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The Youth Who Learned to Shiver and Shake

Let's Pretend

The Youth Who Learned to Shiver and Shake

Aug 16 1947



CAST:

NARRATOR

BUD, the fearless youth; cool, casual

FATHER, Bud's father

JACK, Bud's brother

BETTY, Bud's cousin

SEXTON

KING

PAGE

PRINCESS BEATRICE

GHOST, spooky feminine voice (2 moans)

HALF-MAN and his HALF-BROTHERS

OLD MAN, big ominous voice

ELLEN




MUSIC: ... INTRODUCTION ... THEN BEHIND NARRATOR--


NARRATOR: Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Mystery, there was a lad who was not afraid of anything. When anyone would say that he would "shake with fear" or "shiver with fright," our young friend was very curious and longed to experience that feeling. We find him now in his home with his father, brother, and cousin Betty.


BETTY: Oh, come on now, uncle! Tell us a ghost story!


BUD: Yes, dad, I like to hear them, too. You tell great ones.


FATHER: (PLEASED) All right, youngsters. Throw another log on the fire, pass the popcorn, and lend me your ears.


SOUND: OF LOG THROWN ON FIRE, WHICH CRACKLES


BUD: There. [?] All right, now start.


BETTY: And make it good and scary, will you?


FATHER: All right. (SLOW AND OMINOUS) Once, there was a haunted castle -- a-way up on a hill -- where every night, groans were heard--


JACK: (INTERRUPTS) Oh, don't, father. Brrrr! Can't stand those stories. Make me shiver and shake.


BUD: Jack, what does one do to shiver and shake? I always wanted to, and never did!


BETTY: Oh, cousin! You get good and scared once and you'll shiver and shake, all right.


FATHER: You bet you will, Bud. Oh! We're out of cider. Jack, go down to the cellar and get some.


JACK: Down in that black cellar with all those creaks and rattles -- alone? Ew! No, sir! Not me! It gives me the creeps.


BUD: Have the creeps anything to do with the shiver and shake, Jack?


JACK: Eh, go down there and listen to those moans and you'll know.


BUD: All right. Give me the pitcher. (MOVING OFF) I want to understand this shake-up business better.


SOUND: CELLAR DOOR OPENS AND SHUTS AS BUD EXITS


BETTY: He's a funny fellow, uncle. Wasn't he ever scared in all his life? Didn't he ever shake with fear?


FATHER: Never.


JACK: Ah, he's too dumb to be afraid, that one.


SOUND: KNOCKING AT FRONT DOOR


FATHER: Come in!


SOUND: FRONT DOOR OPENS


SEXTON: (OFF) Good evening!


SOUND: FRONT DOOR CLOSES BEHIND--


FATHER: Hello, Sexton. Come in. Have some popcorn and cider with us.


SOUND: SEXTON'S FOOTSTEPS IN


SEXTON: (APPROACHES) Thanks. Hello, Miss Betty.


BETTY: Good evening.


SEXTON: How are ya, Jack?


JACK: All right, thanks.


BETTY: Here, take this chair, Sexton.


SEXTON: (EXHALES AS HE SITS) Ah, thank you. I dropped in to see if you could tell me where I could find a good strong husky boy to help me around the burying yard.


FATHER: Well, how about you, Jack? You're not working now.


JACK: In a graveyard? Me?! Huh! Not on your life!


BETTY: Oh, Jack, you're funny. (INHALES SHARPLY) Say! There's a job for Bud! How about it? He wouldn't mind!


FATHER: It's an idea, Betty. Maybe he'd learn to shiver and shake over there.


SEXTON: What? Who wants to shiver and shake?


FATHER: My son Bud wants to, Sexton. (CHUCKLES) It seems that that is to be his highest ambition.


SEXTON: (HIGHLY AMUSED) Ho ho! Well, I'm sure I can fix that, all right!


FATHER: Great! 


JACK: Say, dad, let's teach him a lesson. Sexton, we'll plan to give him a good scare. Now, will you help us?


SEXTON: (GOOD-NATURED) I'll do more than that. Let him come to work for me and his ambitions will be realized!


