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The Last Dinosaur

The Green Lama

The Last Dinosaur

July 03 1949



CAST:

ANNOUNCER

JETHRO DUMONT, a.k.a. THE GREEN LAMA

TULKU

PHILBERT JONES, driver

HERMAN K. HERMAN, movie producer

MARY CARTER, secretary

GLORIA SPEAR, actress

CY MARTIN, publicity director

RADIO ANNOUNCER (2 lines)

GEORGE FISHER, Hollywood commentator

LT. FURNALD, Los Angeles police

and numerous PARTY GUESTS




LAMA: Om Mani Padme Hum! The Green Lama strikes -- for justice! 


MUSIC: GONG!


ANNOUNCER: Time now for another exciting adventure from the files of Jethro Dumont! Jethro Dumont -- the wealthy young American who, after ten years in Tibet, returned as the Green Lama to amaze the world with his curious and secret powers in his single-handed fight against injustice and crime!


MUSIC: EXCITING, EXOTIC INTRODUCTION ... THEN IN BG


TULKU: I am Tulku. My friend, the Green Lama, and I returned together from my country, Tibet. It was my duty and pleasure to serve Jethro Dumont, the Green Lama, and it became his choice to fight injustice and crime. Jethro Dumont was made a lama because of his great wisdom and powers of  concentration, and the Green Lama because green is one of the six sacred colors of Tibet and is the symbol of justice.


MUSIC: OUT WITH GONG!


TULKU: This story of "The Last Dinosaur" began in the city of Hollywood, California. The Green Lama and I had traveled there together for a vacation, and also because we had been summoned by an old friend, the motion picture producer Herman K. Herman. Even now, we waited in our hotel room for the meeting that had been arranged. 


LAMA: Tulku? What time is it?


TULKU: Five o'clock, Great One.


LAMA: Oh! I have to be at my friend's house in Beverly Hills at six o'clock. My tie straight?


TULKU: (EXHALES) Yes.


LAMA: Tulku, you know, I think I'm going to enjoy having a slight vacation. It's been a long time since I've been able to see any of my old friends.


TULKU: Yes, it is truly written that the man who does nothing but work never hears the song of a bird. (CHUCKLES) 


LAMA: (CHUCKLES) I imagine if there are any birds singing in Hollywood, the sound would be drowned out by the cries of actors who fail to get the parts they want.


TULKU: (AMUSED) Oh, yes? (CHUCKLES) 


LAMA: You know, Tulku, the very wise American philosopher once said that "California's a wonderful place to live -- if you're an orange."


TULKU: (CHUCKLES) Uh, this, er, Mr. Herman is having a big party in your honor?


LAMA: No, not quite in my honor, Tulku.


TULKU: Oh.


LAMA: I understand he just finished a new picture and is giving a cocktail party in honor of that.


TULKU: Oh? He is sending a car for you?


LAMA: No, I don't imagine so. Fact, you'd better call a taxi--


SOUND: KNOCK ON DOOR


LAMA: (CALLS) Come in!


SOUND: HOTEL DOOR OPENS ... THEN PHILBERT'S STEPS IN AND DOOR CLOSES BEHIND--


PHILBERT: I'm lookin' for Mr. Jethro Dumont.


LAMA: I'm Jethro Dumont.


PHILBERT: Yeah? I'm Philbert Jones.


LAMA: Yes, Mr. Jones?


PHILBERT: I'm here to drive ya to the party. Mr. Herman's, that is.


TULKU: Oh, then they did send a car, my lama.


LAMA: So it would seem. Yes, I'm ready to go any time, Mr. Jones.


PHILBERT: Okay, let's get started. When I'm drivin' anybody as important as the Green Lama, I like to start early. (CRYPTIC) That way I don't have to drive fast and maybe - maybe there won't be any accidents.


MUSIC: TRANSITION


SOUND: MOVING CAR BACKGROUND


LAMA: Driver? How much farther to Mr. Herman's home?


PHILBERT: Here we are now, Mr. Dumont.


LAMA: Uh huh.


SOUND: CAR SLOWS TO A STOP


LAMA: (IMPRESSED) Well! Herman K. seems to have done very well for himself.


SOUND: CAR DOORS ... THEN FADE IN PARTY BACKGROUND (SPLASH OF SWIMMING POOL, MURMUR OF GUESTS, ET CETERA)


LAMA: Hm! From the looks of things, I guess the party's being held by the swimming pool.


PHILBERT: Yeah. Everybody out here likes to live near either a swimmin' pool or the ocean. But they don't like to drink water.


LAMA: Oh? (CHUCKLES)


PHILBERT: Well, see ya later, Mr. Dumont.


LAMA: Yes -- I think you will.


SOUND: LAMA'S STEPS ACROSS GRASS


LAMA: Oh, pardon me, miss -- I'm looking for Mr. Herman-- 


HERMAN: (INTERRUPTS, APPROACHES) Jethro! Jethro! Am I glad you could come! How are you?!


LAMA: Herman K.! How are you? 


