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The Ghost Who Forgot Halloween

The House of Mystery

The Ghost Who Forgot Halloween 

Oct 27 1945



CAST:

HOST, Roger Elliott, the Mystery Man

ANNOUNCER (1 line) 


The Kids

RUTH, the nice one

JOHNNY, the funny one

RICHARD, the studious one

and other KIDS, who laugh and murmur


Dramatis Personae

WILBUR, slow-talking and lethargic

MISS SPOOK, stern teacher

MR. RATTLEBONES, sympathetic principal

UNCLE HENRY (1 line)

OWL, high-pitched and fluttery

ROOSTER, who crows (1 line)

plus GHOSTS, who moan and groan




MUSIC: EERIE ORGAN ... THEN IN BG


HOST: (LOW, SPOOKY) This is "The House of Mystery."


MUSIC: UP FOR THEME ... THEN IN BG


HOST: (MORE PLEASANT) This is Roger Elliott, otherwise known as the Mystery Man, welcoming you to another storytelling session here at the House of Mystery.


MUSIC: UP TO FILL A PAUSE (QUOTES "MYSTERIOSO PIZZICATO") ... THEN IN BG


HOST: (OMINOUS) Beware the night of Halloween when ghosts and goblins creep and glide. / Beware the night of Halloween when witches ride!


MUSIC: UP FOR A HUGE SCARY ACCENT ... THEN OUT BEHIND--


HOST: (MORE JOVIAL, WITH A CHUCKLE) Yes! Yes, next Wednesday, October thirty-first, is Halloween, but here at the House of Mystery, we're celebrating Halloween today. Now, for the benefit of our radio listeners, I think I should describe how our meeting room is decorated. Ruth and Marilyn and a few of the other girls spent all morning fixing it up for our Halloween party. There are black witches on broomsticks riding across the ceiling, with skeletons dancing along the walls, a great big spooky owl perched on top of my bookcase, and a tremendous Jack O'Lantern hanging from the light fixture in the center of the room. (CHUCKLES) Yes, it looks like we're going to have quite a party. Oh, uh, incidentally, Ruth, what's that big bowl of water on the table? 


RUTH: Well, we're going to bob for apples. You know, you put some apples in the water and then you stick your face in the bowl and try to pick up an apple with your teeth.


HOST: And the one who picks up an apple, gets it -- is that it? 


RUTH: Yes, but most of the time, all you get is a wet face! 


KIDS: (LAUGH)


HOST: Well, at least Johnny'll get his face washed -- painlessly. 


KIDS: (LAUGH)


HOST: Did your mother bake that wonderful Halloween cake on the table, Ruth?


RUTH: Yes, and it has fortunes in it. 


HOST: Fortunes?


RUTH: Yes, there's a key and a ring and a penny, a button, a thimble, and a lot of other things baked right into the cake. And when we cut it later and we give everybody a piece of it, whatever they get in their piece tells their fortune.


HOST: What happens if I get the ring? 


RUTH: Well, that means you're going to get married soon. 


KIDS: (LAUGH)


JOHNNY: Well, uh, what does the penny mean? 


RUTH: It means you're going to be rich.


JOHNNY: Oh, boy! That's for me!


KIDS: (LAUGH)


HOST: (CHUCKLES) 


RUTH: I've got a list of all the fortunes here. I copied them out of the Halloween book.


HOST: Oh, we should have a lot of fun with that cake. Say, uh, what's in that - that box on the table? 


RUTH: Oh! Oh, I forgot! Uh, they're some Toastaroons that my mother made. 


JOHNNY: Some Toast-a-what? 


HOST: Johnny, you've got a memory about as long as a flea's whisker.


KIDS: (LAUGH)


HOST: Don't you remember last Saturday, Ruth was telling us about some wonderful cookies her mother makes out of Post Toasties?


JOHNNY: Oh, yeah. The recipe's on the side of the Post Toasties box. 


HOST: That's right. They're called Toastaroons. Mm-mm, they look wonderful, Ruth.


RUTH: Well, there are three different kinds, Mystery Man. Uh, some with lemon flavor and some with dates, and some with nuts.


HOST: May I have one?


RUTH: Oh, certainly, of course. 


HOST: Thank you.


RUTH: Shall I pass them around now?


HOST: Well, you'd better or Johnny's tongue'll drop right out of his mouth.


