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Win a Buick Contest

The Life of Riley 

Win a Buick Contest

Nov 22 1947






CAST:

ANNOUNCER 

PRELL GIRL, who sings

MRS. JOHNSON (1 line)

2ND ANNCR (2 lines)

MALE SINGER (2 lines)

NBC ANNCR (1 line)


PEG, Riley's long-suffering wife 

RILEY, working class Brooklyn accent 

BABS, Riley's teenage daughter 

JUNIOR, Riley's son 

GILLIS, Riley's neighbor

WOMAN (2 lines)

MAN 1 (2 lines)

MAN 2 (2 lines)

DRIVER, of bus 

HARRY (2 lines)

FRANK (3 lines)

LADY (2 lines)

MR. LOCKHART 

MRS. LOCKHART (3 lines)

DIGGER, Digby O'Dell, the Friendly Undertaker

ROBERTS, store manager

and a CROWD


NOTE: This unnamed episode is known by various titles, including: "Win a Buick Contest," "Are We Ever Going to Get a Car?" and "Bean Counter."





ANNOUNCER: It's new, it's amazing, it's Prell -- P-R-E-L-L -- Procter & Gamble's new Radiant-Creme Shampoo in the handy tube.


MUSIC: FANFARE


ANNOUNCER: Prell brings you THE LIFE OF RILEY!


MUSIC: THEME


ANNOUNCER: Prell -- the shampoo that removes unsightly dandruff in as little as three minutes and leaves hair radiantly clean, radiantly lovely -- presents THE LIFE OF RILEY with William Bendix as Riley!


SOUND: APPLAUSE


MUSIC: THEME ... OUT WITH--


ANNOUNCER: At least once a year the subject of buying a car comes up in the Riley household. For example in 1937, Mrs. Riley was heard to say to her husband--


PEG: Riley, when are we gonna get a car? 


RILEY: Next year, I promise. 


ANNOUNCER: And then in 1941, she said-- 


PEG: Riley, are we ever gonna get a car? 


RILEY: Next year, I promise.


ANNOUNCER: And now it's 1947, and Mrs. Riley is saying--


PEG: Riley, are we ever gonna get a car?


RILEY: Next year, I promise. Did I ever break a promise? ...


JUNIOR: Boy, you should see the swell Buick Pinky Johnson's father's got.


BABS: Oh, honest, Daddy, it's simply dreamy.


JUNIOR: I wish Pop could afford a car like Mr. Johnson. Boy, some kids are lucky.


RILEY: Oh? So just because I'm your father, you're out o' luck, huh? ...


JUNIOR: Oh, I didn't mean that.


RILEY: Let me tell you something, young man. I can afford anything that four-flusher Johnson can afford. I ain't broke, you know.


PEG: (GENTLY) All right, Riley.


RILEY: I got a job, I get paid every week.


PEG: That's enough, Riley.


RILEY: I got money in the bank, plenty of money. I'm not a bum you know. ...


JUNIOR: Well, if you're doing so good, Pop, how 'bout raising my allowance?


RILEY: (BEAT) All right, have it your way. I'm a bum. ...


BABS: Gosh, daddy, it looks like we'll never have a car.


RILEY: Well, I know why you want a car. So every Saturday night you and one of your boyfriends can park up there on Mulholland Drive till all hours.


BABS: (GASPS) Daddy! 


RILEY: And what about me? I'll freeze sittin' behind that wheel half the night! ... Now stop botherin' me about a new car. We'll get one, we'll get one. 


BABS: But when?


RILEY: Next year, I promise.


MUSIC: BRIDGE


SOUND: TRAFFIC BACKGROUND ... RILEY AND GILLIS' FOOTSTEPS ON SIDEWALK


RILEY: You wanna go bowlin' after supper, Gillis?


GILLIS: Nothin' doin'. Tonight I'm gonna stay home and enjoy myself. My wife's goin' out. ...


RILEY: Well, what's the matter? Has Honeybee been pickin' at ya again? 


GILLIS: Always naggin' on me for dough. Yah-ta-ta, yah-ta-ta, yah-ta-ta. Believe me, I'm glad I ain't rich or I'd have to give it to her. ...


RILEY: That's a good point, Gillis.


GILLIS: And my kids! Always houndin' me for things. If I was only a bachelor, would I laugh in their faces!


RILEY: Yeah. Yeah. Like they say, Gillis, raisin' a family is no job for a married man. Now when we was juveniles-- ...


GILLIS: Hey, look at that store window. Brother, what a display. 


RILEY: Yeah, they sure got wonderful stuff here. Look, a new Hoover vacuum cleaner.


GILLIS: Yeah. And look at that set of Goodrich Silvertown Tires in the corner.


RILEY: Oh, boy, my junior would sure like that Hallicrafters radio over there.