HERMAN: (CHUCKLES) Well, it's sure good seeing you again. 


LAMA: It's been a long time, hasn't it?


HERMAN: Well, not since Harvard, Nineteen Thirty-Five, but I've been keeping tabs on you through the newspapers. Say, boy! This Green Lama stuff is a great gimmick!


LAMA: Oh, it's not quite a gimmick, Herman.


HERMAN: Oh, of course, of course, Jethro. I just meant it would make a great picture. Why, we could do a whole series. I can just see the marquees now: The Green Lama! The Green Lama Returns! The Green Lama, er, er-- Returns Again!


LAMA: (GOOD-NATURED) And again?


HERMAN: Yes. (CHUCKLES)


LAMA: Well, I hate to disappoint you, Herman, but I'm afraid there won't be any movies about the Green Lama. (CHANGES SUBJECT) Hey, this is quite a soiree.


HERMAN: Yes, yes, come on -- everybody's dying to meet you. 


LAMA: Oh?


HERMAN: You know, Jethro, you ought to get a big kick out of this. Big stars like Gloria Spear who was just voted the Secret Love of America acting like a bobby-soxer when she finds out that she's going to meet the Green Lama.


MARY: (APPROACHES) Well, Chief, the party seems to be a great success. (SEES LAMA) Oh! A late arrival.


HERMAN: Oh, hello, Mary. This is my old friend Jethro Dumont; you know, the Green Lama. Jethro, this is my secretary, Mary Carter.


MARY: How do you do?


LAMA: Mary.


HERMAN: Mary, show Mr. Jethro the new bag I just gave you.


MARY: Oh, sure.


HERMAN: Clever, huh?


LAMA: Yeah, it's very attractive. Alligator, isn't it?


HERMAN: Alligator? Heh! That, my boy, is genuine imitation dinosaur! You should know that -- you studied prehistoric animals. The clasp, my research department assures me, is a dinosaur toenail -- or whatever you call it.


LAMA: Very interesting.


MARY: (DRY) Of course, you understand there's no connection between the dinosaur bag and the fact that we're making a picture called "The Last Dinosaur." (CHUCKLES)


LAMA: (CHUCKLES)


MARY: (UNHAPPY) Oh-oh, here comes Miss Poison Ivy of Nineteen Forty-Nine.


HERMAN: (LOW, ADMONISHES) Mary-- (UP) Jethro, I would like to present America's outstanding screen star Miss Gloria Spear. Gloria my dear, this is Jethro Dumont, the Green Lama.


GLORIA: Hello! 


LAMA: How do you do? Hello.


GLORIA: The Green Lama! How wonderful!


LAMA: Yes. I'm sorry to say, Miss Spear, I've never seen any of your pictures, but I'm afraid I'm not much of a moviegoer.


GLORIA: Oh, I'm sure, Mr. Dumont, that you're much too busy to know about poor little me.


HERMAN: Gloria, show Jethro the new shoes I just gave you -- genuine imitation dinosaur! You get it, Jethro?


LAMA: Yes, I see. I suppose the idea is that tomorrow Hollywood columnists will be telling thousands of readers about the dinosaur shoes and handbag, eh?


HERMAN: (CHUCKLES) That's it. You're right on the ball, as always. You know every little bit of publicity helps.


GLORIA: (FLIRTATIOUS) Isn't it all just too silly, Mr. Dumont? Why can't you and I slip away to Herman's study? I'd just love to learn all about Tibet.


MARY: (ARCH) And if anybody could stand a little improvement of the mind, (CHUCKLES) Gloria's the gal.


GLORIA: (CHUCKLES, DRY) Isn't Mary sweet, Mr. Dumont? And she's always so helpful when it comes to the unimportant things we stars have to do. (SEDUCTIVE) Shall we go, Jethro?


LAMA: (DIPLOMATIC) Well, perhaps we can get better acquainted after I've met the other guests, eh? Uh, why don't you come along with us?


CY: (APPROACHES) Oh, Herman old boy, I've just cooked up a sensational idea!


HERMAN: Yes, Martin?


CY: Wanna hear it? The bartender and I just invented a vodka sour which we are going to call "The Dino-Sour"! You get it? (LAUGHS)


HERMAN: (LAUGHS) That's great, great!


CY: Oh, yeah -- one of the restaurants on the Strip is gonna start serving it tomorrow and I just called the columnists and they're all gonna use it!


HERMAN: Oh, great work, Cy! Oh, by the way, I want you to meet my friend Jethro Dumont.


CY: Oh!


HERMAN: Jethro, this is my publicity director, Cy Martin.


LAMA: How do you do?


CY: Oh, how do you do?


HERMAN: Uh, come on, Jethro, there are lots of others here who have to leave early and I want you to meet them before they have to go. There's Jack and Mary Benny, the Edgar Bergens, the Ozzie Nelsons-- Oh, just everybody's here! Then we'll go in and listen to Fisher's broadcast. He's mentioning the new picture, you know. Come on, Jeth, you've just gotta meet all these people.


