Microphone Plays‎ > ‎

The Great Man Votes

The Screen Guild Players

The Great Man Votes

Apr 12 1948 


GREGORY VANCE, the great man; an alcoholic former Harvard prof

IRON HAT McCARTY, ward heeler

JOAN, Vance's young daughter

DONALD, Vance's young son

MANOS, Vance's Greek bootlegger

MISS BILLOW, teacher

DAVY, obnoxious kid

LITTLE GIRL (2 lines)

BRADLEY, Vance's employer

GILLINGS (HOT SHOT), Iron Hat's aide

DALE (2 lines) 

MAN (1 line)

CHAIRMAN, of the party

MAYOR (2 lines)

1ST MAN (1 line)

2ND MAN (1 line)

plus various CROWDS

and two announcers ROY and CHANDLER

ROY: (COLD) From Hollywood, Camel Cigarettes present the "Screen Guild Players". 


ROY: Our stars - Edmund Gwenn, Frank McHugh, Luana Patten and Bobby Driscoll. 

Our play - "The Great Man Votes". 

Our host - Camel Cigarettes (MUSIC OUT)

CHANDLER: Experience is the best teacher!

ROY: Try a Camel - let your own experience tell you why more people are smoking Camels than ever before! Yes, leave it to your "T-Zone"...that's T for Taste and T for Throat...to decide for you. See how your taste enjoys Camels' rich, full flavor. See how Camels' cool, cool mildness appeals to your throat. 


ROY: Tonight Camel Cigarettes present the Screen Guild Players in a delightful and amusing preview of the coming election season - "The Great Man Votes" It stars Frank McHugh as the boisterous politician, Iron Hat McCarty; Luana Patten and Bobby Driscoll as the great man's children; and in the role of Gregory Vance, the great man himself, one of the most popular Academy Award winners of all time, Mr. Edmund Gwenn. The Camel Screen Guild Players bring you "The Great Man Votes".


ROY: It all happened back in 1923, when no one in America drank hard liquor because it was against the law. And friends, if you believe that much-- 

VANCE: (SMILING) Why, then you'll believe the rest of it, too!


ROY: (AMUSED) The voice you just heard was that of Gregory Vance - night watchman on a building job in the heart of a large American city. It's a district given over to shops and factories, so it's rather strange, this fine autumn morning, to see a milk truck come clattering down the street..And now the wagon stops - the driver jumps down - and more shuffles than walks into the watchman's shanty... (MUSIC CUTS

VANCE: (DELIGHTED) Manos, my tried and trusty friend! I was just about to leave for home! 

MANOS: (Greek) I'm-a bring the usual. One quart - two bucks. 

VANCE: Thank you! Thank you, I -- 

MANOS: Two bucks. Cash

VANCE: But of course! Two green and lush one-dollar bills!...(GRINS) It's a moot question, my friend, which is the greener - your liquor or my lucre.

MANOS: My stuff, she's good - she's always three weeks old.

VANCE: Practically senile, isn't it?...Well, here is your two dollars. But I warn you, my benighted Macedonian, some day the Collector of Internal Revenue is going to look back over this quaint epoch and ask some very embarrassing questions about your bank account..Shall we go?

MANOS: Sure. You want a ride?

VANCE: No thanks, it's just across the street. (GRINS) I think the walk will give me an appetite. 


JOAN: (SLIGHTLY OFF) More pancakes in a minute, Pop! 

VANCE: Thank you, Joan..(STERN) Now, Donald, to get back to Caesar.. 

DONALD: Gee, Pop, I tried - I honestly did! 

VANCE: Then you will please attempt to tell me what Julius Caesar got out his expedition to Britain.

DONALD: Well...he got pushed around by the Pickets and the Scotch.

VANCE: Oh, ye gods! The Picts and the Scots

DONALD: That's practic'ly what I said, Pop - the Picts and the Scots.

VANCE: Practically, son. But Pickets are a more or less modern innovation. 


VANCE: Joan, dear, you're a woman above reproach! And practical to boot!