KIDS: (LAUGH)


RICHARD: May I have one please, too?


RUTH: Yes, here's one.


KIDS: (CHATTER AS THEY POLITELY ASK AND THEN TAKE THE COOKIES, CONTINUING BEHIND HOST--)


HOST: Mm-mm, they taste as wonderful as they look. I'm sorry we can't pass these Toastaroons to everyone who's listening in, because they're really delicious. How about it, Johnny?


JOHNNY: Mmm, they're swell. They're better than candy. 


HOST: Are they very hard to make, Ruth? 


RUTH: Oh, no, they're very easy. You just follow the recipe on the side panel of the Post Toasties box. Anyone can make them. 


HOST: Did you hear that, all you House of Mystery radio listeners? Ruth says the Toastaroons are easy to make. All you do is follow the simple recipe on the side panel of the Post Toasties box. And they really are delicious: crisp and crunchy and toasty brown, just like Post Toasties themselves. 


JOHNNY: Boy, they sure are good. 


HOST: And Johnny hit the nail on the head. They're really better than candy. I'm sure mother'd be glad to make you a batch of Toastaroons, especially since they don't take any sugar at all. Or maybe you can even make them yourself, if it's that easy.


JOHNNY: And, uh, if you got any left over, send 'em to me. Especially the ones with dates in 'em. 


KIDS: (LAUGH)


HOST: (LAUGHS) Now why should any of the girls send you Toastaroons, Johnny? You refused to send that girl in Massachusetts your picture. 


JOHNNY: Well, if she sends me some Toastaroons, maybe I'll send her my picture. Maybe. 


KIDS: (LAUGH)


HOST: Now, don't make any bargains. If you want Toastaroons, you ask your mother to make them for you.


RUTH: Would you like another, Mystery Man? 


HOST: I certainly would. Thank you, Ruth.


RUTH: Well, how 'bout you, Johnny?


JOHNNY: Aw, does a fish like to swim? Heh!


KIDS: (LAUGH)


RICHARD: Er, Mystery Man? 


HOST: Yes, Richard? 


RICHARD: Well, I was thinking that since we're sort of celebrating Halloween here at the House of Mystery today, you might be able to tell us how Halloween started. I tried to look it up in the encyclopedia last night, but I couldn't find very much about it. It just said that Halloween was originally called All Souls' Day. 


HOST: That's right. And then it became All Saints' Day and finally All Hallows' Day. A hallow, you see, is a saint. The word Halloween was originally Hallow Even, meaning the eve or night of All Hallows' Day. 


JOHNNY: Well, uh, why are all the spooks supposed to come out on Halloween? 


HOST: Well, that goes a long way back, Johnny, when people worshipped the sun, because it gave heat and light, and made things grow out of the ground. But then along about the middle of October each year, the sun lost some of its heat and the living things in the ground began to wither and die, and the superstitious people of the day believed that ghosts and goblins and witches were making this happen, and so they locked themselves in their houses until these supposedly lost souls -- the ghosts and goblins -- withered the grass and the leaves, and then returned to the shades of darkness for another year. They didn't know much about the changes of seasons and they blamed the evil spirits for bringing winter.


KIDS: (MURMUR A REACTION)


HOST: In fact, that's one of the reasons we celebrate May Day on the first of May every year. It's the day when the good spirits supposedly come out and start things growing again. Well, of course, we know that it's the heat of the sun that really starts things growing, but centuries ago they didn't, and so now, all over the world, All Hallows' Day and Halloween are celebrated in pretty much the same way.


RICHARD: Yeah, I see why. Well, do you know why everyone cuts faces in pumpkins and puts candles in 'em? Does that mean anything? Is it something?


HOST: Well, Richard, there are a number of explanations as to how the use of Jack O'Lanterns started. The Irish version is that a very stingy man named Jack was barred from heaven because of his stinginess. And because he played tricks on the devil, he was barred from hell, too. And so he found himself a lost soul on Halloween. Well, one night he went into a field, hollowed out a pumpkin, cut some holes in it, and put a candle inside. And from then on, he wandered the earth carrying his lantern to light the way. And he came to be known as "Jack of the lantern" or Jack O'Lantern. 


RUTH: Oh, I never heard that before.


KIDS: (MURMUR A REACTION)


HOST: I believe that the custom of having huge bonfires on Halloween began in Scotland. The fires were supposed to burn the witches and evil spirits.


