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Looking for Kryptonite, Chapter 16

The Adventures of Superman

Looking for Kryptonite, Chapter 16

Dec 25 1945



CAST:

ANNOUNCER, Dan McCullough

NARRATOR, Jackson Beck

SUPERMAN / CLARK KENT

BATMAN / BRUCE WAYNE 

INSPECTOR HENDERSON

LOIS LANE, girl reporter

PHILLIPS

CHOIR, which sings

VOICE (1 line)




VOICE: The following program is transcribed.


ANNOUNCER: Kellogg's Pep, the super-delicious cereal, presents--


NARRATOR: "The Adventures of Superman"!


ANNOUNCER: Faster than a speeding bullet!


SOUND: GUNSHOT, WITH RICOCHET


ANNOUNCER: More powerful than a locomotive!


SOUND: TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS, LOCOMOTIVE RUMBLES


ANNOUNCER: Able to leap tall buildings at a single bound!


SOUND: LOUD RUSH OF AIR ... CONTINUES IN BG


NARRATOR: Look! Up in the sky! It's a bird!


ANNOUNCER: It's a plane!


NARRATOR: It's Superman!


SOUND: LOUD RUSH OF AIR ... UP AND FADES OUT BEHIND--


NARRATOR: Yes, it's Superman -- who today finds it necessary once again to call on his friend Batman for assistance. We'll join them in just a moment, but first, here's Superman himself with a personal message for you. 


SUPERMAN: Hello, everyone. This is Superman, bringing you best wishes for a very merry Christmas from Lois Lane, Perry White, Jimmy Olsen, and myself. You know, after so many years of halfheartedly celebrating this wonderful holiday while the world was at war, while the many men and women we knew and loved were scattered all over the globe, Christmas today is very extra special. It's special because many of our friends and relatives are back home to celebrate Christmas with us, and because once more "peace on earth, goodwill to men" is more than just a beautiful phrase. 


On this Christmas Day, let's all determine to do everything we can to see that this remains a lasting peace on earth through the everyday practice of goodwill to men. You see, wars grow out of misunderstanding, hate, and intolerance -- all things that were preached against by the Prince of Peace whose Nativity we celebrate today. Now, if we try to understand our fellow men, if we avoid hate and banish intolerance, we would do away with the cause for war, and this scourge would forever disappear from the earth. Try to remember always that, as Abraham Lincoln said, all men are created equal. Regardless of race, creed, or color, we're all humans, entitled to the same respect and privileges. Here in America, all of us -- black and white, Catholic, Protestant, and Jew -- are all Americans, and we must live together peaceably at home if we are to live in peace with the rest of the world. Let's see that, forever hereafter, there is peace on earth, goodwill to men. A merry Christmas to you all.


ANNOUNCER: Now, "The Adventures of Superman." 


SOUND: LOUD RUSH OF AIR ... IN AND OUT


NARRATOR: Learning the whereabouts of two stolen pieces of Kryptonite, the deadly element which robs Superman of his great strength, a mysterious criminal leader calling himself Mr. Jones boasted that he would destroy the Man of Steel. Clark Kent and Inspector Henderson found Jones' broken throat atomizer and, locating the jewelry shop where it had been purchased, learned that a man giving the name of Phillips had just ordered a similar one by telephone. Hiding in the shop on Christmas Eve, Kent and Henderson were stunned when Lois Lane, girl reporter for The Daily Planet, called for the atomizer. They trailed her to a church where Lois took a position in the choir box. A moment later, a slender, scholarly looking man appeared and was identified as Mr. Phillips, the choir leader. As we continue now, the choir has begun to sing and Kent and Henderson, seated in a rear pew, realize that the choir leader answers perfectly to the description of the murderous Mr. Jones. Listen--


CHOIR: SINGS "THE FIRST NOËL" ... THEN IN BG


HENDERSON: Kent? That choir leader is Jones, the guy we're looking for. 


KENT: Well, he answers the description Batman gave us, all right. He's thin, scholarly -- even the pince-nez glasses. But I - I can't believe it.


HENDERSON: Whether you believe it or not, it's true. Jones is masquerading as a choir leader named Phillips. But he slipped up when he sent Miss Lane to pick up his atomizer, and now I'm going to pick him up.


KENT: Wait, inspector. 


HENDERSON: (IMPATIENT) Wait nothing. That guy is a crook and a murderer.


KENT: Come here. 


HENDERSON: Let go of my sleeve, Kent.


KENT: Have you forgotten where you are? You're in church. This is Christmas Eve and services are going on.


HENDERSON: Oh, yeah. You're right.


KENT: Besides, we're not sure he is Mr. Jones. 


HENDERSON: Not sure? Didn't we find his busted atomizer in the bookstore where he shot the Scarlet Widow? 