MUSIC: TRANSITION


SOUND: INTERIOR PARTY BACKGROUND ... GUESTS MURMUR ... NO SWIMMING POOL


HERMAN: All right, everybody! All right! Time to hear Fisher!


LAMA: Herman? Herman?


HERMAN: Yes?


LAMA: I suppose it's unseemly for a lama to be so ignorant, but who is Fisher?


HERMAN: Who is Fisher?! Why, George Fisher, George Fisher! Why, he's got a terrific following. When he plugs a picture, it's worth a million dollars at the box office. Oh, Mary, go out and be sure everybody gets in here, huh? (CALLS) Uh, Cy, turn on the radio!


CY: (OFF) Oh, yeah. Gotcha, Chief.


MARY: (DRY) You see, Mr. Dumont, you get to be a big producer if you can have someone turn your radio on for you.


HERMAN: (CALLS, TO SOMEONE) Come on in! (TO MARY) Now, never mind, Mary. Go round everybody up, huh?


MARY: Okay, Chief.


LAMA: If I remember correctly, Herman, when you and I were at Harvard, I used to turn your radio on for you.


ANNOUNCER: (ON RADIO) --inside happenings in the film capital--


HERMAN: Come on, everybody! Hurry, hurry!


ANNOUNCER: (ON RADIO) -- and here he is, George Fisher!


SOUND: GUESTS GROW QUIET WITH--


HERMAN: Come on! Oh, now quiet, everybody! Quiet!


FISHER: (ON RADIO) And a happy hello from Hollywood! This is George Fisher with a flash from the love front. Herman K. Herman, top producer of Triumph Pictures, will marry Triumph's glamour star, Gloria Spear on Saturday at Las Vegas.


SOUND: GUESTS REACT POSITIVELY


HERMAN: (CHUCKLES, PLEASED)


FISHER: (ON RADIO) That, by the way, will be a double celebration for producer Herman who on Friday will wrap up his latest film epic, "The Last Dinosaur." I've seen the film already shot of the picture and I predict that "The Last Dinosaur" will gross more money at the box office than any three pictures produced in the last year.


SOUND: GUESTS REACT POSITIVELY


HERMAN: Yes!


FISHER: (ON RADIO) It's a great picture, ladies and gentlemen, and in advance of its release, I'm giving it my highest rating: A-plus!


SOUND: GUESTS REACT POSITIVELY ("Whee!")


FISHER: (ON RADIO) Now, I'd like to call Mr. Herman's attention to something on the other side of the ledger. Are you listening, Mr. Herman? Tonight, this radio station has had two phone calls reporting that a live dinosaur had been seen within the city limits of Los Angeles. 


SOUND: A FEW GUESTS REACT NEGATIVELY


FISHER: (ON RADIO) One lady reported that she saw a live dinosaur coming out of the La Brea Tar Pits. This is obviously irresponsible publicity and it's the sort of thing that should be stopped immediately.


HERMAN: What?


FISHER: (ON RADIO) Mr. Herman, Hollywood and the motion picture industry is finally being run by grown-up adults. Make your press agent act like one.


SOUND: GUESTS MURMUR CONSTERNATION


HERMAN: (FURIOUS) Cy? Cy, turn that radio off! Turn it off! Turn it off, do you hear?!


CY: Uh huh. Okay, boss.


HERMAN: Cy, what was the idea of planting those phony phone calls? You should have known that somebody would get wise!


CY: But - but I thought-- I mean, I think that--


HERMAN: I don't pay you to think! I pay you to get me publicity, but only publicity that's dignified, like, uh, my idea of the handbag and the shoes. And I--


GLORIA: (BLOODCURDLING DEATH SCREAM, FROM OFF)


SOUND: GUESTS REACT TO SCREAM


HERMAN: (WORRIED) It came from the direction of the pool! Come on!


SOUND: MURMURING GUESTS' HURRIED STEPS OUT OF HOUSE AND TO POOL ... THEY REACT IN AGREEMENT WITH FOLLOWING--


HERMAN: Huh? What? Why, it's Gloria! There she is in the pool! (TO GLORIA, WORRIED) Gloria! What's happened?!


CY: Good lord! She's - she's drowned.


HERMAN: (DISTRAUGHT) Gloria-- Gloria, baby! (CALLS) Jethro?! 


LAMA: (OFF) Yes?


HERMAN: Jethro, come here!


MARY: Oh, look, she's just floating there and-- Oh, how terrible! Mr. Dumont, is she--?


LAMA: Yes, Mary. She's already dead. (UP, TO GUESTS) Here, some of you, help me get her out of the pool.


SOUND: GUESTS MURMUR AGREEMENT ("I'll help.") AND GLORIA'S BODY IS PULLED FROM THE WATER


LAMA: All right. Now put her down here.


SOUND: GUESTS MURMUR ("All right. Easy." ET CETERA) ... BODY SET DOWN ("There.") ... GUESTS GROW SILENT BEHIND--


LAMA: Yes. She's dead.


