HIL-GLE &

 MODERN THRILLS

PROUDLY PRESENT:

 

 

Hil-Gle

Mind Rot

Quality

Creative

Newsstand

Fiction

Unit

Warmly

Welcomes

To its

Family of

Family

Friendly

Features!

Disclaimer: Mr Fun was recently acquired in a stock for stock swap by Hillman-Gleason Mind Rot Quality Creative Newsstand Fiction Unit (HIL-GLE),the emerging leader in Complimentary Circulation Periodical Feature Syndication. Into this new partnership, Hillman-Gleason Mind Rot Quality Creative Newsstand Fiction Unit brings its considerable experience and resources. Mr Fun is but one of many freshly obtained value-added revenue vehicles which continue to make owning stock in our firm one of the best investmentsavailable. HIL-GLE has the highest growth of any firm within our industry. Our market niche is exploding. More periodicals are being published today than ever before. Hillman-Gleason Mind Rot Quality Creative Newsstand Fiction Unit has the vision necessary to take advantage of the opportunities existing in this evolving market. By combining ourexpertise in this business with the dynamic mechanism of Multi-Level Marketing, HIL-GLE is certain to promise the highest return on capital secured.

We are committed to excellence.Ours is a system of total quality re-engineering. Each feature under our skilled direction isempowered to seek the broadest audience possible. In keeping with our sales-oriented approach, management has undertaken a proactive process of succinct mainstreaming enhancements in regards to this feature. You may look forward to other such improvements that HIL-GLE may or may not take in the future.Due to unforeseen direction-oriented discrepancies, the personnel previously dedicated to the production of this feature has been right-sized and is seeking opportunity outside of our organization. We wish Mr Fun the best of luck, but remind him that the non-competition clause of his contract is of indefinite duration and covers the entirety of the communications industry. It is not now, nor will it ever be HIL-GLE policy to renegotiate agreements with terminated human resources. You may have your trench coat and black tights back at any time you feel fit to return Miss Phillips to this office. This does not have to become a law-enforcement endowed issue.

This product will be maintained at the same high standards as it has always enjoyed. HIL-GLE reserves the right to re-product this feature as the fluidity of the business environment may dictate. We forecast out-sourcing the production of this feature sometime next quarter, either with (an) incarcerated morally-challenged person(s) or by the typewriter enabled residents of (several) zoological primate facilities. Both options are still in the exploratory stage of the pipeline. HIL-GLE will choose the one that proves most revenue-friendly.

We intend to meet all of our deadlines. Pending the timely return of Miss Phillips from her non-discretionaryabsence from work, HIL-GLE should have the staffing level needed to fulfill all of our commitments. Should Miss Phillips not be returned in a timely manner, or should she be returned in a less than performance ready condition, we anticipate some difficulty in continuing our operations. Specifically, any function which is dependant upon inbound or outbound telephonic communications, the operation of our LAN network, proof reading, faxing, the mail, editing, the movement of items weighing more than ten pounds, composition, use of reprographic equipment, shipping, receiving, travel arrangements, accounts receivables, the women's second floor lounge, the remembering of deadlines and appointments, office supplies and typing will stagnate in a non-performing state. HIL-GLE apologizes in advance for any inconvenience this may cause.

Mr Fun(Inc.)'s opinionsrepresent the stated editorial policy of NAME OF NEWSPAPER and it's fine advertisers. HIL-GLE is not prepared to indemnify itself against the potential for liability its own gross negligence may cause, and advises all possible claimants to direct action against PUBLISHER and its clients. This burden-sharing is only fair.

Mr Fun(TM):

Is God a woman?

Wondering in WonderLake

Wondering:

This depends on whether or not Creation is a closely held or publicly traded entity. If Creation is closely held, say as a limited partnership, I would have to say I rather doubt it. The demographics I have indicate that all closely held operations of roughly the same scale are all operated by persons of the male gender. That's not to say that it's impossible. She could conceivably inherit a controlling interest in a closely held Creation and become God.

A woman's opportunity to become God would be greatly enhanced if Creation was publicly traded. Given its scale, I'd say it would have to be, but I can't find my Standard and Poors right now. She would need to meet certain criteria in order to be qualified for this position. First and foremost, she must be presentable; someone whom the organization can trust to make a positive impression upon clients. Secondly, in order to be considered promotable, she must have an M.B.A. from a university with a division I football team. That would put her foot in the door. The rest is dependant upon her work ethic. She must be dependable. She must be organized. She must be a team player; someone who never says 'It's not my job'.If she's good with Creation's resources, proves herself a go-getter, avoids bad habits such as back-talking the decisions of upper management and having children, then her rise within the organization is assured. But not being God is no disgrace. If a woman is willing to work long hours, keeps her eyes on the prize, and commits to life-long learning, shehas a better than even shot at becoming the Archangel Gabriel.

Mr Fun(SM):

Is God a woman?

Wondering in WonderLake

Wondering:

Yes! And her name is Miss Phillips. I would use her first name, but I can't remember it. Besides, remembering people's names is her job. Miss Phillips never says 'It's not my job'.I would have given her a raise last review, but budgets say what they say. And I'm very sorry about what I did to her in that closet during last year's X-Mas party, but she did say it was OK and I did pay for the dress. And I'm certain she would have been promoted by now if she hadn't got her M.B.A. from DuKane University. I mean, who the hell ever heard of it? Miss Phillips is all-knowing. She knows when my wife's birthday is. And my anniversary. And she always buys the best presents for me to give. And she's presentable. Damn presentable! Especially when she's bending over to make the coffee. Coffee would be good right now.

Even if I did know how to operate the coffee maker, I don't know where the coffee packets are. Alright Mr Fun(the person), I am prepared to double HIL-GLE 's previous offer: You may now hold TWO of our Vice Presidents--any two, name them--in exchange for Miss Phillips.

Have you no humanity?

I'd give this feature's address, but I don't know it. I'd give the E-Mail thing, too, but I don't know it.And I don't know how to answer the E-Mail, anyway.