KENT: I know.


HENDERSON: And didn't he order a duplicate from the same jewelry shop where he bought the first one--


KENT: But-- 


HENDERSON: --using the name of Phillips? 


KENT: I know all that and I'm inclined to agree with you. But neither you nor I ever saw Jones, so we can't make a positive identification.


HENDERSON: Wait till I get my hands on him. I'll get the truth out of him.


KENT: You might not. Thing to do is to get someone here who knows him, who's seen him. 


HENDERSON: Yeah? Who?


KENT: Batman, of course. Or Robin. They both know Mr. Jones. He tried to finish them off in his phony sanitarium.


HENDERSON: Well, where are you going to find them? Nobody knows where they keep themselves. 


KENT: I, er-- I think I might be able to find them. You wait here, inspector. 


HENDERSON: Mmm, just try to get me away. 


KENT: Okay, but just don't tackle our choir leader friend until I get back.


HENDERSON: Are you trying to tell me how to run my job again?


KENT: No--


HENDERSON: (INTERRUPTS) Well, on your way then. And if you want to be in at the finish, make sure you're back by the time those vesper carols are over, because the minute they are, I'm going to put handcuffs on Mr. Jones and Miss Lane.


CHOIR: (UP BRIEFLY ... THEN FADES OUT BEHIND--)


NARRATOR: Leaving the church, Kent swiftly resumes his true identity of Superman and streaks through the dark evening skies to the other end of the city, where he drops down before a handsome brick residence where Batman and Robin live under their true names of Bruce Wayne and Dick Grayson. A large illuminated Christmas tree stands on the terrace, and Batman, wearing the gray tweeds of Bruce Wayne, and looking worn and weary, opens the door to Superman's ring. 


SOUND: FRONT DOOR OPENS


WAYNE: Oh. Oh, hello, Superman. Er, come on in. I - I've got bad news for you. 


SUPERMAN: Why? What happened? 


WAYNE: Oh, Robin and I lost Mr. Jones' trail. I'm awfully sorry--


SUPERMAN: Don't worry about it. I think Inspector Henderson and I picked it up.


WAYNE: You did? 


SUPERMAN: (YES) Uh-huh. 


WAYNE: Where? When? 


SUPERMAN: Jones is at a church across town, masquerading as a choir leader named Phillips -- or so we think. We need you to identify him. Can you come over now?


WAYNE: Well, all I have to do is close the door-- Well, wait. Do we need Robin? 


SUPERMAN: I don't think so. Not at the moment anyhow.


WAYNE: Well, good. Come on then.


SOUND: FRONT DOOR CLOSES 


WAYNE: I made him go to bed. He was pretty worn out.


SUPERMAN: Well, no wonder -- after your little experience in Room Zero. Well, all set for a quick trip? 


WAYNE: We go by Superman express, eh? 


SUPERMAN: Nonstop. Hang on.


WAYNE: All right, let her rip. 


SUPERMAN: Here we go then. Up -- and away!


SOUND: LOUD RUSH OF AIR ... THEN IN BG


WAYNE: (IMPRESSED, LIGHTLY) Oh ho! You're a lot faster than my Bat Plane. If you ever need a job, Superman, come to see me. 


SUPERMAN: (CHUCKLES) Thanks a lot. I'll remember that. 


WAYNE: Oh, gosh. Don't ever tell Robin about this ride. He'd never forgive me for leaving him behind. 


SUPERMAN: I'll make it up to him. That looks like our church ahead. Fasten your safety belt, we're going down. 


WAYNE: Roger.


SUPERMAN: Down to those bushes. Down


SOUND: LOUD RUSH OF AIR OUT WITH A WHOOSH! AND A THUMP! AS SUPERMAN LANDS


SUPERMAN: There we are.


CHOIR: (SINGS "O COME ALL YE FAITHFUL," IN DISTANCE ... IN BG)


SUPERMAN: Oh, good. Choir's still singing. Okay, strip to your Batman costume-- (WITH SLIGHT EFFORT, CHANGES CLOTHES, IN BG) --and I'll get back into Clark Kent's clothes. 


WAYNE: What for? (REALIZES) Oh, yes, yes. I saw Jones as Batman.


SUPERMAN: That's right. 


WAYNE: (WITH SLIGHT EFFORT, CHANGES CLOTHES, IN BG) Can't very well identify him as Bruce Wayne, can I? 


SUPERMAN: No. And I left here as Kent. (CHUCKLES) You realize you're the only person in the world who knows I'm Superman? 


WAYNE: These quick changes get a little confusing sometimes, don't they?


SUPERMAN: You're not kidding. I've almost given myself away to Jimmy Olsen a dozen times. (EXHALES, CHANGES TO HIGHER KENT VOICE) There we are. Now my specs. (PUTS ON GLASSES) Okay. You all set? 