JOHNNY: Er, some of the kids have a fire on our block every Halloween, but then the fire engines come and put it out.


HOST: Well, Halloween fires are dangerous things, especially in the city. You really don't need a fire to celebrate Halloween. There are so many other things you can do.


RUTH: Er, some of the boys ring doorbells and mark everyone up with chalk. 


HOST: Well, that's pretty harmless fun, but fires can sometimes be serious. I think the best way to celebrate Halloween is with a party like we're having. Play games and have good things to eat and maybe even tell a ghost story.


JOHNNY: (EAGERLY) Are you gonna tell us a ghost story? A real one?


HOST: What's a real ghost story, Johnny? 


JOHNNY: One about a ghost.


KIDS: (LAUGH)


JOHNNY: Aw, I - I know there aren't any ghosts, but, er, can't we just kind of make believe on account of it's Halloween? 


HOST: Sure, we can! Making believe is sometimes a lot of fun. (MUSES) Now, let's see -- a real ghost story. 


JOHNNY: Somethin' spooky.


HOST: Well, I know one. It's not really spooky. Or maybe it is. It's called "The Ghost Who Forgot Halloween." 


RUTH: Oh, that ought to be good.


KIDS: (MURMUR AGREEMENT)


HOST: Would you like to hear it? 


JOHNNY: Oh, sure, yeah.


RUTH: I would, too. 


KIDS: (MURMUR AGREEMENT)


HOST: All right. Now, Johnny, you pull down the shades. 


JOHNNY: Okay. 


HOST: And, Richard, you light the candle in the Jack O'Lantern, so we can have the right ghostly atmosphere.


RUTH: (WHISPERS, TO KIDS) Sh, everybody. Sshhh.


HOST: Here's a match, Richard. Be careful. 


RICHARD: Thank you.


SOUND: MATCH STRIKES ... CANDLE LIT


HOST: That's fine. Now for the story of "The Ghost Who Forgot Halloween."


MUSIC: ORGAN ... SPOOKY INTRODUCTION (INCLUDES "MYSTERIOSO PIZZICATO") ... THEN BEHIND HOST--


HOST: Wilbur Kennesaw Smith - was a ghost. He was named Wilbur after his great-grandfather, a very famous old ghost, who unfortunately was floating through the darkness one night when he got his sheet caught in a windmill, and that was the end of him. He was named Kennesaw after his uncle who, sad to say, died of ghostly pneumonia while haunting an explorer at the North Pole. And he was named Smith because that was his father's name. Now, Wilbur, for the most part, was a happy, easygoing little ghost. His father and mother loved him dearly and were certain he'd grow up to be a very successful apparition. But Wilbur had one bad fault. He was always falling asleep.


WILBUR: (YAWNS, SLEEPILY) I'm sooooo tired. I'm always sooooo tired.


MUSIC: ACCENT ... THEN IN BG--


HOST: Yes, Wilbur was always tired. He was tired at school and he was tired at play, and it worried his father and mother very much. Mother Ghost thought it was because he was a growing bo-- I mean ghost. And that as he grew older he wouldn't be tired any more. But Wilbur seemed to grow more tired every day. Now, Wilbur went to school just like all boys and girls do -- except that, being a ghost, he went to school at night. And instead of learning reading and writing, he learned moaning--


MUSIC: ORGAN MOANS 


HOST: --and groaning. 


MUSIC: ORGAN GROANS 


HOST: And instead of addition and subtraction, he learned appearing--


MUSIC: GLISS UP THE KEYBOARD


HOST: --and disappearing. 


MUSIC: GLISS DOWN THE KEYBOARD ... THEN BEHIND HOST--


HOST: And lots of other things, too. Sheet flapping and chain rattling, and plain and fancy haunting, and floating on air, and everything a ghost should know to be a really good ghost. But Wilbur's trouble was that he didn't pay attention in school, and the reason he didn't pay attention was that he was always sleepy. His teacher's name was Miss Spook and sometimes she became very angry with him. One night in the classroom--


MISS SPOOK: And now, class, I'm going to test you in moaning and groaning. Wilbur Kennesaw Smith? (NO ANSWER) Wilbur Kennesaw Smith?! (NO ANSWER) Wilbur, don't you hear me? 