JOAN: Noscitur ibi plumbum album in mediterraneis regionibus ad Brittanniam..While in England Caesar got himself a load of tin. Right, Pop? 

VANCE: Right! (GROANS SUDDENLY) Got himself the rheumatism I'll bet - if Britain was as damp as this dump! 

JOAN: Does your knee hurt again? 

VANCE: Inordinately!... I'm afraid I'm always forgetting to take my medicine - that stuff Doc Phillips ordered for me. I think I'll just -- 

JOAN: No, don't get up. (FADING SLIGHTLY) I'll get it for you.. 

VANCE: Why? Why can't I get it for myself?...(NO ANSWER) Say, what's going on around here this morning?

DONALD: Uh - Pop - we had a talk with Doc Phillips today. We had a nice talk. 

VANCE: You did? About what? 

JOAN: (COMING IN) He's changed your medicine. (BOTTLE CLINKS) He said to take this. 

VANCE: That? That's - castor oil!!! (BOTTLE CLINKS

JOAN: It won't be bad. I'll put it in your coffee. 

VANCE: Why, that old quack -- ! He can't do this to me! 

DONALD: Nobody's doing anything to you, Pop. You're doing it for us. 

VANCE: Oh, is that so!...Well let me ask you, Donald Ainslee Vance - would you do it for me? 

DONALD: Sure! I'd do anything for you, Pop!....Joanie, I'll drink it! Give it to me! I'll-- 

VANCE: No you don't! We'll have no juvenile martyrs around here!... 

JOAN: Ready, Pop? 

VANCE: Well I suppose it's a case of noblesse oblige.. 

DONALD: What's that? 

VANCE: That's French for 'I haven't got a chance'..All right, Joan... 

JOAN: Drink it fast, Pop. 

VANCE: (GRIM) Socrates and his hemlock!...Here goes... 

JOAN: (A PAUSE) Now tell the truth, Pop, was it so bad? (NO ANSWER) Well, was it? 

VANCE: B-r-r-r--!

JOAN: (LAUGHS) You'll feel better when you've had your sleep....And you needn't worry about the dishes. We'll clean 'em up before we go to school. 

DONALD: Yeah, we better hurry, Joan. 

VANCE: How's that? Donald, did I hear you say you wish to hurry? To school

DONALD: Sure. We're gonna have a new teacher today. I wanna see if we caught another sourpuss. 




MISS BILLOW: (SLIGHTLY OFF) All right, children - quiet, please. Let's be quiet now..(SMILING, AS KIDS QUIET) I'm sure you all want to know my name, so I'm going to write it on the blackboard. (CHALK SQUEAKS) B - I - Double-L - O - W -- Miss Billow...(SMILING) Good morning, class.

CHILDREN: Good morning, Miss Billow.

MISS BILLOW: (SLIGHTLY OFF) Now let's settle down and -- (STOPS SHORT) The boy in the back - what is your name, please? (NO ANSWER) The young man with the candy - I'm speaking to you. (LITTLE SNICKERS FROM KIDS) 

DAVY: Me? Davy McCarty's the name -- Miss Pillow. (KIDS LAUGH) 

MISS BILLOW: Well, David, you're not to eat your candy until recess. Is that clear?

DAVY: My old man is Iron Hat McCarty - and he says I can eat what I want when I want. 

MISS BILLOW: Oh - your father makes our rules? 

DAVY: Sure. He's Iron Hat McCarty. He runs this whole ward. 

MISS BILLOW: I see..Well, since your father is such a great man, David, no doubt you'll be able to tell the class about Caesar's expedition to Britain. (A PAUSE) Very well, David - proceed..... 

DAVY: Well...Julian Caesar - he went to Englum..In Englum, Julian Caesar..(HE STOPS)

MISS BILLOW: He did what?.....That was your lesson, David. Didn't you study it? (PAUSE) Anyone else?

DONALD: I did, Miss Billow! Please - I know!


DONALD: Caesar built a big wall there to keep out the Picts and the Scots, and there was a big town in back of the wall with hoss racing and cock fights going on all the time! 

