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The Trouble with Women

The Screen Guild Players

The Trouble with Women

Dec 01 1947



CAST:

ROY, announcer

CHANDLER, announcer


GILBERT SEDLEY, professor

KATE FARRELL, reporter

JOE McBRIDE, Kate's editor

KEEFE (1 line)

MRS. DAWSON (1 line)

DR. DAWSON

AGNES, Sedley's fiancée

MAID (1 line)

JONES, boy genius, age sixteen

JUDGE

ATTORNEY

and VOICES




ROY: (COLD) From Hollywood, Camel Cigarettes present -- "The Screen Guild Players."


MUSIC: SYMPHONIC CAMEL THEME FULL...FADES AND CONTINUES UNDER


ROY: Our stars -- Ray Milland and Betty Hutton!


Our play -- "The Trouble With Women."


Our sponsor -- Camel Cigarettes (MUSIC OUT


CHANDLER: Experience is the best teacher! 


ROY: Try a Camel -- let your own experience tell you why more people are smoking Camels than ever before! 


Let your "T-Zone"...that's T for Taste and T for Throat...decide which cigarette suits you best. Try a Camel. See if you don't say, like millions of other smokers: "Camels suit my T-Zone to a T!"


MUSIC: (THEME


ROY: And now, Camel Cigarettes bring you the Screen Guild Players in Paramount Picture's captivating comedy "The Trouble With Women," starring Ray Milland as Professor Sedley and Betty Hutton as Kate, with Lou Merrill as Joe and Arnold Stang as Mr. Jones. The Camel Cigarette Screen Guild Players in "The Trouble With Women". 


MUSIC: (FULL INTO PLAY THEME....AND DOWN TO HOLD UNDER:)


ROY: In the thriving town of Midwest City, six and a quarter persons out of every ten read the Morning Journal every day. And today they're reading about Professor Sedley. You see, the Professor is a famous psychologist with some rather startling views about women. To wit -- (MUSIC CUTS


SEDLEY: Most women have an unconscious distaste for male gallantry. They really like their men to order them about. (MUSIC RESUMES)


ROY: And if you think that's bad, just listen to this -- (MUSIC CUTS


SEDLEY: Many women feel abused and neglected if their men don't beat them occasionally. (MUSIC RESUMES)


ROY: The Professor, just back from a trip to Africa, is arriving today, to join the faculty of Midwest University, and to be near his fiancee, the Dean of women. He's refused to talk to the newspapers until now - (MUSIC FADES INTO NEWSPAPER EFFECTS) - but Joe McBride at the Journal isn't giving up.


JOE: Farrell! Kate Farrell!...Hey, where the devil is -- (DOOR OPENS, SLIGHTLY OFF)


KATE: (SLIGHTLY OFF) Hiya, boss..(COMING IN, SWEETLY) Were you calling me? 


JOE: No, I was just doing my Yogi exercise...(SELLING) Kate, I've got an assignment for you - right down your alley - a honey!


KATE: (WARILY) Do I get a by-line, or do I have to write it under that silly name - Martha Motherly? 


JOE: Look, Katie, do we have to go through that again? That name's been used on this paper for thirty years. By our best reporters. Why, for five years, I was Martha Motherly!


KATE: I'll bet you never looked lovelier. 


JOE: There you go again! So help me, Kitten, one of these days I'll either have to fire you -- or marry you! 


KATE: Let's stick to business. What's the assignment? 


JOE: Professor Sedley.


KATE: (INTERESTED) The fellow who thinks women like to be pushed around? 


JOE: That's the boy. Keefe met him at the station. He wouldn't talk. 


KEEFE: I tailed him all the way out to the College. They wouldn't let me in. 


KATE: The college? 


JOE: The Men's Faculty Club. 


KATE: Oh, fine! What makes you think I could get in? 


JOE: Listen, Kate, I've got to have a story - a follow up! After that yarn we ran this morning we just -- (PHONE RINGS, RECEIVER UP) Yeah, City Desk..Jerry?..Domestic Relations Court?...Yeah, what's the story?...Guy beats up his wife? Look, guys beat up their wives every day in this town! If you think that's news, you ought to go back to --


KATE: (SUDDENLY) Joe - wait a minute!


JOE: (BLANKLY) Huh?


KATE: That story of Jerry's! I've got an idea! Man beats up wife - because -- (SHE PAUSES) 


JOE: (DISGUSTED) Because the three-minute eggs were three and a half.


KATE: (EXCITEDLY) Because he's acting on Professor Sedley's advice!..You get it, Joe? He's been reading the Professor's books - he's working on a psychological principle --


JOE: (SLOWLY) Heyyyy!...


