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Valentine Party Mix-Up

The Aldrich Family

Valentine Party Mix-Up

Feb 11 1943



CAST:

ANNOUNCER

NBC ANNCR (1 line)


HENRY, teen with high, cracked voice 

MARY, Henry's older teen sister

ALICE, Henry's mother

AGNES, Homer's pushy girlfriend

HOMER, Henry's wimpy, but cagey pal

SAM, Henry's self-centered father

KATHLEEN, Henry's girlfriend

OPERATOR, on the phone

MRS. LAWSON, Agnes' mother

HARRIET, Henry's aunt

MRS. THOMKINS

MANAGER, of hotel

SPEAKER


NOTE: The adult characters are played fairly straight and much of the very gentle humor comes from the fact that the teens are all in a goofy awkward phase: they're self-absorbed, narrowly focused, easily distracted, and have mannered or high-pitched voices, like children, but they're also painfully polite to their elders, and are just smart and articulate enough to poorly imitate adult logic and speech patterns amidst their loopy ideas and interjections of "Gee whiz!" and "My goodness!"




MUSIC: BRIEF INTRODUCTION


ANNOUNCER: Postum presents--


ALICE: (CALLS) Hen-ryyyyyyy?! Henry Aldrich!


HENRY: Coming, mother!


SOUND: APPLAUSE ... THEN OUT BEHIND--


ANNOUNCER: "The Aldrich Family," written by Clifford Goldsmith -- entertainment for all the family, brought to you by Postum, a tempting wholesome drink for all the family. Postum!


MUSIC: THEME ... BRISK AND BRIGHT


ANNOUNCER: Well, friends, here it is, another Thursday night, and opportunity is knocking loudly at your door; and knocking twice. First, it's your opportunity to put away your worries and cares for a half hour and relax and laugh with those grand people, the Aldrich family. And second, it's your opportunity to find out something about that equally grand mealtime drink, Postum. Why, even in looks, friends, Postum is a winner, the kind of drink you don't waste a second tilting to your lips. It has the kind of flavor you refer to in italics. It has the kind of hearty robust goodness that warms the cockles of your heart. Now, just don't expect when you try it that Postum is going to taste like coffee any more than you'd expect coffee to taste like tea. Remember that Postum's distinctive flavor is in a class apart. It has an extra-special goodness of its own that leaves you no words for description but "Ahhh!" and Ah!" again. And then don't be surprised if you enjoy your meals far more than you did before, the day you start enjoying Postum.


MUSIC: A BIG BUILD-UP ... THEN NOSTALGIC ... THEN BEHIND ANNOUNCER--


ANNOUNCER: Boys like Penrod Schofield, Tom Sawyer, and Huck Finn live in our memories because they typify the teenage youngsters all of us know. And Henry Aldrich is another of these real American boys. He lives in your block; perhaps in your own home. The scene opens in the Aldrich living room.


HENRY: But, Mary, what have I done?


MARY: (UPSET) You know very well what you've done, Henry Aldrich. You know very well what you've done!


HENRY: When?


MARY: Didn't you and Homer ask a whole crowd here to our house for a Valentine party Saturday night?!


HENRY: Sure, we even sent out written invitations.


MARY: But, Henry, that's the night I'm having my party!


HENRY: Mary, how could you have a party?


MARY: Well, my goodness, Henry, I've been planning on it for six weeks!


HENRY: On a party?


MARY: Yes, for my sorority!


SOUND: PHONE RINGS


HENRY: Well, all right, Mary. Can't you meet at some other house?


MARY: Henry, mother says it's my party and I can have it here at our house and I'm not to budge an inch!


HENRY: I know, but, Mary--


ALICE: (CALLS, FROM OFF) Henry, you're wanted on the telephone!


HENRY: (CALLS) Yes, mother; I'll be there just as soon as I get something straightened out! (TO MARY) Mary, how 'bout our invitations? What are Homer and I gonna do?


MARY: (MOVING OFF) I'm sure I don't know! You can have your party at Homer's house!


HENRY: But, Mary--! But, Mary--! (INTO PHONE) Hello?


AGNES: Hello, Henry? This is Agnes.


HENRY: (INTO PHONE) Who?


AGNES: Agnes! Is Homer there?


HENRY: (INTO PHONE) No, I was just gonna call and see whether he's over at your house. There - there's something I have to see him about right away.


AGNES: Well, Henry, we're all looking forward to your party Saturday night.


HENRY: (INTO PHONE) You are?


AGNES: And I was just wondering whether you'd mind calling Lillian Spencer and asking her to come.


HENRY: (INTO PHONE) Lillian Spencer?!


AGNES: She'd have an awfully good time, Henry.


HENRY: (INTO PHONE) But, Agnes, I wouldn't.


AGNES: What do you mean by that?


HENRY: (INTO PHONE) Well, besides one reason I'd rather not even mention, I'm not speaking to Lillian.


AGNES: That's all right. I'd be glad to call her.


HENRY: (INTO PHONE) But, Agnes--! Agnes, that'll make thirteen!


MARY: (CALLS, FROM OFF) Henry?!


HENRY: Yes, Mary? (INTO PHONE) Just a second, Agnes.


