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Outward Bound

The Columbia Workshop 

Outward Bound

Sep 15 1938





CAST:

ANNOUNCER

HENRY, romantic young man

ANN, romantic young woman

JOCKO, their dog

SCRUBBY, the kindly ship's steward; working class

TOM PRIOR, smart, highly strung young alcoholic

MRS. CLIVEDEN-BANKS (PRONOUNCED KLEEV-den), fiftyish snob-harridan

REV. DUKE, sincere and earnest young clergyman

MRS. MIDGET, humble, sweet, simple, motherly old charwoman

MR. LINGLEY, hard, unpleasant sixtyish businessman

THE INSPECTOR





SOUND: MOAN OF SHIP'S FOGHORN ... GLOOMY, LOW, AND TEN SECONDS LONG 


ANNOUNCER: The Columbia Broadcasting System presents "Outward Bound," its first Columbia Workshop play of the fall season. "Outward Bound," an extraordinary dramatic fantasy by Sutton Vane, was first produced with great success in London in Nineteen Twenty-Two and repeated that same success when presented in America shortly thereafter. The Columbia Workshop, inaugurating its third year of drama for radio, brings you now "Outward Bound."


MUSIC: INTRODUCTION ... MELANCHOLY AND ROMANTIC, FOR THE LOVERS' SUICIDE ATTEMPT ... THEN IN BG


HENRY: Are you ready, Ann?


ANN: Yes, dear.


HENRY: You aren't afraid?


ANN: No, I'm not afraid with you, Henry.


HENRY: You're not afraid anyway, are you?


ANN: I'm not afraid anyway. Oh, darling, I love you so.


HENRY: No one can ever separate us after this.


ANN: Never. Never any more.


JOCKO: (WHIMPERS, PANTS)


ANN: Oh, poor Jocko. (REALIZES, UNHAPPILY) Henry, he knows! He knows what we're doing.


HENRY: (JUST A THOUGHT) Ann, shall we take him with us?


ANN: (FIRMLY) We can't do that. Dogs want to live.


HENRY: Right, Ann. Here, Jocko.


JOCKO: (BARKS, THEN A FEW MORE TIMES IN BG, MOVING OFF)


HENRY: (MOVING OFF) Come on, boy. Out you go.


ANN: Goodbye, Jocko.


JOCKO: (OFF, MOURNFUL WHIMPER)


ANN: (QUIETLY) Goodbye.


SOUND: DOOR OPENS


HENRY: (OFF) Stay out there, fellow.


JOCKO: (OFF, BARKS)


HENRY: (OFF) Goodbye, Jocko.


SOUND: DOOR CLOSES


JOCKO: (OFF, BARKS FROM BEHIND DOOR ... CONTINUES IN BG)


ANN: Do you suppose he'll ever forgive us? I hope dogs forget in a very few days.


HENRY: (THE BIG MOMENT) Ann darling, are you ready now?


ANN: I'm ready, dear. (SUDDENLY UNEASY) Henry, will it be quick?


HENRY: Just a few moments, darling, and then--


JOCKO: (OFF, BARKS EXCITEDLY FROM BEHIND WINDOW, CONTINUES INSISTENTLY IN BG)


ANN: Henry? Henry, listen! Jocko knows what we're doing! Look! Look, he's jumped on the ledge! He's seen us through the window. You don't think he'll jump through? 


HENRY: No, he won't, dear. He'll get tired soon and lie down and sleep.


ANN: Like us. Asleep.


JOCKO: (JOCKO STOPS BARKING)


MUSIC: BUILDS TOWARD THEIR SUICIDE DURING FOLLOWING--


HENRY: Oh, Ann, I've dreamed of this for so long -- of going away with you, way off somewhere. 


ANN: Henry, hold me close. Closer! We mustn't ever be apart! I love you so.


HENRY: And I love you.


ANN: Forever?


HENRY: Forever.


JOCKO: (PAUSE, THEN BARKS INSISTENTLY FROM BEHIND WINDOW)


MUSIC: UP AND OUT FOR--


SOUND: MOAN OF SHIP'S FOGHORN, WHICH BLENDS WITH--


MUSIC: ACCENTS THE LOVERS' DEATH ... THEN MELANCHOLY AND ROMANTIC BRIDGE ... THEN IN BG


ANN: (PLEASANT, BUT UNCERTAIN) Good morning. You're the steward?


SCRUBBY: Yes, madam. Good morning. 


ANN: Can you help us? I think we've lost our way.


SCRUBBY: Where do you want to get to, madam?


HENRY: The cabins, of course.


SCRUBBY: The cabins?


ANN: I'm afraid we're awfully stupid, but we've never been on the sea before.


SCRUBBY: Oh. Oh, yes. It's straight that way, and then down to your left.


HENRY: (LIGHTLY) Bit confusing these boats, aren't they?


SCRUBBY: (MOVING OFF) Oh, yes, sir. They are, sir. To begin with, sir.