KATE: Why, I can write that story without seeing Sedley!


JOE: (CATCHING HER EXCITEMENT) All we have to do is fix it with the guy!.. (TO PHONE) Hello, Jerry - listen, I've got a job for you. (MUSIC SNEAKS IN) Get hold of that guy who was beating his wife, and tell him we're gonna give him some space. Tell him that all he has to do... 


MUSIC: (UP...TO COVER...AND FADE OUT INTO:)


SEDLEY: I must say, Dr. Dawson, it's very nice of you and your wife to have us for dinner - my first day.


MRS. DAWSON: That was my idea, Professor. I wanted to hear all about the Orient. I mean -- being cut off from civilization like that --


SEDLEY: (SMILING) Oh, I never felt lost. I had a letter from Agnes every week.


AGNES: (QUIET VIRTUE) I mailed a letter every Monday night. 


SEDLEY: And what letters they were!..A fine, cool, clear mind!..You know, Agnes, I read some of them to a Sheik in the Sahara. He wanted to buy you.


AGNES: Buy me -- ! 


SEDLEY: Word of honor. He offered eight goats and the cost of shipping you.


AGNES: Oh, Gilbert -- !


DAWSON: (STEPPING INTO BREACH) Uh - Sedley, you and the Sheik must have been quite friendly.. 


SEDLEY: Quite friendly. I spent a month in his harem.


AGNES: No!


SEDLEY: Yes!..(SMILING) He had a chimpanzee with a flair for mathematics that --


DAWSON: And the women, Sedley - how many were there? 


SEDLEY: About thirty-five..(CHUCKLING) You wouldn't believe it, but that chimpanzee could -- 


DAWSON: Uh - about these women, Sedley -- 


SEDLEY: Not a neurotic among them. Fine, healthy girls. I was able to use nine of them.


DAWSON: (EYES POPPING) Nine?


SEDLEY: My hypnosis experiments.


DAWSON: Oh.... 


MAID: (COMING IN) Dr. Dawson, the boy just brought the evening paper. I thought you might want to look at it. 


DAWSON: Yes - thank you, Della...(SMILING) That's the way it is when you're civilized, Professor. Can't go in to dinner without glancing at the -- (GASPS) Oh, my goodness!


SEDLEY: (ALARMED) Dr. Dawson - what is it?


DAWSON: (STRANGLED) On the front page ... look ...! 


SEDLEY: (READING) 'Professor Sedley's Disciple Lands In Court -- !'


AGNES: Oh, Gilbert - no!


SEDLEY: (MUTTERS TO SELF, READING...THEN) It's malicious - inaccurate - adolescent...(WINCING) I can't even read it! 


DAWSON: (GRIM) A lot of people can - including the Board of Regents, Sedley. 


SEDLEY: But this is outrageous! They've picked a stray sentence here and there from my books - they've managed to distort my views completely! 


DAWSON: They have?


SEDLEY: I hardly recognize them myself!


DAWSON: Then there's only one thing to do, Professor. 


SEDLEY: What?


DAWSON: File suit immediately!


MUSIC: (HITS QUICKLY...AND CUTS ABRUPTLY FOR:)


JOE: Yep - for three hundred thousand dollars, Kate. 


KATE: You mean he's suing me? 


JOE: You - me - the boss - everybody. Claims three misquotations, four unproved statements and fifty-seven damaging innuendoes. 


KATE: Wow!


JOE: (MUSING) We could beat him, though...If we could prove he believes what we say he believes ...


KATE: (GLUMLY) Yeah - If... 


JOE: If we could find some way to --- (SUDDENLY) Hey!..(DROPS IT) No, it wouldn't work.


KATE: What wouldn't? 


JOE: I was thinking - just a long shot - if Sedley likes to hit women - you're just the type he'd -- 


KATE: (SCORNFUL) You're kidding, of course.


JOE: (LIGHTLY) Why? How hard can a professor hit?


KATE: Forget it..(THINKING) You know, if there were some way I could get to know him - get him to talk...


JOE: (GRABS AT IT) Talk! Baby, have I got an idea! Look - where does a professor do most of his talking? 


KATE: In his classroom...


JOE: Right!


KATE: You mean---Oh, I see! We'll get one of his students to take down everything he says!


JOE: And you know who the student's going to be?...You!


KATE: Me?


JOE: Why not? You're qualified to enroll aren't ya? (SLOWLY, BEAMING) Yeah...(RECEIVER UP) Hello, sweetheart, get me the - uh - uh --- Say, Kate, do I call the Board of Education? 