BATMAN: Well, just have to get my hood and mask on. There. Yeah, I'm ready. Lead me to friend Jones. 


KENT: Come on.


CHOIR: (GROWS LOUDER AS KENT AND BATMAN APPROACH CHURCH ... CONTINUES IN BG)


BATMAN: Oh, it's starting to snow. Looks like we'll have a nice white Christmas.


KENT: Won't be nice for me.


BATMAN: Well, why not? If this bird is really Jones, we'll make him give out with where the Kryptonite is and all your troubles will be over. 


KENT: Not quite. I haven't had the heart to tell you yet, but-- Lois Lane is mixed up with him some way. 


BATMAN: (DISBELIEF) What?


KENT: Yes, she-- (SEES SOMETHING) Uh-oh, hold it.


BATMAN: What's up? 


KENT: I guess the carols are about over. They're going to open the doors. Quick, get behind this bush.


CHOIR: (STOPS SINGING DURING ABOVE)


SOUND: DOORS OPEN ... MURMUR OF CONGREGATION, SLIGHTLY OFF, THEN IN BG


BATMAN: Hmm. You were right. That X-ray vision of yours comes in handy. But, er, where's the choir leader? 


KENT: He's joining Lois. Now they're starting down the aisle together. (BEAT, DISMAYED) Ohhh. 


BATMAN: What now?


KENT: She just gave him the atomizer. 


BATMAN: What atomizer? 


KENT: I'll explain later. I was hoping she wouldn't give it to him. Wait a minute, here comes Henderson. I suppose he's gonna stand outside and grab them. (CALLS GENTLY) Inspector? 


HENDERSON: Oh, there you are, Kent. Listen, she gave him the atomizer. 


KENT: I know.


HENDERSON: (SURPRISED) Batman! 


BATMAN: Merry Christmas, inspector. 


HENDERSON: How did you find him, Kent? 


KENT: Why, I, er-- 


BATMAN: Oh, yes, yes, he, er-- He, er-- Well, that--


HENDERSON: Never mind. Tell me later. Here comes our saintly choir leader and Lois Lane. Do you see them, Batman?


BATMAN: I think so, but not very clearly. There's too many people around. 


HENDERSON: They're moving this way. You'll get a good look at our bird in just a moment -- and we're counting on you to identify him. 


BATMAN: If he's Jones, you can depend on my knowing him. I've got a little score to settle with that rat. Uh-oh, I see him now.


HENDERSON: Is it Jones? 


BATMAN: Wait till he gets closer. I want to hear his voice. 


SOUND: CONGREGATION MURMUR FADES OUT BEHIND--


NARRATOR: (HUSHED) Tensely, Clark Kent and Inspector Henderson watch Lois Lane and the slender, scholarly looking choir leader approach through the crowd and wait for Batman to identify the man as Mr. Jones. If he does, Superman may be freed from the menace of the deadly Kryptonite forever. But Lois will be branded as a criminal. (UP BIG) We'll return in a moment for the dramatic climax of today's episode! But first, here is a very special message for you from your friend Dan. 


ANNOUNCER: Today, gang, I won't be talking to you about Kellogg's Pep, because it's Christmas Day. Instead, let's talk about what makes Christmas one of the very best days in the whole year. You see, Christmas is a day when lots of dreams come true, when that very special gift that you've been wanting so much, more than lives up to your hopes. It's a day when you give a happy thought to others, when the gifts you give warm someone's heart. So Christmas and its kindly customs have lived for many centuries. It's a day of joy and cheerfulness, a day you look forward to and plan for, and a day you remember ever after. So, gang, today the grand old Kellogg Company of Battle Creek is wishing you the very happiest Christmas of all.


NARRATOR: (HUSHED) Outside a church on Christmas Eve, Clark Kent and Inspector Henderson are waiting for Batman to identify the choir leader as Mr. Jones, a criminal leader and murderer. He is now approaching through the crowd with Lois Lane. Listen--


SOUND: FADE IN MURMUR OF CONGREGATION ... THEN IN BG


HENDERSON: Well, Batman? Is it Jones or not? 


BATMAN: Ah, just a second, inspector. I want to see him close up and hear his voice. 


LOIS: (APPROACHES) Oh, weren't the vespers lovely tonight, Mr. Phillips? 


PHILLIPS: (APPROACHES) Indeed, they were, Miss Lane, and you members of the choir did me proud. 


LOIS: Thank you. Oh, look, it's starting to snow and you forgot your hat.


PHILLIPS: (CHUCKLES) No, I didn't. I never wear a hat. 


LOIS: (CHUCKLES) 


HENDERSON: Well? How about it, Batman? 


BATMAN: (THOUGHTFUL) No. No, I don't think he's Jones. 