ANN: (BEAT) Shall we go, dear?


HENRY: Yes, Ann. I'm awfully tired. We need this rest. The peace and the--


ANN: The forgetfulness.


HENRY: Come, Ann. Give me your hand.


ANN: And give me yours, darling. There. (MOVING OFF) Now we'll find the cabins.


MUSIC: GENTLY OUT


SOUND: TRANSITIONAL PAUSE


TOM PRIOR: (SLIGHTLY HUNGOVER) Ah! Good morning, steward.


SCRUBBY: Good morning, sir.


TOM PRIOR: This is the, er, smoke-room, I suppose?


SCRUBBY: Yes, sir.


TOM PRIOR: (SHEEPISH, QUIETLY) Then I-- I say, could I, er-- Could I get a drink?


SCRUBBY: Righto, sir.


TOM PRIOR: Good. I need it.


SCRUBBY: Er, Scotch and soda be right, sir?


TOM PRIOR: What? Oh, yes. 


SCRUBBY: Right.


TOM PRIOR: By Jove, I must have had a big night. Because I can't remember any of it now. But never mind.


MRS. C-BANKS: (LAUGHS AS SHE ENTERS, PLEASED) Tom Prior! I thought I knew that voice!


TOM PRIOR: (NOT AS PLEASED) Mrs. Cliveden-Banks. Well, this is a surprise.


MRS. C-BANKS: I saw your name on the passenger list, so I asked for the bar at once.


TOM PRIOR: Well--


MRS. C-BANKS: And here you are!


TOM PRIOR: Delighted. What are you doing here?


MRS. C-BANKS: Joining my dear husband out in India. And I'm afraid we're in for a very dull trip. There's nobody on board. At least, nobody who is anybody.


TOM PRIOR: We must try and cheer each other up, then, Mrs. Banks.


MRS. C-BANKS: (CORRECTS HIM) Mrs. Cliveden-Banks, if you don't mind. I met a Banks woman recently -- a most ordinary creature -- so I'm very particular about my hyphen.


TOM PRIOR: Oh.


MRS. C-BANKS: Well, one can't be too careful, can one? (CHUCKLES)


TOM PRIOR: Er, no, I suppose not.


MRS. C-BANKS: Oh! When I said there was nobody on board, Mr. Prior, between you and me, there is one person on board to whom I shall take a strong objection. He's a clergyman.


TOM PRIOR: What's the matter with him?


MRS. C-BANKS: Oh, don't you know? Clergyman at sea are dreadfully unlucky. We shall probably all go down to the bottom. The best thing we can do is to cut the fellow dead.


TOM PRIOR: (AMUSED) Oh? Will we save the boat by doing it?


MRS. C-BANKS: (CHUCKLES) How droll you are!


TOM PRIOR: (LOW) Oh, look. Speak of the devil.


REV. DUKE: (CLEARS THROAT) Good morning.


TOM PRIOR: (POLITE) Er-- Oh, good morning, Reverend.


MRS. C-BANKS: (HAUGHTY DISDAIN) Who is this man?


TOM PRIOR: (ADMONISHES QUIETLY) Really, Mrs. Cliveden-Banks.


REV. DUKE: I'm Reverend Duke. I'm awfully sorry to bother you, madam, but - could you tell me what the date is?


MRS. C-BANKS: What was that?


REV. DUKE: I ought to know, of course, seeing that it's the date we sail, but my memory's so--


MRS. C-BANKS: (UNFRIENDLY) You're trying to start a conversation with me, aren't you?


REV. DUKE: I only wanted to know the date and-- Well, I didn't think introductions were necessary on board ship.


MRS. C-BANKS: (SHARPLY) That, my man, is a matter of opinion.


REV. DUKE: (TAKEN ABACK) I - I beg your pardon. (MOVING OFF) I'll find it out by myself.


MRS. C-BANKS: (PLEASED WITH HERSELF) So there! Was that cutting enough, Mr. Prior?


TOM PRIOR: (WITH DISAPPROVAL) It'll do.


MRS. C-BANKS: Heavens! Look. Here comes another dreadful person.


MRS. MIDGET: You'll, er, you'll excuse me, mum, but--


MRS. C-BANKS: Good gracious!


MRS. MIDGET: Excuse me speakin' up to ya, but you're the only other lady I've seen about.


MRS. C-BANKS: Mr. Prior, rescue me from this creature!


TOM PRIOR: (TO MRS. MIDGET, GENTLY) Well, here, here now. What's your trouble?


MRS. MIDGET: Well, sir-- Thankin' ya, sir-- It's like this. It's like this, as it were. Only last Saturday, Mrs. Roberts and I was talkin' about the bedclothes bein' damp, and I says--


MRS. C-BANKS: Oh! The good woman is, of course, a stewardess!


TOM PRIOR: (TO MRS. MIDGET, POLITELY) Are you?


MRS. MIDGET: Am I what, sir?


