The Launch Pad

•  Me:  Travis, Kitkats aren't dinner.

   Travis (age 3):  Kitkats are dinner.

   Me:  But Travis, you don't make the rules.

   Travis (age 3):  I DO make the rules!  Kitkats ARE dinnner!

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•  In second grade Eric was situated next to 2 empty desks.  I asked him  if he thought there was a message there. He said, “No, I looked and they were empty.”

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•  I asked Travis if he could define “get a life.”  He replied, “stop doing what you’re doing and do something cool.”

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•  In response to my telling Travis that if he’s good I might forget about  his timeout, Eric replied, “I’ll remind you.”

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•  On 12/20/99 Travis called the operator for Santa’s phone number to find out if he & Eric are on the good list or the bad list.

•  I asked Travis what was in the news.  He replied, “Sponge Bob retired."

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•  I asked a co-worker, “Steve, do you stretch?” He replied, “Oh, yeah, I stretch . . . right up to the point that you can tell it’s a lie, then I stop.”

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•  “They were so good, I threw 'em away.”  RR

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•  “Case closed,” Becky said, then added “What does case closed mean?”

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•   During a trip when Eric was 8 and Travis 10, we stopped at rural roadside store to use the restrooms.  Upon exiting the men's room, Travis dutifully reported, "Mom! Eric has something that's NOT age-appropriate." Before she could inquire what that was, Eric came out holding a DVD video and asked, "What's a bl*w j*b?" We grabbed the DVD from him, and given the images plastered upon it, we gathered he didn't require further explanation.

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•   When I'd see the boys' room a mess, I'd often say, "This is ridiculous."  One day Sharon told Eric that he was being ridiculous, and he asked her, "Mom, do you even know what that word means?“ She asked, "What does it mean?"  He replied, "It means leaving your clothes and toys all over the place."

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•  “Is that cool, or no.” Becky

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•  Eric was moping to his mother about being bored, and I told him that it was no one's job but his own to entertain himself.  Travis interjected, "Unless you hired someone."

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•  We were driving into State College, PA, and I spotted a sign advertising that the singer-songwriter Todd Rundgren was going to be performing there soon. Upon seeing the sign I was prompted to sing the title line from his biggest hit—"Hello, It's Me." Travis retorted, "Dad, you're Todd Rundgren?"

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•  While driving out of Mansfield, Pa., Sharon was concerned that she'd upset the motorist behind us her with her maneuvering.  I said, "Screw him."  Becky chimed in, "That doesn't sound like very good advice."

1) —“It’s 106 miles to Chicago; we’ve got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it’s dark, and we’re wearing sunglasses. 

    —Hit it.”  <WATCH IT> 

2) “Now, let's talk about the black bird.”

3) “Well, that seems to be the situation. But I don't want that.  And you don't want that.  And Ringo here definitely doesn't want that.”

4) “Darling, it’s better down where it’s wetter, take it from me!”

5) “What's worse, Curly, a dumb bell or a wise guy?”

6) “Insanity runs in my family . . . It practically gallops.”  <WATCH IT>

7) “Just what do you think you're doing, Dave?” <WATCH IT>

8) “A claimsman, Walter, is a doctor and a bloodhound and a cop and a judge and a jury and a father confessor all in one.  And you want to tell me you’re not interested.”

9) “This is good stuff.  I got it from a Negro.  You're probably high already and you don't even know it.”   <WATCH IT>

10) “The dead know only one thing: it is better to be alive.”

11) “They're all crazy. They're all crazy except you and me. Sometimes I have my doubts about you.”  <WATCH IT>

12) “Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed. But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops. Uh, depending on the breaks.”  <WATCH IT>   <WATCH ENDING>

13) “What knockers.”  <WATCH IT> 

14) —“Don't you think that idea is a little half-baked?

       —“Oh no, Dad, it's completely baked.”

15) “Pal, whoever is giving you your information, is taking you for a long ride.”  <WATCH IT>

16) “I wonder what the leash and collar set does for excitement.”

17) “Perhaps the laws of physics cease to exist on your stove. Were these magic grits?  Did you buy them from the same guy who sold Jack his beanstalk beans?”

18) “If Mr. McMurphy doesn't want to take his medication orally, I'm sure we can arrange that he can have it some other way. But I don't think that he would like it.”

19) “In my own place, my name ain't Ratso.  I mean, it just so happens that in my own place my name is Enrico Salvatore Rizzo.”