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The Bachelor and the Bobby-Soxer

The Screen Guild Players

The Bachelor and the Bobby-Soxer

May 10 1948

 



CAST:

DICK, artist (CARY GRANT)

MARGARET, judge (MYRNA LOY)

SUSAN, high school student (SHIRLEY TEMPLE)

WALTERS, lawyer

JERRY, Susan's boyfriend

1ST GIRL (1 line)

2ND GIRL (1 wolf whistle)

TOMMY, the Assistant District Attorney

COP (1 line)

DR. BEEMISH, court psychiatrist

ANNOUNCER, at airport (1 line)

CLERK (2 lines)


plus a narrator, O'SULLIVAN

and two announcers, ROY and CHANDLER








ROY: (COLD) From Hollywood, Camel Cigarettes present "The Screen Guild Players." 


MUSIC: SYMPHONIC CAMEL THEME FULL..AND FADE DOWN TO CONTINUE UNDER: 


ROY: Our stars - Cary Grant, Myrna Loy and Shirley Temple.

Our  play - "The Bachelor and the Bobby Soxer."

Our host - Camel Cigarettes. (MUSIC OUT)


CHANDLER: Experience is the best teacher!


ROY: Try a Camel -- let your own experience tell you why more people are smoking Camels than ever before. 

 

Yes, try a Camel in your "T-Zone"...that's T for Taste and T for Throat...your true proving ground for any cigarette. See how your taste finds new enjoyment in Camel's rich, full flavor. See how your throat appreciates Camel's cool, cool mildness! 


MUSIC: (SHOW THEME) 

 

ROY: Tonight Camel Cigarettes present the Screen Guild Players in one of the biggest events of the radio season --- R.K.O.'s rib-tickling comedy, "The Bachelor and the Bobby Soxer"!


And starring in the roles they made so hilarious on the screen - three of your very favorite performers -- Shirley Temple, Myrna Loy and Cary Grant! Here it is! For the first time on the air --- The Camel Screen Guild Players in "The Bachelor and the Bobby Soxer"!


MUSIC: FULL INTO PLAY THEME...AND DOWN, TO HOLD UNDER: 


O'SULLIVAN: The bachelor and the bobby-soxer - they're only part of our story. The rest of it happens to be -- a judge....Yes, the Judge is a most important character, so you'd better have a look at her....That's right - her - with a curved capital "H". Judge Margaret Turner is her name - (DISHES, UNDER) - and she's having breakfast with her sister, Susan. (MUSIC CUTS)


SUSAN: Sorry I'm late, Sis, pass the cream please.

 

MARGARET: Here you are, dear...Did you sleep well?


SUSAN: Oh, sklonklish....I feel absolutely sklonklish.


MARGARET: Susan, darling, don't be a clunk. 


SUSAN: A clu -- ! (ACCUSING) Sis, you've been listening when I talk on the phone! 


MARGARET: (LAUGHS) I've had to. I plead self-defense. 


SUSAN: (EAGER) Margaret, speaking of pleas - You know that case you were trying - the old man who ran away with the sixteen-year-old girl? 


MARGARET: Yes? 


SUSAN: What did you give him? 


MARGARET: Three years. 


SUSAN: Oh...That'll cost me three dollars. 


MARGARET: Why? 


SUSAN: I always bet that you won't sentence people. 


MARGARET: (PLEASED) That's ridiculous...(GINGERLY) Uh - how have you been doing lately? 


SUSAN: You've cost me a fortune. 


MARGARET: (MORE TARTLY) Well, perhaps you'd betterr spend more time on Geometry. Mr. Roberts says you're the first student he's ever had who defined a triangle as two women crazy about one man.

 

SUSAN: (HAUGHTILY) Mr. Roberts is definitely decadent.

 

MARGARET: Susan, what am I going to do with you? 


SUSAN: (PENITENT) Why? Am I so much trouble, Margaret? 


MARGARET: (QUICKLY) No - of course you aren't, darling.. Susan, you know I'd die for you. It's just living with you that's a little difficult. 


MUSIC: (ACCENT CHORD...AND CONTINUE UNDER:)

 

O'SULLIVAN: Now then, where does the bachelor come in? Well - first of all he comes into court - Judge Turner's court -- and he comes in late. (MUSIC CUTS)

 

MARGARET: Mr. Nugent, I don't know whether you work on schedule, but this court does. Nine o'clock means nine o' clock. 


DICK: Yes, sir -- I mean, Yes - Your Honor.


MARGARET: Now let's get on with this....The charge is disturbing the peace. How do you plead? 


WALTERS: Your Honor, my name is Walters. I represent the defendant. He pleads not guilty. 


DICK: I do?....I mean, yes - yes, of course I do! Not Guilty!

 

MARGARET: Mr. Nugent, did you go to the Vampire Club last night? 