TOM PRIOR: A stewardess -- on this boat?


MRS. MIDGET: Oh, no, sir. I'm a passenger.


MRS. C-BANKS: (HAUGHTILY) Mr. Prior, tell that steward fellow behind the bar to take this good woman back to her proper place immediately.


MRS. MIDGET: Thank you, mum.


TOM PRIOR: (CALLS, TO SCRUBBY) Oh, steward? Would you just get someone to show this woman to steerage or third class deck or something, will you?


SCRUBBY: I think you've made some mistake, sir. There's only one class on this boat, sir.


TOM PRIOR: Oh. Er, sorry, I didn't know.


MRS. C-BANKS: (DISGUSTED) Mr. Prior, the thing's impossible!


TOM PRIOR: He ought to know.


MRS. C-BANKS: How dare my secretary book me a passage on a vessel with only one class?! How am I to know who are ladies and gentlemen, and who are not?


MRS. MIDGET: (HESITANT, TO TOM PRIOR) Mister--?


TOM PRIOR: Er, Prior is my name. And what's yours?


MRS. MIDGET: Midget. Er, Mrs. Midget.


MRS. C-BANKS: (DISBELIEF) Mr. Prior, really now. No one can possibly be called Midget!


MRS. MIDGET: (WITH RESENTMENT) Oh, couldn't they? Well, that's my name! (CALMS DOWN, TO TOM PRIOR, QUIETLY) Er, could you please tell me, sir ---- where am I?


TOM PRIOR: (PUZZLED) Why, on board. On board this ship.


MRS. MIDGET: Yes. But what for?


TOM PRIOR: (CONCERNED) Are you ill, Mrs. Midget?


MRS. MIDGET: Now, that's what I'm wondering. Am I ill? I don't think so. I don't feel ill. And yet Mrs. Roberts says to me only last Thursday, "What you want is a thorough holiday." And then-- Wait a minute. I remember now. I come on 'ere to meet somebody.


TOM PRIOR: (REASSURING) Look here, what you need is a sandwich and a drink and a good sleep. Then you'll remember everything. But if you're being met at the other end, there's nothing to worry about.


MRS. MIDGET: (RELIEVED) Thank you, sir. You're awful kind to me. (BEAT) I had a boy once. He must have been just like you, sir. He ran away from home--


MRS. C-BANKS: (COLDLY DISMISSIVE) So the woman's obviously light-headed. Have her removed.


TOM PRIOR: (CALLS, TO SCRUBBY) Steward? Can you find this passenger's cabin for her? See that she gets everything she should have, will you? Nervous, you know; never been to sea.


SCRUBBY: Certainly, sir.


MRS. MIDGET: (TO TOM PRIOR) Much obliged, mister.


SCRUBBY: This way, madam.


MRS. MIDGET: (TO SCRUBBY) Thank you, sir. (MOVING OFF, TO TOM PRIOR) And if you need anyone lookin' after you yourself, sir, just be callin' on Mrs. Midget. Anything I can do, sir.


MRS. C-BANKS: Ha! Really, I must go outside and get some fresh air after that creature.


TOM PRIOR: (TO HIMSELF) Then I'll stay here. (UP, WONDERINGLY) Mrs. B. -- do you think that poor woman was speaking the truth?


MRS. C-BANKS: I wouldn't know. (MOVING OFF) I've never been in touch with charwomen before.


TOM PRIOR: (TO HIMSELF) No, I don't suppose she has. (CALLS) Oh, I say, Reverend?!


REV. DUKE: (APPROACHES) Er, were you speaking to me, sir?


TOM PRIOR: (SELF-CONSCIOUS) Yes, you see, er-- Well-- Hang it, I want to apologize.


REV. DUKE: What for?


TOM PRIOR: Cutting you stone dead like that silly old woman I was with.


REV. DUKE: Oh, that's all right.


TOM PRIOR: (RELIEVED) Oh, good. Will you have a drink?


REV. DUKE: Thanks.


TOM PRIOR: Oh, here's the steward now. (TO SCRUBBY) Steward? Oh, what is your name?


SCRUBBY: Scrubby, sir.


TOM PRIOR: (AMUSED) Midget and Scrubby. Heh. Well-- Well, then, two whiskeys, steward.


REV. DUKE: I say, I'd always understood you couldn't get a drink on board a ship till after she sailed.


TOM PRIOR: (REALIZES, TROUBLED, SLOWLY) Well, you can't, as a rule. It's a queer ship, isn't it?


REV. DUKE: (UNTROUBLED) Very queer.


LINGLEY: (APPROACHES, BLUSTERING, GLAD-HANDING) Good morning, gentlemen, good morning! May I introduce myself? My name's Lingley. "Lingley, Limited," you know.


REV. DUKE: How do you do? I'm Reverend Duke.


LINGLEY: I've had a close shave! Nearly missed the boat!


REV. DUKE: Oh, we'll be off soon then?