KATE: No - just call a taxi.


MUSIC: (ACCENT CHORD....AND FADE OUT INTO:)


(LOW MURMUR OF VOICES...CLASS OF EIGHT OR NINE)


SEDLEY: (VERY PROFESSORIAL) If the class will give me its attention, please.. (VOICES DROP OFF) Thank you.. Our subjects for research and discussion in this seminar will vary from the experimental background of hypnosis to - let's say the psychoanalytic interpretation of the journalistic mind...I have taken an interest, for many years, in America's newspapers, and - (SMILES) - unfortunately, some of them have taken an interest in me..(CLASS TITTERS) But now, to work. Has the class any suggestions for our opening discussion?...The young lady in front? Miss --


KATE: Farrell. Kate Farrell.


SEDLEY: Is there some special problem you're concerned with Miss Farrell?


KATE: Well, yes - but it's very personal... 


SEDLEY: To the scientist, nothing is personal. 


JONES: (Boy Genius) Uh - Professor Sedley--


SEDLEY: Your name, please? 


JONES: Ulysses S. Jones. I'm sixteen years old. I'm working for my Master's Degree and --


SEDLEY: (GENTLY) I'm afraid we haven't time for your biography .. Did you have a suggestion, Mr. Jones? 


JONES: Yes, sir. I read that article about you in the Journal. By Martha Motherly. And I wonder if we might not profitably analyze - thus attempting to understand - the workings of her twisted mind. 


KATE: (IMPULSIVELY) Twisted mind? What right have you to go -- (STOPS SHORT) 


SEDLEY: (HELPFULLY) Yes, Miss Farrell?


KATE: It's nothing. I-- (SMILES) Just an intuitive reaction, Professor - atavistic, I guess...I mean - well, she's a woman - and I'm a woman... 


JONES: (HE'S GOT THE LOVE BUG) You certainly are!


SEDLEY: Uh - have you any further observations, Mr. Jones? (ADDS QUICKLY) About Martha Motherly


JONES: Well, sir, that name is obviously a nom de plume - and I think we can find a clue right there....Motherly...I'd say she chose that name because she's frustrated and wants children.


KATE: (GASPS) What?


SEDLEY: You have a comment, Miss Farrell? You've read the article? 


KATE: Me? Uh - yes...Uh - yes...


SEDLEY: Have you any notions on the subject? 


KATE: Well - maybe she just writes what she's paid to write.


SEDLEY: Oh, no, Miss Farrell, it goes deeper than that. Much deeper. If you'd read my article - 'The Modern Girl - A Study In Today's Neuroses' ---


KATE: I did, Professor - (SUDDEN IDEA) - and - and there's something in it I - I wish you'd explain.


SEDLEY: Gladly, Miss Farrell. 


KATE: You said that - women who throw dishes at men - generally do it because - unconsciously - they want to be hit back. 


SEDLEY: As a generalization - yes.


KATE: I'm interested in the man's point of view. I mean - (GATHERS COURAGE) - well, if a woman struck you, Professor - would you hit back? 


SEDLEY: Immediately...But - I'm afraid we're off our subject. If you'd care to discuss this further after class... 


KATE: Oh, I'd love to!


JONES: (VERY SINCERELY) Miss Farrell, I'm sure I could never hit you.


KATE: (LOOKS HIM OVER...THEN) Thanks. 


MUSIC: (ACCENT CHORD....AND FADE OUT INTO:)


KATE: (FADING IN)...And so you see, Professor, I thought that with your understanding of the feminine mind, you might help me to --


SEDLEY: (CUTTING IN, HESITANTLY) Uh - Miss Farrell... 


KATE: (INNOCENTLY) Yes, Professor?


SEDLEY: I really don't mind your sitting on my desk - but if you could arrange to stop swinging your legs ...


KATE: (VERY INNOCENT) My legs, Professor?


SEDLEY: (APOLOGETIC) It's a basic principle..Constant, repetitive motion - might induce hypnosis.


KATE: Oh, I'm sorry...But as I was saying, Professor -- 


SEDLEY: Uh - excuse me, Miss Farrell - but that perfume you're wearing - would you mind telling me what it is? 


KATE: Jasmine..(SMILING) The advertisements say - 'Be alluring - irresistible' --- Silly, isn't it? 


SEDLEY: (UNCOMFORTABLE) Uh - yes...Now you were telling me about...


KATE: My temper. I have a frightful temper - and frequently I've -


SEDLEY: Thrown dishes at men? 