HERMAN: (HEARTBROKEN) I - I always told her to stay away from the pool. She couldn't swim.


LAMA: But she didn't drown, Herman.


HERMAN: What?


LAMA: Her head's been crushed in by a very heavy blow. All right, stand back, please. Now, nothing must be touched until the police get here.


MARY: (STARTLED SCREAM) Look! There, leading away from the pool! Look at those tracks!


SOUND: GUESTS REACT ... THEN GROW SILENT BEHIND--


HERMAN: (ANNOYED) Who cares about tracks? It's Gloria that counts!


LAMA: (GRIM) Herman -- the tracks are important, too. Those are the tracks of a baby dinosaur!


MUSIC: TRANSITION ... THEN BEHIND TULKU--


TULKU: The police arrived soon after the discovery of the murder of Gloria Spear at the Hollywood party of Herman K. Herman, but they learned nothing that hadn't been noticed by the Green Lama at the time. As soon as everyone was free to leave, Jethro Dumont returned to our hotel. He had been meditating for more than an hour, ending with the Ti-Sarana.


LAMA: (IMPRESSIVELY RECITES MANTRA IN SANSKRIT; THEN--) May I be granted the power to find the one true path.


TULKU: Exalted One?


LAMA: Mmm?


TULKU: The hour is late and it is written that those who travel in the night are best hidden from the dangers which beset the traveler.


LAMA: Yes, Tulku. You're right. If we're to learn anything about the murder of that girl, we must begin to look.


TULKU: No one was out of the room when she was killed, my lama?


LAMA: No, no one -- except the murderer. Almost anyone could have slipped from the room, Tulku. Everyone was listening to the broadcast and I doubt if a person leaving would have been noticed.


TULKU: Ah, or a person returning.


LAMA: True. But I doubt if the murderer returned. Nor was it necessary. Miss Spear screamed at the time she was struck and we all rushed out. The murderer could have merely lingered near the spot and then have joined us as we stood over the body.


TULKU: Ah, yes. (MUSES) And the tracks of the dinosaur. And the girl was killed by a blow of something heavy. Perhaps the foot of large animal?


LAMA: That's true, Tulku. It's also true that there were the tracks leaving the body -- tracks which I myself can swear were authentic. But it is written that a dozen snowflakes do not make a blizzard.


TULKU: Yes, but there is also the legend in my country of the great lama who froze to death still counting the blizzard by the dozen flakes and believing he was safe. Uhh, what did the police say?


LAMA: A Lieutenant Furnald was in charge; he didn't say much, but I believe that he, too, is under the impression that the murder is part of a publicity stunt which somehow went wrong.


TULKU: Oh? Would even the makers of flickering shadows on a screen go so far in selling their wares?


LAMA: No, I don't think so, Tulku. I certainly don't think that Herman would. I knew him pretty well in college; he--


SOUND: KNOCK ON DOOR


TULKU: Ah! Perhaps there are tidings.


LAMA: Perhaps. (CALLS) Come in!


SOUND: DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES ... MARY'S STEPS IN


MARY: (AGITATED) Oh, Mr. Dumont! Thank heavens I found you in!


LAMA: What's wrong, Miss Carter?


MARY: Mr. Herman-- I think you'd better come at once!


LAMA: Wait a minute, Miss Carter. What's happened to Herman?


MARY: Well, after you left tonight, he began to get in a rage over this - this business of the dinosaur.


LAMA: Oh?


MARY: He said that someone was trying to ruin him and talked about the murder of Miss Spear as a personal blow at him. He was going to marry her, you know.


LAMA: Yes, I know.


TULKU: The loss of a loved one is not to be taken lightly.


MARY: Love?! But he didn't love her. It was a business arrangement for both of them. I've never seen Mr. Herman act this way.


LAMA: Where is he now?


MARY: At the studio. He insisted on going over there as soon as the police left. That's when he began to rave about ruin and himself. I-- Oh, I'm afraid, Mr. Dumont.


LAMA: What are you afraid of, Miss Carter?


MARY: I - I'm not sure. I've never seen anyone so depressed, so desperate. And then a few minutes ago he had Cy Martin come to the studio. He was going to fire him and they started fighting, violently. Both of them have terrible tempers and that's when I got frightened and came for you.


LAMA: I see. If anything were going to happen, it may be too late, but-- Come on, we'll see.


MARY: Oh, thank you, Mr. Dumont. Mr. Herman has always had so much respect for you. I know he'll listen to you.


LAMA: Yes. Come with us, Tulku.


TULKU: Yes, my lama.


SOUND: THEIR STEPS TO DOOR WHICH OPENS


PHILBERT: (STARTLED) Ah! Ah - ah--


LAMA: Philbert?! What are you doing here?


PHILBERT: (DEFENSIVE) Uh, Mr. Dumont, just because you find me bendin' over in front of your door, don't mean that I'm stoopin' to listen at your door.


LAMA: No? Well, what were you doing?