BUD: (CALLS, FROM OFF) Say, dad--?!


FATHER: Sh! Here he comes.


SOUND: CELLAR DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES, AND BUD'S STEPS IN


FATHER: Well, Bud? Anything in the cellar?


BUD: Yes. There's some moans down there, but I found out it was just the window swinging in the wind, so I oiled the hinges and its all right now.


SEXTON: Bud, the sexton wants a fellow to help him at the church.


BUD: Doing what?


SEXTON: (SLOW AND OMINOUS) Oh, digging graves. Keeping spooks out of the church. Ringing the bells through the night when someone has died.


BUD: Sure, I'll go. I need a job, When do I start?


SEXTON: Right away. All right?


BUD: All right, I'll go over now. What do I do?


SEXTON: Well, first go into the church and see if there are any ghosts around.


BUD: Uh huh. What do they look like?


SEXTON: Oh, they'll be all in white with great black staring holes in their heads for eyes.


BUD: All right. What'll I do with 'em?


SEXTON: Kick 'em out. We don't allow any ghosts in the church.


BUD: Oh. Those are your orders, hey?


SEXTON: Those are my orders.


BUD: That's all I need to know. See ya later, folks!


SOUND: BUD WALKS TO FRONT DOOR, WHICH OPENS AND CLOSES AS HE EXITS ... THEN FATHER, JACK, AND THE SEXTON BURST INTO LAUGHTER


BETTY: (DISAPPOINTED) Well, that doesn't look as if he'd learn to shiver and shake.


FATHER: What a boy he is! Looks doubtful, doesn't it?


SEXTON: Ha ha! Not with what I have in mind! Come along with me. I'll tell you my plans as we go.


MUSIC: SHIVERY BRIDGE


SOUND: CHURCH DOOR OPENS ... BUD'S STEPS IN ... DOOR CLOSES ... ECHO ON EVERYTHING


BUD: (WHISTLES NONCHALANTLY) Hm! No ghosts here. (CALLS) Hey! Any ghosts in this church?! Scat! (NO ANSWER, TO HIMSELF) Hm. All right, I'll go upstairs to the belfry. (WHISTLES NONCHALANTLY BEHIND--) 


SOUND: BUD'S ECHOING STEPS UP STAIRS


BUD: (CALLS) Any ghosts up here?!


SEXTON

AS GHOST: (MOANS OMINOUSLY, OFF)


BUD: What's that?


SEXTON

AS GHOST: (MOANS OMINOUSLY, OFF)


BUD: Hm. Company somewhere. But where?


SEXTON

AS GHOST: (MOANS OMINOUSLY, VERY CLOSE)


BUD: Oh, there you are! Say, who are you?


SEXTON

AS GHOST: (MOANS OMINOUSLY)


BUD: (TO HIMSELF) Hm. All dressed in white. Yup, the sexton said it would be. (UP) Hey, listen, ghost -- can you talk?


SEXTON

AS GHOST: (MOANS OMINOUSLY)


BUD: Hm. (CHUCKLES) Well, whether you can or not, you're not allowed in this church. The boss said so. Sorry, but that's orders. Now, you get out. Go on.


SEXTON

AS GHOST: (GROANS UNHAPPILY)


BUD: Oh. You need some aspirin. ... All right now, listen -- I'll give you until I count three, and if you're not downstairs by that time, I'll kick you down.


SEXTON

AS GHOST: (GROANS BRIEFLY)


BUD: Okay, you asked for it.


SEXTON

AS GHOST: (MOANS OMINOUSLY)


BUD: One, two, three. (WITH EFFORT) All right!


SOUND: BUD KICKS THE SEXTON DOWN THE STAIRS


SEXTON: (HOLLERS IN PAIN AS HE TUMBLES DOWN STAIRS) Ow! Ow! Oh! Ow! (ET CETERA)


SOUND: SEXTON CRASHES TO A HALT AT THE BOTTOM OF THE STAIRS ... NO MORE ECHO


SEXTON: (IN PAIN) Oh, the-- Oh, the-- Oh, my leg! It's broken!