LINGLEY: We're sailing now! I'm so out of breath. Stayed in my office too long and then nearly missed-- Well, I must get on with my things. You'll excuse me if I just open my briefcase here and make this table a sort of office till I get settled.


REV. DUKE: I hope you won't be so busy, sir, that we shan't see you during the voyage.


LINGLEY: I'm always busy! Once in my stateroom, I don't suppose I shall leave it till we reach, uh-- Uh, Marseilles?


REV. DUKE: I hope it's interesting work.


LINGLEY: Oh, it keeps me busy. I own twenty-one music halls, a chain of cinemas, two gold mines, and a Methodist chapel. They take a lot of looking after.


REV. DUKE: Naturally. What are you doing with the chapel?


LINGLEY: Having it pulled down.


TOM PRIOR: (DRY, UNDER HIS BREATH) Sportsman!


LINGLEY: (TO TOM PRIOR) You-- You there!


TOM PRIOR: Me?


LINGLEY: Yes! I know your face, don't I? Now, where have I seen you before?


TOM PRIOR: In your office. You gave me a job once. Lasted three days.


LINGLEY: What was the matter?


TOM PRIOR: Your office! I couldn't stand the atmosphere, so I drowned it in drink.


LINGLEY: I remember, yes. You were sacked. Er, name's Prior, isn't it?


TOM PRIOR: Yes, it is. You wouldn't give me a second chance.


LINGLEY: No one has ever given me a second chance and I shall never expect one! And I shall certainly never ask for one.


TOM PRIOR: (SNIDELY) In my opinion, Mr. Lingley, L.C.C., M.P., you are a pompous old idiot.


LINGLEY: (TAKEN ABACK) Mr. Prior, you're - you're obviously drunk.


REV. DUKE: (DIPLOMATIC) Oh, I'm - I'm sure Mr. Prior didn't mean--


TOM PRIOR: Oh, yes, I did! Every word of it. He's a rotter! A grasper!


LINGLEY: (EXPLODES) Silence sir! For goodness' sake, silence, sir! I came here for peace, blast you! (CALMS DOWN) I - I - I'm not feeling well. I must keep calm and not think. I shall be all right in a moment. Then I'll see a doctor the moment I get to-- Get to-- Where am I going?


REV. DUKE: (HELPFUL) You said Marseilles, sir.


LINGLEY: Oh, yes. Yes, of course. Marseilles. (BEAT, BLANKLY) What am I going to Marseilles for?


REV. DUKE: Er, hadn't you better go out and get some fresh air, Mr. Lingley?


LINGLEY: Yes, thank you. (BLUSTERING AGAIN, DEFENSIVE) Oh, I know what I'm doing, of course! I know! (TO HIMSELF) Already I'm feeling better. I'm going to meet someone, that's all. (BEAT) But was it Aaronson or was it Bantock?


TOM PRIOR: (SARCASTIC) Remember what the doctors say, "Don't worry."


LINGLEY: (ADDLED) No, of course not, no. Thank you, yes. (MOVING OFF) I'll, uh, go outside, as you suggest, and get some fresh air.


REV. DUKE: Well, I'll - I'll go with you.


TOM PRIOR: Reverend Duke?


REV. DUKE: Well?


TOM PRIOR: One moment.


REV. DUKE: What is it?


MUSIC: UNEASY ... SNEAKS IN BEHIND--


TOM PRIOR: In strict confidence -- has it struck you by any chance that there's anything queer about this boat? 


REV. DUKE: Why, no, it hasn't.


TOM PRIOR: Well, it's rather difficult to explain. May be only my--


REV. DUKE: Imagination?


TOM PRIOR: Yes. Only, somehow -- I don't think it is.


REV. DUKE: I don't follow you.


TOM PRIOR: Well, look here. There was a charwoman here a minute ago -- you didn't meet her -- and she couldn't remember where she was going. Except that she was going to meet someone. Now this Lingley has just told us the same thing in different words. And I've noticed other things. I tell you, it's queer.


REV. DUKE: Mr. Prior, if you take my advice, you'll follow Mr. Lingley's example and get some fresh air on deck.


TOM PRIOR: Yes, I think I will. (MOVING OFF) By Jove, all the same, though, it's very odd.


MUSIC: FADES OUT


SOUND: TRANSITIONAL PAUSE


MUSIC: THE LOVERS' MELANCHOLY AND ROMANTIC THEME ... THEN IN BG


HENRY: Come in, darling. There's no one here now.


ANN: I guess they're on deck.


HENRY: Why are you shy often, Ann?


ANN: I'm so afraid that they'll suspect our secret.


HENRY: They won't, sweetheart. Oh, Ann, we're really outward bound now. I saw water moving by the porthole.


ANN: Mmmm, queer. It's just like an ordinary sailing, isn't it? Oh, I hope it will be terribly rough, with lots of wind and spray.


HENRY: Why, dear?


ANN: Then you can hold me closer.