MISS BILLOW: Yes - that's quite true -- but it isn't in your

elementary book. 

JOAN: But, Miss Billow - Caesar came back with a ferry boat loaded of plumbum album. 'Noscitur ibi plumbum album in mediterraneis regionibus ad Brittaniam".

MISS BILLOW: (BEWILDERED) Well, I must say -- ! (CURIOUSLY) What are your names? 

DONALD: I'm Donald Ainslee Vance. And she's my sister. She's Joan Vance. 

MISS BILLOW: And where did you children learn all this? 

DONALD: Our Pop taught us. 

MISS BILLOW: Your father teaches you at home? 

DONALD: Yes, ma'am. He used to teach at Harvard College. 

JOAN: He wrote a lot of famous books and everything! Pop's a great man! 

DONALD: Yes, ma'am. He doesn't think much of this school. 

DAVY: Yeah? My old man ain't gonna like that crack! 

MISS BILLOW: David - be quiet! 

DAVY: Well who does he think his old man is? An ol' bummer like him!

JOAN: What did you say

DAVY: I said your old man's just a drunk ol' bummer! 

JOAN: Donnie, did you hear that? R-rineheart!! 

DONALD: (JOINING HER) R-rineheart!!!! 


MISS BILLOW: (COMING IN) Children! Children! Stop that this minute!...Do you hear me - stop it!...(AS BRAWL ENDS) Aren't you ashamed - fighting in class? 

DAVY: They started it! They hit me first! 

MISS BILLOW: David, be quiet and sit up straight!

DAVY: Wa-a-a-a-a---!

MISS BILLOW: Up straight, I said! 

LITTLE GIRL: Miss Billow, I don't think he can

MISS BILLOW: Why not? 

LITTLE GIRL: He's got his ear stuck in my inkwell. 

DAVY: Waaaaa! They ganged up on me - the two of 'em! Just wait'll my old man hears about this!

JOAN: Iron Hat McCarty! Holy gosh! 

MISS BILLOW: Joan, that isn't very lady-like - holy gosh. 

JOAN: I'm sorry, Miss Billow, but his father is Iron Hat McCarty and -- Holy gosh, what about our Pop? 



BRADLEY: (OFF) Hi, Hot Shot..(COMING IN) Hello, Iron Hat. 

IRON HAT: (CORDIAL) How are you, Brad? How's it with you? 

BRADLEY: Why, all right..I suppose..

GILLINGS: (AUTOMATIC) Have a cigar..

BRADLEY: Thanks, Hot Shot - thanks. What can I do for you, Iron Hat? 

IRON HAT: A meetin' of the city leaders awaits me - tomorrow bein' election day - therefore I'll be brief an' to the point. Brad, you'll be needin' a new watchman here tonight. 

BRADLEY: (SURPRISED) I've got a watchman. Gregory Vance.

GILLINGS: (IMPATIENT) His kids beat up Iron Hat's Davy. Maggie McCarty wants him fired.

BRADLEY: Well now, I don't know..I ain't had any kicks on Vance's work... 

IRON HAT: Misther Bradley, I'm surprised at your attitude - especially considerin' that you're cloggin' up the public streets with buildin' materials an' the like. I've had a sad time keepin' the Street Commissioner off your neck. 

BRADLEY: I see what you mean..(SHRUGS) Your pleasure is my pleasure, Mr. McCarty. 

VANCE: (OFF, BELLOWS) Well it isn't mine


VANCE: (COMING IN) What's the idea, Mr. Iron Hat McCarty? 

IRON HAT: Oh, so you overheard me, Vance! Standin' there listenin' to honest gintlemen talkin' -- ! 

VANCE: One honest gentleman and two thieves

IRON HAT: (FURIOUS) Oh, is it a muss you're askin' for, you hoodlums' father --! 

VANCE: R-r-rhineheart!!!! 

IRON HAT: So it's a friend you're callin' to help you, eh? 

VANCE: You dolt! You idiot! Haven't you ever heard the Harvard war-cry?