MARY: (CALLS, FROM OFF) Homer's here!


HENRY: Well, tell him to come here quick! (INTO PHONE) Agnes? Agnes?!


SOUND: RATTLES THE PHONE CRADLE IN VAIN


HENRY: (UNHAPPY) Oh, gee whiz!


SOUND: RECEIVER DOWN


HOMER: (APPROACHES) Hey, Henry, I was just over to the bakery and ordered four dozen doughnuts.


HENRY: Homer--? Homer, why couldn't we throw the party at your house?


HOMER: Why?


HENRY: Well, your house is a lot nearer the center of town, Homer, and - and your heating system's a lot better than ours.


HOMER: Now, listen, Henry, don't you remember the last party we threw at my house?


HENRY: Oh, Homer, that was just due to an unfortunate series of circumstances.


HOMER: Even so, my father hasn't gotten over it yet.


HENRY: But, Homer, let me tell you-- We're giving a party Saturday night and it isn't gonna be at your house and it isn't gonna be at mine!


MUSIC: BRIDGE


HENRY: But, mother, why not look at it this way--?


ALICE: I'm sorry, dear.


SAM: (APPROACHES, URGENT) Alice, have you seen that piece of paper I had?


ALICE: What was it, Sam?


SAM: It was a list of the members of the Rotary Club.


HENRY: Father, do you have any ideas as to how we could manage it?


SAM: Henry, I haven't time to talk about anything now. (MOVING OFF) I've got to go find that list.


HOMER: But, Mr. Aldrich--


SOUND: PHONE RINGS


ALICE: Henry, I'm sorry, but you may not have your party here. Please go answer the telephone.


HENRY: Yes, mother.


HOMER: Henry, what are we gonna do?


HENRY: I don't know, Homer. Why do you keep asking me?


HOMER: Because I ordered the doughnuts in my name.


SOUND: PHONE RINGS ... RECEIVER UP


HENRY: (INTO PHONE) Hello?


KATHLEEN: Hello, Henry, this is Kathleen.


HENRY: (INTO PHONE) Oh, hello.


KATHLEEN: I just wanted to tell you the good news.


HENRY: (INTO PHONE) What?


KATHLEEN: Well, I don't suppose I should tell you, but I got a new evening dress for your party.


HENRY: (INTO PHONE) You did? An evening--? But, Kathleen, it's gonna be informal.


KATHLEEN: Oh, no. Agnes phoned all of us and said it had been changed. We're to wear long dresses.


HENRY: (INTO PHONE) Agnes did?


KATHLEEN: (QUICKLY) Yes, Henry. And I just wanted to tell you I'm looking forward to coming. Goodbye!


HENRY: (INTO PHONE) But, Kathleen--!


SOUND: RATTLES THE PHONE CRADLE IN VAIN


HENRY: (INTO PHONE) Kathleen!


SOUND: RECEIVER DOWN BEHIND--


HOMER: What's-a matter, Henry?


HENRY: Agnes is having them all dress up! Who gave her any authority like that?


HOMER: You know, Henry, what we've gotta do?


HENRY: What?


HOMER: Something about the number thirteen. Either we've gotta get rid of one of our guests, or you or I have gotta drop out.


HENRY: Now, listen, Homer, you're not gonna leave me flat!


HOMER: Well, I was just making a generous offer, Henry. ... I know. Why not call Agnes and see whether she'd have any suggestions?


HENRY: In what way?


HOMER: Well, as long as she's showing so much interest, she might be very glad to have our party at her house.


HENRY: Now, listen, Homer, we're not gonna get Agnes any more mixed up in this than she is.


HOMER: Henry, didn't you ever taste the lemon meringue pie her mother makes?


HENRY: Mm, yes.


HOMER: (THAT SETTLES IT) And there you are; lemme call her.


HENRY: But, Homer--


SOUND: PHONE RECEIVER UP


HOMER: (INTO PHONE) Hello?


OPERATOR: Number, please.


HOMER: (INTO PHONE) Elm Nine-Seven-One-Seven.


OPERATOR: Elm Nine-Seven-One-Seven.


HENRY: Homer, how do you know her mother will make any pie?


HOMER: Henry, why worry about that detail when you don't even have a roof over your party?


AGNES: Hello?


HOMER: (INTO PHONE) Hello, is this--? Is this Agnes?


AGNES: Yes, Homer, and I'm glad you called!


HOMER: (INTO PHONE) You are?


AGNES: Yes, I want you to go right over to Andy Morton's and get all of his records.


HOMER: (INTO PHONE) What for?


AGNES: For the party Saturday night. At Henry's.


HOMER: (INTO PHONE) At Henry's?


AGNES: Yes, aren't you taking me?


HOMER: (INTO PHONE) Well, as a matter of fact, Agnes, that's what I really called you up about. Supposing-- Supposing it's raining real hard that night.


AGNES: What about it?


HOMER: (INTO PHONE) Well, you wouldn't want to go out in it, would ya? I mean, if it was practically the worst storm we've had all season?


AGNES: What made ya think of that?


HOMER: (INTO PHONE) Ya can't tell, Agnes. Suppose it even turned to sleet and froze right on you?