PHILBERT: Why, I was only tyin' my shoelace before knockin' at your door to see if you wanted me to drive you anywhere else tonight.


LAMA: Oh. Well, as a matter of fact, I do, Philbert. Take us to Triumph Pictures Studios and drive fast. Someone's life may depend on it.


MUSIC: TRANSITION


SOUND: SPEEDING CAR ... THEN IN BG


TULKU: Er, my lama?


LAMA: Hmm?


TULKU: Do you think this driver person is to be trusted? He was listening at our door.


LAMA: I don't know, Tulku. But if he isn't, it's better that he's with us. It is said that the watched kettle does not boil over.


PHILBERT: (FROM FRONT SEAT) What'd you say, Mr. Dumont?


LAMA: My Tibetan friend and I were merely exchanging Tibetan proverbs.


PHILBERT: Yeah? Ha! I like proverbs. Like the one that says rollin' stones hit a lot of pedestrians. 


SOUND: CAR SLOWS DOWN, IN BG


PHILBERT: Which gate do you want, Mr. Dumont?


MARY: The Beverly gates, driver. (TO LAMA) That's the private entrance for Mr. Herman.


PHILBERT: Oh, yeah, this is the gates I thought you'd want.


MARY: I hope we're not too late. They were fighting violently. I heard Mr. Herman accusing Cy of starting the dinosaur stories to ruin him, and of being implicated in the murder.


LAMA: Hmm.


MARY: He wanted to know who was paying Cy and that made Cy mad and they started shouting at each other.


LAMA: Well, Herman was always shouting at people. I really doubt if there's any reason for you to be frightened.


MARY: I know how he shouts, but-- Somehow this was different tonight.


LAMA: Well, I wouldn't worry about it too much. Tell me, Mary -- have you worked for Herman long?


MARY: Almost five years.


LAMA: Oh? Well, I - I should think you'd be an actress yourself.


MARY: Would you believe it, Mr. Dumont? Before working for Mr. Herman I was a mechanic in an airplane factory.


LAMA: Really? Oh, many women are fine mechanics. How did you happen to leave that and come to work for Herman?


MARY: Why, after the war, they started cutting down. I had done some acting and I thought if I had a job like this maybe I could get to acting in pictures again. But I lost my ambition about that after I worked for Mr. Herman for a while.


SOUND: CAR SLOWS TO A STOP


PHILBERT: Well, here we are, Mr. Dumont. And it looks like it's locked up. Do you got a key for them gates, miss?


MARY: Uh, no. No, I left the gate unlocked when I came out. If you'll go ahead in low gear, your bumpers will just nudge them open.


PHILBERT: Okay.


SOUND: CAR NUDGES THROUGH GATES ... MOVING CAR ... FOUR RAPID, EVENLY SPACED GUNSHOTS!


MARY: (STARTLED EXCLAMATION)


LAMA: Get down!


SOUND: PHILBERT GUNS THE CAR, WHICH SPEEDS UP, IN BG


MARY: (GASPS A FEW TIMES)


LAMA: Mary? Are you all right?


MARY: I think so!


LAMA: Tulku?


TULKU: If Tulku had been six inches taller, I could have fatal part in hair.


LAMA: Philbert?


PHILBERT: Yeah?


LAMA: Stop the car!


PHILBERT: Yeah. Yeah, I think it's safe now.


SOUND: CAR SLOWS TO STOP BEHIND--


LAMA: Yes. That was fast thinking, Philbert. Perhaps too fast. If I could have jumped out of the car, I might have gotten whoever was shooting at us.


PHILBERT: Mr. Dumont, when somebody starts shootin' at me, I don't do any heavy thinkin' till I get away.


MARY: But why should Cy--? Why should anyone try to kill us?


LAMA: Why did you think of Cy Martin in connection with the shooting, Mary?


MARY: Oh, I - I don't know. I guess maybe because I knew he was here. But why would anyone want to?


LAMA: Well, we certainly haven't done anything to merit that attention. But perhaps they're afraid we will do something.


TULKU: The Green Lama strikes terror into the hearts of all evildoers, so is often target for bad wishes.


LAMA: Yes. Well, you might as well drive on, Philbert. There'll be no point in going back to look now.


MARY: Wait. There's the producers' building right there. We can just walk over.


LAMA: Good. Philbert, you may as well stay here.


SOUND: CAR DOORS AS ALL CLIMB OUT


MARY: (BEAT) Well, what's the matter, Mr. Dumont?


LAMA: I want to take a look at the car.


PHILBERT: Hey, look at them bullet holes in the top of my car!


TULKU: Four of them. Each one on the same level and almost an equal distance apart.


LAMA: Yes, it's fortunate they weren't aimed lower. Such a steady hand could not have missed if they had been. But now we better see what's happened to Herman K. Herman.


MUSIC: TRANSITION


SOUND: MARY, LAMA, AND TULKU'S STEPS TO SUITE DOOR


MARY: Here. This is Mr. Herman's suite of offices.


LAMA: Mmm.