KATE: Chairs.


SEDLEY: Chairs! Well, of course, my guess is that you have a suppressed desire to be dominated - and perhaps hurt - by a male.


KATE: (THOUGHTFULLY) And suppressed desires are harmful, aren't they? They might even cause a neurosis...


SEDLEY: It's very possible. 


KATE: Then what I need is to find a man who will...(SUDDEN) Professor, would you really hit a woman if she hit you first?


SEDLEY: Of course.


KATE: Thanks, Prof - that's all I want to know. 


SEDLEY: I must confess, Miss Farrell, there's something that's puzzling me.


KATE: What's that? 


SEDLEY: Not about you - about myself. When you're near me, I find I have extraordinary feelings - I breathe faster - I find myself looking at your ankles -- 


KATE: Professor - you ought to do something about that!


SEDLEY: Yes, I will, Miss Farrell. (SUDDEN) Do you know what?


KATE: What? 


SEDLEY: Miss Farrell, I'm going to take notes!


MUSIC: (CURTAIN) 


(APPLAUSE)


ROY: In just a moment you will hear Ray Milland and Betty Hutton in Act II of "The Trouble With Women."


The trouble with Professor Sedley, it seems to me, is that he thought he knew all about women... but his knowledge was purely theoretical. Actual experience...that's a horse of a different color, as the professor learned only too well. Now, to change the subject from women to cigarettes, the average cigarette smoker today is just the opposite of Professor Sedley. He knows about most cigarettes through actual experience...his experience during the wartime cigarette shortage. That was when people smoked whatever brands they could get. Remember? And, being canny folk, Americans compared all the brands they tried..Yes, compared them for flavor, for mildness, for all-round smoking pleasure. That was how so many, many smokers learned that, for rich, full flavor, Camels rated first with them...for cool mildness, Camels stood out from the others. Yes...people learned from experience that they like Camels best of all! So Camels...always a great favorite...are more popular than ever.


CHANDLER: More people are smoking Camels than ever before. 


ROY: Experience is the best teacher. Try a Camel yourself. And, with Christmas just around the corner, don't forget that Camels come in special gay Christmas cartons to give to your cigarette-smoking friends.


MUSIC: (PLAY THEME & DOWN TO HOLD UNDER)


ROY: Camel Cigarettes now present the Screen Guild Players in Act II of "The Trouble With Women" starring Betty Hutton and Ray Milland.


While Professor Sedley approaches his new emotion with scientific abandon - Kate Farrell, alias Martha Motherly, is planning a little scoop of her own. (MUSIC CUTS)


KATE: Joe, I tell you I've got it all figured out! You see - it pays to go to college!


JOE: What d'you mean? 


KATE: What do I mean? The Professor sues us for a story I wrote - I prove that what I wrote is true - the case gets tossed right out of court!


JOE: No! 


KATE: Uh-huh! Professor Sedley is going to hit me!


JOE: When?


KATE: Tomorrow!


JOE: Where?


KATE: Right on my campus! 


JOE: Great! Great! I'll have Herman there to grab some pictures!


KATE: That's the whole idea!..Now look - there's a bench by the Women's Building. Herman can hide behind the bushes. Just tell him [to] have his camera ready. (FADING, AS MUSIC SNEAKS IN) I'll steer the Professor over there, and when he lets go...


MUSIC: (UP...TO COVER...AND FADE OUT INTO:)


SOUND: (SLOW STEPS...ON PAVEMENT)


KATE: (FADING IN) And to tell the truth, Professor, I'm inclined to think that maybe you're right - maybe I have got a Father Fixation. I can remember way back when -- Oh, what are you writing in that book, Professor?


SEDLEY: (ABSORBED, AS HE WRITES) Some notes...


KATE: (INNOCENT) Notes? 


SEDLEY: I was wishing that you'd call me Gilbert... 


KATE: Couldn't you have told me that?


SEDLEY: (COMING TO) Oh..I - I was engrossed in my own reactions. Forgive me.


KATE: Of course. 


SEDLEY: Now then, you were speaking of your temper. I must say I've seen no indication of it.


KATE: (SOFTLY) I - I'm glad - Gilbert... 


SEDLEY: Gilbert...I like that. I like it very much. I --- (STEPS CUT) Isn't this the bench you mentioned..Kate?


KATE: (SUDDEN SWITCH LOUDER AND ANGRY) What's wrong with this bench?


SEDLEY: (BEWILDERED) Why, nothing - it's a lovely bench. And it's such a lovely day, I thought -- 


KATE: (LOUDER) Just because you think it's a nice day, do I have to think it is?