AGNES: Oh, my! I wouldn't go out if it did that!


HOMER: (INTO PHONE) Well, I'm glad you'd be sensible, because I've got a wonderful solution. We're all coming over to your house.


AGNES: What's that?


HENRY: (LOW, URGENT) Ask her about the pie, Homer.


AGNES: Homer, the invitation said the party was to be at the Aldriches'!


HOMER: (INTO PHONE) But, Agnes, why not look at it this way--?


AGNES: (MAD) Now, listen, Homer Brown--!


MUSIC: BRIDGE


SOUND: DOORBELL RINGS


HOMER: I wonder why she doesn't come to the door.


HENRY: You know, Homer, something tells me we're gonna be sorry we're having the party at Agnes' house.


HOMER: Henry, we'll have a wonderful time. And it was very nice of Agnes.


HENRY: But - but why do we have to come over a day early?


HOMER: Because she said we hadda come and make the plans.


HENRY: Sure, that's what I mean. Homer, we know what the inside of her house looks like. 


SOUND: FRONT DOOR OPENS


AGNES: (EXUBERANT) Hello!


HOMER: Hi, Agnes.


HENRY: Hello.


AGNES: Come on in! My goodness, I'm so excited!


HENRY: Yeah?


SOUND: DOOR CLOSES


AGNES: First of all, I've got a lot of ideas about things for us to eat!


HENRY: Oh, Agnes, so far as the refreshments are concerned, Homer and I have taken care of everything but -- the lemon meringue pie.


AGNES: But, Henry, what are you having?


HOMER: Ginger ale and doughnuts.


AGNES: Doughnuts?! ...


HOMER: Sure. We just ordered four dozen.


AGNES: Four dozen?!


HENRY: Sure.


AGNES: But, my goodness, four dozen?


HENRY: Well, Agnes, that isn't so many. As a matter of fact, I was just thinking we ought to double the order.


HOMER: Sure.


AGNES: But, boys, I don't like doughnuts.


HENRY: But I do.


AGNES: All right. My goodness, why worry over a little thing like doughnuts? Naturally, we can decide a thing like that later on. Now, here's the living room.


HENRY: (APPRAISING) Oh, yes. Yes.


AGNES: The first thing you wanna do is move the piano down to the other end of the room.


HENRY: (DISMAYED) Move it?


HOMER: (MORE SO) Move it? ...


AGNES: Yes, and you might as well do it now, while I tell my mother to bake a couple of cakes. In case we don't have doughnuts.


HENRY: What's that? In addition to the lemon meringue?


AGNES: Of course.


HENRY: (OBSEQUIOUS) Oh, gee whiz, Agnes, naturally, I'd move your piano any place you wanted.


HOMER: (MORE SO) So will I!


HENRY: And, Agnes, are we glad you can come to our party here!


AGNES: Well, thanks, fellas! It was certainly very nice of you to ask me. And would you do me a favor?


HENRY: Sure.


HOMER: Sure, what is it?


AGNES: Would you mind if I ask Gertie Parker to come Saturday night? She doesn't get invited to many parties.


HOMER: (DISMAYED) Gertie Parker?


HENRY: (MORE SO) Gertie Parker? Oh, boy.


AGNES: (MOVING OFF) I'm glad you mentioned her; I'll call her right now!


HENRY: Listen, Homer, who mentioned her?


HOMER: But, Henry, why should you object to Gertie Parker when you're getting a wonderful room like this thrown in with her? Come on, let's move the piano.


HENRY: Okay, but my heart isn't in it.


HOMER: (WITH EFFORT) Push!


HENRY: (WITH EFFORT) Push yourself.


SOUND: PIANO SQUEAKILY ROLLS ACROSS ROOM DURING FOLLOWING--


HOMER: Keep going.


HENRY: Push!


SOUND: PIANO STOPS ABRUPTLY BEHIND--


HOMER: Now, wait a second, Henry.


HENRY: That's what I say. Uh, Homer, after we get this taken care of, how 'bout our moving that picture that's on the wall?


HOMER: What's the matter with it? That's Agnes' father.


HENRY: (WITH DISTASTE) It is?


HOMER: Sure. ... Come on and push.


HENRY: (WITH EFFORT) Push yourself.


SOUND: PIANO SQUEAKILY ROLLS ACROSS ROOM, THEN STOPS


HENRY: Oh, gee whiz.


MRS. LAWSON: (INDIGNANT) Boys! May I ask just what you think you're doing?!


HENRY: Why, hello, Mrs. Lawson.


MRS. LAWSON: Henry Aldrich! I'd like to ask you again what you're doing!


HENRY: (TONGUE-TIED) Why, we're just-- We're just--


HOMER: (HELPFULLY) Getting ready for the party.


MRS. LAWSON: What party?


HENRY: Ours. Here. Hadn't you heard?


HOMER: And we want you to know, Mrs. Lawson, we're very grateful.


MRS. LAWSON: Boys, will you both please leave this house?


HENRY: Yes, ma'am. Without--? Without--? Oh, gee whiz.


MRS. LAWSON: And I have a good notion to call both your parents!


HENRY: (NERVOUSLY) Oh, you don't have to bother about anything like that. We're going right away, Mrs. Lawson!