WILBUR: (STARTLED SQUEAK AS HE WAKES, THEN SLEEPILY) Oh, yes, Miss Spook.


MISS SPOOK: This is your final test in moaning and groaning, Wilbur. Go ahead. Moan for me. 


WILBUR: (YAWNS MIGHTILY)


MISS SPOOK: That, Wilbur, is a yawn, not a moan! Now moan.


WILBUR: (TRIES TO MOAN, BUT IT TURNS INTO A LENGTHY YAWN)


MISS SPOOK: Oh, good heavens. Is that what you call a moan? Why, it wouldn't even frighten a caterpillar, let alone a human being. Now listen to me. This is a moan. (LONG SPOOKY MOAN) There! You see? Now you try it, Wilbur. (NO RESPONSE) I said, you try it. 


WILBUR: (SNORES ... CONTINUES BEHIND MISS SPOOK--)


MISS SPOOK: (WITH DISAPPROVAL) Wilbur, you're snoring. You're fast asleep! 


MUSIC: ACCENT ... THEN BEHIND HOST--


HOST: Yes, Wilbur was fast asleep, floating over his desk. Well, Miss Spook didn't know what to do with Wilbur. She spoke to the principal of the school, Mr. Rattlebones, and he called Wilbur in for a little talk. 


RATTLEBONES: What seems to be the trouble, Wilbur? 


WILBUR: (YAWNS) Trouble? There isn't any trouble.


RATTLEBONES: Don't you get enough sleep in the daytime? Is that why you can't stay awake at night like every other ghost? 


WILBUR: I sleep all day, but I'm still tired.


RATTLEBONES: Well, Miss Spook tells me she can't possibly promote you unless you do better in class, and here it is only two nights before Halloween -- Promotion Night. You don't want to be left back, do you? 


WILBUR: No, Mr. -- (YAWNS) -- Rattlebones.


RATTLEBONES: You want to go out into the world and haunt people, don't you? 


WILBUR: Yes, Mr. Rattlebones. 


RATTLEBONES: Well, you certainly don't seem to be trying very hard. You know, Wilbur, I was your father's teacher when he went to this school. Ohhhh, he was a wonderful pupil. I remember when he took his final test in appearing and disappearing. (CHUCKLES) I remember that very well. Your father, Wilbur, disappeared and he didn't come back for two weeks. (LAUGHS) Two whole weeks! That's somethin'.


WILBUR: Was he tired, too?


RATTLEBONES: No! Not at all. Why, when he was young, he could mooooooan and groooooan for days without stopping. 


WILBUR: I wish I was like my -- (YAWNS) -- father. 


RATTLEBONES: Well, there's no reason why you can't be, Wilbur. I'm going to have a talk with your teacher, Miss Spook, and maybe I can get her to agree that if you pass your haunting test on Halloween, she'll promote you. 


WILBUR: Oh, thank you, Mr. Rattlebones.


RATTLEBONES: But remember, Wilbur, you must pass the haunting test. No pupil in this school can be promoted unless he can haunt. Because if a ghost can't haunt -- heh! -- he might just as well be a human being. 


MUSIC: TRANSITION ... THEN IN BG


HOST: Wilbur was all excited when he got home from school that night. He told his mother and father about the haunting test on Halloween and how if he passed he'd be promoted. They were so happy and so proud Wilbur's father promised to let him use his oldest and rustiest set of chains to clank. And Wilbur's mother said she'd make him a brand-new sheet out of ghostly white material. And Wilbur's old Uncle Henry, who'd given up haunting because the night air was bad for his rheumatism, offered to lend Wilbur two of his dried-up bones. 


UNCLE HENRY: Oh, I never knew nothin' that could scare the livin' daylights out of them human bein's, Wilbur, as the rattlin' of dry bones. (CHUCKLES)


HOST: And so Wilbur was all equipped to pass his Halloween haunting test with high honors: an old rusty chain that clanked horribly; a brand new sheet that flapped in the wind; and bones so dry they made you shiver when they rattled. What more could any ghost ask? Wilbur was actually floating on air. Now he couldn't help but be promoted! 


MUSIC: UP FOR ACCENT ... THEN BEHIND HOST--


HOST: The following night at ghost school, Miss Spook gave the class final instructions. 