SEDLEY: No - of course not - I just said --


KATE: Are you trying to suggest I'm being disagreeable?


SEDLEY: I wasn't - but since you mention it -- 


KATE: I like that! I mention it! Why you're the one who just --


SEDLEY: (QUICKLY, PROFESSIONALLY) Steady, Miss Farrell - steady .. Now try to remember - did you and your father ever quarrel about the weather? 


KATE: You leave my father out of this!


SEDLEY: We must face reality, Miss Farrell. It's possible this Father Fixation of yours --


KATE: (SNARLING) You dare to say that! Why, you--! (SLAPS HIM) 


SEDLEY: (DAZED) You hit me..(INDIGNANT) You hit me! ...(FURIOUS) Miss Farrell, I'm going to -- 


DAWSON: (SLIGHTLY OFF) Sed-ley --!


SEDLEY: (ARM IN MID-AIR) Huh?..(SILLY GRIN) Well! If it isn't Doctor Dawson!..I - uh - uh - this is Miss Farrell - uh - one of my students... 


KATE: (CHARMINGLY) How do you do?


DAWSON: Sedley, it is hardly customary at Midwest for the faculty to go around being slapped by students. Professor, I'd advise you to watch yourself. 


SEDLEY: I will, Dr. Dawson, I'll -- (SUDDENLY) I will! Oh, it's a wonderful idea!


DAWSON: (BLANKLY) What? 


SEDLEY: (EXCITED) 'Watch yourself'! Watch every thought that occurs to you - find the unconscious reasons for your behavior! Self-psychoanalysis! 


DAWSON: But--


SEDLEY: Excuse me, Doctor - I must go make some notes!


MUSIC: (ACCENT CHORD...AND FADE OUT INTO:) 


SEDLEY: (TO SELF) Let me see now...I must be very careful - I must put down everything...(AS HE WRITES) Kate Farrell...moonlight..Niagara Falls...pink champagne..red lips. (A PAUSE) Agnes Meeler...prunes...dried mackerel...warm beer...cold --


JONES: (OFF) Professor! Professor Sedley!


SEDLEY: Oh yes, Mr. Jones. Come in.


JONES: Professor, I need advice. I - I'm emotionally involved with a woman, sir!


SEDLEY: (SIGHS) It happens to the best of us, Mr. Jones. 


JONES: But you see, this woman is older - quite a bit older - not mentally, of course, but --- It's Miss Farrell, sir.


SEDLEY: (STUNNED) Miss Farrell!..(GLUMLY) Yes - she is appealing isn't she? 


JONES: Incredibly! 


SEDLEY: Incredibly...the very word.


JONES: Just thinking about her is-- It's maddening! 


SEDLEY: Yes, isn't it? 


JONES: Last night I had to talk to her. I phoned her boarding house -- 


SEDLEY: And? 


JONES: They said she was down at the Morning Journal.


SEDLEY: (STARTLED) The Morning Journal?! 


JONES: My emotions are so complicated, sir. Though I love Miss Farrell, I have an urge to embrace every girl on the campus..I thought you might --


SEDLEY: (RUSHED) Jones, you'll have to excuse me now. I've got to see someone. Uh - matter of research. Good afternoon, Jones. 


JONES: (CALLS) But, Professor - what about the advice? 


SEDLEY: (SLIGHTLY OFF) Why don't you - play basketball? 


MUSIC: (ACCENT CHORD...AND FADE OUT INTO:)


SEDLEY: (STIFFLY) Perhaps I had no right to come here, you may think. But a teacher has certain duties toward his pupils. And Kate, if my information is true...


KATE: (UNEASILY) It is true, Gilbert...I - I did go down there - to see the City Editor. 


SEDLEY: (PUZZLED) The City Editor?


KATE: Y-yes...I thought you might like my theses to be on the journalistic mind and I thought - well, if I got a part-time job on the paper -- 


SEDLEY: The Morning Journal? 


KATE: Uh-huh. Working evenings...Of course, if you think I shouldn't take it... 


SEDLEY: No...it's really the scientific approach..Only it's a pity you'll have to come in contact with those people. You're so - so - (STOPS)


KATE: (HELPFULLY, SOFTLY) Yes, Gilbert? What am I so?


SEDLEY: So -- so promising a student. 


KATE: (DISAPPOINTED) Oh...


SEDLEY: Well...see you in class tomorrow, of course... 


KATE: Of course...(STEPS) Wait - I'll take you to the door...(DOOR OPENS) Goodbye, Gilbert, and thanks for -- Oh, what are you writing? Another note?