IRON HAT: Harvard ain't gonna help ya know. (DOOR OPENS) I'll black both ye're eyes, bust your nose, and knock every tooth out of ye're silly head. 

GILLINGS: Siddown, boss. You know you got a glass jaw.

IRON HAT: Well - of course it's true we're late..(CAR DOOR SLAMS)

VANCE: Come on, you viper - get out of that car!

IRON HAT: (STIFFLY) Mr. Vance, I'll take care of you later, small fry. 

VANCE: Small fry! Gadzooks! 

IRON HAT: (SHARP) And, Bradley, don't you forget what I said. I'll be checkin' after I'm through with the meetin'! (CAR ROARS OFF, FAST..AS:



DALE: (VEHEMENTLY) Now get this, gentlemen - I didn't get up here just to give you another pep-talk! No, sir - I've got something that's gonna put this little old election right in our hip pocket! (APPLAUSE) Listen - any you boys ever hear of Maine?....(SILENCE) Come on - Maine!

MAN: (OFF) As Maine goes, so goes the nation! 

DALE: Right! (APPLAUSE) And here's the pay-off! I've been going through the old records, and we've got a Maine right here in our city! Since the first election in 1840, the thirteenth precinct of the first ward has always been a perfect barometer! As the thirteenth went, so went the city! Do you get it, men? (APPLAUSE) Simple, isn't it? Keep the thirteenth precinct unanimous, and the tide'll sweep uptown like smallpox!....That's all, Mr. Chairman - the meeting is yours! (APPLAUSE

CHAIRMAN: (RAPPING GAVEL) Order!...Quiet, please!....Order! (AS CROWD SUBSIDES) Has Repeater McCarty been heard from yet? 


CHAIRMAN: (DRILY) We're grateful you finally joined us, McCarty..Of course the rest of us could all be here on time. Even our incumbent candidate, the Mayor --

MAYOR: (AUTOMATICALLY) Fellow voters and friends --!

CHAIRMAN: Not yet, Your Honor. 

MAYOR: Oh...

CHAIRMAN: (UP) Mr. McCarty, will you step up here? 

IRON HAT: (COMING IN) Yes, sir..coming right up, sir..(NERVOUS) But you must be realizin', sir, the thirteenth precinct is most unique. Practic'ly all shops and factories - a school - and --

CHAIRMAN: I just want to know - can you promise us a unanimous vote?! 


CHAIRMAN: Speak up, man! How many voters in that thirteenth? 




CHAIRMAN: McCarty - do you know this one voter? 

IRON HAT: (SWEATING) Yes, sir. I - I know him well. 

CHAIRMAN: That's fine! Because, if you fail to pledge his vote, you're through - drummed out - washed up!..Now is it clear what your responsibility is? 

IRON HAT: Yes, sir. I've got to vote him unanimous.

CHAIRMAN: And remember - only vote him once! ....For the record, McCarty - what's his name? (NO ANSWER) Well? You heard me! What's his name? 

IRON HAT: His name..(ALMOST STRANGLES) His name, sir, happens to be..Gregory Vance.




ROY: In just a moment, Frank McHugh, Edmund Gwenn, Luana Patten and Bobby Driscoll will return to the Camel Screen Guild microphone in ACT II of "The Great Man Votes."....

Comedy to tickle your ribs...sentiment to tug at your heartstrings. Let the experienced hand of a great director mix them in proper proportions and you have a successful play like "The Great Man Votes". 

"Experienced" is the key word in that last sentence. Yes, experience is the best teacher in most everything. Take the way millions of smokers choose Camel as their favorite cigarette. Millions of people choose Camels after they have tried different brands of cigarettes...compared them in their "T-Zones"...T for Taste and T for Throat, where you judge any cigarette. These smokers have learned from experience that Camels rich full flavor and cool, cool mildness suit them best. 

CHANDLER: More people are smoking Camels than ever before. 

ROY: Try a Camel. Experience the rich smoking enjoyment you get from Camels' choice tobaccos, properly aged and expertly blended. And remember... Camels by the carton are the best buy!