HENRY: Yes, Ann. I love you.


ANN: I love you, Henry.


HENRY: Ann, I wonder how the dog is.


ANN: Oh, poor Jocko. But he'll be all right. They'll look after him. (WORRIED) Henry, you don't think any of these other people can possibly know--?


HENRY: Our secret? Of course they can't.


ANN: It - it isn't a crime, is it? Is it, darling?


HENRY: No, sweetheart. There's nothing wrong in not turning off the gas, is there? Oh, try to forget it, darling.


ANN: Our poor sad little flat. And Jocko there, still barking probably.


HENRY: Only think, Ann, of how much we wanted this.


ANN: Yes.


HENRY: We've never cared for the world. We're not going to care for it now. Are we, dear?


ANN: No, Henry. There's nothing that I can-- (STOPS SHORT, DISMAYED) Ohhh.


TOM PRIOR: (QUIETLY) Hello.


HENRY: How long have you been standing there?


HENRY: Only a few minutes. Why?


ANN: And you heard what we've been saying?


TOM PRIOR: Nothing that I could make any sense of. In other words, I haven't heard a thing. I'm sorry if I've upset you.


HENRY: I - I don't think you have. (MOVING OFF, TO ANN) Come, Ann. Let's go down to the cabin.


ANN: Yes.


MUSIC: FADES OUT


TOM PRIOR: (BEAT, NEAR PANIC, CALLS) Scrubby?! Scrubby?!


SCRUBBY: (APPROACHES, CALMLY) Yes, sir? Coming, sir. What is it, sir?


TOM PRIOR: (TENSE) Scrubby! Listen. I am right, aren't I, Scrubby?


SCRUBBY: Right about what, sir?


TOM PRIOR: You-- I-- All of us on this boat.


SCRUBBY: What about all of us on this boat, sir?


TOM PRIOR: We're all-- Now answer me truthfully. We're all dead. Aren't we? Dead?


SCRUBBY: (SIMPLY) Yes, sir. We're all dead. They don't find out so soon as you have, as a rule.


TOM PRIOR: I don't understand.


SCRUBBY: No, sir, you wouldn't. Not yet. But you'll get to know a lot of things as the voyage goes on.


TOM PRIOR: Tell me -- tell me one thing -- now.


SCRUBBY: Anything I can, sir.


TOM PRIOR: Where - where are we sailing? Where are we going?


SCRUBBY: (DELIBERATELY) To heaven, sir. And hell, too. You see, sir, it's all the same place.


MUSIC: BRIDGE


SOUND: THE PASSENGERS MURMUR AMONG THEMSELVES ... THEN GROW QUIET WITH--


TOM PRIOR: Ladies and gentlemen!


MRS. C-BANKS: Yes?


LINGLEY: Well?


TOM PRIOR: May I interrupt this cheery little card game with something you all should know?


LINGLEY: (ANNOYED) What is it, Prior?


TOM PRIOR: We are trapped, that's all.


REV. DUKE: Trapped?


TOM PRIOR: Yes, trapped! Every one of us. All of us on this boat. We're done for! We're dead people!


LINGLEY: Oh, run away, young man, and sleep it off.


TOM PRIOR: Oh, I'm sober enough now. And you'll have to take my word that I'm not mad.


LINGLEY: I should want more than your word for that.


TOM PRIOR: Well, you shall have it. You shall have the word of the - the man who calls himself a steward. And the word of two of our fellow passengers. (REALIZES, UNHAPPILY) The - the two who I see aren't here.


LINGLEY: What are you driving at?


TOM PRIOR: I began to suspect this morning before lunch. Nobody seemed to know where they were going. And then I made a tour of the ship. Into the officers' quarters. Everywhere. But I met no one. Because there isn't anyone besides ourselves! No captain! No crew! No nothing!


REV. DUKE: Really, Prior, I think you--


TOM PRIOR: Who have you -- any of you -- seen on board this ship since we sailed? Nobody but ourselves -- and Scrubby, the one member of the crew! Have any of ya met anybody else? A purser? An officer of any sort? Even a stoker? Can you really, honestly tell me that you've seen nothing queer about this boat?


LINGLEY: Nothing whatever, excepting you. She's exactly the same as any other boat. Now go away.


TOM PRIOR: Oh, is she?! Is she indeed?! 


MUSIC: DURING ABOVE, THE LOVERS' MELANCHOLY AND ROMANTIC THEME HERALDS THEIR ARRIVAL ... THEN IN BG


TOM PRIOR: (SEES THE LOVERS) Oh, you! You're just in time! Come here! Come in, the two of ya.


HENRY: Just in time? What for?


TOM PRIOR: To back me up.


ANN: We don't understand.


TOM PRIOR: Oh, you know. You knew this morning.


HENRY: (EVASIVE) I'm afraid we don't know what you mean.