MISS SPOOK: Tomorrow, as you undoubtedly know, is All Hallows' Day and tomorrow night is Halloween, the one night in the year when ghosts and goblins are permitted to roam the earth. As is only proper, we are holding our final examinations tomorrow night, the night of Halloween. You will find your assignments posted on the bulletin board. Please note them carefully as you float out after class. Now we will have some practice in moaning and groaning. Wilbur, are you paying attention? 


WILBUR: (NOT PAYING ATTENTION) Er, yes, Miss Spook. 


MISS SPOOK: All right then. All together now: moan! 


GHOSTS: (LENGTHY MOANS) 


MISS SPOOK: Groan!


GHOSTS: (LENGTHY GROANS) 

 

MISS SPOOK: Moan. 


GHOSTS: (LENGTHY MOANS)


MISS SPOOK: Groan.


GHOSTS: (LENGTHY GROANS) 


MUSIC: IN BG, IN AGREEMENT WITH FOLLOWING--


HOST: It was almost dawn when Wilbur floated home from his last night at school before the final examination. He went to bed immediately, slept like a log, and awoke bright and late that same day just as darkness was creeping over the countryside. He remembered, as he pulled his brand new sheet over his head, that his assignment was to haunt a little graveyard down by the railroad tracks and, at the witching hour of midnight, frighten any human beings who happened to come by. He washed his face with evening mist, brushed his teeth with ectoplasm, ate a big huge bowl of Ghost Toasties with invisible milk, and was ready to leave. By that time it was quite dark -- a perfect night for haunting. Wilbur's mother and father floated down as far as the hollow with him, then they disappeared, and Wilbur was left all alone. He drifted through the valley until he came to the tiny graveyard he was supposed to haunt. There, he scurried around among the gravestones and markers, groaning and moaning, and clanking his chain-- 


SOUND: CLANKING CHAIN


HOST: --and flapping his sheet--


SOUND: FLAPPING SHEET


HOST: --and rattling his old Uncle Henry's bones. 


SOUND: RATTLING BONES


HOST: Why, haunting wasn't hard at all. There was nothing to it. In fact, it was great fun. Wilbur floated over the graveyard, wheeling and dipping, making believe he was a ghostly airplane. Suddenly he stopped short in midair.


MUSIC: UP FOR BRIEF ACCENT ... THEN IN BG


HOST: Two huge green eyes were staring at him out of the darkness. The next moment, he heard a sound that sent shivers up his spine. 


OWL: (HOOTS EERILY AT LENGTH)


HOST: Again he heard the strange, frightening sound.


OWL: (MORE EERIE HOOTING)


HOST: Wilbur turned pale as a human, and he would have floated out of that graveyard as fast as he could if his father's rusty old chain hadn't suddenly caught on a headstone. 


MUSIC: UP FOR BRIEF ACCENT ... THEN BEHIND HOST--


HOST: And it was lucky for Wilbur that it did, because the next moment the huge green eyes blinked and a weird voice came out of the darkness.


OWL: Don't be afraid of me, little ghost. I'm just an old hooo - hoot owl. On Halloween, I frighten silly people, too. (HOOTS WITH LAUGHTER)


MUSIC: BEHIND HOST--


HOST: And laughing deep down in his feathers, the old hoot owl flew off the limb of the tree on which he'd been sitting -- and vanished!


MUSIC: FOR A VANISHING OWL ... THEN BEHIND HOST--


HOST: Poor Wilbur, trembling like a leaf, loosened the rusty old chain, picked up his Uncle Henry's bones -- he'd dropped them in his fright -- and with a deep sigh, settled himself on top of a large flat gravestone and draped his sheet around him. He'd suddenly become very tired. He looked up at the sky. (MUSIC: FOR WINKING AND BLINKING STARS, BRIEFLY) Now the stars were winking and blinking, and there was a quarter moon that looked like a silver watermelon rind. (MUSIC: TURNS QUIET AND PEACEFUL, BRIEFLY) All was quiet and peaceful. So quiet and peaceful, in fact, that Wilbur completely forgot it was Halloween; that he was supposed to be taking his final examinations. 


WILBUR: (YAWNS EXTRAVAGANTLY)


HOST: Oh, my. Is that Wilbur yawning? 


WILBUR: (ANOTHER BIG YAWN)


HOST: Yes, it is Wilbur. And he's falling asleep!


WILBUR: (YAWN TURNS INTO SNORING)


HOST: Wilbur is fast asleep, almost two hours before midnight with most of his haunting left undone. What will happen now?