DICK: Yes, Your Honor. I - I'm doing a series of paintings on Americana, and I'm including a night club scene.


MARGARET: Creating a night club scene would be more accurate...However, there seems to be some doubt as to how the fight actually started. 


DICK: Well, you see, Agnes Prescott -- she sings at the club. And she'd just finished her spot and we were having a drink when Florence came over to say hello. And then Tony - he's Flo's boy-friend - objected. And Florence objected to his objection. And then one thing led to another. Tony slapped Florence - I slapped Tony - Florence scratched Agnes - Agnes bit Florence and -- Look anyone who says he remembers a fight blow for blow is lying! 


MARGARET: Yes, I'd be willing to concede that possibility...(SLIGHT PAUSE) On the basis of the evidence submitted here, it was obviously a fight in which everyone participated. Everyone is equally guilty, and everyone is equally innocent. I see no reason to hold the defendant for trial. (CROWD REACTION


DICK: Thank you, Your Honor. May I go now? 


MARGARET: You just got here. Don't you like our court? 


DICK: Oh, sure, I like it fine. Only I'm due to give a lecture today. 


MARGARET: Really? What are you lecturing on? 


DICK: America, as I see it. 


MARGARET: (DRILY) That should be very interesting. 


DICK: Yes, it is. You see -- (GETS HER MEANING, DEFLATES) Yes...... 


MARGARET: Mr. Nugent, I respect your artistic temperment, but let me give you a warning. If you are brought before this court again, you won't be dealt with so leniently. I suggest that you confine your future painting to still life. (RAPPING GAVEL) Case dismissed. (MURMUR OF CROWD VOICES)

 

DICK: (SOTTO) You know, Walters, a judge like that makes it almost a pleasure to come to court. Little on the icy side, but I'd like to have a try at melting her down. 


WALTERS: (SOTTO) Don't press your luck....And anyway you're due at the high-school for that lecture. Come on! 


ORCH: (ACCENT CHORD AND FADE OUT INTO:)


DICK: The essence of art is simplicity - honesty. For instance, if I wanted to capture the feeling of America, I'd try to put it into the portrait of one of you high-school students... You'd be in your denims, with the cuffs rolled up. Maybe a sweatshirt, with your sweetheart's initials on it. (FADING TO B.G.) You'd be young and eager and proud. Because of what's ahead of you....... 


(ALL SOTTO)

SUSAN: Jerry...Jerry....


JERRY: Huh?


SUSAN: Do me a favor. Pinch me,
will you?


JERRY: Pinch you? Gee, Susan,
that's a funny thing to ask.
Can't I slap you or
something?


SUSAN: Don't be silly! I just
want to be sure I'm awake!


JERRY: Well - okay..(PAUSE) Well?


SUSAN: Jerry, it's true! I wasn't
dreaming it!


JERRY: Dreaming what?


SUSAN: Mr. Nugent, up there! He's
all in shining armor!



You're the kids who, in a
few years, are going to be
running our factories,
our farms, our industries!
You're going to be voting,
to make this country what
you want it to be - a
place where there is
freedom, opportunity and
tolerance! If I were to
do a portrait of one of
you, I'd try to put all
that into it. I'd try to
make the whole thing add
up to a portrait of our
country - the greatest
country in this or any

DICK: other world! (SMILING) So don't be surprised if I ask one of you to pose for me..Thank you. 


SOUND: (APPLAUSE..FULL...AND DOWN, AD LIBS TO HOLD UNDER:)

 

JERRY: Hey, Susan, what was that stufff about shining armor? That's a sport-coat he's wearing. I'll bet he got it down at - (SUDDENLY) Hey! - Susan! Where you going? 


SUSAN: I've got to catch him before he gets away! See you later, Jerry! 


SOUND: (RUNNING STEPS) 


SUSAN: Oh, Mr. Nugent - wait!


DICK: (SLIGHTLY OFF) Huh? (STEPS CUT


SUSAN: Mr. Nugent, my name is Susan Turner. I'm a student here. 


DICK: (POLITE SURPRISE) No! 


SUSAN: Yes. I loved your speech. 


DICK: Well, thanks. 


1ST GIRL: (SLIGHTLY OFF) Goodbye, Mr. Nugent!


2ND GIRL: (SLIGHTLY OFF...WOLF WHISTLE) 


SUSAN: You mustn't mind them, Mr. Nugent. They don't really mean it. 


DICK: Why not?...Well, nice to have met you, Miss Turner. I've got to hurry now. Sometime perhaps --


SUSAN: Oh, you can't go yet - I've got to interview you! 


DICK: You what


SUSAN: For the high school paper. I'm the editor. 


DICK: Oh....


SUSAN: (BRIGHTLY) I'll ask you questions. All you have to do is answer them. 


DICK: Fire away. 


SUSAN: Well - uh - first....have you ever been married? 