ROY: Camel Cigarettes now present Act II of "The Great Man Votes", starring Edmund Gwenn, Frank McHugh, Luana Patten, and Bobby Driscoll.


ROY: Now it's later in the day - Election Eve - and Iron Hat McCarty's thirteenth precinct finds itself suddenly in the spotlight. The party moguls have decreed that 'as the thirteenth goes, so goes the city' - and they've ordered Iron Hat to deliver it unanimous..Which is rather upsetting to Mr. McCarty. There's only one voter in the thirteenth precinct - Gregory Vance - and Iron Hat's just done him out of his job! ....So our politician broods unhappily, while the object of his elections - after several stops along the way - weaves himself home to his humble abode...(MUSIC CUTS...WITH:) 


JANE: Pop-? 

VANCE: Pardon me, Madam, is this seat taken? (CHUCKLES) 

DONALD: Pop, it's not morning. What're you doing home? 

VANCE: Uh, I just got off a little early. Thought I'd like to spend a little more time with you kids.

JOAN: I'll bet I know..I'll bet Iron Hat's made you lose your job? 

VANCE: Who cares? It's the worst job I've ever lost..Donald, no need to look so mournful! 

DONALD: We're very sorry, Pop - but when Davy McCarty called you a drunk ol' bummer ---

JOAN: Donnie - shut up! 

VANCE: So? You were defending the family honor..Well, if you expect to be punished for cudgelling a McCarty, you're going to be left. 

DONALD: We - we wisht you would spank us. We'd -- feel better about -- maybe goin' away..

VANCE: (LAUGHS) Who said anything about going away? 

JOAN: The Ainslees. 

VANCE: The Ainslees?......Your mother's people? How did you happen to see them? 

DONALD: Well, we got to thinkin' about Iron Hat - and we got kinda scared -- and the Ainslees are pretty important people - they're rich - and - and they brought us home in a great big car -- and ---

JOAN: And then said they were coming back to get us! 

VANCE: I - I see.. They - promised you a lot of things, of course? 

DONALD: Aunt Phoebe said I could have a pony! 

VANCE: But - you'd much rather live here with me than - with them - wouldn't you? (A PAUSE) Wouldn't you? 

DONALD: Sure! I love you lots more than any ol' pony! 

VANCE: Thank you, son, thank you.... 

JOAN: Of course, they do have a nice house, Pop..It - it's big - and clean - and I was thinking - well, maybe if you lived up there, you might do some of those big things you used to talk about. 

VANCE: What's that got to do with it? We get along all right here, don't we?...We - we've never been hungry, have we?

DONALD: No, Pop - not very much. 

VANCE: Well, then you're both quite happy about everything, aren't you? 

JOAN: Yes, Pop - if you are. 

VANCE: (PAUSE, THEN WEARILY) Oh, what's the use. I'm not kidding anybody but myself.

JOAN: Everything's all right, Pop - we're not kickin'. It's just that the other kids are so proud of their fathers and - and we know they aren't worth two pins compared to you - only they don't appreciate you around here! 

VANCE: Thank you, honey...It's been a long time since anyone talked to me that way...(SAD SMILE) For a moment you sounded just like Joan the First.

JOAN: You always called Mom that, didn't you? 

VANCE: I called her everything that was precious and inspiring in my life. When she went - all my ambitions seemed to go with her. (SOFTLY) I wonder what she'd think of me now. 

JOAN: She'd think you could still be a great man, if you wanted to. 

VANCE: Yes..she always believed that..till the day she died.. (A PAUSE) Y'know, I've had a funny feeling all evening..I've been thinking of things she used to say...Destiny..I've had a feeling that Destiny's coming back - from a long vacation... (SUDDEN RAPPING ON DOOR, OFF) Hear that? Destiny? Enter, Destiny!!! 


IRON HAT: Well, the top of the evenin' to yez all! 

VANCE: Destiny?

IRON HAT: Are you daft, man? I'm Iron Hat McCarty!

VANCE: (PUZZLED) Yes, but...but...