MUSIC: BRIDGE


AGNES: Kathleen, tell me once more. When you called Henry, just what did he say?


KATHLEEN: Agnes, he said he had no desire whatever to discuss the matter.


AGNES: And he said that I tried to boss their whole party?


KATHLEEN: Yes, Agnes, that's exactly what he said.


AGNES: But I don't see why he should blame me, Kathleen, for something my mother did.


KATHLEEN: And I stuck up for you. I told him you didn't mean to be bossy.


AGNES: My goodness, I was never so embarrassed in my life. I'll never be able to face Homer again.


KATHLEEN: I know, but I don't why Henry should be so mad at me.


AGNES: At least, Kathleen, I did one thing. The minute I realized my mother wouldn't bake anything for them, I called the bakery and doubled their order for doughnuts.


KATHLEEN: Really?


AGNES: And, Kathleen, as a matter of fact, I have an idea!


KATHLEEN: What is it?


AGNES: First, where's your telephone? My goodness, when I get through, Henry and Homer will come around on bended knees and apologize!


MUSIC: BRIDGE


HENRY: (INTO PHONE) Hello?


SOUND: RATTLES THE PHONE CRADLE


HOMER: Doesn't she answer?


OPERATOR: I'm ringing your number.


HENRY: Homer, when you went back to get your hat, what did Mrs. Lawson say?


HOMER: She didn't say anything. She wouldn't even let me in.


HENRY: Well, I can tell ya one thing. I'm never gonna darken the Lawson door again.


HOMER: And I hope you don't think I'm going to.


OPERATOR: I'm ringing your number.


HENRY: (INTO PHONE) Thank you.


SAM: (APPROACHES) Henry, when you see your mother, tell her I found the list.


HENRY: The what, father?


SAM: (MOVING OFF) The list of members of the Rotary Club I was looking for.


HARRIET: Hello?


HENRY: Oh, gee whiz. (INTO PHONE) Hello, Aunt Harriet. This is Henry.


HARRIET: Hello, Henry. What is it you want? I've got to get back to the kitchen.


HENRY: (INTO PHONE) Aunt Harriet, how would you like to--? How would you--? Have you got a full day Saturday?


HARRIET: No, not especially. Did your mother want me to come over for dinner?


HENRY: (INTO PHONE) Well, if I could arrange it, could you?


HARRIET: What did you call me for?


HENRY: (INTO PHONE) Why, er-- I wanted to know whether I could borrow something.


HARRIET: What?


HENRY: (INTO PHONE) Your house.


HARRIET: What's that? ...


HENRY: (INTO PHONE) Aunt Harriet, I have to give a party that evening, see? And - and, gee, if I could arrange it so you wouldn't have to be there, Aunt Harriet, would you be interested?


HARRIET: Why, I might.


HENRY: (INTO PHONE) Ya might?!


HOMER: Oh, boy!


HARRIET: I'll let you have the party at my house, Henry, provided you don't invite that awful Homer Brown.


HENRY: (INTO PHONE) Oh! But, Aunt Harriet--!


MUSIC: BRIDGE


AGNES: (INTO PHONE) Hello?


SOUND: RATTLES THE PHONE CRADLE


AGNES: (INTO PHONE) Hello?


MRS. T: Hello?


AGNES: (INTO PHONE) Is this Mrs. Thomkins?


MRS. T: Yes.


AGNES: (INTO PHONE) Well, this is Agnes Lawson. Do the ladies in your church serve supper sometimes?


MRS. T: Oh, my, yes. We have beautiful equipment downstairs, right off the Sunday school room.


AGNES: (INTO PHONE) Well, could you serve a little Valentine's supper tomorrow night?


MRS. T: Why, I guess we could.


KATHLEEN: (LOW) Agnes, Henry and Homer haven't any money!


AGNES: Kathleen-- (INTO PHONE) Just a minute, Mrs. Thomkins. (LOW, TO KATHLEEN) Kathleen, the food they serve, wherever they have it, is gonna cost something, isn't it?


KATHLEEN: (LOW) Yes.


AGNES: (LOW) Then why not let it go toward the church and make it worthwhile?


KATHLEEN: (LOW) Oh, all right.


AGNES: (UP, INTO PHONE) Hello, Mrs. Thomkins!


MRS. T: Hello?


AGNES: (INTO PHONE) Do you suppose you could serve something that wouldn't cost hardly anything?


MRS. T: Oh, I guess we could. (CONSIDERS) Something as simple as a bowl of soup and -- maybe sandwiches, and - and a rice pudding?


AGNES: (INTO PHONE) Yes!


MRS. T: Well, we're awfully anxious to raise some money for the new organ, and I'm sure the ladies will be more than glad to.


MUSIC: BRIDGE


SOUND: PHONE RINGS ... RECEIVER UP


HARRIET: Hello?


MRS. T: Hello, is this Miss Harriet Briar?


HARRIET: Yes.


MRS. T: Harriet, this is Mrs. Thomkins.


HARRIET: (DELIGHTED) Oh, yes, hello.


MRS. T: Say, I've got some good news about the organ.


HARRIET: The organ?


