wish.
5. We are also very nervous about my Dad, Bob/Opa, the owner. You all know how he is, so please keep your distance from him. I've yelled at him already for getting too close. If he gets too close to you, please just PUT YOUR HAND UP. That being said, he'll probably outlive all of us, while smoking a cigar or pipe. (Babbling ahead.) If he DOES get sick, he's liable to burn down the hospital with said cigar or pipe, while on oxygen...
6. ahh yes, the bathroom situation. For those of you reading this, you know our bathroom facilities are just above rustic. We are going to have signage in the bathroom referring to alcoholic wipes available in the Xmas shop, free of charge. Please come in and grab 1 or 2 before utilizing the facilities. Please wipe the flush handle first, then the seat. (Babbling ahead.)
With any luck, Staples will actually FILL one of my orders to have a bath tissue dispenser delivered before Turkey Day. So far, one successfully ordered, 1 cancelled as "Out of Stock". 2nd ordered. May I ask why you sold me something that was "Out of Stock" Staples? IF I get the damn thing, at least the TP will be kept very clean. Yeah, I'm still leaving the babbling. Not only did I get the TP dispenser that was out of stock, I got the TP dispenser that was suggested as a replacement, for the one that was out of stock. TP dispensers everywhere!!!!!
7. We have ordered industrial disinfectant materials to use in the shop at the drinks station (and elsewhere), and will be cleaning in between every customer. (Babbling ahead.) Please refrain from letting your children lick anything in the shop this year, except for their own lips, and their cup of hot chocolate, if you choose to get some. You know, you should probably refrain from letting your kids lick ANYTHING at the farm, pandemic or not. Just saying.
Page updated 2020-10-27
Hi Everyone! I'm NOT going to blather on this year. Yet.
I still have to grab drone video, so please check back.
Just FYI, I'm sending out a Surveymonkey 4 question survey this year, to try and find out how busy we're going to be.
If you all could take the survey, it would be a great help. We don't know whether to expect the normal crowd, or a lighter one this year.
Please look on the Questions & Answers page about Spotted Lanternfly, if you are concerned. Short story? Don't be concerned. They most likely will NOT hatch in your house and eat your cat.
OK, on to the usual!
For anyone looking at Google Maps, PLEASE be aware that the images are VERY old! Watch the videos, listed just below!
There is some good info in the other tabs, including Spotted Lanternfly. See Q&A tab!
This is the 2016 vid: Black Oak Farm overview 2016
2019 Videos, if you want to go look at them.
We have Colorado Blue Spruce, Norway Spruce, Concolor Fir, Serbian Spruce and Canaan Fir
We do also have a very few Douglas Fir. There are a few other species as well in smaller quantities.
Please watch this page if inclement weather is expected and I will try to keep it updated.
As always, if you have questions, please CALL US before you come out. 908-537-4133
Our Trees are normally about 6 Foot to 12 Foot high. This year we have some 10 foot trees. Dad got annoyed at all the really tall ones. There appear to be a few 10-12. After Thanksgiving weekend, tall trees will be scarce, with 6 - 10 Foot being the norm.
What few 12 footers there are go quickly! We do have a selection of 12 foot trees, but they have those high stumps.
Questions and Answers
Please check out our Questions And Answers page.
YES, we accept credit cards, but on Weekends only.
Black Oak Farm will be open 9:30 - 4:30 Thursdays, Fridays, Saturdays, Sundays from November 27th thru December 20th. Monday-Wednesday, by appointment only.
We are not open on Thanksgiving.
Any hours before Thanksgiving, please CALL THE FARM and speak with Bob to make an appointment.
If you come weekdays, PLEASE bring appropriate muscle with you!!!
Dad is almost 110 ( or maybe 90 ) years old, and gets tired very quickly.
Other days by Appointment Only!
Please call the farm at 908-537-4133 and speak with Bob before you drive out to the farm!
Please do not leave a message and come out!
9:30 AM – 4:30 PM. PLEASE arrive before 4 PM. It gets dark at 4:30 PM sharp!
All Trees are $60.00
Our Christmas Shop will have limited stock this year! There WILL be the usual assortment of Mrs. Housedorfs' Hand Rolled Beeswax Candles!
We are planning to have Wreaths, Roping, Tree Stands and our newest selection of hand-picked gift items, S&F Honey and,
Of Course: Mrs. Housedorfs' Hand Rolled Beeswax Candles.
Please call 908-832-2392 in advance if you would like to place a candle order.
( Yes, my wonderful wife Jennifer does actually make ALL the candles herself, one at a time. So if she's grumpy, don't assume it's because of me! There might just be a lot of orders.... that's my story and I'm sticking to it. )
TBD, based on the survey, we will have free Coffee & free Hot Chocolate.
Cookies & Muffins ( and some Sabrett's hot dogs on Martin's Potato Rolls
during busy weekend days at lunch ) will be available for a nominal fee.
We also carry bottled water for a nominal fee.
Again, we may or may not have these items this year. Please responmd to the survey above.
I will update this section later.
From I-78 Westbound: Take Exit 12 (Jutland/Norton). At stop sign, turn left.
At light, make right onto Charlestown Road (County Route 635).
From I-78 Eastbound: Take Exit 12 (Jutland/Norton). At stop sign, turn left.
At light, turn left. At next light, proceed straight ahead onto
Charlestown Road (County Route 635).
On Charlestown Road, take third left onto Mine Road. Proceed 7/10 mile to
Black Oak Farm on left. Phone (908) 537 - 4133
Thanks, and Merry Christmas, Happy New Year from Black Oak Farm!!
We have electric deer fencing!
Unless you are interested in lighting Uncle Fester's
light bulb in your mouth, please do not touch.
( The fence should be off during normal business hours,
but who wants to take chances?!?!? )
^ Mobile Nav bar, the 3 bar thingie. The non-mobile nav bar is up top now ^.
OK, if you're reading this far, there is actually something wrong with you. There is nothing after this. Go Home.
Yes, this is a Ferris Buehler reference. ( That is a copyrighted thing and is Fair Use! )
Yeah, you are persistent. OK, you asked for it:
If you ask Nicely, and tell me ( Bob the 2nd ONLY!! ) you saw this ABC123, you *might* get a high speed ride around the farm. At 5 PM only!
ONE person only, precisely at 5 PM, come over to me with the time on your phone!
No, this is NOT easy! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
And this year, you may need to wrap yourself in a plastic cocoon, wield a chainsaw, and sign a massive release, that I have not actually written...
I might even dance with you, in the parking lot, if you can tell me what movie this quote is from:
"I do, actually. I might, even, when this is all over, go dancing."
FYI: I do not dance well...
Or, if you're REALLY adventurous, at the 5 PM mark, give you the extended tour of the property.
This is not fun anymore, as it involves opening nasty electric fence gates... But, What The Heck?
Maybe we'll just go out and come back the way we went in, instead of opening those gates.... Please note: Excessive walking may occur!