TOM PRIOR: Oh. Then you don't understand how you got here either, I suppose! How either of ya got here! Well, I'll tell ya! Gas, my dear sir! Sheer gas!


ANN: (NERVOUS) Henry, he frightens me.


MRS. C-BANKS: He's trying to frighten all of us!


MRS. MIDGET: It's taken 'im in a funny way, ain't it? And he's such a nice lad, too.


LINGLEY: Madam, I must apologize for our fellow passenger. He's not well.


MUSIC: GENTLY OUT BEHIND--


TOM PRIOR: And another thing! This boat doesn't carry a port light. No, and she doesn't carry a starboard light either. Now is she the same as any other?! Now can you settle down to your smug game of cards?!


MRS. C-BANKS: I think somebody better get him to a doctor.


TOM PRIOR: Go out there! One of you men, go out. Go out and convince yourselves about those lights.


MRS. MIDGET: That seems to be right enough. Poor lad -- he needs someone to take care of him.


TOM PRIOR: (DESPERATE) Reverend Duke? What do you say? Will you do it? Will you go and have a look at the lights -- the lights that aren't there?


REV. DUKE: I'll do it -- just to satisfy you.


TOM PRIOR: Oh, very well then. But -- bring back the truth!


REV. DUKE: (MOVING OFF) I will. I'll report it just as I find it.


LINGLEY: (WITH DISGUST) Weak. Very weak man, the reverend.


MRS. C-BANKS: Ha! The Church was always like that. Weak!


TOM PRIOR: (POINTEDLY) Don't run down the Church. You may want her help very badly before long.


MRS. C-BANKS: I simply ignore you, Mr. Prior.


ANN: Henry darling, I'm frightened.


HENRY: We mustn't be, Ann. Everything's all right. Look, here's the Reverend Duke back again.


TOM PRIOR: Well, Reverend?


REV. DUKE: Prior, I apologize. 


LINGLEY: What do you mean?


REV. DUKE: That Mr. Prior was perfectly right.


LINGLEY: What?! 


REV. DUKE: There is no-- There's no starboard-- There's no light on the boat at all. She's black as pitch.


LINGLEY: Impossible!


TOM PRIOR: Look for yourself!


MRS. C-BANKS: Somebody ought to ring a bell or something.


LINGLEY: We may be drifting onto the rocks, crashing into something, or--


MRS. C-BANKS: Wait! Here's that steward fellow again! Tell him to do something.


LINGLEY: Now, look here, steward! Where's the captain?! I want to be taken to the captain at once.


SCRUBBY: Oh, he left long ago, sir.


LINGLEY: Well, when I get back to London, I'll report the whole--


SCRUBBY: I'm afraid you won't get back to London, sir.


TOM PRIOR: Then what you told me this morning was true, wasn't it?


SCRUBBY: That we're dead, sir? Yes, quite dead, if that's what you mean.


REV. DUKE: It is queer.


SCRUBBY: Why, sir? We didn't think it was queer when we was born.


LINGLEY: I intend to get in touch with--! Well, what about the wireless?


SCRUBBY: We don't carry any, sir.


LINGLEY: But that's illegal!


SCRUBBY: You'll just all have to wait till after the examination.


MRS. C-BANKS: What examination?


SCRUBBY: You'll find out at the end of the voyage. None of you should have known about this so soon anyway. I suppose it's because of the 'alf-ways we've got on board this trip.


REV. DUKE: Half-ways? What are they?


SCRUBBY: You'll know when we come to the examination. Now I suggest that you all go out on deck while you can and get some fresh air. We'll be landing soon anyway. Come on, out with ya!


REV. DUKE: But the very idea--


SOUND: THE PASSENGERS MURMUR AMONG THEMSELVES AS THEY EXIT ... SCENE FADES OUT ... TRANSITIONAL PAUSE


MUSIC: THE LOVERS' MELANCHOLY AND ROMANTIC THEME ... THEN IN BG


ANN: Wasn't it awful, Henry?


HENRY: They didn't seem nearly as frightened and upset as I thought they'd be.


ANN: No, no. I mean standing around like that, and feeling every minute that they suspected us. 


HENRY: Ann darling, come here.


ANN: Yes, dear?


HENRY: Ann, listen. They know we're dead. They're finding out our secret.


ANN: (WORRIED) I know. I know they are! What will they do to us, dear? 


HENRY: Don't worry, darling. They won't separate us. I'm sure they can't.


MUSIC: FADES OUT WITH SHIP'S BELL RINGING "EIGHT BELLS"


SOUND: TRANSITIONAL PAUSE


INSPECTOR: (APPROACHES) Well, well! Hello, Scrubby!


SCRUBBY: Well, Inspector! How are ya? Nice to see you again. Are you all ready for the examination?


INSPECTOR: Yes, I guess so, Scrubby. How was the trip?


SCRUBBY: Quiet, sir, as usual.


INSPECTOR: Well, that's fine. (CONSULTS A LIST) Well, let's see. Who have we got on board? Cliveden-Banks. Midget. Prior. The officious Mr. Lingley. 