DICK: (PUZZLED BUT GAME) No. 


SUSAN: I knew you weren't! You just couldn't be! 


DICK: Oh, I've had offers.


SUSAN: (INTENSE) Tell me - have you ever been in love? 


DICK: Yes, I have...(CURIOUS) Say, what kind of paper does this school run? 


SUSAN: (REASSURING) Oh, all the students read it. 


DICK: I'll bet they do!


SUSAN: (ADORING) Mr. Nugent - did you have any ordeals before you became a success? 


DICK: Well - no, I --


SUSAN: You can talk to me. I'm really much older than I look. 


DICK: I'm beginning to think you're older than I look. 


SUSAN: (INTIMATE) You see, I want you to think of me - not as a newspaperwoman, but as a friend. 


DICK: (CONFIDING) Well, in that case, I'll tell you...I did suffer.


SUSAN: (TENDERLY) You did? 


DICK: When I was ten, my mother and father had a double suicide pact. They made it. I was sent to an orphanage. Some days they didn't beat me. 


SUSAN: (HORRIFIED) Ohhhh!....

 

DICK: Then one night I escaped. I ran away to New York. I used to steal.


SUSAN: (BREATHLESS) What? 


DICK: (STUCK) What do you mean - what? 


SUSAN: What did you steal? 


DICK: (SADLY) Crusts of bread...and things


SUSAN: (SYMPATHETIC, SOFTLY) I can imagine.. 


DICK: One time I stole a valise. There were paints and paint brushes inside, so I began to paint. The rest is history. 


SUSAN: (ENCHANTED) How wonderful. How terribly wonderful.


DICK: Now, if you'll excuse me -- Goodbye, Louella. 


SUSAN: Oh, no, it's Susan - Susan Turner. And by the way, Mr. Nugent, about painting one of us - you know - denims and sweatshirts and everything?

 

DICK: Yes? 


SUSAN: Well, do you think I'd make a good model, perhaps? 


DICK: (MOCK ASTONISHMENT) Oh, you're not thinking of quitting the newspaper game? 


SUSAN: Oh, that's merely a stop-gap. (SIGHS) My family wants me to go into law, but I think one female judge in the family is enough. 


DICK: Yes, I should think that --- (A TAKE) Did you say your name was Turner


SUSAN: That's right. My sister is Judge Margaret Turner. 


DICK: Nice to have met the family - 'Bye. 


SUSAN: Wait - what about my posing for you? What about young America? 


DICK: (TO GET AWAY) Fine. 


SUSAN: Then you think I'm ideal? 


DICK: Sure. Ideal - perfect - (FADING) - anything you say. 'Bye! (DOOR SLAMS, OFF


SUSAN: (TO SELF, THOUGHTFUL) That's funny...his armor doesn't even jingle when he runs......

 

MUSIC: (ACCENT CHORD...AND FADE OUT INTO:)


MARGARET: (TOLERANT, AMUSED) Susan, that's ridiculous. Men don't go around in armor any more. 


SUSAN: Well, he does, Margaret. And I ought to know - I interviewed him. 


MARGARET: I suppose he told you everything? Got it all off his - tin chest? 


SUSAN: Oh, yes. He's had to lie and cheat and steal all his life. (DREAMILY) He's wonderful. 


MARGARET: (DRILY) I can imagine. 


SUSAN: And besides - he's asked me to pose for him. 


MARGARET: Really? What's the name of this shining knight? 


SUSAN: (DREAMILY) Richard Nugent.


MARGARET: (THOUGHTFUL) Richard Nugent....Richard Nugent?!!! 


SUSAN: (EAGERLY) Have you ever heard of him? 


MARGARET: Susan, this is idiotic! Last month you wanted to be a dress designer. Then a naturalist gave a lecture and you thought you'd be the first female deep-sea diver. Last week you wanted to be a psychiatrist. And now -- 


SUSAN: Why shouldn't I pose for him? He's very nice! What do you know about him? 


MARGARET: Enough to advise you to go back to deep-sea diving! 


SUSAN: I don't need your advice!


MARGARET: Possibly not - but I'm your sister and your guardian. I'm acting in your own best interests. 


SUSAN: (TEARFUL) You're going to make me an old maid!


MARGARET: Only until you're eighteen....Now, Susan, I'm going to a concert with Tommy Chamberlain. You'll go up to your room, spend some time on your studies, get to bed early and get a good night's sleep...Is that clear? 


SUSAN: Why don't you write out a court order? 


MARGARET: (WEARILY) Susan - please...Go on up, dear. Tommy will be here any minute. 


MUSIC: (ACCENT CHORD...AND FADE OUT INTO:)


TOMMY: What do you mean, you can't go to the concert? We made this date last --


MARGARET: (AGITATED) Tommy, it's Susan - she's disappeared!


TOMMY: (BLANKLY) Disappeared? 