GILLIS: Yeah. Hey, ain't they nice? Them Van Huesen shirts. Right next to that Servel refrigerator.


RILEY: Yeah, they got terrific stuff here. Now this is what I call a real drugstore! ...


GILLIS: Y'know Riley, if I was a big manufacturer, I'd never put my name on the product.


RILEY: Why not, Gillis?


GILLIS: Well, first thing you know, my mother-in-law hears I'm in business, and she starts talkin' to me again. Who needs her? Hey, Riley. Look what they got in the next window here.


RILEY: Holy smoke, a Buick! Oh, I think that's overdoin' it a little. ...


GILLIS: No, they ain't sellin' it. They're givin' it away. You see the sign? (READS) "A new 1947 Buick convertible -- free. With each purchase you make--"


RILEY: Well, come on, what are we waitin' for? Let's buy a box of aspirin and drive the car home. ...


GILLIS: Read the rest. 


RILEY: Huh? Ah-- (READS) "With each purchase you will receive an entry blank for our grand contest. Guess the number of beans in the bowl--" Ohhhh, wise guys.


GILLIS: Well, sure, what'd ya expect? (READS) "The customer who guesses closest to the actual number of beans will win this beautiful new Buick. All entries must be--"


RILEY: Aw, I'd give anything to win that car. No more ridin' busses to work. Every Sunday I'd take the family for a drive. And in the summer we could take a trip to the Grand Canyon. Gee, I wish I had that car. I could sell it for four thousand dollars. ...


GILLIS: Stop dreamin'.


RILEY: Boy, if I won this car, I could just see Peg and the kids' faces when I put-- Gillis, I'm enterin' that contest!


GILLIS: You're crazy. What chance you got guessin' the correct number? 


RILEY: I won't guess, I'll get the exact number. All I gotta do is get a bowl that same size, fill it up with beans, and then count 'em. It's a cinch.


GILLIS: Go on. How do you know every night they don't put in more beans or take some out?


RILEY: You know, that's the difference between you and me, Gillis. You don't trust nobody. You're a septic. ... But me -- I'm anti-septic! ... Gillis, you really think they'd fool me?


GILLIS: Positive. Course, if you had a spy in the store to keep an eye on the bowl so they couldn't pull nothin'--


RILEY: Yeah, if I had somebody who I could-- Ohhh, I got a great idea. I'm a cinch to win now. What a brain wave!


GILLIS: What, Riley? What, what, what? 


RILEY: All I gotta do is-- Uh-- Ohhh, naw, this is one time I'm keepin' my big mouth shut. 


MUSIC: BRIDGE


SOUND: DOOR OPENS ... RILEY'S FOOTSTEPS IN


RILEY: (CALLS, FROM OFF) Peg, Peg! 


SOUND: DOOR CLOSES


RILEY: (CLOSER) Peg, where's junior? 


PEG: Oh, for heaven's sake, Riley, must you shout so? 


BABS: Junior's next door, Daddy. He went to borrow Mrs. Gillis' candlesticks.


RILEY: (OUTRAGED) Did they shut off our electricity again? What's this country comin' to when they shut off a decent citizen's electricity just because he won't pay his bill?! ...


PEG: They're not shuttin' it off; I paid the bill yesterday. We need the candlesticks for the table. The Lockharts are comin' to dinner on Thursday.


RILEY: The Lockharts?


BABS: You know, Daddy. Don Lockhart's parents. They were passing through town and Don's at Yale now, and they phoned, so the least I could do is invite them to dinner. For Don's sake.


RILEY: Oh. Ohhh, so that's the way it is? Romance, eh? Well, in that case, I'm glad they're comin'. I'd like to have a little talk with this Mr. Lockhart.


PEG: Now, dear, you don't want to embarrass Babs. 


RILEY: Who's gonna embarrass Babs? I'll just have a little talk with him. You know, about stocks and bonds. 


PEG: Oh, you don't have any stocks and bonds.


RILEY: I know, I'm gonna talk about his. ...


BABS: (UNHAPPILY) Oh, Daddy--


RILEY: Okay, okay, I'll behave. I'll sit at that table like a dummy. You'll be proud of me. ...


SOUND: DOOR OPENS


JUNIOR: Here's your candlesticks, Mom. Oh, hiya, Pop.


PEG: Oh, thanks, Junior. (MOVING OFF) Babs dear, will you give me a hand with the laundry?


BABS: (MOVING OFF) Okay, Mother.


JUNIOR: I'll see you later, Pop.


RILEY: No, wait, Junior, I want to talk to you.


JUNIOR: Why? What'd I do now, Pop?


RILEY: I'll shut the door; this is private.


SOUND: DOOR CLOSES 


RILEY: Junior, get ready for a big surprise.


JUNIOR: A surprise?


RILEY: You know that drugstore?


JUNIOR: Which one?


RILEY: That big new one. Remember you took me there to show me the new bicycle you want?