MRS. T: Yes, the one we're raising money for at the church.


HARRIET: Oh. 


MRS. T: A young lady just phoned and wanted to know whether we could have a little dinner for her, a little party tomorrow night.


HARRIET: Good. How many are you going to serve?


MRS. T: Well, I told her it wouldn't be worth our while unless we had at least forty.


HARRIET: Good.


MRS. T: And she said she'd see to it there were at least that many, and she might be able to round up fifty.


HARRIET: Well, I'm awfully glad to hear that. That organ we have now bothers me every Sunday.


MRS. T: And, Harriet, do you suppose you could be one of the ladies that helps serve?


HARRIET: Tomorrow night?


MRS. T: Yes.


HARRIET: Oh, I would, I'd be glad to; only I just this minute got through inviting some people over here for a party tomorrow night.


MRS. T: Oh?


HARRIET: Yes, I'm going to give a little surprise party for my nephew Henry. I know he wants one.


MRS. T: (AMUSED) Oh.


HARRIET: And I'm asking in quite a few. Mrs. Carville said she could come if it wasn't too slippery for her bad leg.


MRS. T: Really?


HARRIET: And another person I'm going to ask is old Mr. Perkins.


MRS. T: (HOW NICE!) Oh.


HARRIET: Henry'll like him. He's a lot of fun at a party.


MRS. T: Oh, good.


HARRIET: And, uh, Miss Frederick; she hasn't been out all winter.


MRS. T: Good!


HARRIET: I'm just sorry that you can't be there yourself.


MUSIC: FIRST ACT CURTAIN


ANNOUNCER: Well, I'm afraid Aunt Harriet and Henry have rather different ideas about who's welcome at a teenage boy's party. But something they probably would agree about is what makes the most welcome hot drink at mealtimes. The answer is Postum, of course. Millions of Americans will tell you that. In fact, it's because Postum is so popular -- it's because every day more and more people are insisting on Postum -- that there's a temporary shortage. We just can't keep pace with the fast-growing demand, even though we're making more Postum today than ever before in our history. So if you can't always immediately get Postum when you ask for it at your grocer's, don't be discouraged. Don't think your grocer isn't going to get any more Postum. He will. And as soon as he does get Postum, you'll get it, too. So be sure to ask for it again.


MUSIC: TAG ... THEN BEHIND ANNOUNCER--


ANNOUNCER: Now, getting back to the troubles of Henry Aldrich. Henry and Homer are trying to find a place to hold their party Saturday night. Meanwhile, unknown to them, Agnes Lawson has arranged for them to hold it at the Methodist church. And Aunt Harriet, also unknown to them, has decided to let them hold it at her house. The scene opens in the Aldrich living room.


SOUND: PHONE RINGS


ALICE: (CALLS, FROM OFF) Henry, will you please answer that phone?


HENRY: Who? I?


ALICE: (CALLS, FROM OFF) Yes, please!


HENRY: Homer, would you mind answering it and just tell whoever it is I'm not here?


HOMER: Henry, I'm not gonna be your personal goat. ...


HENRY: But - but, Homer, suppose it's Agnes trying to get us again.


HOMER: Just tell her again we're not speaking to her.


SOUND: PHONE RINGS


HENRY: Well, okay. And if it's somebody wanting to know where we're gonna have the party, I'll tell them it's slightly up in the air.


SOUND: RECEIVER UP


HENRY: (INTO PHONE) Hello?


MANAGER: Hello, is Mr. Aldrich there?


HENRY: (INTO PHONE) Mr. Aldrich? Why, no, he isn't.


MANAGER: Oh. Well, when he comes in, could you please tell him that the Mansion House phoned?


HENRY: (INTO PHONE) The Mansion House? The Mansion House Hotel?


MANAGER: Yes, I wanted to submit an estimate for his party Saturday night.


HENRY: (INTO PHONE) Party?


MANAGER: Yes, I received word that he's planning a party for Saturday night and I wanted to give him the figures for a private dining room.


HENRY: (INTO PHONE) Oh, gee whiz, I'm planning a party, but--


MANAGER: Oh, are you Mr. Aldrich?


HENRY: (INTO PHONE) Yes, sir, only-- Only--


MANAGER: Oh, you're the gentleman.


HENRY: (INTO PHONE) Yes, sir.


MANAGER: Well, I've figured out an estimate for you.


HENRY: (INTO PHONE) I know, but we can't afford anything that's gonna cost as much as-- Well, we just couldn't afford it, that's all.


MANAGER: Well, this isn't going to cost so much.


HENRY: (INTO PHONE) It isn't?


MANAGER: No, not at all. 


HENRY: (INTO PHONE) How much is it?


MANAGER: Well, first, I'd have to know a little more. Uh, would you want a fruit cup or tomato juice to begin with?


HENRY: (INTO PHONE) What's that? ...


MANAGER: I said, do you want a fruit cup or tomato juice?


HENRY: (INTO PHONE) Why-- (TO HOMER) Homer, which do you want, a fruit cup or tomato juice?


HOMER: Now? ...


HENRY: Hurry up, I'm gonna get a party -- at the Mansion House Hotel.


HOMER: Oh. Could we have grape juice?