SEDLEY: (SHEEPISH) Uh - just that I felt an urge to kiss you... 


KATE: (SOFTLY) Did you?... 


SEDLEY: (SOFTLY) Yes, I did. I-- (SUDDENLY PRACTICAL) Of course it's unthinkable. 


KATE: (HURT) Of course.


SEDLEY: You're not in love with me - we're oceans apart. 


KATE: I suppose we are...


SEDLEY: And yet - for two days I don't think I've had a thought that didn't in some way concern you.


KATE: (PLEASED, HOPEFUL) Really, Gilbert? 


SEDLEY: But I must be honest with you, Kate. My feeling for you -- 


KATE: Yes --?


SEDLEY: Very likely it's - Chemical. It's - well, what the deer feels for the doe - the gander for the goose. It's -


KATE: (ANGRILY) Never mind, Professor! I get the idea!


SEDLEY: (HELPLESSLY) Look, Kate - would you - care to have dinner with me tonight?


KATE: Certainly not - you gander you!


SOUND: (DOOR SLAMS...QUICK STEPS, PHONE STARTS RINGING, SLIGHTLY OFF...FEW MORE STEPS...PHONE RINGS, ON MIKE..RECEIVER UP) 


KATE: Hello?


JOE: (FILTER) Hello, I'd like to talk to -- Kate! Is that you? 


KATE: (QUIETLY) Hello, Joe... 


JOE: (FILTER) Kitten, you did it! You put it over! Herman just brought the picture in! 


KATE: But, Joe - the Professor didn't hit me!


JOE: (FILTER) I know. The camera angle just makes it look like he did. (CHUCKLES) That's good enough for me. One picture is worth a thousand -- 


KATE: (SUDDENLY) Joe, you're not going to print it, are you? 


JOE: (FILTER) Why not?...(NO ANSWER) Why not?...(NO ANSWER) Say what's the matter? You falling for the guy?


KATE: Don't be silly. I'm not his type..(SELLING) But Joe, suppose you print that picture? Suppose he goes ahead with his suit? You can't tell what will happen in court!.. The thing to do is - make a deal. Hold the picture, and make a deal!


JOE: (FILTER) Say...maybe you've got something there, Kate. If I could have a talk with the Professor...


KATE: Why not? I'll bring him down with me tonight! 


JOE: (FILTER, SURPRISED) You think you can?


KATE: Quit kidding, chum - we'll see you later. 


MUSIC: (ACCENT CHORD...AND FADE OUT INTO:)


SOUND: (CITY ROOM EFFECTS...IN LOW B.G.)


JOE: So there it is, Professor - short and sweet. You don't like publicity - we don't like lawsuits. Just say the word and we forget 'em both.


KATE: (PAUSE) Gilbert, why don't you drop the suit? 


JOE: Sure, what'll it get you? Only money. (LAUGHS) And what's three thousand bucks?...How about it, Professor?


SEDLEY: Mr. McBride, you leave me very little choice...


JOE: That's the kind of talk I like! Now let's shake hands and go out to dinner. (EXPANSIVE) Pheasant under glass, Crepe Suzettes, Champagne, Mumm's Cordon Rouge. All on me!


SEDLEY: (QUIETLY) I want you to understand one thing. If there weren't others involved in this - the University - you'd never force me to agree. 


JOE: Then you do agree? It's a deal?


SEDLEY: It's - as you put it so whimsically - a deal.


JOE: That's swell, Professor! Anything else?


SEDLEY: Yes. I have an overwhelming desire to punch your nose. 


SOUND: (HARD BLOW...CRASH..CHAIR, WASTEBASKET, ETC.)


SEDLEY: (LIGHTLY) Miss Farrell, you brought me down. May I take you home?


KATE: It's an honor, Professor. Come let us not dally. 


MUSIC: (IN FOR BRIDGE...AND FADE OUT INTO:) 


SOUND: (QUICK STEPS.. ON PAVEMENT) 


KATE: (SINGING 'OH WHAT A BEAUTIFUL MORNING'...TO SELF) 


JONES: (SLIGHTLY OFF) Miss Farrell...(COMING IN) Miss Farrell, do you mind if - if I walk with you? 


KATE: (SMILING) Not if you hurry, Mr. Jones. Professor Sedley is expecting me. (HIS STEPS JOIN)


JONES: (TENSE) Miss Farrell, do you know why I got a 'B' instead of an 'A' in my psychology paper? 


KATE: (AMUSED SURPRISE) You mean you got a 'B'?


JONES: Yes. Because - because you are in the class! 