FATHER: (UPSET) Bud! You kicked him all the way downstairs! You fool, it's the sexton!


SEXTON: Oh, my leg! 


BUD: The sexton? Why, I didn't recognize him with that sheet over him!


BETTY: (UNHAPPY) Oh, of course it is! You've probably broken his leg!


SEXTON: (GROANS IN PAIN)


BUD: Well, how did I know who it was? Why didn't he answer? What's he doing all wrapped up in white? (MYSTIFIED) And - and why are all of you hiding in this corridor?


JACK: Trying to teach you to shiver and shake, you idiot.


FATHER: (FURIOUS) Now I can bear no more! You get out and make your own living and don't come back until you have some sense!


SEXTON: Yeah, it's a fine lot of help you've been to me. Oh, my leg!


BUD: (A LITTLE DISCOURAGED) All right, father. I'll go. And I won't come back until I know what it means to shiver and shake. (BEAT, GENUINELY) I'm sorry, sexton. I only obeyed your orders.


SEXTON: (LAUGHS WEAKLY)


BUD: (TO FAMILY) Goodbye.


JACK, BETTY, 

& FATHER: (UNHAPPY) Goodbye.


SEXTON: And good riddance.


MUSIC: BRIDGE


SOUND: KNOCKING AT KING'S DOOR


KING: Enter!


SOUND: KING'S DOOR OPENS ... PAGE'S STEPS IN


PAGE: Your Majesty?


KING: Yes, page? What is it?


SOUND: KING'S DOOR CLOSES


PAGE: A youth outside who begs audience with you.


KING: Well, admit him, page.


PAGE: Yes, Your Highness.


SOUND: PAGE'S STEPS TO KING'S DOOR, WHICH OPENS


PAGE: (TO BUD) Enter, sir! You're in the presence of His Majesty the King.


SOUND: BUD'S STEPS IN ... KING'S DOOR CLOSES


BUD: (NOT VERY IMPRESSED) Hm. Well, my goodness. Imagine that.


KING: Well, my young fella, where are your manners? You stand before the king.


BUD: What's the matter with yours?


KING: (TAKEN ABACK) Er--


BUD: Why don't you ask me to sit down?


KING: How dare you say such a thing to--?!


BEATRICE: (LAUGHS MERRILY) Oh, father, don't be angry. After all, it isn't every day you find a fellow with enough courage to speak like that to you.


KING: Well-- (CHUCKLES) Well, Beatrice, you may be right. (TO BUD) Er, come, friend -- sit down.


BUD: (AS HE SITS) All right.


KING: Tell me, er, what's your name?


BUD: Uh, Bud.


KING: Hm?


BEATRICE: Bud? Bud what?


BUD: Just Bud.


KING: Why did you wish to see me?


BUD: I heard that you offered a reward to the fellow who would spend a night in the Haunted Castle and get rid of the ghosts for you. Is that true?


KING: That's very true. Did they tell you what the reward would be?


BUD: Yes. You would give your daughter's hand in marriage. (LIGHTLY) But, of course, I didn't believe it.


KING: (TAKEN ABACK) Er-- Why not?


BUD: (PERFECTLY SERIOUS) She's too lovely for you to give away like that. She ought to be allowed to choose her own husband.


KING: Do you presume to tell me--?!


BEATRICE: Oh, father! Don't be cross. 


KING: (GRUMBLES)


BEATRICE: Obviously, he isn't used to addressing kings.


KING: (WITH DISAPPROVAL) Huh!


BEATRICE: But, after all, it's very nice to meet someone who has the courage to be honest and sincere. (DEEPLY FELT) Thank you, Bud.


BUD: Is it true? Would you marry the fellow who chases these spooks out for you?


BEATRICE: My father has said so. And besides, if anyone were brave enough for such a dangerous undertaking, I would have to admire him.


KING: But do you know what it means to enter the Haunted Castle?


BUD: Oh, sure. It means maybe I'll learn to shiver and shake. What else?


KING: It has meant death to everyone who has ever tried it.


BUD: Well, why? What happens, Mr. King?


KING: Don't address me as "Mr. King"! I am His Royal Majesty!