MARGARET: I went up to her room to say goodbye. She wasn't there....The window was open--- she must have climbed down the back porch. (NEAR TEARS) Tommy, if she - if she --


TOMMY: Steady. I'm an assistant D.A. remember. I'll have every cop in town on the lookout for her. (LIFTS PHONE, JIGGLES HOOK) Hello...Hello, Operator - get me Police Headquarters.


MARGARET: If anything's happened to Susan, I'll never forgive myself! I shouldn't have quarrelled with her! 


TOMMY: What did you quarrel about? 


MARGARET: It was nothing. I told her she couldn't pose for Richard Nugent, and she said she didn't need my ad -- (IT HITS) Nugent! That's it!

 

TOMMY: (BLANKLY) That's what? 


MARGARET: (GRIM) Tommy, if Susan's where I think she is, a certain artist is going to spend the night in jail!


MUSIC: (SHARP CHORD...AND FADE OUT INTO:)


SOUND: (CELL DOOR CLANKS OPEN..OFF MIKE)


COP: (OFF) In here, Doc. Go right in.

 

BEEMISH: Thank you, Officer...(CELL DOOR CLOSES OFF) (COMING ON) Mr. Nugent? 


DICK: Huh? 


BEEMISH: I'm Dr. Beemish. I'm the Court Psychiatrist. 


DICK: Comc back in an hour. I'll be crazy by then. 


BEEMISH: (LAUGHS) No, I'm really here to help you. I've been looking over the reports on your case and I'd like you to tell me your side of it. 


DICK: What is there to tell? ... I got home, to my apartment last night, went into my room, took off my dinner jacket, put on a robe, came out, fixed a drink - and boom, there's the little girl!....The little girl pops up, there's a banging at the door, somebody busts in, everybody starts talking at once -- 


BEEMISH: (TRYING TO INTERRUPT) Did the girl -- 


DICK: (RIGHT ON) Don't listen to an explanation. They're all mad. 


BEEMISH: How did the girl get into your place? 


DICK: Talked her way in. Told the elevator boy I was expecting her. 


BEEMISH: Well, didn't she explain? 


DICK: They wouldn't let her. She kept trying to say she'd come to be a model or something - that I'd told her I was going to paint her as Young America. 


BEEMISH: Did you tell her that? 


DICK: Oh, I told that to five hundred little girls. 


BEEMISH: Well, let's not go into that!....You're charged with hitting the District Attorney. Did you or did you not?


DICK: Sure, I hit him. That's right. But at the time I hit him I did not know that he was the Assistant District Attorney. If I had known he was the Assistant District Attorney, I would have hit him...He kept pulling at my arm - wouldn't let the little girl explain... And that sister of hers. That's a mountain of ice - a gallon of poison jumping to conclusions! 


BEEMISH: (LAUGHING) Seems to me the only thing you're suffering from is a severe case of being an innocent bystander.

 

DICK: You really mean that?!!!...

 

BEEMISH: Certainly. You don't look at all like the violent type. 


DICK: I'm not! I'm the most amiable fellow in the world, but --- Look, what can they do to me if I kill a judge? 

 

BEEMISH: (CHUCKLING) Yes, I understand how you feel. Judge Turner appears to be a very dominant woman..Actually, of course, that's a retreat - a manifestation of the Oedipus complex. 


DICK: (DRYLY) Is that so? 


BEEMISH: As Menninger points out, traumatic events -- 


DICK: The only traumatic event she needs is a good kick in the bustle! 


BEEMISH: (SMILING) She's my niece -- 


DICK: Huh? 


BEEMISH: -- but you're absolutely right...Mr. Nugent, I have a little plan in mind. Just leave everything to me. I dare say you're going to be surprised. 


MUSIC: (ACCENT CHORD..AND FADE OUT INTO:)


BEEMISH: Your Honor, I'm sure Mr. Nugent appreciates your holding this hearing in your chambers. It spares him a good deal of psychic abuse.


MARGARET: (FRIENDLY) That's quite all right, Dr. Beemish. We have no desire to humiliate him. 


DICK: (STARING) Huh? 


MARGARET: (SMILING) Mr. Nugent, I have good news for you. 


DICK: I know. You're going to hang me. 


MARGARET: No, I'm afraid I'm the one who ought to be hanged. 


DICK: (DAZED) I - I --- Won't I sit down?

 

MARGARET: Please do....Really, I think this little incident can be straightened out quite amicably. In fact, the Assistant District Attorney assures me he has no great desire to press the charges against you, Mr. Nugent. 


DICK: You mean you're letting me go? Well, thank you, Your Honor. Thank you very much, I-- 


BEEMISH: Just a moment, Nugent. I believe Judge Turner has a suggestion. 


DICK: (AMIABLE) Why certainly - anything. 


MARGARET: It isn't really very much. You see, I'm a little worried about Susan.