HENRY: (INTO PHONE) Hello? Could we have grape juice?


MANAGER: Yes. Yes, you can have anything you want.


HENRY: (INTO PHONE) We can?! (TO HOMER) Homer, have anything ya want.


HOMER: Gee whiz!


HENRY: Hurry up and decide. What do ya want?


HOMER: (INDECISIVE) Ohhh-- (DECISIVE) Take fruit cup.


HENRY: (INTO PHONE) Hello? Hello, we'll take fruit cup.


HOMER: No, no, wait a minute, Henry, wait a minute.


HENRY: What's the matter?


HOMER: Make it-- Okay, fruit cup.


HENRY: (INTO PHONE) Hello? Fruit cup's okay.


MANAGER: Yes, Mr. Aldrich. Now, would you want chicken patties with peas, or lamb chops with limas?


HENRY: (INTO PHONE) Ohhh, that sounds all right.


MANAGER: Which will it be?


HENRY: (INTO PHONE) What?


MANAGER: Chicken patties with peas, or lamb chops with limas?


HENRY: Homer, how would you like some lamb chops?


HOMER: All right. With lots of mashed potatoes.


HENRY: (INTO PHONE) Hello? Could we have lamb chops with mashed potatoes?


MANAGER: Oh, yes, of course, Mr. Aldrich. Lamb chops with mashed potatoes.


HENRY: (INTO PHONE) Lots of them.


MANAGER: And, uh, how about limas?


HENRY: (INTO PHONE) Mmm, no. Who wants limas? Gee whiz.


MANAGER: Well, now, about the dessert. What would you like?


HENRY: (INTO PHONE) Well, what have you got?


MANAGER: Well, we can give you almost any kind of pie, ice cream, French pastry, stewed fruit--


HENRY: (INTO PHONE) Stewed fruit?


HOMER: Listen, Henry, I'm not gonna eat any stewed fruit at my own party. ...


HENRY: (INTO PHONE) Hold the line a second. (TO HOMER) Homer, we can have any dessert we want!


HOMER: Anything?


HENRY: Sure! I've got an idea. (INTO PHONE) Hello?


MANAGER: Yes?


HENRY: (INTO PHONE) Could we have pumpkin pie à la mode?


HOMER: (APPROVING) That's the old fight, Henry!


MANAGER: Well, I guess you could. You'd like it served in separate dishes?


HENRY: (INTO PHONE) No, just dump the whole works together. ...


HOMER: Ask him about chocolate sauce.


HENRY: (INTO PHONE) Oh, yes. Would there be an extra charge?


MANAGER: For what?


HENRY: (INTO PHONE) Chocolate sauce.


MANAGER: Chocolate sauce?


HENRY: (INTO PHONE) Yes.


MANAGER: Are you sure you should have chocolate sauce?


HENRY: (INTO PHONE) Oh, sure.


MANAGER: Well, there might be a small charge.


HENRY: (INTO PHONE) Oh, how much will the whole thing, including it all, come to?


MANAGER: Well, just exactly how many are you having?


HENRY: (INTO PHONE) Why, uh-- Fourteen, with Gertie Parker.


MANAGER: What's that? I understood it was two hundred.


HENRY: (INTO PHONE) Two hundred?!


MANAGER: I don't know where I got the idea, but that was the message that was left here for me.


HENRY: (INTO PHONE, DAZED) Two hundred?


HOMER: Two hundred what, Henry?


MANAGER: Uh, Mr. Aldrich, I'm afraid that for fourteen, we'd have to charge you at least a dollar and a half apiece.


HENRY: (INTO PHONE) How much?


HOMER: Now what's happened?


HENRY: (INTO PHONE) The only thing is-- Well, gee whiz.


MANAGER: You can't afford it?


HENRY: (INTO PHONE) Oh, it isn't that we can't afford it. It's just that-- Even without lima beans?


MANAGER: Well, naturally, I thought you wanted something rather nice.


HENRY: (INTO PHONE) Oh, we do. And I appreciate your offer. Only-- Suppose I think it over.


MANAGER: And you'll call me back?


HENRY: (INTO PHONE) Yes, I may. But - but if you don't hear from me, don't worry.


MANAGER: Well, thank you, Mr. Aldrich. Goodbye.


HENRY: (INTO PHONE) And thank you.


MUSIC: BRIDGE


MARY: (SNOBBISHLY) But, mother-- Mother, we can't have a lot of fly-by-night young people who don't take anything seriously dancing around us while our sorority's having a meeting here! My goodness, we have a deficit in the treasury as it is.


ALICE: But, dear, I'm sure they wouldn't pay any attention to your deficit.


MARY: But that isn't the point. Our president gets nervous with even just us there.


ALICE: Mary, I'm simply wondering whether there isn't some way we can help your brother.


SAM: (CALLS, FROM OFF) Alice?!


SOUND: DOOR CLOSES, OFF


ALICE: Yes, Sam! Are you home?


SAM: (APPROACHES) Yes! Hello! Hello, Mary.


MARY: (UNENTHUSIASTIC) Hello, father.


SAM: What's the matter with you?


MARY: Nothing.


ALICE: Her sorority has a deficit. ...