MUSIC: OMINOUS TRANSITION ... THEN BEHIND HOST--


HOST: Well, in a little while the old hoot owl returned to his perch on the limb of the tree. He looked about for Wilbur and discovered him asleep on the gravestone. Now, he was a wise old owl -- as owls usually are -- and he knew that the last thing a ghost should do is fall asleep on Halloween. So he hooted and hooted until he was almost blue in the beak, but Wilbur didn't wake up. 


MUSIC: OUT


HOST: In fact, Wilbur didn't wake up for a long time. Not until a rooster on a nearby farm started to crow.


ROOSTER: (CROWS) 


HOST: Then he sat up with a jerk.


MUSIC: FOR SITTING UP WITH A JERK


HOST: He blinked three times.


MUSIC: FOR THREE BLINKS 


HOST: It was five o'clock in the morning and dawn was beginning to light the sky in the east. 


MUSIC: STING! THEN BEHIND HOST-- (SHARP STINGS PUNCTUATE AT [X])


HOST: And there, seated on the iron picket fence surrounding the tiny graveyard, were his mother, [X] his father, [X] all the other ghosts and goblins, [X][X][X][X] and, worst of all, Miss Spook, his teacher.


MUSIC: ACCENT ... THEN BEHIND HOST--


HOST: Wilbur tried hard to hold back his tears. He hadn't meant to forget Halloween. He hadn't meant to fall asleep. He trembled as his teacher got off the picket fence and floated over to him.


MISS SPOOK: Well, Wilbur, what have you to say for yourself?


WILBUR: I'm - I'm sorry, Miss Spook.


MISS SPOOK: Is that all? 


WILBUR: I - I didn't mean to fall asleep, but-- Well, I was sooooooo tired.


MISS SPOOK: That seems to be your trouble, Wilbur. You are always sooooooo tired. We've got to teach you a lesson. Any ghost who forgets Halloween and falls asleep in the middle of haunting must be taught a lesson. Let me have your sheet. 


WILBUR: My - my sheet? 


MISS SPOOK: Yes, your sheet. 


WILBUR: (MURMURS WITH EFFORT AS HE REMOVES HIS SHEET)


MISS SPOOK: Thank you. 


WILBUR: (SNEEZES) Ah - ah - choo. Oh, I'm - I'm cold just sitting here in my bones! 


MISS SPOOK: That's too bad. You will just have to get used to it. From now on you're not going to be allowed to wear a sheet. You'll have to walk around in your bones until you prove to me that you have learned how to haunt without falling asleep. And until that time you will not be promoted!


MUSIC: CURTAIN ... THEN SNEAKS IN BEHIND HOST--


HOST: And so boys and girls -- and grown-ups, too -- this coming Halloween, if you should happen to see a sleepy little ghost walking around in his bare bones, remember that it's Wilbur. Wilbur Kennesaw Smith. He's looking for someone to haunt, so that he can be promoted and get his sheet back. So if you do meet Wilbur, be kind to him and let him haunt you, won't you? And in case he should yawn right in the middle of the haunting, tickle him in the ribs to keep him awake, so that this Halloween Wilbur can be promoted. 


WILBUR: (SLEEPILY) Please let me haunt you. (YAWNS)


MUSIC: BRIEF CURTAIN (QUOTES "MYSTERIOSO PIZZICATO")


HOST: And that's the story of "The Ghost Who Forgot Halloween." 


KIDS: (MURMUR APPRECIATIVELY)


JOHNNY: Aw, that's not the kind of ghost story I meant.


HOST: Oh, didn't you like it, Johnny? 


JOHNNY: Oh, yeah, it was all right, but, uh-- 


RUTH: Oh, I think it was wonderful, Johnny! The trouble with you is you always want creepy things. I'll always remember Wilbur from now on, and if ever I meet him, I will let him haunt me!


KIDS: (LAUGH)


HOST: I'm sorry if I disappointed you, Johnny. 


JOHNNY: Aw, naw. It was all right. Uh, one part made me laugh.


HOST: What was that? 


JOHNNY: The part where you said that Wilbur had a great big bowl of Ghost Toasties with invisible milk.


KIDS: (LAUGH)


HOST: (CHUCKLES) You wouldn't like that, would you, Johnny? 