DICK: (SHE SHOULD BE!) Oh, yes...


MARGARET: She's become quite enamoured of you, Mr. Nugent... 


DICK: (MODESTLY) Well....


MARGARET: And we were wondering if you'd help us by taking her out.


DICK: Any little thing I can --- (A TAKE) Doing what?!! 


MARGARET: Being her beau - just until she gets over you. It's really Dr. Beemish's idea. 


DICK: (BRIDLING) Oh, it is, is it?


MARGARET: If she thinks you're being martyred, Susan will never get over it. That's what Dr. Beemish says.


DICK: Then let Dr. Beemish take her out!....(INDIGNANT) I'm not a judge but I'll bet there's no law that says I have to go out with children!


BEEMISH: Now, now - no one is trying to force you, Mr. Nugent. We were just hoping you'd want to co-operate. 


DICK: Why should I? 


BEEMISH: Because your attitude will have a decided bearing on the disposition of the charges against you -- and whether the Assistant District Attorney chooses to press them.


DICK: Press what? All I did was punch him in the nose!


MARGARET: Mr. Nugent, suppose you were on the jury...a man entices a seventeen-year-old to his apartment, on the pretext of painting her picture. And when her family protests he brutally assaults the Assistant District Attorney...Mr. Nugent, what would you do to this man? 


DICK: I'd give him twenty years! I'd-- (BIG TAKE) Holy Toledo, what am I saying!!!


MARGARET: Just what the jury would say, I believe. 


DICK: (SUNK) Okay..What do I have to do? 


MARGARET: See Susan as often as we deem proper. When her fatal fascination wears off, you'll be free. 


DICK: (WORRIED) What if it doesn't wear off? 


MARGARET: (SCORNFUL) It will. 


DICK: (HURT) I don't like the way you said that. 


MARGARET: Mr. Nugent, please don't misunderstand. I'm only doing this under pressure from Dr. Beemish. 


DICK: Is that so? 


MARGARET: Yes. Frankly I'd as soon see my sister going out with an actor


MUSIC: (IN FULL...FOR CURTAIN)


(APPLAUSE


(COMMERCIAL) 


ROY: In just a moment Myrna Loy, Shirley Temple, Cary Grant and Willard Waterman will return to the Camel Screen Guild microphone in Act II of "The 

Bachelor and the Bobby Soxer".... 


They say there are no new plots...no new situations...in the world. Well, maybe that's true. But you can take two plays with the same plot...and one can be so dull you'll go to sleep, while the other will have you sitting on the edge of your chair until the final curtain. It's all in the skill with which that plot is developed. Rather like cigarettes, you know. They look pretty much alike...they are all made from tobacco...but from there on...! Well, you take a Camel, for instance. Why, the way those choice tobaccos are selected and a-g-e-d....the way they're blended with that famous Camel know-how...these things bring you that rich, full flavor and, cool, cool mildness that make Camels the favorite of millions and millions of smokers. Smoker after smoker has discovered just how good Camels are, you know, by trying and comparing the different brands in their "T-Zones"...T for Taste and T for Throat. That's how they learned the differences between brands....how they learned that Camels suit them best!


CHANDLER: More people are smoking Camels than ever before. 


ROY: Experience is the best teacher. Try a Camel yourself. And remember...Camels by the carton are the best buy. Keeps you from running out, and saves you money!


MUSIC: (PLAY THEME)


ROY: Camel Cigarettes now present Act II of "The Bachelor and the Bobby Soxer" starring Cary Grant, Myrna Loy and Shirley Temple, with Willard Waterman.


MUSIC: (FULL INTO PLAY THEME..AND DOWN TO HOLD UNDER:)


O'SULLIVAN: It's either Susan or jail for Richard Nugent - and he's beginning to think he's made the wrong choice. Playing boy-friend to a bobby-soxer takes a lot of endurance, and Dick isn't exactly in top condition. This evening, for example, he's had to take her to a high school basketball game. And after being exposed to the rooting section, he's desperately seeking any way out. (MUSIC CUTS


DICK: (TENTATIVE) Uh...pretty nice game, wasn't it, Susan? 


SUSAN: Oh, we should have won by a much bigger score. Jerry White didn't play half his game tonight. 


DICK: Jerry White? Oh, yes - the center....Uh - seemed to me he kept looking up at you.


SUSAN: Well he used to be sort of a boy-friend of mine. (ADDS QUICKLY) When I was younger, of course.


DICK: Of course....You know, I feel pretty sorry for him.

 

SUSAN: For Jerry? Why? 


DICK: Well, I think he's off his game because of you. 


SUSAN: You really think so? 


DICK: I know so. I could tell by the way he kept looking at us... It's awful what a woman can do to a man. Well - look at history....Caesar and Cleopatra...Heloise and Abelard....