IRON HAT: (SMILING) Oh, I'm full aware, Mr. Vance - you must be wonderin' why you see me here this night. 

VANCE: (SUSPICIOUS) Well it does seem a sort of chameleon whimsey. 

IRON HAT: (LAUGHS) Sure - I know - you're thinkin' of our little set-to this afternoon. But believe me, the rancor in your heart will all be gone when I tell you why you were done out of that job. Frankly, Mr. Vance, it was too far beneath you! 

VANCE: What d'you mean? 

IRON HAT: Well, the fact has come recent to my attention that you were once an educator at Harvard College. 

VANCE: True, though somewhat beside the point.. 

IRON HAT: Sez I, what manner of civilization permits a fella saturated with Ph's an' double L's to be doin' a job that don't require no more education than an alderman's.

VANCE: You mean there might be a job of some kind? 

IRON HAT: A position, Mr. Vance. The halls of learnin' would take on a new aroma jist from your mental presence. How would you like to be the school janitor? 

VANCE: My dear Mr. McCarty!...I would give to those halls the plethora of my fragrance! I would -- !

JOAN: (SLIGHTLY OFF) Wait a minute, Pop! 

VANCE: Joan --? 

JOAN: (COMING IN) I don't think janitors are so great. 

VANCE: Now Joanie - please -- 

DONALD: Pop, you better let her handle this. Joan's practical

VANCE: But I need the job! 

JOAN: Yeah, and I'll bet Mr. McCarty needs the vote!

IRON HAT: Well - the vote is nothin' in itself, Mr. Vance, but the Party sorta feels -- Well, it's dead set on enlistin' your intellectual support..Now, if it's a teacher you wanta be -- 

JOAN: Naw!

DONALD: Naw!.....That's for ladies! Teachin' is for ladies! 

IRON HAT: (IN A SPOT) Well...I was just about to remark, young lady, we could use your good father on the School Board. Would that be pleasin' you?

JOAN: Well, there's so many people on the School Board..

IRON HAT: Superintendent, then! 

JOAN: No, he's just local... 

IRON HAT: All right - Commissioner of Education - and that's the very last offer I make!..(EXHAUSTED) If the job's good enough for the Mayor's brother-in-law, it's good enough for your father, too!

VANCE: Joanie --? 

JOAN: Okay, Pop. 

IRON HAT: Well! Congratulations then - it's all settled! Mr. Vance, I'll pick you up in the car - first thing tomorrow mornin'! 

VANCE: Tomorrow? There's no school tomorrow - It's Election Day.

IRON HAT: Well..yes...I was comin' to that...Uh - you will be votin' the straight ticket, won't you? 

VANCE: I always vote the straight ticket

IRON HAT: Then by the Saints, what am I worryin' about?... Goodnight, Mr. Vance. Goodnight, children. I'll see you tomorrow. 


DONALD: Joanie, we oughta be gettin' off to vote! Where's Pop?

JOAN: In there - pressing his pants. And Donnie, you better wash your face -- 

DONALD: Okay -- 

JOAN: All of it. 

DONALD: Okay..(DOOR OPENS, OFF) Hey, I can't bother with that now! Here's Pop! 

JOAN: Pop, you ready to go? (NO ANSWER) Well, are you? 

DONALD: What's the matter, Pop? Gee, the way you look.... 

VANCE: I'm sorry, kids. I can't go through with it.

JOAN: You can't?! 

DONALD: You mean you're not gonna be Commissioner? 

VANCE: Donnie, it wasn't an easy decision to make. I don't think I slept a wink last night. I tried to tell myself I owed it to you - to you and Joan. I kept thinking of the Ainslees, too. I kept thinking if I had this job, they'd not be able to take you away. I kept thinking of a lot of things..but now - face to face with it - I just can't make a bargain with Iron Hat McCarty. 

JOAN: Not just this once? For us?

DONALD: Pop, I'd do it for you - if Mr. Iron Hat wanted me to vote! 

VANCE: No, the Vances may compromise with their dreams, but never with their ideals. 