JUNIOR: (EXCITED) Oh, yeah! The new bike!


RILEY: (GRANDLY) Well, son, you're gonna go to work in that store! ... Surprised?


JUNIOR: (NOT EXCITED) Work?


RILEY: Yeah, you'll love it.


JUNIOR: But I don't want to work in a drugstore.


RILEY: Okay, son. But, eh, don't you need some Christmas money?


JUNIOR: (THOUGHTFUL) Well, yes, I do. Okay, I'll take a job.


RILEY: Atta boy. I knew you'd be reasonable. That's why I didn't try to force you.


JUNIOR: I'll work at the gas station.


RILEY: Nothin' doin'. You'll work in that drugstore if I have to force you! ...


JUNIOR: Aw, but I don't want to work in a drugstore.


RILEY: Junior, I'll make a deal with you. You work in that drugstore, and I'll let you drive my new Buick convertible every Saturday.


JUNIOR: You're Buick con--? (CALLS) Ma! 


RILEY: Shhh. I wanna surprise your mother and Babs.


JUNIOR: Aw, but you haven't got a Buick. 


RILEY: I will if you work in the drugstore. They need a busboy, see? And then you can watch those beans in the window. ...


JUNIOR: Oh, you mean you're in that dopey contest?


RILEY: Yes, sir, and I'm gonna win it! I got a sure-fire system, but I gotta have someone in that store watchin' those beans in case they put more in or take some out.


JUNIOR: Ohhh, I see.


RILEY: Yeah, just for a few days until the contest is over.


JUNIOR: Oh, well, that's different. Okay, Pop, I'll do it.


RILEY: That's my boy.


JUNIOR: And if you win, will you let me drive the Buick?


RILEY: That's a promise. I'll let you drive me around wherever I have to go. And not only that, I'll buy you a chauffeur's uniform!


MUSIC: BRIDGE 


RILEY: Ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen-- 


JUNIOR: But, Pop, I still don't get it.


RILEY: Shh. Sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, nineteen, twenty. Now look, Junior, I bought this bowl, see? The same size as the one in the drugstore. And I filled it up full with the same kind of beans. Then I filled all my pockets with beans from the bowl. Wherever I go, I'm gonna count these beans, and keep countin'.


JUNIOR: Oh, I see.


RILEY: Yeah.


JUNIOR: And when the bowl is empty, you'll have the exact amount.


RILEY: That's right. Now, don't interrupt me. Twenty-one, twenty-two, twenty-three, twenty-four, twenty-five--


JUNIOR: Aw, gee, Pop, you're a cinch to win.


RILEY: Sure. Just keep an eye on that bowl in the store. Twenty-six, twenty-seven, twenty-eight, twenty-nine, thirty--


JUNIOR: Oh, Pop, it's after eight. You'll be late for work.


RILEY: Oh, yeah. Now hide that bowl where your mother can't find it. Thirty, thirty-one, thirty-two, thirty-three-- So long, Junior. 


SOUND: RILEY'S FOOTSTEPS TO DOOR DURING FOLLOWING--


RILEY: Thirty-four, thirty-five--


JUNIOR: So long, Pop! 


RILEY: Thirty-six, thirty-seven, thirty-eight-- 


SOUND: RILEY'S FOOTSTEPS THROUGH DOOR WHICH OPENS AND CLOSES ... FOOTSTEPS ON SIDEWALK


RILEY: Thirty-nine, forty, forty-one, forty-two--


WOMAN: Pardon me, sir. I'm conducting a survey for Parents magazine. How many children do you have?


RILEY: Forty-three, forty-four-- ...


WOMAN: Forty-four?!


RILEY: 'Scuze me, lady, I'm still countin'. Forty-five, forty-six, forty-seven--


MUSIC: BRIDGE


RILEY: (A LITTLE DISTRESSED) Twenty thousand, nine hundred and ninety-five. Twenty thousand, nine hundred and ninety-six. Ninety-seven, ninety-eight, ninety-nine. Twenty-one thousand.


JUNIOR: Hiya, Pop.


RILEY: Oh, hiya, son. How's things at the store today? Any changes in the beans?


JUNIOR: Ohhh, no, it's on the level. Nobody's touched the bowl.


RILEY: Fine. I'm almost through countin'; the bowl's almost empty. I just gotta count up this batch of beans in my pockets and I'm all set.


JUNIOR: Well, isn't this your night for lodge meeting?


RILEY: Yeah, I'm just leavin'. So long, sonny. Twenty-one thousand and one. Twenty-one thousand and two.


SOUND: RILEY'S FOOTSTEPS TO DOOR DURING FOLLOWING--


JUNIOR: So long, Pop.


RILEY: Twenty-one thousand and three. Twenty-one thousand and four. Twenty-one thousand and five.