 

SUSAN: (HELPING) Napoleon and Josephine....

 

DICK: All of them. Behind every defeated man there's a frustrated love.

 

SUSAN: You're right. 


DICK: You bet I'm right.

 

SUSAN: And I promise, all my life, I'll never hurt you, darling. 


DICK: (UNCOMFORTABLE) Look, Susan....

 

SUSAN: Yes, dear? 


DICK: This - this dear and darling. You shouldn't call me that. I don't think it's right. 


SUSAN: Why, darling?  


DICK: Ah, now cut that out!...Susan, you've got to get me out of this! After all, you got me into it! You came to my apartment - you told your sister I'd asked you to pose for me --


SUSAN: Well, that's true....in a way.

 

DICK: And now everyone has the crazy idea that you're in love with me. 


SUSAN: I am.


DICK: Susan! Look at me! I - I wouldn't say this to many people, but I'm old enough to be your father. 


SUSAN: (LOVINGLY) You're so right, dear.


DICK: Susan, you've got to realize that this - this isn't proper for either of us. 


SUSAN: You're so right, dear.


DICK: Believe me, it will only embarrass us both!


SUSAN: You're so right, dear.


DICK: Susan, you're in a rut! You're not even paying attention! 


SUSAN: You're so right, dear.


DICK: (GROANING) What's the use! I give up!


MUSIC: (ACCENT CHORD...AND CONTINUE UNDER:)


O'SULLIVAN: But now what about the bobby-soxer's sister? Well, Margaret is keeping her eye on the bachelor. And Tommy Chamberlain, the Assistant D.A., is keeping his eye on Margaret. And Dr. Beemish is keeping his eye on them all...Until Saturday......It's the day of the big church picnic, and our bachelor - at the end off his rope - makes a last desperate strike for freedom. He rolls up his trouser cuffs, bashes in his hat, pulls out his shirt-tail, and comes barging into the house. (MUSIC CUTS


DICK: Hi, mellow greetings, yoookie-dookie! 


SUSAN: (DELIGHTED) Dickie! 


DICK: Ready, voot, let's scoot. 


SUSAN: Reet!


DICK: Reet! Hey, you remind me of a man. 


SUSAN: What man? 


DICK: The man with the power. 


SUSAN: What power? 


DICK: The power of hoodoo. 


SUSAN: Who do? 


DICK: You do. 


SUSAN: Do what? 


DICK: Remind me of a man. 


SUSAN: What man? 


DICK: The man with the --

 

MARGARET: (COLDLY, INTERRUPTING) If I may interrupt this gibberish... 


DICK: Well! Her Honor, the Judge! Greetings. Greetings. 


MARGARET: (ANGRILY) Are you out of your mind? What are you trying to do? 


DICK: I don't dig you, chick.


MARGARET: And will you please speak Engish!


BEEMISH: Why, Margaret, he just means he doesn't understand.


DICK: Ah, that Dr. Beemish is sharp! (BEEMISH LAUGHS) Hi, Uncle Matt! How's the light operator? 


BEEMISH: (SMILING) Not bad, for a psychiatrist. 


DICK: Hey, you remind me of a man. 


BEEMISH: What man? 


DICK: The man with the power. 


BEEMISH: What power? 


DICK: The power of hoodoo. 


BEEMISH: Who do? 


DICK: You do. 


BEEMISH: Do what? 


DICK: Remind me of a man. 


BEEMISH: What --


MARGARET: (SHARPLY) Uncle Matt! 


BEEMISH: Uh - yes - yes, my dear - let's go to the picnic. 


DICK: That's right - come on, Susan! My hot rod's waiting out there at the curb!


SUSAN: That?!! Dick, that isn't your car! That's Jerry's! 


DICK: (GAILY) It's mine for today. I swapped him even. 


SUSAN: You swapped your big, shiny convertible for that? 


DICK: (GRINNING) Uh-huh. 


MARGARET: Mr. Nugent, may I ask why you did a childish thing like that? 


DICK: Childish?! That's all you know! If you'd seen the look on Jerry's face, you'd have thought it was worth it, too! (FADING, DISGUSTED) Come on, Susan -- let's get out of here! (DOOR CLOSES...OFF MIKE)


BEEMISH: Nice of him, Margaret, don't you think?...Margaret?..


MARGARET: (AS IN A DREAM) Uncle Matt...pinch me, will you? 


BEEMISH: At my age? 


MARGARET: I just want to be sure I'm not dreaming, that's all. 


BEEMISH: Dreaming? About what? 


MARGARET: About Dick - Mr. Nugent. I could have sworn he was dressed in shining armour! 


MUSIC: (ACCENT CHORD.....AND FADE OUT INTO:)

 

SOUND: (MOVING CAR....TO HOLD UNDER FAINTLY) 


JERRY: Gee, Susan, I just don't get it....You go to the picnic with Mr. Nugent - and now you ask me to take you home. (SUDDEN SUSPICION) Say, it wouldn't be because I'm driving his car? 