SAM: Yeah? Any phone calls for me?


ALICE: Not that I know of, dear.


SAM: No? Didn't the Mansion House phone?


ALICE: No, Sam.


SAM: (MOVES TO PHONE) No?!


ALICE: Now, Sam, you don't have to start putting in phone calls the minute you get home!


SAM: But, Alice, I left word for them to let me know whether they could take care of our Rotary Club banquet Saturday night -- and we're expecting two hundred guests!


SOUND: RECEIVER UP


SAM: (INTO PHONE) Hello?


OPERATOR: Number, please.


SAM: (INTO PHONE) I want Elm Two-Two-Four.


OPERATOR: Elm Two-Two-Four?


SAM: (INTO PHONE) If you please.


ALICE: Sam, do you have any ideas as to where Henry could give his party?


SAM: Why not right here?


MARY: (ARE YOU KIDDING?) Father!


ALICE: (ADMONISHES) Now, Sam--!


MANAGER: Hello?


SAM: (INTO PHONE) Hello, is this the Mansion House?


MANAGER: Yes.


SAM: (INTO PHONE) Well, this is Mr. Aldrich.


MANAGER: Oh, yes! Yes, Mr. Aldrich. I was wondering whether you'd call me.


SAM: (INTO PHONE, CONFUSED) Did I say I'd call you?


MANAGER: Well, I understood you would.


SAM: (INTO PHONE) Oh, I'm sorry. I thought it was the other way around.


MANAGER: Have you finally decided to go ahead with your party?


SAM: (INTO PHONE) Oh, yes, definitely. The question is: can you take care of us?


MANAGER: I don't know why not. There's nothing complicated about it.


SAM: (INTO PHONE) Good. Then I don't have anything to worry about?


MANAGER: No, not a thing. You just leave it to us. (GENEROUSLY) And, on second thought, Mr. Aldrich, there won't be any extra charge for the chocolate sauce.


SAM: (INTO PHONE) For the what?


MANAGER: For the chocolate sauce.


SAM: (INTO PHONE, PUZZLED) Oh, there won't? Well, that's fine, that's fine.


MANAGER: Goodbye.


SAM: (INTO PHONE) Goodbye.


SOUND: RECEIVER DOWN


SAM: (CALLS, PLEASED) Alice?!


ALICE: (APPROACHES) Yes, Sam?


SAM: I've got everything all fixed! And what do you think? They're throwing in the chocolate sauce!


ALICE: For what?


SAM: I don't know, but it's very nice of them to give it to us.


ALICE: Well, isn't that fine?


SAM: Yes, sir! I've been hoping we'd be able to have our banquet at the Mansion House. And you know, Alice, I didn't tell you before, but this year it's going to be a bit more important than usual.


ALICE: In what way?


SAM: Well, I've heard a rumor that they're going to nominate me for president.


ALICE: Really?! Well, dear, you deserve it.


SAM: Yeah?


ALICE: No wonder you want everything to be especially nice.


HENRY: (APPROACHES) Everything especially nice about what, mother?


SAM: Henry, I'm glad you came into the room. Kathleen and Agnes stopped me on the street and said they've been trying to get you for two days.


HENRY: They did?


HOMER: They did, Mr. Aldrich? Did they seem apologetic?


SAM: They said there wasn't anything for you to worry about and they'd be seeing you at the Methodist church tomorrow night.


HENRY: At the Methodist church? What for?


HOMER: I wonder what's going on over there. ...


SAM: Boys, I don't know anything more about it than what I've just told you.


HENRY: Well, the nerve of them.


HOMER: That's what I say.


HENRY: You know what they're tryin' to do, Homer? Come to us on bended knees.


HOMER: In the Methodist church? ...


HENRY: We'll show them! We're gonna give the best party this town ever saw.


ALICE: Where?


HENRY: Mother, that's the least of our worries. Something will open up. It always does. And, Homer, do you know what I'm goin' to the phone and do?


HOMER: What?


HENRY: Double our order of doughnuts!


MUSIC: BRIDGE


SOUND: LIGHT CITY TRAFFIC BACKGROUND


HENRY: Homer, how does my necktie look?


HOMER: Wait until we get up here under this lamp post, Henry, and I'll take a look at it.


HENRY: Let's turn here, though; my Aunt Harriet lives up this street.


HOMER: Okay. Your tie looks fine.


HENRY: You know, it was very nice of my Aunt Harriet to call me up and say we could have the party at her house.


HOMER: That's what I was thinking.


HENRY: Did I tell you what else she said?


HOMER: What?


HENRY: She said she had sort of a surprise for us.


HOMER: She did?


HENRY: Sure! You know what that means. She's probably going out and let us have the whole house to ourselves.


HOMER: She is? Oh, boy. Oh, boy!


HENRY: That's what I was thinking.


HOMER: Say, I wonder what's going on across the street at the Methodist church.


HENRY: (FIRMLY) I'm not interested.


HOMER: As a matter of fact, I'm not, either. Hey, Henry, look up the street.


SOUND: DURING ABOVE, FADE IN MURMUR OF DISTANT ANGRY CROWD


HENRY: Where? Well, gee whiz, what's that all about?