SOUND: SUITE DOOR OPENS ... THEN SHUTS BEHIND--


MARY: Oh. Someone's turned off the lights in the reception room. I'll get them.


SOUND: MARY'S STEPS TO SWITCH, WHICH CLICKS!


MARY: I hope we're not too late. I--


HERMAN: (ANGRY MUFFLED VOICE FROM OTHER ROOM, IN BG)


LAMA: Listen!


HERMAN: (OFF, MUFFLED) --Martin, I'm going to see to it that you'll never get another job in Hollywood as long as you live! (CONTINUES, MUFFLED, IN BG)


MARY: (RELIEVED) Oh, thank heaven he's all right. Listen! They're still fighting.


HERMAN: (OFF, MUFFLED) --in the country. Maybe that'll teach you not to try to ruin Herman K. Herman!


SOUND: TWO GUNSHOTS!


MARY: (SCREAMS ... THEN GASPS IN HORROR, IN BG)


LAMA: Quickly, Tulku!


SOUND: LAMA AND TULKU'S HURRIED STEPS TO OFFICE DOOR ... RATTLE OF LOCKED DOOR 


LAMA: Tulku?


TULKU: Yes, my lama?


LAMA: Stand back. The door is locked. We must get in there quickly.


SOUND: LAMA AND TULKU GRUNT WITH EFFORT AS THEY CRASH TWICE AGAINST THE DOOR, WHICH FINALLY GIVES WAY ... THEN FOOTSTEPS IN AGREEMENT WITH FOLLOWING--


MARY: (BEAT, HORRIFIED) Oh, no! (TEARFUL GASPS, IN BG)


TULKU: (UNHAPPY) Ohhh. On the floor, Exalted One.


LAMA: Yes, I see him. Cover the window, Tulku.


MARY: Is Mr. Herman--?


LAMA: Yes, he's dead.


MARY: (EXHALES UNHAPPILY)


LAMA: I'm sorry, Mary.


MARY: Oh, if we'd only gotten here a minute sooner!


TULKU: (APPROACHES) Nothing to be seen from the window, Great One, but the outside is not well-lighted.


LAMA: Never mind. (SNIFFS) Just a minute. (SNIFFS TWICE) What's that pleasant odor in the room?


MARY: We always sprayed sweet air in here. Mr. Herman couldn't stand to have the room filled with smoke during conferences.


LAMA: (REALIZES SOMETHING) I see! (THOUGHTFUL) Poor Herman.


TULKU: Ah, shot twice, O Great One?


LAMA: Mmm. We heard two shots, Tulku, but neither one killed him.


MARY: What?


LAMA: He was killed by a very heavy blow on the head.


MARY: The dinosaur?


LAMA: Hm! I doubt very much if Herman K. Herman was arguing with a dinosaur. No, I think this was deliberate murder and we better call the police!


MUSIC: TRANSITION


LAMA: And that's the story, Lieutenant. Everything here in Herman's office is exactly as we found it. 


FURNALD: Uh, thanks for seeing to it, Mr. Lama-- Er, uh, Mr. Dumont. That's all, huh?


LAMA: Yes, except for one later thing. While we were waiting for you, I sent Miss Carter -- Mary -- out to ask Philbert Jones, our driver, to come in. His car was there, but he'd vanished.


FURNALD: Uh, think he's mixed up in this?


LAMA: He could be. I think Miss Carter can answer one thing about him which has me curious, though. Miss Carter, did Philbert work for Herman?


MARY: The driver? 'Course not.


FURNALD: Oh, what's that got to do with it, Mr. Dumont?


LAMA: Earlier tonight, Philbert showed up to drive me to Herman's party. Tulku and I assumed he was in the employ of Herman. But when Miss Carter didn't seem to know him, I began to suspect otherwise.


FURNALD: I'll send out an alarm for him. No, uh, dinosaur tracks this time?


LAMA: No. Although Miss Carter seemed to think there was some connection with a dinosaur when we broke in here.


MARY: It's just this dinosaur picture. It's jinxed -- I know it is!


TULKU: Exalted One?


LAMA: Hm?


TULKU: Someone approaches this office.


LAMA: Oh, yes, Tulku. I heard him some time ago when he first entered the building.


SOUND: OFFICE DOOR OPENS, CY'S STEPS IN ... DOOR SHUTS BEHIND--


CY: (UNTROUBLED) Well, this looks like a cozy little clambake.


MARY: (SURPRISED) Cy! Mr. Dumont, here's Cy Martin now!


CY: To what does Triumph Pictures owe such a late-hour visit from the law?


MARY: (TENSE) He's the one Mr. Herman had the fight with when he was going to fire him, Lieutenant. We could hear Mr. Herman when - when it happened.


FURNALD: Yeah. What are you doing here, Martin?


CY: I work here. I still consider myself an employee even if I was fired. I've been fired from here ten times and the next day it's always forgotten. (SEES HERMAN) Hey! What's with Herman?


FURNALD: Don't you know?


CY: Well now, how could I? Don't tell me that dinosaur I'm supposed to have invented came along and stepped on him.