SUSAN: Of course not, Jerry...(SLIGHT PAUSE) Though I do like convertibles......besides, I wanted chance to thank you for everything.   


JERRY: Well, you said it meant so much to you. 


SUSAN: It really did....Poor Mr. Nugent - trying so hard, and not even able to win one race. I had to thank you for letting him win that last one - the obstacle race. 


JERRY: (MODESTLY) Well the other fellows were in it, too. They all kinda hung back. 


SUSAN: I know....I'll pay them on Saturday. How much did they say? 


JERRY: Seventy-five cents apiece. Anyone but you, they would've charged a buck. 


SUSAN: I'll pay them when I get my allowance. I'll pay you too, Jerry. 


JERRY: I don't want any of your money, Susan. (DRAMATIC) Some things just can't be bought. 


SUSAN: (SOFTLY) Thank you, Jerry...You know, sometimes you're really very nice. 


JERRY: (SHRUGS) Aw, it wasn't much. You've gotta help an old guy like that. 


SUSAN: Old


JERRY: Well, gee, he must be over thirty.


SUSAN: (SLOWLY) Yes...I guess he is....Funny, I never thought much about that. 


JERRY: About what? 


SUSAN: Well - when I'm ninety he'll be a hundred and eight. 


JERRY: (WHISTLES SOBERLY....THEN) Yeah, but I've got to give this car back to him tonight. You gonna be willing to ride in my old hot rod? 


SUSAN: Sure, Jerry. Who wants a big new car like this? You can't even make it backfire


MUSIC: (ACCENT CHORD....AND FADE OUT INTO:)


BEEMISH: Why don't you try to sit down, Margaret? Pacing like that won't help you any. 


MARGARET: (AGITATED) Uncle Matt, if I could just understand it....(GRABBING AT STRAWS) Of course, it could have been an optical illusion - or the power of suggestion, through Susan - or a combination of the heat, and too much lunch, and all the excitement. Or -- 


BEEMISH: (QUICKLY) Or possibly a wish-fulfilment - result of a repressed interest in Nugent. 


MARGARET: What? That's idiotic. 


BEEMISH: I suppose....Look, Margaret, I'm going to make a confession. When I talked you into this thing with Richard, it wasn't for Susan's sake - it was for yours. 


MARGARET: Mine


BEEMISH: I thought you were too indignant about him - a psychiatrist gets to sense those things. I thought perhaps - without your even realizing it - you might be more attracted than you knew. 


MARGARET: That is completely and absolutely absurd!


BEEMISH: Perhaps....Still, there's this illusion about a knight in shining armour. 


MARGARET: I - I'm just tired, that's all. I've been working too hard. I - I - 


BEEMISH: (SUDDENLY) You know, maybe you need a little vacation. 


MARGARET: Vacation? 


BEEMISH: Sure - a vacation - get away from it all. You could spend a week in California - fly both ways - it's just overnight. Why shouldn't you? 


MARGARET: (UNCERTAIN) I don't know why I shouldn't....or why I should....or anything.... 


BEEMISH: That's just what I mean...Look, I know a chap at T.W.A. I'm sure I can get you a reservation. You just start packing. (CHUCKLES) It's all in the bag. 


MUSIC: (ACCENT CHORD.....AND FADE OUT INTO:) 


BEEMISH: You see, Richard, the reason I dropped in --


DICK: Since when do you need a reason, Uncle Matt? After the way you've messed up my life?

 

BEEMISH: Oh, it wouldn't be so bad if you admitted the truth. 


DICK: I have told the truth! Right from the start! 


BEEMISH: To yourself? Have you admitted to yourself that you're in love with Margaret? 


DICK: (SLOWLY) Are you out of your mind? 


BEEMISH: (SMILES) No, I've just been prying into yours....It was pretty obvious to a psychiatrist, Richard. The only reason you agreed to my plan and allowed us to foist Susan on you, was that you wanted to be close to Margaret. 


DICK: (STARING) You must be nuts!


BEEMISH: (SMILING) Aren't we all, a little?...(BRISK) However, my real purpose in coming here --- Richard, you'd better get out of town fast. 


DICK: You mean break my parole? 


BEEMISH: There won't be any question of parole. The Assistant D.A. is pretty angry.


DICK: Tommy Chamberlain? 


BEEMISH: Well, he's been pretty sweet on Margaret and somehow he's discovered your feelings for her. 


DICK: That makes him pretty good. I haven't even discovered them myself. 


BEEMISH: At any rate, he's going to press his charges against you. You'll get what I believe they call - the book. 


DICK: (WORRIED) You really think I will? 


BEEMISH: No doubt about it. My advice is to skip. 

 

DICK: Yes, but where - how? You can't pull reservations out of a hat! 