KATE: (PUZZLED) This isn't clear, Mr. Jones.


JONES: Miss Farrell -- (GULPS) The Moon never beams without bringing me dreams, O beautiful Katherine Farrell; And the stars never rise but I feel the bright eyes of Beautiful Katherine Farrell.


KATE: (TOUCHED, AMUSED) Why - that's charming, Mr. Jones. 


JONES: (SHEEPISH) I - I took it from Edgar Allan Poe. 


KATE: (SMILING GENTLY) He won't miss it. 


JONES: (HURT) Be angry, Miss Farrell; be scornful if you like, but please don't be amused! (DRAMATICALLY) It's no crime to be young! Girls sixteen marry men twice their age! Why shouldn't I -- (FALTERS, LAMELY) -- I - I mean - uh -- 


KATE: (GENTLY) Mr. Jones - if I ever do marry a man sixteen, it will be you. 


JONES: (EXALTED) Gee...!


KATE: By the way - all that adhesive on your face...How did you hurt yourself?


JONES: (PATHETICALLY) Playing basketball... 


KATE: Well, I'd better hurry now. I --


DAWSON: (OFF, AGITATED) Miss Farrell!..Miss Farrell - just a moment!


KATE: It's Dr. Dawson!..Excuse me, Mr. Jones..(FEW QUICK STEPS) Good morning, Dr. Dawson. Were you --


DAWSON: (THUNDERING) Miss Farrell, have you seen the paper this morning? Look at this! This outrageous picture of you and Sedley! We'll be the laughing stock of the entire Cornbelt Conference!


KATE: (STARING) But, Dr. Dawson - that isn't the Journal! 


DAWSON: Of course not! It's the Globe!


KATE: (EXPLODING) Why, that low-down, double-crossing, cockeyed stinker!


DAWSON: (SHOCKED) Miss Farrell - your grammar!


KATE: (EXCITEDLY) Don't you see what happened? He gave it to the Globe! He said he wouldn't print it, and then he gave it to the -- (SUDDENLY) Has Professor Sedley seen this yet? 


DAWSON: (COLDLY) Yes, and now I'm going to see the Board of Regents. We've called a special meeting to accept his resignation!


MUSIC: (IN FOR BRIDGE...AND FADE OUT INTO:)


SOUND: (DOOR CLOSES...OFF)


DAWSON: (OFF) Sedley? Oh, I'm glad you're here, my boy. I had to bring you the good news myself. The board has refused to accept your resignation! 


SEDLEY: Refused--?


DAWSON: Yes! And you can thank that girl for talking to the Board. She was marvelous - wonderful!


SEDLEY: Girl --? 


DAWSON: Martha Motherly.


SEDLEY: (BEWILDERED) Martha Motherly --? 


DAWSON: Miss Farrell, of course!


SEDLEY: (STUNNED) Kate! You mean to say she's Martha Motherly!


DAWSON: Oh, not any more. She's quitting today.


SEDLEY: Quitting!..What will she do? What about her career? 


DAWSON: (SMILING) There's always marriage, you know. 


SEDLEY: (HIT HARD) Marriage!..She's getting married?


DAWSON: Oh, nothing she said. Just an impression I got...Some fellow phoned her as we finished the meeting. I believe I heard her call him 'Joe.'


SEDLEY: (STUNNED) McBride! 


DAWSON: Apparently he was going to meet her at the train.


SEDLEY: Train? What train? 


DAWSON: Didn't I tell you? She's leaving town..Honeymoon, I presume. 


SEDLEY: But this is awful - it's awful! She can't marry McBride! She can't run out of town!


DAWSON: I don't know how you can stop her, Sedley. In a primitive social order, perhaps - 


SEDLEY: (SUDDENLY) Dr. Dawson, when does our trial come up?


DAWSON: Preliminary hearings are set for next week...but Miss Farrell said you were dropping the suit.


SEDLEY: (GRIM) For good and proper reasons, I've changed my mind..Dr. Dawson, will you tell our lawyers to proceed?


DAWSON: Of course. 


SEDLEY: And I'd like Miss Kate Farrell subpoenaed at once - before she leaves town. (SMILING) I think she's going to be our most important witness.


MUSIC: (SHARP CHORD...AND FADE OUT INTO:) 


JUDGE: Professor Sedley, it's a most unusual request that you place before this court. 


SEDLEY: But your honor, that newspaper article said I 'dabbled in the art of hypnotism.' I propose to show that hypnotism is a science and ask permission to demonstrate my claim!


JUDGE: Well, - under those circumstances...Proceed. 