SCRUBBY: There's an awfully nice young couple on board, sir.


INSPECTOR: Oh? I don't remember them. They're not on the passenger list. We'll begin with Mr. Lingley. Show him in, Scrubby. Show them all in.


SCRUBBY: Right, sir. I'll call them. (CALLS) Oh, Mr. Lingley?! Will you step in here please, sir?! You can all come in! Right in here!


LINGLEY: (HEMS AND HAWS, TO INSPECTOR) Yes? Well, what is it?


INSPECTOR: Well, sir--


LINGLEY: I'm Lingley, of Lingley, Limited.


INSPECTOR: Never mind the "Limited." You're just Lingley now.


LINGLEY: Oh. What am I charged with anyway?


INSPECTOR: Just with being yourself.


LINGLEY: I'm very proud of being myself. From small beginnings I have worked up to great things.


INSPECTOR: I know, but how? By dishonesty. Your case is over. Get out.


LINGLEY: Just a minute! I'm afraid you don't understand business.


INSPECTOR: Not the way you conduct it. Why, you've been a scoundrel from the very start. You began your career by breaking a playmate's head against the curb because he had a toy drum and you wanted to get it.


LINGLEY: (FEEBLY) Well, I - I got it.


INSPECTOR: From then on, you knocked down anyone who came across your path or tried to turn you off it. Well, now there's no appeal. You will suffer as you have made others suffer.


LINGLEY: Give me a - a second chance.


INSPECTOR: Did you give anybody a second chance? No! No, you must learn, my son. Suffering sometimes works wonderful transformations. Let's hope, that's all. Let's hope. And now move on, please. Out this way.


TOM PRIOR: I wish you'd see the young couple next, Inspector.


INSPECTOR: What young couple is this?


SCRUBBY: I told you about them, sir. Oh, but you wouldn't want to see them, though, sir. 


TOM PRIOR: Not see them? 


INSPECTOR: Why shouldn't I want to see them?


SCRUBBY: They're 'alf-ways, sir.


INSPECTOR: Oh, half-ways. Hmm, that explains it. No, it wouldn't be any use my seeing them. Next-- Mrs. Cliveden-Banks.


MRS. C-BANKS: (TURNS ON THE CHARM) Well, how do you?! How do you do?! I'm very pleased to meet you!


INSPECTOR: (UNCHARMED) Delighted to meet you, Mrs. Cliveden-Banks. 


MRS. C-BANKS: Oh, I've enjoyed the trip so much -- thanks to my good friend the Reverend Duke here. I really don't know what I should have done without him. What wonderful men our church turns out, don't you think?


INSPECTOR: Mrs. Cliveden-Banks, what I think probably wouldn't matter to you in the least. But I think, just the same, that you're a snob; you've got a malicious tongue; and you're a thoroughly bad lot.


MRS. C-BANKS: How dare you?! In front of these people!


INSPECTOR: I'm sure that doesn't surprise anybody here. You're shallow, trivial, and transparent.


MRS. C-BANKS: Look here, my good man, what have I ever done to merit such treatment?!


INSPECTOR: You trapped your husband; you were grasping; you made him marry you; you've made his life and everybody else's so-- Oh, really, I don't like this particular assignment at all. Scrubby, will you show this "lady" out?


MRS. C-BANKS: (MOVING OFF) Well, I've never been so insulted in all my life!


INSPECTOR: And now we'll see-- Prior.


TOM PRIOR: Inspector? I don't want punishment and promises and things. I don't want to be kept going. I just want -- complete darkness.


INSPECTOR: Impossible.


TOM PRIOR: But I'm dead! And I demand the right to be properly dead. 


INSPECTOR: There's no such thing. You're going on like the others. You've got to.


TOM PRIOR: I won't! I want to be out!


INSPECTOR: You'll find it quite easy to forget here, you know. Why do you want to be "out," as you say? Can't I do anything for you?


TOM PRIOR: No, you can't!


MRS. MIDGET: (APPROACHES) Perhaps I could, sir. My name is Midget, sir. Excuse me bargin' in, as it were.


INSPECTOR: Oh, yes, I - I have your name on the list. How do you do, Mrs. Midget?


MRS. MIDGET: You see, Your Reverence, when I first got on this boat, nobody would speak to me. I was lost, as it were. And then young Mr. Prior was very kind to me. And maybe now I could do something for him.


INSPECTOR: Well, what do you have in mind, Mrs. Midget?


MRS. MIDGET: Well, now, what Mr. Prior needs is a good honest steady housekeeper who'll take care of him.


TOM PRIOR: Inspector, please--


MRS. MIDGET: Then you'd be properly looked after, Mr. Prior, with everything mended and darned. No fussin', mind, but just someone to call you mornings with a nice hot cup of tea.