HOMER: There's something going on over at the Mansion House Hotel.


HENRY: Boy, they're all dressed up. There must be a lot of parties going on tonight.


HOMER: But, Henry, there are a couple o' hundred people out there on the sidewalk. They're all trying to get in.


HENRY: Maybe they're all getting put out.


HOMER: Oh, look. There's my father.


HENRY: Oh, yeah? (SURPRISED) And there's mine!


HOMER: Where?


HENRY: Don't you see him with all those men talking to him with his back against the wall? ...


HOMER: Oh, sure.


AGNES: (MAD) Oh, there you are, Homer Brown!


HOMER: Gee whiz, Agnes, where did you come from?


KATHLEEN: (ALSO MAD) We just came from the Methodist church, that's where we came from!


HENRY: Hello, Kathleen.


KATHLEEN: Henry Aldrich, do you realize everybody's waiting for you?!


HENRY: Where?


KATHLEEN: At the church! At the church!


HENRY: We're not interested.


AGNES: You're not interested in your own party?!


HENRY: In what party?


HOMER: Now, listen, Agnes, have you been arranging more things?


AGNES: (FURIOUS) And just what, Homer Brown, do you mean by that insinuation?!


HOMER: (NERVOUSLY) Now, wait a minute, Agnes, wait a minute.


MUSIC: BRIDGE


SOUND: POLITE APPLAUSE FROM CROWD


SPEAKER: (EXTEMPORIZING, A LITTLE POMPOUS) And before I sit down, ladies and gentlemen, I would like to extend the thanks and gratitude of the Rotary Club to several groups; and, er, shall I say, individuals? First, I think we should thank Sam Aldrich for the very clever and original way in which he arranged this evening for us. I needn't tell you that for a few minutes when we first went over to the Mansion House, it looked as though Sam had slipped up and arranged a table seating sixteen to take care of two hundred guests. But it was done, of course, simply to teach us a lesson -- that we mustn't expect sumptuous banquets in these days of war. ... In fact-- In fact, this very delicious dinner consisting of pea soup and peanut butter sandwiches, and, er, shall I say, rice pudding -- and, er, let's not forget the doughnuts! -- was just what we needed to bring us back to earth, while the fifteen soldiers who were to be our guests are eating at the Mansion House and will join us later. Oh, er, incidentally, I understand Sam arranged their dinner to end up with a triple-header dessert. And, er, besides that, Sam Aldrich has asked me to say that we're gonna put all the money that we've saved on tonight's dinner into war bonds. What's more, the treasurer of this church has just handed me a report to the effect that their organ has gone over the top!


SOUND: AGREEABLE MURMUR AND APPLAUSE FROM CROWD


SPEAKER: And - and I would like to extend our thanks to the good ladies of this church who dropped everything in order to make our banquet the success that it's been. I understand one lady in particular, who had planned a Valentine party at her house for her nephew or someone, at the last minute commandeered all her adult guests and brought them down here to help serve, leaving the youngsters to shift for themselves as best they can. ... And now, ladies and gentlemen, may I introduce our genial chairman -- and next president -- Sam Aldrich?


SOUND: APPLAUSE FROM CROWD


SAM: (DUMBFOUNDED) Ladies and gentlemen, frankly, I don't know what to say.


MUSIC: CURTAIN


SOUND: APPLAUSE


ANNOUNCER: Well, all those parties seemed to straighten out nicely for everyone, didn't they? But if you think Mr. Aldrich's troubles are over, just you stay tuned in to find out what happened the next morning. And now let me remind you that Postum, for years the favorite mealtime drink in millions of American homes, is made for your convenience in two forms: Instant Postum, which you make instantly in the cup, and Postum Cereal, which you make in pot, percolator, or drip maker. Both forms make the same delicious, distinctive drink. So no matter which form of Postum you choose, you'll enjoy a mealtime cup that's a real treat.


MUSIC: BRIDGE


SOUND: CLINK! OF UTENSILS, ET CETERA ... BREAKFAST TABLE BACKGROUND


SAM: Good breakfast, Alice.


ALICE: Thank you, Sam.


HENRY: (CHEERFUL) Father, will you have another doughnut?


SAM: (BEAT, CURTLY) No, thank you.


HENRY: Go ahead, have one!


SAM: (ANNOYED) Henry, I have already had three!


HENRY: Oh. You know, mother, I think that was a very good idea you had about lunch.


ALICE: What idea was that?


HENRY: To make a little custard to pour over the doughnuts.


SAM: (INSISTENTLY) Incidentally, Alice, I won't be here for dinner!


ANNOUNCER: Listen again next week to "The Aldrich Family" -- same time, same station -- for another sparkling half hour with your favorite youngster, his family, and his pals. "The Aldrich Family," starring Ezra Stone, is written by Clifford Goldsmith. Original music is composed and conducted by Jack Miller. This is Harry Von Zell saying, "You will enjoy fragrant, flavorful Postum." And remember, Postum contains no stimulants. It cannot make you nervous. Goodnight.


MUSIC: TAG


SOUND: APPLAUSE


NBC ANNCR: This program came to you from New York. This is the National Broadcasting Company.


MUSIC: NBC CHIMES


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