LAMA: It's not a joking matter, Mr. Martin. Herman K. Herman has just been murdered.


CY: Murdered?


FURNALD: Don't act so innocent! They heard you in here. Right, Mr. Dumont?


CY: Hey, what are you trying to do -- frame me? I left Herman an hour ago. I was comin' back here to see if he'd cooled off.


FURNALD: Maybe. Martin? You know your way around this lot?


CY: Like the inside of my own hat.


FURNALD: Okay. Come on, we'll look around. Maybe the killer's still on the grounds. (INSINUATING) If he didn't double back here to the office.


CY: I don't like that crack.


FURNALD: Martin, you're in a bad spot. You'd better cooperate.


LAMA: I'll go with you, Lieutenant.


FURNALD: Okay, but you other two stay here, and -- please try to stay alive.


MUSIC: TRANSITION


SOUND: STEPS THROUGH MOVIE LOT ... THEN IN BG


LAMA: And, er, what's this set, Martin?


CY: Well, this is where they've been shooting "The Last Dinosaur." They built the set here 'cause it was cheaper than going out on location.


LAMA: I see. Tell me something else. I've been curious as to the story of "The Last Dinosaur." What is it?


CY: Well, it's a sort of a fantasy about a dinosaur coming out of the La Brea Tar Pits here in modern times. You know, the tar pits are filled with the bones of prehistoric animals and the idea was that one of them had remained alive down there.


FURNALD: Look, we're not lookin' for a dinosaur. We're lookin' for a murderer.


LAMA: Just one more thing, Lieutenant. Martin, for the dinosaur, did they use a small scale model--?


SOUND: OMINOUS APPROACH OF GIANT DINOSAUR FOOTSTEPS ... THEN IN BG


FURNALD: Wait a minute. What's that? 


SOUND: APPROACHING DINOSAUR ROARS, IN BG


FURNALD: Hey! Hey, wait a minute! Am I seein' things?!


LAMA: No, Lieutenant. That's our missing dinosaur! I wondered when we were gonna see it.


FURNALD: Hey! It's comin' right at us! (CALLS, TO DINOSAUR) Stay where you are!


LAMA: Lieutenant, I doubt very much if any dinosaur ever understood English.


FURNALD: Well, maybe it'll understand this!


SOUND: FOUR GUNSHOTS!


FURNALD: Holy smoke! Those bullets didn't even make an impression!


LAMA: In that case, Lieutenant, we'd better try something better than bullets. (IMPRESSIVELY) Om Mani Padme Hum! The Green Lama strikes -- for justice! 


FURNALD: Hey, where are you going? Watch out! Take it easy, there!


SOUND: NOISY FIGHT ... LAMA VERSUS GIANT ROARING DINOSAUR ... ENDS WITH DINOSAUR CRASHING TO THE GROUND


CY: Wow! See that?


FURNALD: Holy--! I never seen anything like that! 


CY: (WHISTLES IN AMAZEMENT)


FURNALD: A guy without a gun tackles a beast as big as a house and knocks it right on its kisser!


CY: Yeah, I knew I had a sensational idea about ending the picture with a fight between the Green Lama and the dinosaur--


FURNALD: Hey, are you all right, Mr. Dumont?


LAMA: (APPROACHES, ONLY SLIGHTLY OUT OF BREATH) Yes! I am! (BEAT, CLOSER) Well! Our dinosaur's quite a piece of machinery. Very ingenious.


FURNALD: (CONFUSED) Huh? Yeah. Machinery--


LAMA: Yes, this is the dinosaur they were using in the picture. It runs electrically.


FURNALD: Well, that roaring--?


LAMA: Just a recording.


FURNALD: Ah, yes.


LAMA: All I had to do was throw myself against one of the legs so it would go off balance and fall.


CY: (WRY) Ohhh, he says! All that had to happen was for that thing to fall on him.


FURNALD: Mm.


CY: Weighs about three tons!


LAMA: (MUSES) Yes. Now, there must be a door here somewhere.


CY: Oh, yes -- it's in the stomach of the dinosaur; that much I know. But, you know, I never thought of somebody using this thing. I thought the whole business was hallucinations.


LAMA: Yes. Here's the door.


SOUND: DINOSAUR BELLY DOOR OPENS


FURNALD: Hey! It's a dame!


LAMA: Yes. Slightly unconscious from the fall, but she looks as if she'll recover. Lieutenant, here is Mary Carter -- the murderer of Gloria Spear and Herman K. Herman. 


SOUND: LAMA CLIMBS INTO DINOSAUR BELLY


LAMA: And here, in--


CY: You mean there's somebody else in there?


SOUND: LAMA PROPS UP BODY OF PHILBERT BEHIND--


LAMA: Yes. Yes, it's the missing driver, Philbert Jones. Bound and gagged, but apparently conscious. Just a minute, I'll loosen the bonds.


SOUND: LAMA REMOVES PHILBERT'S GAG


PHILBERT: (COUGHS)


LAMA: There we are.