BUD: Oh, excuse me.


KING: (GRUMBLES)


BUD: Well, what happens, His Royal Majesty?


KING: (SPUTTERS, RECOVERS) We know it has men who walk around with just half their bodies.


BUD: Mm hm.


KING: Moans, groans -- and death overtakes everyone who has tried it.


BUD: Well, what's the idea of all this reward?


BEATRICE: That's a fair and sensible question, father. Please tell him.


KING: In its cellar are priceless treasures, jewels of all kinds, bags of gold. That's what I want. They belong to our family. And you shall have your full share if you can escape the dread things and restore them to us.


BUD: Well, by golly, if they're yours, you ought to have 'em!


BEATRICE: Oh, you're nice. And brave, too. When will you start?


BUD: (SHRUGS) Any time. Now.


BEATRICE: You have real courage, Bud. Goodbye. Good luck.


BUD: Good luck means I'll learn to shiver and shake. And you, if you'll have me.


BEATRICE: Come back safely, Bud, and I'll marry you.


BUD: I'll see you at daylight. So get your wedding dress ready!


MUSIC: BRIDGE ... QUOTES "HERE COMES THE BRIDE" ... THEN TURNS SHIVERY ... THEN BEHIND NARRATOR--


NARRATOR: So far, our hero Bud, the boy who has never known what it is to be afraid, hasn't been scared worth a cent! We find him now in the darkness of the haunted old castle. It's three o'clock in the morning.


SOUND: CLOCK TOLLS THREE


BUD: (YAWNS) Well, come on, you spooks and ghosts. Do your stuff! (TO HIMSELF AS HE YAWNS) I'm tired! This bed looks good.


SOUND: BUD CLIMBS INTO BED


GHOST: (MOANS EERILY) Mmmmmmmmm!


BUD: (TO HIMSELF) Huh? Oh, what's that? Sounds like a moan. Oh, well, I'm too sleepy to--


GHOST: Mmmmmmmmm!


SOUND: BUD'S BED BEGINS TO BUMP AND RATTLE VIOLENTLY ... THEN IN BG


BUD: Hey-- Hey, there! What kind of a bed is this?! [?] 


SOUND: BED RATTLE HITS A PEAK ... BUD JUMPS OFF


BUD: (TO BED) You want to gallop all over this castle? Go chase yourself! Bump all over the place if you want to!


SOUND: BED GALLOPS AWAY DOWN THE HALL AND FADES OUT


BUD: (TO HIMSELF) Hm! I'm sleeping on the floor.


SOUND: WIND HOWLS EERILY DOWN THE CHIMNEY ... THEN SOOT DROPS DOWN THE CHIMNEY ... THEN BRICKS CRASH DOWN THE CHIMNEY .... THEN CLATTER OF HALF-MAN TUMBLING DOWN OUT OF THE CHIMNEY AND RUNNING AROUND THE ROOM


HALF-MAN: (OMINOUS GIBBERISH, OFF)


BUD: (TO HIMSELF) Huh! Hello! What a lot of noise for just one half of a man.


HALF-MAN: (OMINOUS GIBBERISH, VERY CLOSE)


BUD: (TO HALF-MAN) I know, I know. But wouldn't it be easier to come in through the door than to tumble down the chimney? Hey, where's the other half?


SOUND: BRICKS AND OTHER HALF OF HALF-MAN CRASH DOWN THE CHIMNEY 


BUD: (LAUGHS) So there's the rest of you.


HALF-MAN: (OMINOUS GIBBERISH, VERY CLOSE)


BUD: Well, you're an ugly looking fellow. Can't you talk?


HALF-MAN: (OMINOUS GIBBERISH, LOUDER)


BUD: No. Not so good, huh? Well, sit down and, er, pull yourself together. (CHUCKLES) Say, that's a pretty good joke, come to think of it.


HALF-MAN: (OMINOUS GIBBERISH, VERY CLOSE)


BUD: Hey! Don't try to shove me off this chair. Get one of your own.


HALF-MAN: (OMINOUS GIBBERISH, INSISTENT)


BUD: Oh, you won't, eh? Well, then maybe this will teach you better manners!