SOUND: RILEY'S FOOTSTEPS THROUGH DOOR WHICH OPENS AND CLOSES ... FOOTSTEPS ON SIDEWALK, IN AGREEMENT WITH FOLLOWING--


RILEY: Twenty-one thousand and six.


MAN 1: Come on, Shorty. We'll be late for the movies.


MAN 2: All right, I'm comin'. I'm just tyin' my shoelace.


RILEY: (MUMBLES TO HIMSELF) Twenty-one thousand and seven. Twenty-one thousand and eight.


MAN 1: Hey, let the man pass.


RILEY: (STILL MUMBLING) Twenty-one thousand and nine. Twenty-one thousand and ten. 


MAN 2: Look! Mumbles! ...


MUSIC: BRIDGE


SOUND: BUS PULLS TO CURB AND STOPS ... BUS DOOR OPENS


DRIVER: Step lively, please. 


SOUND: FOOTSTEPS CLIMB ONTO BUS


DRIVER: Watch the door. 


SOUND: BUS DOOR CLOSES ... BUS DRIVES OFF ... RUNNING BUS INTERIOR


RILEY: Twenty-two thousand, five hundred and forty-eight. 


DRIVER: Put your fare in the box, please. 


SOUND: HANDFUL OF BEANS SPILL INTO BOX ...


DRIVER: (PAUSE) Pardon me sir, I know it's very silly of us, but this company does not accept kidney beans as legal tender. ... Now put a nickel in the box.


RILEY: Oh. Ohhhh, yeah. Here.


SOUND: COIN DROPS


DRIVER: Move to the rear! Plenty of seats in the rear!


RILEY: (PUSHES TO REAR OF CROWDED BUS) Twenty-two thousand, five hundred and forty-nine. 'Scuze me. Twenty-two thousand, five hundred and fifty. Pardon me, madam. Twenty-two thousand, five hundred and fifty-one.


FRANK: Well, that's right, Harry, I just put it in escrow today. That's the third income property I bought this month.


RILEY: Twenty-two thousand, five hundred and fifty-two.


HARRY: What'd you pay for it, Frank?


FRANK: Sixty-seven thousand, five hundred.


RILEY: Sixty-seven thousand, five hundred and one. ... Sixty-seven thousand, five hundred and two.


HARRY: I don't know, Frank. That's pretty high.


FRANK: Oh, I could sell it tomorrow for seventy-five thousand.


RILEY: Seventy-five thousand and one. ... Seventy-five thousand and two. 


SOUND: BUS PULLS TO CURB AND STOPS ... BUS DOOR OPENS


DRIVER: Cantwell Street!


LADY: Is this the two-hundred block, driver?


RILEY: Seventy-five thousand and three.


DRIVER: Eh, what number are you looking for, madam?


LADY: Two hundred and twelve.


DRIVER: Get off here, madam.


RILEY: Two hundred and thirteen. ... Two hundred and fourteen. Two hundred and fifteen. ...


DRIVER: Step lively!


GILLIS: (OFF) Hold it, driver!


SOUND: GILLIS' RUNNING FOOTSTEPS ONTO BUS WHICH DRIVES OFF


GILLIS: Made it.


RILEY: Two hundred and sixteen-- Oh, hiya, Gillis.


GILLIS: Oh, hi, Riley. Still countin' the beans?


RILEY: Yeah, I'm almost finished. Seventeen, eighteen, nineteen, twenty. I'm finished! At last! What a job, countin' that big bowl of beans! Over fifteen pounds!


GILLIS: Never thought you'd make it, kid. How many beans in the bowl? 


RILEY: Exactly two hundred and twenty-one! ...


GILLIS: Two hundred and twenty-one? 


RILEY: Yep!


GILLIS: In that big bowl? Ah, go on, you're full of beans! ...


RILEY: (REALIZES, WORRIED, INCREASINGLY EMOTIONAL) No, wait a minute, there's somethin' wrong. It must be two thousand and twenty-one. Or maybe two hundred thousand and-- No. No, that can't-- A minute ago, it was only sixty-seven thousand-- Or was it seventy-five thousand? Sixty-seven-- Two hundred and twenty-- WHAT A REVOLTIN' DEVELOPMENT THIS IS! ...


MUSIC: CURTAIN


SOUND: APPLAUSE


ANNOUNCER: We'll hear the second act of THE LIFE OF RILEY in a moment.


PRELL GIRL: Say, Ken, thousands prefer new Prell, Procter & Gamble's Radiant-Creme Shampoo in the handy tube.


ANNOUNCER: Of course. Prell's winning friends for two reasons.


PRELL GIRL: First, there's glamour in a tube of Prell. Because Prell leaves hair more radiant than any soap or soap shampoo. And Prell can't leave a soap film to dull the natural highlights of your hair. Prell-washed hair is radiantly soft, radiantly smooth.


