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Favorite Quotations

We've all heard quotations over the years that are either just humorous or we like for whatever reason.  Some are on bumper stickers, some are used in tag / signature lines on web forum posts.  Here's some of the ones that I like.
  • "If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving is probably not for you."
  • "The good thing about Alzheimer's is waking up next to a new woman every morning. The bad thing is not being able to remember what to do with her."
  • "I have a .45 and a shovel. I don't think anyone is gonna miss you." -- a line from some movie where a boy is meeting the father of the girl that he wants to date
  • "I love the smell of napalm in the morning... It smells like VICTORY..." -- paraphrase from the move "Apocalypse Now"
  • "Most problems in life can be solved by sufficient quantities of high explosives ... or penicillin..."
  • "I brought your ass into this world and I can very well take your ass out." -- supposedly Bill Cosby School of Child Rearing, but I'm pretty sure that I heard it in this version prior to Bill Cosby's (cleaner) version
  • "So many pedestrians ... so little time ..." -- Bumper sticker on the back of a beat-up truck
  • "Most problems in life are caused by people who just don't get laid enough.  So, the next time you encounter someone that is giving you grief, just smile at them and say, 'I know where you're coming from.'"
  • The vast majority of aviation accidents are caused by running out of altitude, airspeed, and ideas, all at the same time.
  • "When in doubt, use a bigger hammer." -- USN repair technique
  • "I seldom make plans for the day because I don't like the way that they throw around the term 'premeditated' in court."
  • "The Three 'F's of Economics -- If it flies, floats, or fucks, it's cheaper to rent than to buy."


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