SEDLEY: Thank you, your Honor. Will you call Miss Kate Farrell to the stand! 


MUSIC: PUNCTUATES AND FADES OUT INTO 


SEDLEY: Miss Farrell, this revolving mirror - which I will place here, on the edge of His Honor's desk - is an aid to visual concentration...I will start it spinning - (MIRROR - LOW HUM) - and you will watch it steadily, please...That's fine..(SOFT, SOOTHING MONOTONE) Now Miss Farrell..as you watch the mirror...your eyes are beginning to feel very heavy...very heavy --- You're getting tired...very tired..You're breathing slowly and deeply...slowly and deeply...slowly and deeply...Now your eyes are closing...You're fast asleep...You're asleep, but you hear what I'm saying, don't you?


KATE: (FAR AWAY VOICE) I hear what you're saying.


SEDLEY: And you will answer my questions? 


KATE: I will answer your questions.


SEDLEY: You don't love McBride, do you?


KATE: I don't love McBride... 


SEDLEY: You won't marry McBride.


KATE: I won't marry McBride.... 


SEDLEY: You love me, don't you?


KATE: I love you.... 


SEDLEY: Repeat after me: I love you. I love you. I love you. 


KATE: I love you. I love you. I love you. 


SEDLEY: I'll marry you, Gilbert. 


KATE: I'll marry you, Gilbert...


ATTORNEY: (OFF) Objection, Your Honor!...Your Honor --! 


JUDGE: (SLEEPILY) Hmmmm?


SEDLEY: All right, Miss Farrell - now you're waking up....You hear me? You're waking up, Miss Farrell! 


KATE: That's silly. I was never asleep. Not for one second. 


SEDLEY: But - but then, why did you say 'I love you'?


KATE: (SIMPLY) Because I love you. 


ATTORNEY: (OFF) Your Honor --!


JUDGE: (DREAMILY) I don't love McBride.


ATTORNEY: (OFF) Judge -- !


JUDGE: (DREAMILY) I'll marry you, Gilbert. 


KATE: (SMILING) And so will I.


SEDLEY: Kate -- !


JUDGE: (DREAMILY) I love you. I love you. I love you. 


KATE: Gilbert, you'd better wake him up -- 


SEDLEY: Yes - we'll need him for the ceremony! Judge! Wake up!


MUSIC: (IN FULL....FOR CURTAIN)


(APPLAUSE)


ROY: And now, our deepest thanks to you Betty Hutton, and to you Ray Milland, for your delightful and amusing performances tonight.


You know, Friends, more doctors smoke Camels than any other cigarette...This is a fact that was shown by a nationwide survey. Doctors enjoy Camel's rich, full flavor...they appreciate Camel's cool, cool mildness...just as millions of other smokers do. Yes...when three leading independent research organizations asked one hundred thirteen thousand, five hundred and ninety-seven doctors: What cigarette do you smoke, Doctor? the brand named most was Camel. And don't forget ... your Christmas gift problem can be made much easier by giving cartons of Camels. Yes, Camels in those bright, handsome, special Christmas cartons!


MUSIC: (TAG)


ROY: Each week the makers of Camel cigarettes send free smokes to Veterans' Hospitals from Coast-to-Coast. This week, among other hospitals, free Camels go to Veterans' Hospital, Nashville, Tennessee...U.S. Army Walter Reed General Hospital, Washington, D.C....and U.S. Naval Hospital, Corpus Christi, Texas.


(APPLAUSE)


MUSIC: (SHOW THEME)


ROY: Don't forget - Monday night is always a brilliant event in the Camel Screen Guild Theatre. Hollywood's greatest stars in Hollywood's greatest stories. 


Next Monday night - one of the most absorbing dramas of recent years, "Moss Rose", starring three great names --- Ethel Barrymore, Ida Lupino and Victor Mature!


Be sure to listen! 


"The Trouble With Women" was directed by Bill Lawrence, adapted for radio by Harry Kronman, with music by Wilbur Hatch, and was presented through the courtesy of Paramount Pictures, whose current release is the Cecil B. DeMille production "Unconquered." Ray Milland is currently being seen in "Golden Earrings" and Betty Hutton will soon be seen in "Dream Girl," both Paramount pictures.


Listen to Vaughn Monroe -- with Colonel Stoopnagle and Beryl Davis -- on the air for Camels every Saturday night over most of these C.B.S. stations.


This is Michael Roy in Hollywood saying good night and --- "won't you have a Camel?"


THIS IS C.B.S.....THE COLUMBIA...BROADCASTING...SYSTEM

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