SOUND: WHACK! AS BUD HITS HALF-MAN


HALF-MAN: (GIBBERS IN PAIN)


BUD: All right, do what you're told after this.


SOUND: BRICKS AND MORE HALF-MEN CRASH DOWN THE CHIMNEY, THEN ROAM AROUND THE ROOM GIBBERING ... IN BG


BUD: Well, well, well! Here's some more of your -- what do you call them? -- uh, half-brothers? (CHUCKLES) Another good joke! (TO HALF-MEN) Well, come in, boys, and, er, get together! Say, what's all this you've got in your hands? Well, that looks like a human thigh bone, eh? And a skull! Hey, what do you do with these?


HALF-MAN: (OMINOUS) Bowl! (LAUGHS CREEPILY) We bowl! (LAUGHS)


BUD: Oh, fine. I like to bowl. Lend me a skull, will ya, and let's play? Do you want to?


HALF-MAN: (GIBBERS NEGATIVELY)


BUD: Well, by golly! For half a man, you're not even half-friendly.


SOUND: OTHER HALF-MEN GRUMBLE AND MOAN UNHAPPILY ... THEN IN BG


BUD: Oh, shut up! You don't want to bowl with me, ya can't talk -- you bore me to death! Now, go chase yourselves. Decide what arms belong to which legs and take 'em away! I mean business; now scat!


SOUND: GRUMBLING, MOANING HALF-MEN MOVE OFF DOWN THE HALL AND FADE OUT


BUD: (EXHALES, TO HIMSELF) Oh, rats! Nearly daylight and not one shiver or shake yet.


OLD MAN: (GROANS OMINOUSLY, OFF)


BUD: Hm. More company.


OLD MAN: (GROANS OMINOUSLY, OFF)


BUD: Hm. And all of them with a stomach ache. ... (CALLS) Well, come on in, whoever you are!


SOUND: GIANT DOOR UNLOCKS AND CREAKS LOUDLY AND HORRIBLY OPEN ... HEAVY ECHO ON OLD MAN'S VOICE


BUD: Hello. Who are you?


OLD MAN: I am the ruler of this castle!


BUD: Hm. Well, ya better clean it up. It's terribly dirty. ... Oh, pick up your beard, old man; it's trailing on the floor. Say, you must be at least ten feet high.


OLD MAN: I am!


BUD: Hm. Quite a man, I'd say. Quite a man.


OLD MAN: No man lives to go out of here! Tonight, you die!


BUD: Yeah? Who says so?


OLD MAN: I do! And my word is law!


BUD: Maybe here, but not where I come from.


OLD MAN: Why, I could crush you with one finger!


BUD: Don't try it, my friend. I don't crush easily.


OLD MAN: I can break this anvil in two and never know I've done it!


BUD: So can I.


OLD MAN: You can?! Show me!


BUD: All right. Um-- Oh, let me have that ax you carry, will ya? Come on over close, grandpa, so you can see.


OLD MAN: All right! Go ahead!


BUD: All right. One -- two -- (WITH EFFORT) three! 


SOUND: CLANG! OF ANVIL


OLD MAN: (UNHAPPY) Ohhhhh! You've caught my beard in the anvil!


BUD: (LAUGHS) That's what I intended to do.


OLD MAN: Oh, let me go! Oh, release me!


BUD: (QUICK AND TOUGH) If you're the boss of this castle, tell me where the gold is hidden. Tell me how to rid the place of all the ghosts and goblins. Tell me -- and then I'll let you go.


OLD MAN: I'll never tell you! Never!


BUD: All right, then. Stay there -- and be eaten alive by that two-headed snake I see crawling towards you.


SOUND: SNAKE APPROACHES ... SLITHERING AND HISSING ... THEN IN BG


OLD MAN: (SCARED) Let me go! That snake is my oldest enemy! He would crush the life out of me! I'll tell you! Let me go! 


BUD: All right, but make it quick! It's about time for the rooster to crow and I want to know before that happens. Oh, wait a minute, I'll kill your friend Mr. Python before we go.