ANNOUNCER: Second, Prell removes embarrassing dandruff in as little as three minutes. Examinations by a group of doctors proved it.


PRELL GIRL: And that handy Prell tube's winning friends, too. No messy jars, no slippery bottles.


ANNOUNCER: So for hair radiantly clean, free of unsightly dandruff, get the shampoo to sing about.


MUSIC: JINGLE ACCOMPANIES PRELL GIRL


PRELL GIRL: (SINGS) P-R-E-L-L, Prell shampoo.

Leaves hair radiant, gleaming bright.

Not a bit of dandruff is in sight.

Comes in a tube.

Handy, too.

P-R-E-L-L, Prell shampoo.


MUSIC: JINGLE OUT


ANNOUNCER: Buy Prell!


MUSIC: THEME ... OUT BEHIND--


ANNOUNCER: And now back to THE LIFE OF RILEY, with William Bendix as Riley.


JUNIOR: Gee, Pop. That's too bad you had to buy more beans and start countin' all over again.


RILEY: Well, that's the breaks, but this time I ain't gonna let nothin' mix me up. I'm gonna start all over again with an empty head and keep fillin' it with beans. ...


JUNIOR: Uh, Pop, the bowl's almost full enough now.


RILEY: Yeah, just one more sack.


SOUND: SACK OF BEANS POURED INTO BOWL 


RILEY: There. Right to the top. Well, here I go again. One, two, three, four, five, six--


JUNIOR: When does the entry have to be in, Pop? 


RILEY: Tonight at midnight. 


JUNIOR: But the Lockharts are comin' to dinner tonight. 


RILEY: I know. I ain't got much time so don't interrupt me. Where was I? 


JUNIOR: Uh, six.


RILEY: Seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven--


SOUND: PHONE RINGS 


RILEY: Twelve, thirteen, fourteen-- 


JUNIOR: Oh, I'll get it.


SOUND: JUNIOR WALKS TO PHONE ... RECEIVER UP 


JUNIOR: (INTO PHONE) Hello?


RILEY: Fifteen, sixteen, seventeen--


JUNIOR: (INTO PHONE) Well, he's busy, can I take the message?


RILEY: Eighteen, nineteen, twenty--


JUNIOR: (INTO PHONE) Oh, that's terrible. Yeah, I'll tell him. 


SOUND: RECEIVER DOWN 


JUNIOR: Hey, Pop, your lodge is on fire!


RILEY: WHAT?! Oh, I gotta get down there. Here, hide the bowl of beans. Remember where I stopped -- twenty-two!


JUNIOR: Yeah, okay.


RILEY: And tell your mother I may be late for dinner.


JUNIOR: But the Lockharts--


RILEY: I can't help that. Which would you rather have in our garage, a long new Buick or them short fat Lockharts? ...


MUSIC: BRIDGE


BABS: Gosh, I hope Daddy's not late for dinner. Junior said it was a big fire.


PEG: Oh, I knew that lodge'd catch fire someday, the way the members are always givin' each other hotfoots. ... Well, I'd better start dinner.


BABS: Mother, what are you serving tonight? 


PEG: Well, I got a nice Virginia ham and I thought we'd have some green peas and cauliflower.


BABS: Oh, Mr. Lockhart despises cauliflower! I remember from last summer.


PEG: Oh, dear. Now what can I serve?


BABS: What's good with ham? How about beans?


PEG: Hmm, yes. That'd be fine, but I doubt if we have enough beans in the house. Take a look, dear.


SOUND: CUPBOARD DOOR OPENS


BABS: Now, let's see. Oh, mother, look, there's a whole bowlful!


PEG: (ASTONISHED) Well, where did that come from? Well, there must be over ten pounds.


BABS: Daddy must have bought another one of his bargains.


PEG: Well, for once it's somethin' we can use. He'll be tickled pink!


MUSIC: BRIDGE


SOUND: CLINK AND CLATTER OF DISHES AND UTENSILS


PEG: Here, Babsy, put the beans on the table.


BABS: All right, Mother.


SOUND: DOOR OPENS


RILEY: (ENTERS) Peg, are they here yet?


PEG: Oh, Riley, why are you so late? Of course they're here. We're at the meat course already.


RILEY: Well, I couldn't help it, Peg -- the fire. 


PEG: And look at your clothes. 


RILEY: Well, I'll go and change. 


PEG: There's no time. Now come on in the dining room. 


RILEY: All right.


SOUND: PEG AND RILEY WALK TO KITCHEN DOOR, WHICH OPENS ... GENERAL MURMUR AT DINNER TABLE, THEN OUT BEHIND--


PEG: Well, folks, he's here at last. (TO RILEY) Dear, you know the Lockharts.


MRS. LOCKHART: How do you do, Mr. Riley?


LOCKHART: How do you do?


RILEY: Likewise, folks. I'm sorry I'm late, but we just now put the fire out.