PHILBERT: (DISTRESSED) Aw, that - that dame! She's nuts! She was gonna end her and me both in one big smashing appearance in this mechanical overgrown lizard! Aw, that - that dame! She's been seein' too many movies!


LAMA: Yes, could be, Philbert. In the meantime, we have our murderer.


MUSIC: TRANSITION


FURNALD: Well, you were right, Mr. Dumont. She confessed. But how did you know it was the dame before you pulled her out of that dinosaur?


LAMA: Well, I thought of her when Gloria Spear was killed. It was Mary Carter who made sure we saw the dinosaur footprints by the swimming pool before they evaporated by screaming and pointing to them.


FURNALD: Yeah?


LAMA: And she was the only person who could have easily made the prints.


FURNALD: How?


LAMA: As a publicity stunt, Herman had given her a bag made of genuine imitation dinosaur hide.


FURNALD: Hmm.


LAMA: It was a large bag, with an imitation dinosaur foot on the side -- one toe being the clasp. 


FURNALD: I saw that bag, but I - I never thought of that. But did you know her motive? I'll bet not.


LAMA: Oh, I did, Lieutenant. She was in love with Herman -- as she revealed in her attitude toward Gloria Spear and the marriage. Also, I think she would have hoped that Herman would make her an actress, but he wouldn't.


FURNALD: Yeah, that's right. She only meant to kill Gloria Spear, but Herman guessed she did it and she had to kill him, even though she loved him. I - I suppose you know how she worked that, Mr. Green Lama?


LAMA: It was very easy for her, Lieutenant, since she used to be a mechanic. She made a wire recording while Herman was arguing with Cy Martin, then dubbed in the gunshots.


FURNALD: I see.


LAMA: She killed Herman, put the wire on the machine in his office, and connected it with the light switch. When she turned on the light, it started the recording.


FURNALD: (IMPRESSED) Hey! You're all right! How'd you hit on that?


LAMA: Well, I knew it had to be a recording of some kind because when we broke into the office, there was the smell of the deodorant -- but none of gunpowder.


PHILBERT: Well, hey, what about those shots at us? She was with us in the car.


LAMA: Ah, that was just more of her mechanics. You see, she rigged up a gun to be fired when the gates were opened. She deliberately aimed the gun too high. The idea was to draw suspicion away from herself. However, the even pacing of the bullet holes was the tip-off. Now I want to ask you a question, Philbert.


PHILBERT: Yeah? What?


LAMA: If you didn't work for Herman, how come you showed up to drive me to the party?


PHILBERT: (CHUCKLES) Aw, it was nothin'. I drive a limousine for hire and sometimes when I ain't busy, I just go around and drive celebrities like yourself for free. (CHUCKLES) My kid'll get a big kick out of me meetin' the Green Lama!


FURNALD: So will Miss Carter. You know, Mr. Dumont, I was almost believing in that dinosaur for a while.


TULKU: Ah, it is written that man sees what he expects to see.


LAMA: Yes. And I see that it's time Tulku and I were getting back to the hotel, Lieutenant. I think you've really seen the last dinosaur.


MUSIC: CURTAIN


TULKU: It is truly written that of all pleasures the greatest is that of returning home. Now that we are back from Hollywood, I doubly appreciate the wisdom of ancient remark.


LAMA: Well, I'm afraid it wasn't much of a vacation, Tulku. Still, we have to take the thought for the action and go back to work now that we're in New York again. Uh, any important mail while we were gone?


TULKU: Yes, a famous wax museum in Paris, France is honoring you, my lama -- by putting a statue of the Green Lama among its exhibits. They would like you to be present at the ceremony.


LAMA: Well, that's quite an honor, Tulku. Although I'm not sure I should go.


TULKU: I - I also took the liberty of marking this story in the newspaper.


SOUND: RUSTLE OF NEWSPAPER


LAMA: Oh? This one?


TULKU: (YES) Mm. There.


LAMA: Let's see. (READS) "Paris, France. The Paris Herald today carried a story which claimed that after two hundred years Madame Pompadour is once more alive and visiting the Paris cafés." 


SOUND: CLOSES NEWSPAPER


LAMA: You're right, Tulku. Such a story must mean trouble for someone. I think we'll go to Paris and look into -- "The Return of Madame Pompadour."


MUSIC: ACCENT ... THEN IN BG, UNTIL END


LAMA: Om Mani Padme Hum! The Green Lama strikes -- for justice! 


ANNOUNCER: "The Green Lama," starring Paul Frees, is produced and directed by James Burton. Tonight's story is by Richard Foster and William Froug. Tulku is played by Ben Wright. Featured in the cast were Bill Conrad, Yvonne Peattie, Gloria Blondell, Dave Young, Frank Gerstle, and Jerry Hausner. The special music is by Richard Aurandt. Now stay tuned for Kirk Douglas on "The Family Hour of Stars," which follows immediately on most of these CBS stations. This is Larry Thor speaking. This is CBS, the Columbia Broadcasting System.


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