SOUND: THUNK! SNAKE CUT IN HALF BY AX IN MID-SLITHER


BUD: (SHARP EXHALE) There! He's out of the way. Now I'll release you. (QUICK AND TOUGH) But don't forget your promise. Lead the way to the gold and no tricks! I still have the ax.


MUSIC: TRIUMPHANT BRIDGE ... ENDS BY QUOTING "HERE COMES THE BRIDE"


KING: And so, my dear son-in-law, as a reward for your remarkable courage, you have received half the gold the bearded man disclosed to you.


BUD: Yes, and there was more there than even you expected.


KING: And, as I promised you, you and my daughter Beatrice were married.


BUD: Which was the nicest thing that could ever happen.


BEATRICE: You're a darling, Buddy.


BUD: And I'll try to make you the happiest girl in the world. Although I don't see how you could ever care for me.


BEATRICE: Oh, Bud! You're so brave, so fearless!


BUD: Thank you, my dearest. Everything is perfect. (A LITTLE DISCOURAGED) Except I failed in the one thing I set out to do.


BEATRICE: What is that, Bud?


BUD: Oh, I wanted to learn to shiver and shake.


KING: (CHUCKLES)


BUD: (SIGHS) I'm afraid it's no use.


KING: Well, never mind, son. I wouldn't worry about it. (BEAT) Ah, it's getting quite late. I think we'd all better say good night.


BUD: All right.


BEATRICE: Oh, Bud--?


BUD: Hm?


BEATRICE: I want to have just a word with my father. Good night, my dear.


BUD: Well, good night. Good night, Papa Highness!


KING: What?!


BUD: (CHUCKLES) How's that? I'm learning to address royalty!


KING: (GRUMBLES, MUTTERS WITH DISAPPROVAL) Papa Highness-- Hah!


BUD: (CHUCKLES) All right, good night.


SOUND: BEDROOM DOOR OPENS AND SHUTS AS BUD EXITS


BEATRICE: Father--?


KING: Huh?


BEATRICE: I don't want Bud to hear this. (CALLS) Ellen? Ellen?!


ELLEN: Yes, Your Highness?


BEATRICE: Have you the pail of ice water?


ELLEN: Yes, miss.


BEATRICE: And is it filled with those little wiggly fishes?


ELLEN: Yes, miss. It's brimmin' -- and, oh, how they're squirmin'!


KING: Fishes? What on earth are you going to do, Beatrice?


BEATRICE: (GIGGLES) I'm going to see that Bud learns to shiver and shake. Come in, father, and watch.


KING: (CHUCKLES) Oh, gladly.


BEATRICE: I think he's had time to get into bed now. Open the door softly, father.


KING: Yes.


BEATRICE: And - and when I count three, Ellen, we'll throw every bit of water over him. Come on!


ELLEN: Better tiptoe, miss.


BEATRICE: All right. (BEAT) Ready, father?


KING: Yes, yes.


BEATRICE: Open the door.


SOUND: BEDROOM DOOR OPENS


BEATRICE: (LOW) One -- two -- three.


SOUND: BIG SPLASH! ... THEN PAIL DROPS TO FLOOR


BUD: (STAMMERING VIOLENTLY AS HE SHIVERS AND SHAKES) Hoo! Whooooo-hooooo! That's cold! It makes me shiver! Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! It's cold! And I'm shaking all over! (CONTINUES GIBBERING IN BG)


KING & 

ELLEN &

BEATRICE: (LAUGH)


BEATRICE: (PLEASED) Ice water and squirming little fishes have done what all the terrors of the castle failed to do! At last, my husband, you've learned to shiver and shake.


BUD: (STAMMERING) Is this sh-shivering and sh-shaking?!


BEATRICE: (LAUGHS) That's what it is, my dear. You finally learned.


BUD: (STAMMERING) Well, for Pete's sake -- teach me how to stop!


KING & 

ELLEN &

BEATRICE: (LAUGH HEARTILY)


MUSIC: LIGHTHEARTED CURTAIN ... ENDS BY QUOTING THE LET'S PRETEND THEME ...

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