JOAN: But, Pop - your picture's in all the papers! 

DONALD: And on the radio, too! 

JOAN: They're saying "As Vance goes, so goes the city"! 

DONALD: And we figured we'd ride to the polls with you! In a n'automobile! 

JOAN: We'd be so proud of you - we'd make all the other kids look sick! 

VANCE: But, Joan --- 

JOAN: And you'd be Commissioner! You'd be a great man! The Ainslees could never take us away! Please, Pop - don't let them take us away! (SIRENS...FAR OFF)

VANCE: They won't! I'll never let them have you, Joan! (SIRENS BUILDING) We'll go away - where they'll never find us! Out of the city -- out of the State! We'll ---

DONALD: Hey, Pop - sirens! (SIRENS TO STOP...OFF)

JOAN: Look - motorcycle cops out front!

DONALD: I'll bet the Ainslees sent 'em to get us! 

VANCE: That's what they think! The Ainslees can't get away with this! I'll send for Iron Hat and - (DOOR FLINGS OPEN..OFF)

IRON HAT: (OFF) Well! Good mornin', Commissioner! 

JOAN: Pop - look - it's Mr. McCarty! 

DONALD: In a high silk hat an' a monkey suit!

IRON HAT: Monkey suit, indeed; Now ain't he the cute little half of a fella!....Well, come along, Commissioner. We two are supposed to lead the parade. 

VANCE: Parade? What parade? 

IRON HAT: The parade to the polls! 

VANCE: But the polls are just two doors down the street!

IRON HAT: Are you tryin' to tell me where me own polls are? Two doors or two miles, it doesn't matter - I say there's gotta be a parade!..(THEN PLEADING) Please -- just once around the block! 

VANCE: Well - all right - But I didn't dream it would be such an august occasion..These are the only clothes I own - this battered old hat.. 

IRON HAT: Think nothin' of it! Here - I'll swap you for mine. 

DONALD: Joanie - look! Pop's got on a high silk hat! 

JOAN: Yes..it's just too bad.... 

IRON HAT: Too bad, is it now? And what, may I ask, is wrong with that hat? 

JOAN: It just makes that old coat of Pop's look worse. 

IRON HAT: (GETS IT) Oh...(SLIGHT PAUSE) Well, all right, Vance - I'll swap coats with you, besides! 

DONALD: That won't help the hole in his pants.....

IRON HAT: Huh?.......Now jist a moment - you wouldn't be suggestin'.... 

JOAN: Well, Pop's the guy that's voting, isn't he? 

IRON HAT: (SHOUTS) All right, all right - me trousers too!...But I'm warnin' yer right here an' now! Me silk underpants was a gift from me wife - I ain't tradin' them for the whole darn ward!



1ST MAN: (OFF, YELLS) Where is he, Iron Hat? Where is Vance? 

2ND MAN: (OFF, YELLS) Yeah! We wanna see Gregory Vance!

IRON HAT: (SHOUTS ABOVE NOISE) Now jist a minute, folks - be patient! He's in there votin' like an honest citizen! I promise yez the minute that he comes out -- (SUDDEN CROWD CHEER) Ah, here he is now!


IRON HAT: (HAPPILY) Vance, you might as well make 'em happy..(SHOUTS) Quiet! Quiet, everybody!... 


VANCE: (HALF TO SELF) Well, now....let me see...I came, I saw..I conquered. 

DONALD: That's Caesar!

VANCE: No, Donnie, that's Gregory Vance, the scrubbiest Roman of 'em all..Gregory Vance, magnified briefly by a kind Destiny in a kind land - (VOICE RISING SLOWLY, TO FULL) - where greatness is within a people, not within a man..and where any man who calls himself great is only looking at his shadow on the shoulders of those who have lifted him up..Side by side we walk in this land - the rich and the poor, the big and the little, the strong and the weak - all made equal by a slip of white paper and a little curtained booth..Tomorrow I'll be quite forgotten.. A bit of shadow glory who, like the rest of you, left his mark only in a ballot box..Forgotten, perhaps, but still a part of this total greatness. Because, being even the least in a land where strength is so generous, is greatness in itself.... (PAUSE) I thank you all - thank you very much. 