MRS. LOCKHART: Was it a bad fire, Mr. Riley?


RILEY: Oh, you shoulda seen them flames. Murder!


BABS: Daddy, what happened to your clothes?


RILEY: Well, you don't expect a guy to look neat after he's been in and out of a burnin' buildin' half a dozen times? But luckily I was able to save four.


PEG: Oh, Riley! You were in that burnin' building?


RILEY: Yes, sir!


LOCKHART: That took real courage, Mr. Riley -- carrying four people to safety.


RILEY: People? ... Oh, no. Slot machines. ...


LOCKHART: Oh.


PEG: Riley, you better eat your dinner, dear.


RILEY: Yeah, pass the rolls, please.


LOCKHART: I'll have some more of those baked beans, if I may. They're delicious.


PEG: We almost didn't have 'em. I was gonna make cauliflower, but Babs told me you don't like it and then luckily I found this bowl of beans my husband had--


RILEY: (MOUTH FULL) That's the kind of husband I am. Always bringin' home somethin' for the table. If it ain't a bowl of beans, it's-- (DOUBLE TAKE, CHOKING AND GASPING ... INHALES MIGHTILY, AGITATED, SLOWLY) Peg. Are these beans - my beans? ...


PEG: Why, yes.


RILEY: From my bowl?


PEG: Well, that's right.


RILEY: EVERYBODY STOP CHEWIN'! ... NOBODY SWALLOW! ... One, two, three, four, five, six, seven--


PEG: Oh, Riley, what are you doing with Mr. Lockhart's plate?


LOCKHART: Something wrong with the beans? I'm afraid I'm chewing some.


RILEY: Open your mouth! Eight, nine, ten, eleven, twe-- No, that's a gold tooth. Twelve--


BABS: Daddy, for heaven's sake!


MRS. LOCKHART: Oh, dear, I hope there's nothing wrong with them. I just swallowed some.


RILEY: WHAT?! NOW I'LL HAVE TO HAVE YOU X-RAYED! ...


PEG: Riley, have you gone crazy? What's wrong?


RILEY: What's wrong? I'll tell you what's wrong. (MELODRAMATIC) They just swallowed my Buick! ...


MUSIC: BRIDGE 


SOUND: RILEY'S FOOTSTEPS ON SIDEWALK 


RILEY: (TO HIMSELF) Sixty-three, sixty-four, sixty-five-- Oh, gee, it's eleven o'clock already. Oh, I just gotta make the deadline. 


DIGGER: In that case, I'm rooting for you. ... (APPLAUSE FOR DIGGER)


RILEY: Who's that?


DIGGER: It is I, Digby O'Dell, the friendly undertaker. ... I've been following you for two blocks.


RILEY: Oh, I didn't see you, Digger.


DIGGER: You walk very quickly. But I always catch up with people in the end. ... Pray tell me, what are you doing out in the black of night with that bowl of beans?


RILEY: Oh, that's for the contest I'm in.


DIGGER: Ah, yes, at the drugstore.


RILEY: Yeah.


DIGGER: I adore contests. I'm in the annual one sponsored by the U.E.P.B.B.J.


RILEY: U.E.P.B.B.J.?


DIGGER: The Undertakers, Embalmers and Pallbearers Body-Building Jamboree. ... Last year I took first prize - for weightlifting. But I lost the obstacle race. For the first time in my life, I couldn't get out of a ditch. ...


RILEY: Well, it looks like I ain't gonna win either. I had a system, but then I got all mixed up and I couldn't remember what the number was.


DIGGER: You should've let me help you. I always keep my figures straight. ...


RILEY: Then I started to count all over again and my wife used up some beans and I was all over town trying to get more beans and now it's so late--


DIGGER: Why not just take a guess? I'll give you a number. Seven-three-five-four-one.


RILEY: Why? Is that your lucky number?


DIGGER: Yes, it's the license on my business vehicle. ... Use that number and you're bound to cash in. ...


RILEY: No, no, I'm gonna count 'em.


DIGGER: Then I will assist you.


RILEY: Oh that's swell, Digger, but we can't go to my house. There's people there and they'll disturb us.


DIGGER: Come to my place. There are people there, too, but they won't disturb us. ... Hurry up. We'd better be - shoveling off. (APPLAUSE FOR DIGGER)


MUSIC: BRIDGE 


SOUND: THE RILEYS' FOOTSTEPS ON SIDEWALK 


RILEY: Hurry up, Babs. Come on, Peg. I wanna be there when I win that car. 


BABS: Oh, Daddy, you're just building yourself up for an awful let-down.


PEG: You never won anything in your life, Riley. 


RILEY: Well, that's gratitude. I try to do somethin' for my family. I stay up half the night countin'-- Hey, look, there's the car! They moved it outside!