JOHNNY: No siree. Wilbur can have his Ghost Toasties. I'll take real, honest-to-goodness Post Toasties with the kind of milk you can see.


KIDS: (MURMUR AGREEMENT)


HOST: I can't say that I blame you, Johnny. As a matter of fact, like Wilbur, Post Toasties are so bubbly light they almost do float.


RUTH: Have you ever tried Post Toasties with stewed peaches, Mystery Man? 


HOST: Why, no, I haven't, Ruth. Are they good? 


RUTH: Mmmm, they're wonderful. 


JOHNNY: I have 'em with bananas lots of times. 


RICHARD: Uh, Mystery Man--?


HOST: Yes, Richard? 


RICHARD: My friend's mother says that hot cereals are better for you than cold cereals in the wintertime. Is that true? 


HOST: Not at all. It isn't the external heat of the food that counts. It's the amount of heat the food produces once it gets inside your body. 


RICHARD: Oh.


HOST: Now, for instance, a glass of cold milk produces much more body heat or food energy than a cup of boiling hot water. Up around the North Pole, the Eskimos live all winter long on cold blubber and seal fat, because it produces a great deal of body heat.


RICHARD: Carbohydrates produce body heat, don't they? 


HOST: That's right, Richard. Certain elements in food are called carbohydrates; heat- and energy-producing elements. Sugar's one of them and starch is another -- both of which you get in Post Toasties. So you tell your friend's mother that we'll match Post Toasties up against any other breakfast cereal -- hot, cold, or lukewarm -- for energy and for goodness, winter, summer, spring, or fall. And with all that, Post Toasties taste so good. Always crisp, always toasty brown, always bubbly light. Never soggy or mushy or lumpy. Right, Johnny? 


JOHNNY: You bet! Post Toasties are tops! Now, er, how about let's duck for apples? 


HOST: I'm afraid we're not going to have time for that while we're still on the air because I want to tell you something about next week's mystery story. 


JOHNNY: Can't we even cut the Halloween cake and find out what kind of fortunes we get? 


HOST: (LAUGHS) Do you want the fortune or the cake, Johnny? Confess. 


JOHNNY: Well, I could eat a hunk o' cake.


KIDS: (LAUGH)


HOST: All right, Ruth, suppose you cut Johnny's piece so we can have his fortune told and, incidentally, wrap himself around some cake--


RUTH: (LAUGHS) 


HOST: --while I tell you about next week's story. 


MUSIC: OMINOUS CHORD ... THEN BEHIND HOST--


HOST: (SPOOKY) It was on the stage of a supposedly haunted theater that the ghost of a great Hamlet was supposed to walk, hand in hand -- with death. The solution of the mystery escaped me until I-- Well, until I realized that the only possible answer was the most obvious one of all. Now, next week, I'd like to see if you can guess -- as I had to -- the natural explanation of the seemingly supernatural phenomenon in the story I call "Death Takes the Stage." (MORE JOVIAL) Well, Johnny, did you find your fortune yet? 


JOHNNY: Uh, no. There's no fortune in this piece. Oh, wait a minute! Yeah, here it is.


HOST: What is it?


RUTH: Oh, it's the ring! Johnny's gonna get married! 


KIDS: (LAUGH)


JOHNNY: Awww, who believes in fortunes? Not me! 


HOST: Well, I'm sure someday you'll get married, Johnny. 


JOHNNY: Yeah? Maybe. 


HOST: Well, if you won't worry about it now-- I see our time's up anyway. We meet again next week, of course, at this same time, and, for our radio listeners, this same station. 


JOHNNY: And don't forget, if anybody's got any Toastaroons they want to get rid of, send 'em to me! 


HOST: Johnny, how can you ask for Toastaroons with a mouthful of cake? 


JOHNNY: I did, didn't I?


KIDS: (LAUGH)


HOST: (CHUCKLES) I give up. Well, remember to be with us next Saturday to hear-- (SPOOKY) "Death Takes the Stage." I'll be waiting for you at - the House of Mystery. 


MUSIC: THEME ... THEN BEHIND HOST--


HOST: (MORE JOVIAL) This is Roger Elliot, your Mystery Man, saying goodbye until next Saturday at this same time, and reminding you that Post Toasties is a good buy, too. 


MUSIC: UP AND OUT


ANNOUNCER: This is the Mutual Broadcasting System.


MUSIC: FOR A BIG FINISH!



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