IRON HAT: Wonderful, Vance! That was wonderful!....And I'm sayin' it who didn't even understand it all!  

VANCE: Thank you, Iron Hat... 

[IRON HAT: And say, by the way - whilst you were in votin', there was somebody out here inquirin' for you. A Miss Ainslee, I believe. 

JOAN: Pop - Aunt Phoebe! 

IRON HAT: Sort of an old battle axe. 

DONALD: That's her! 

IRON HAT: Claimed she had a court order for you, Vance, but when she found out what was goin' on here, she said it wasn't very important. 

DONALD: Boy, that's getting rid of her, all right! 

IRON HAT: Lad, when it comes to puttin' the wrong ones out - and the right ones in - Iron Hat McCarty don't play second to no one!

VANCE: Iron Hat, I appreciate the inference.]

IRON HAT: Don't mention it, Commissioner. I'll go get the car. (FADING) I'll call you when they bring it around. 

VANCE: (SLIGHT PAUSE, THEN) You know, kids, he's a charming fellow..(SIGHS) I almost wish I'd voted the way he thinks I did. (CHUCKLES)



ROY: Edmund Gwenn, Frank McHugh, Luana Patten and Bobby Driscoll will return to the Camel Screen Guild microphone in just a moment... 

CHANDLER: More doctors smoke Camels than any other cigarette, according to a nationwide survey. 

ROY: Three leading independent research organizations asked one hundred thirteen thousand, five hundred and ninety-seven doctors what cigarette they smoked. The brand named most was Camel. With doctors as with other smokers, it's the pleasure a cigarette gives that counts...and millions upon millions of smokers choose Camels. Try a Camel. See for yourself why more people are smoking Camels than ever before.


ROY: And now, our most sincere thanks to our wonderful cast for bringing us the story of "The Great Man Votes".  To you Edmund Gwenn - to Frank McHugh, and to Bobby Driscoll and Luana Patten it was a pleasure to have you with us tonight. 

GWENN: It was our pleasure to be here. We all know the excellent work being done by the Motion Picture Relief Fund and its Country House and Hospital and it's an honor to contribute to that work. Right, Frank? 

MCHUGH: Right, Edmund. And I'd like to mention another activity connected with this program. Throughout America, servicemen's hospitals receive free smokes regularly from the makers of Camel Cigarettes. Among other hospitals, this week, free Camels are being sent to: U.S. Army Oliver General [Hospital], Augusta, Georgia...U.S. Marine Hospital, Boston, Massachusetts...Veterans Hospital, Wichita, Kansas. Happy smoking, fellows!

LUANA: Mr. McHugh! 

MCHUGH: Yes, Luana? 

LUANA: Bobby and I have something to add. Folks, be sure you don't miss the Camel Screen Guild Players next week. It's a thrilling mystery play -- "Sleep My Love" 

BOBBY: And it's got three great stars, Claudette Colbert, Melvyn Douglas and George Murphy! 

LUANA: Be sure to listen, everybody.


ROY: "The Great Man Votes" was directed by Bill Lawrence, adapted for radio by Harry Kronman, with music by Wilbur Hatch, and was presented through the courtesy of R.K.O. Radio Pictures, producers of "I Remember Mama".

Edmund Gwenn can soon be seen in the Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer production "Hills of Home".

Frank McHugh will soon be seen in Independent Artists' production "The Velvet Touch".

Don't forget - next week - the Camel Screen Guild show - the Triangle Production "Sleep My Love" - a tense and exciting murder mystery starring Claudette Colbert, Melvyn Douglas and George Murphy. Be sure to listen. 

And listen to Vaughn Monroe - with Colonel Stoopnagle and their guest Monica Lewis - on the air for Camel Cigarettes every Saturday night over most of these CBS stations. This is Michael Roy in Hollywood saying goodnight and "Won't you have a Camel?"