SOUND: MURMUR OF CROWD ... IN BG 


PEG: Oh, my! Look at the crowd. 


RILEY: Yeah, come on, let's get up closer. 


BABS: Oh, it's gorgeous. Maroon, my favorite color.


RILEY: Hey, look at those kids. (YELLS) Hey, you! Get away from my car, you kids!


PEG: (ADMONISHES) Riley! You haven't won it yet. 


ROBERTS: (FILTER) Attention, folks! Attention!


RILEY: Oh, that's Mr. Roberts, the store manager. 


ROBERTS: (FILTER) The judges have just checked the entries and we're now ready to announce the winner.


SOUND: CROWD MURMURS EXPECTANTLY 


ROBERTS: (FILTER) The exact number of beans in the bowl was twenty-four thousand, seven hundred and twenty. And the winner -- the contestant who came closest to that amount with a guess of twenty-four thousand, five hundred and twelve -- was - Chester A. Riley!


SOUND: CROWD REACTS ... POLITE APPLAUSE


BABS: (GASPS) 


PEG: (GASPS) Oh, we won, we won! 


BABS: Mother, I can't believe it! 


ROBERTS: Is Mr. Riley present? (NO ANSWER) Mr. Riley? Are you here, Mr. Riley? 


SOUND: CAR HORN HONKS TWICE 


RILEY: Yeah, here I am! In my car! ...


MUSIC: BRIDGE 


SOUND: RUNNING AUTO INTERIOR BACKGROUND


RILEY: Boy, listen to that motor. How's it ride in the back, Peg? 


PEG: Oh, wonderful. 


BABS: Oh, Daddy, it's just super. 


ROBERTS: Handles well, eh, Mr. Riley?


RILEY: Oh, terrific, Mr. Roberts. I never drove a car like this. I can't thank you and your company enough. To think that just an hour ago I was only a common pedestrian.


BABS: Oh, look out, Daddy!


SOUND: CAR HORN HONKS TWICE 


RILEY: (YELLS) Out o' my way, ya common pedestrian! ... (PLEASED) Did you see him jump?! (LAUGHS HAPPILY) ...


ROBERTS: Well, it's getting late, Mr. Riley, would you mind taking me back to the store?


RILEY: No, wait, we're coming to a highway. Let's see how she handles on the open road, huh?


SOUND: CAR ENGINE REVS UP


RILEY: Oh, boy, this is living, eh, dumpling?


PEG: Wonderful, dear.


RILEY: Too bad Junior isn't here. You know my boy, Mr. Roberts.


ROBERTS: No, I don't believe I've had the pleasure.


RILEY: Oh, you must know him. He works in your store.


ROBERTS: Your son is an employee in my store?


RILEY: Yeah.


ROBERTS: Mr. Riley, would you mind pulling over to the curb?


RILEY: Sure thing.


SOUND: CAR PULLS TO CURB AND STOPS


ROBERTS: Now, uh, may I have that pink slip I gave you?


RILEY: Sure thing.


ROBERTS: And the white slip?


RILEY: Sure thing.


ROBERTS: And now may I have the keys?


RILEY: Help yourself.


SOUND: KEYS DROP INTO ROBERTS' HAND


ROBERTS: And now, Mr. Riley, please move over. I'm driving this car back.


RILEY: Ah, I'm sorry, Mr. Roberts, but I can't do that. You know how it is -- new car. (LAUGHS)


ROBERTS: I hate to say this, Mr. Riley, but you can't have this car. 


RILEY: (PAUSE, CRESTFALLEN) Come again, Mr. Roberts? 


PEG: Why, Mr. Roberts, what do you mean?


ROBERTS: Your son works in my store. If you'd read the rules you'd have known that no employees or relatives of employees are eligible for this contest. So I'm afraid that--


RILEY: (EMOTIONAL) No. No, it can't be. You can't do this to me. 


ROBERTS: Well, I'm sorry. He's your son. 


RILEY: I'll disown him! ... 


ROBERTS: Now, now, Mr. Riley--


RILEY: But he ain't really my son. He - he's my wife's son. I'm only his father! ... 


ROBERTS: Well, it makes no difference as long as she's your wife. 


RILEY: I'll divorce her tonight! ... You ain't gettin' this car! 


ROBERTS: Now, let's be reasonable, Mr. Riley.


RILEY: No, sir! You'll have to fight me for it! 


ROBERTS: Let go!


RILEY: Take your hand off that wheel or I'll--! 


PEG: RILEY, DON'T


MUSIC: BRIDGE


SOUND: THE RILEYS WALK WEARILY ON ROAD


PEG: (IN PAIN) Oh, oh, my feet. (BIG SIGH) How much farther to the bus stop?


RILEY: (MISERABLE) We'll come to one in a couple of miles. ...


BABS: Oh, these high heels are killing me.


PEG: Well, thank your father. It's bad enough we didn't win the car, he had to go and punch Mr. Roberts in the nose.