TOM PRIOR: Look here, Mrs. Midget, you don't understand--


MRS. MIDGET: Ohhh, you can have your drinks, as long as they don't interfere with your meals. I'm a good cook I am, and it would upset me awful if you didn't eat.


TOM PRIOR: But I--


INSPECTOR: Very fine of you, Mrs. Midget. And if you're suggesting yourself as that housekeeper, there's a little cottage waiting for you, with a garden by the sea.


MRS. MIDGET: (VERY PRACTICAL) Has it got a good sink?


TOM PRIOR: Look here, both of you. Can't ya forget about me? I tell ya, I'm not worth bothering about.


INSPECTOR: And that proves you are. You really meant what you said. Humility, my boy. Humility. (BEAT) Take him away, Mrs. Midget.


MRS. MIDGET: Yes, sir.


INSPECTOR: And do the best you can with him.


MRS. MIDGET: I promise, sir.


TOM PRIOR: Mind you, I won't promise. I - I won't promise to be good. I--


INSPECTOR: I'll take that chance on you. All right, Prior. Just wait inside there, will you?


TOM PRIOR: Very well, Inspector. (MOVING OFF) But I won't make any promises, I tell you.


MRS. MIDGET: (DEEPLY, TO THE INSPECTOR) Oh, thank you, sir. It was awful kind of you to let me have him.


INSPECTOR: Good luck to the both of you, Mrs. Prior


MRS. MIDGET: (GASPS)


INSPECTOR: You're a good mother.


MRS. MIDGET: (HORRIFIED, EXPLODES) Blast you! Blast you, how did you find it out?! (SUDDENLY PLEADING PITEOUSLY) Oh, but - but you'll never tell him? Will you, sir? Promise you'll never let him know.


INSPECTOR: I promise. Of course.


MRS. MIDGET: (DEEPLY RELIEVED; QUIETLY EXULTANT) Oh, thank you, sir. You see, he doesn't even know me. But I've got him to look after. At last. It's 'eaven. That's what it is, sir. (MOVING OFF) 'Eaven.


HENRY: (BEAT) Oh, Inspector?


INSPECTOR: Yes, what is it?


HENRY: Can't you see us now?


ANN: Please, sir.


INSPECTOR: Oh. Oh, is this the young couple, Scrubby?


SCRUBBY: Yes, sir. They're the ones I told you of. The 'alf-ways.


INSPECTOR: I'm sorry, but you aren't ready yet, my children. Not yet.


MUSIC: DURING ABOVE, THE LOVERS' MELANCHOLY AND ROMANTIC THEME HERALDS THEIR DEPARTURE ... THEN IN BG


ANN: Henry! They're leaving us behind! Why?!


HENRY: I don't know, dear, but what does it matter? We've been left together.


ANN: Where are we going now?


HENRY: We - we seem to be going back. Alone.


JOCKO: (OFF, BARKS INSISTENTLY FROM BEHIND WINDOW)


SOUND: CRASH! OF WINDOW, WHICH SHATTERS AS JOCKO LEAPS INTO THE FLAT


JOCKO: (BARKS INSISTENTLY ... CONTINUES IN BG)


HENRY: Do you hear that? It's Jocko!


MUSIC: FOR THE RETURN TRIP ... UP AND OUT


JOCKO: (BARKS INSISTENTLY ... CONTINUES IN BG)


ANN: Henry? We're going back to our flat. I feel it.


HENRY: Yes, Jocko's there waiting for us now.


ANN: I feel a breath of different air. The air is different, Henry. It's new and clean. It's like the air we used to know. Remember?


HENRY: Yes, I remember. Oh, it seems good.


ANN: We're going back! But I don't really care what becomes of us, as long as we're together. Nothing else matters!


HENRY: Courage matters, Ann. Maybe we should have had more courage.


ANN: We will, darling -- now. We didn't understand then. Oh, isn't it wonderful, Henry? The air is fresher and fresher all the time. It's better than the open sea.


HENRY: Yes, Ann. Hurry, hurry. We're almost home, dear. Ready?


ANN: Ready, Henry. Ready!


HENRY: We've such a lot to do, darling, and such a little time. Hurry, Ann! Hurry!


MUSIC: CURTAIN ... THE LOVERS' MELANCHOLY AND ROMANTIC THEME HERALDS THEIR RETURN TO LIFE ... THEN OUT BEHIND--


ANNOUNCER: The Columbia Broadcasting System, through the Columbia Workshop, has just brought you an adaptation of Sutton Vane's famous stage play "Outward Bound," later made into one of the first all-talking pictures by Warner Brothers. The radio version of this play was the work of Charles R. Jackson, the original musical score was composed by Bernard Herrmann, and the production was directed by Martin Gosch. Next week at this same time, the Columbia Workshop will bring to its listeners a novel musical fantasy, "Joe Swing Retires." This is the Columbia Broadcasting System.


MUSIC: FINALE ... THE LOVERS' MELANCHOLY AND ROMANTIC THEME ... FADES OUT


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