BEEMISH: Well, as it happens I have a friend at T.W.A. I oould call him...if you want me to.... 


DICK: If I want you to!...Go on, get on that phone - I've got to start packing!


MUSIC: (ACCENT CHORD.....AND FADE OUT INTO:) 


SOUND: (AIRPORT EFFECTS...PLANE IDLING, IN B.G.) 


ANNOUNCER: (FILTER...OFF) Flight thirty-eight - Chicago and Los Angeles - now loading at gate three! 


CLERK: Show your tickets, please....Your name, ma'am? 


MARGARET: Margaret Turner. 


CLERK: (CHECKING) Margaret Turner...seat four, please. 


DICK: (COMING IN) Say, Cap, have I got time to --- (A TAKE) Margaret! 


MARGARET: (STARING) Dick! 


DICK: What are you doing on this -- 


MARGARET: How did you happen to - 


(THEY BOTH BREAK OFF, LAUGHING...THEN)


MARGARET: You know, you remind me of a man. 


DICK: What man? 


MARGARET: The man with the power. 


DICK: What power? 


MARGARET: The power of hoodoo. 


DICK: Who do? 


MARGARET: You do. 


DICK: Do what? 


MARGARET: Remind me of a man. 


DICK: What man? 


MARGARET: The man with the power. 


DICK: What power? 


MARGARET: (SMILING) Shall we go 'round again? 


DICK: I should say not. Let's get on the plane!


MUSIC: (IN FULL....FOR CURTAIN)

 

(APPLAUSE


ROY: Myrna Loy, Shirley Temple and Cary Grant will return to the Camel Screen Guild microphone in just a moment.... 


CHANDLER: More doctors smoke Camels than any other cigarette, according to a nationwide survey. 


ROY: Three leading independent research organizations asked one hundred thirteen thousand, five hundred and ninety-seven doctors what cigarette they smoked. The brand named most was Camel. Yes...and in every walk of life, hosts and hosts of smokers have discovered that Camel's rich, full flavor and cool, cool mildness suit them best. Try a Camel on your "T-Zone"...T for Taste and T for throat....and, see if you don't agree. See how Camel's choice tobaccos, properly aged and expertly blended, bring you greater smoking enjoyment!


MUSIC: (TAG) 


ROY: And now a final word of thanks to our stars. Myrna, Cary and Shirley -- you've given us a half-hour that we'll all still be laughing at tomorrow. And more than that, a warm feeling of gratitude for what your appearance here tonight means to the Motion Picture Relief Fund. 


SHIRLEY: Well Mr. Roy we all want to do our share, but some people do more. Both Cary and Myrna have made several appearances with the Screen Guild Players this year. 


GHANT: And why not Mother Agar -- this show belongs to every actor and actress in Hollywood. Right, Myrna? 


LOY: You are so right, Cary. And we mustn't forget another generous gesture of our sponsors...each week the makers of Camel cigarettes send free smokes to the men in servicemen's hospitals. This week, among other hospitals, free Camels are being sent to: Veteran's Hospital, Waco, Texas ...U. S. Army Station Hospital, Fort George Mead, Maryland ... and U. S. Marine Hospital, Seattle, Washington. 


GRANT: Happy smoking, gentlemen....your free Camels are on the way to you now! 


SHIRLEY: And here's more good news! The Camel Screen Guild Players have a great show planned for you next week. One of the most powerful dramas in the history of the American Theatre! And the kind of cast that producers dream about. Cary, you tell them. 


GRANT: Next Monday night --"The Valiant", the story of a man who wouldn't talk, starring Gregory Peck, Jeanne Crain and Edward Arnold.


SHIRLEY: I wouldn't miss it for anything, and don't any of you. Goodnight. 


LOY AND GRANT: Good night, everybody. 


MUSIC: SHOW THEME 


ROY: "The Bachelor and the Bobby Soxer" was directed by Bill Lawrence, adapted for radio by Harry Kronman, with music by Wilbur Hatch, and was presented through the courtesy of David O. Selznick and R K O Radio Pictures. Cary Grant and Myrna Loy can currently be seen in R K O's "Mr. Blandings Builds His Dream House," an S. R. O. release.


Shirley Temple can currently be seen in the Argosy production "Fort Apache." 


Don't forget - next week - Camel Cigarettes present The Screen Guild Players in "The Valiant" - starring Gregory Peck, Jeanne Crain and Edward Arnold! A dynamic story you'll never forget! Be sure to listen!


And listen to Vaughn Monroe - with Colonel Stoopnagle and their guest - Monica Lewis - on the air for Camel Cigarettes every Saturday night over most off these C B S stations!

 

This is Michael Roy in Hollywood saying good night and "won't you have a Camel?" 


THIS IS CBS...THE COLUMBIA...BROADCASTING...SYSTEM!

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