RILEY: Well, I'm sorry, Peg. I - I didn't mean-- Well, gee, what're you blamin' me for? Junior's your son, too, you know. Gee, I do my best.


PEG: Oh, I'm sorry, dear. Of course it's not your fault. Now, let's forget all about it.


SOUND: AUTO APPROACHES


RILEY: Yeah, I-- Hey! A lift! 


SOUND: AUTO PASSES BY BEHIND--


RILEY: (CALLS) Hey, would you give--?! ... (MISERABLE AGAIN) You'd think one of these cars would have the decency to give us a lift. Those car owners, they're a mean bunch!


MUSIC: CURTAIN


SOUND: APPLAUSE, WHISTLES


ANNOUNCER: The Rileys will be back in just a moment. Everywhere, people welcome new Prell, Procter & Gamble's Radiant-Creme Shampoo in the handy tube. Mrs. Scott Johnson of Chicago, Illinois writes--


MRS. JOHNSON: I've found Prell to be the answer to soft, clean, easy-to-manage hair. Usually there are several shampoos at our house, but now we all agree that Prell is tops with us.


ANNOUNCER: And Prell will be tops with you. Once you see how quickly Prell removes unsightly dandruff -- leaves hair radiantly clean, radiantly lovely. You'll sing about--


MUSIC: JINGLE ACCOMPANIES PRELL GIRL


PRELL GIRL: (SINGS) P-R-E-L-L, Prell shampoo.

Leaves hair radiant, gleaming bright.

Not a bit of dandruff is in sight.

Comes in a tube.

Handy, too.

P-R-E-L-L, Prell shampoo.


MUSIC: THEME ... THEN OUT BEHIND--


SOUND: THE RILEYS WALK WEARILY ON ROAD


BABS: Oh, we must have walked ten miles.


RILEY: Oh, my poor dogs.


PEG: If you ever enter another contest--


SOUND: LARGE AUTO APPROACHES


RILEY: No, Peg, I-- Hey! A lift!


SOUND: LARGE AUTO PULLS TO A STOP


PEG: Why, Riley-- Oh, it looks like--


DIGGER: Going my way? ...


RILEY: (RELIEVED) Hello, Digger.


PEG: Oh, Mr. O'Dell, I'm so glad it's you. Can you give us a lift?


DIGGER: It'll be a pleasure.


SOUND: CAR DOOR OPENS


RILEY: Oh, thanks, Digger. Go on, get in, Babs. Get in, Peg.


DIGGER: Oh, dear, it's kind of crowded in here. I'm afraid there isn't room for you, Riley.


RILEY: Oh, Digger, you gotta make room. I can't walk. I'm dead. 


DIGGER: In that case, hop in the back! ... 


RILEY: (RESIGNED) It's a losin' fight. 


MUSIC: THEME ... THEN IN BG


SOUND: APPLAUSE


ANNOUNCER: Procter & Gamble invites you to join us again next week to hear THE LIFE OF RILEY, with William Bendix as Riley. William Bendix can currently be seen in the Paramount picture "Where There's Life." The script is by Alan Lipscott and Reuben Ship. Mrs. Riley is Paula Winslowe, Digger O'Dell is John Brown. THE LIFE OF RILEY is produced and directed by Irving Brecher.


MUSIC: THEME ... UP AND OUT ... THEN JINGLE ACCOMPANIES MALE SINGER--


MALE SINGER: 

Oh, she was a prima donna, 

With always a man in tow. 

She washed all the finery on her

With wonderful Ivory Snow.


2ND ANNCR: Ah, wonderful Ivory Snow -- a regular beauty bath for blouses, lingerie, and sheer nylons. And your hands will tell you why Ivory Snow keeps lovely washables lovely longer. Prove it. This week, wash dishes with Ivory Snow. When you see how it pampers your hands, you'll know it's extra kind to fine fabrics. There's no other soap like it. Ivory Snow's the only soap, both Ivory Mild and in granulated form. Makes suds instantly in lukewarm, even in cool water. Your hands will tell you why. Ivory Snow is so kind to your hands, you just know it's kind to sheer nylons and lovely lingerie and blouses.


MUSIC: JINGLE ACCOMPANIES MALE SINGER--


MALE SINGER: Ohhhhhh, wonderful Ivory Snow! 


2ND ANNCR: S-N-O-W!


MUSIC: THEME ... THEN IN BG--


ANNOUNCER: This is Ken Carpenter reminding you that for radiantly clean, lovely hair, get the shampoo in the tube, P-R-E-L-L, Prell shampoo. And listen again next week when Prell brings you THE LIFE OF RILEY. Good night!


SOUND: APPLAUSE


MUSIC: OUT


NBC ANNCR: This is NBC, the National Broadcasting Company.


MUSIC: NBC CHIMES

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