HENDERSON: He isn't? 


BATMAN: No. He looks amazingly like him, but, no, it's not Jones. 


KENT: (EXHALES) Sorry. But I'm glad, too -- for Lois's sake. 


LOIS: You're sure you won't catch cold, Mr. Phillips? 


PHILLIPS: Oh, I never catch cold.


LOIS: (CHUCKLES) Famous last words. 


PHILLIPS: (CHUCKLES) Yes.


SOUND: LOIS AND PHILLIPS' VOICES CONTINUE INDECIPHERABLY IN BG


BATMAN: Wait. Wait! Wait, it is Jones.


HENDERSON: What?


KENT: It is?! 


BATMAN: Yes! His voice-- His voice fooled me at first.


KENT: You're sure? 


BATMAN: I'm positive. He's putting on an act, but it's still Jones. I'd swear to it.


HENDERSON: That's enough for me. Let's go. 


KENT: Now wait, inspector -- don't scare Lois.


HENDERSON: You keep out of this, Kent. (UP AND TOUGH, TO PHILLIPS) Good evening, Mr. Jones. 


LOIS: (STARTLED) Wha--?


PHILLIPS: I, er, beg your pardon? 


HENDERSON: Never mind begging my pardon. Just put your hands out for the pretty bracelets.


SOUND: RATTLE! OF HANDCUFFS


PHILLIPS: (SURPRISED) What?


LOIS: (INDIGNANT) Inspector Henderson! What is the meaning of this?


HENDERSON: As if you didn't know, Miss Lane. Come on, Jonesy -- put out your hands. 


PHILLIPS: But-- 


LOIS: (ASTONISHED) Clark! 


KENT: (EMBARRASSED) Hello, Lois. 


LOIS: And - Batman?! Why-- Clark, what is this? (NO ANSWER) Well, why are you looking at me so strangely? And what is Inspector Henderson doing to Mr. Phillips? 


SOUND: CLICK! OF CUFF ON WRIST


PHILLIPS: (INDIGNANT) Now see here, sir--! 


HENDERSON: Save it for the judge. All right, Miss Lane. Let's try this other bracelet on you -- for size. 


LOIS: (INHALES SHARPLY) What?! I should say not! 


PHILLIPS: I don't understand. 


LOIS: Clark, are you just going to stand there and - and let him handcuff me?! 


KENT: I'm sorry, Lois. There's nothing I can do about it.


LOIS: But I-- I--


SOUND: CLICK! OF CUFF ON WRIST


HENDERSON: There, that does it.


LOIS: (DISBELIEF) Wha--? 


HENDERSON: Now come along quietly, both of you. I gave you a break, taking you behind this bush where it's dark, but if you want all your church friends to see you--


LOIS: (INTERRUPTS) I don't care what they see. I want to know the meaning of this - this outrage


PHILLIPS: So do I. 


HENDERSON: Oh, cut out the comedy, will ya? Now, I've got a taxi waiting up the street. If you want to act nice, we can ride in that. 


LOIS: Wha--? 


HENDERSON: Otherwise, I'll have to call the wagon.


LOIS: The wagon?! You must be out of your mind, inspector. Clark, will you stop standing there like a - a gook, and explain this? I suppose it's a joke, but it isn't very--


HENDERSON: (INTERRUPTS) Maybe murder is a joke to you, Miss Lane, but not to us. 


PHILLIPS: (TAKEN ABACK) Murder? Well, I-- 


KENT: Mr. Jones here murdered the Scarlet Widow, Lois. 


LOIS: Mr. Jones--? Oh, so that's it! You've made a mistake. This isn't Mr. Jones.


PHILLIPS: Of course not. My name is Algernon Phillips.


HENDERSON: Yeah, and mine's Humperdinck Hornschnozzle. Let's get going to that taxi. 


LOIS: I will not budge until I know what this is all about.


HENDERSON: You'll move and move fast, Miss Lane. 


LOIS: Now, look--


HENDERSON: And if it'll make you feel any better -- which it won't -- Kent and I were in the jewelry shop this evening when you picked up the atomizer for your friend Mr. Jones.


LOIS: The atomizer? Oh, of course I did. But-- I don't understand. 


PHILLIPS: I think I do -- now.


HENDERSON: You realize we've got the goods on you, huh, Jones? 


PHILLIPS: I realize it's time to reveal my secret. 


LOIS: What?


HENDERSON: We know your secret, chum. 


PHILLIPS: No. No, you don't, inspector. It's a strange and quite terrible story, one I've kept locked in my heart for years. But now-- Well, I guess I can't keep it secret any longer. I live just a few doors down the street. If you gentlemen would be good enough to accompany me there--


HENDERSON: Nothing doing. We're going to headquarters. 


PHILLIPS: Please, inspector. You see I'm not armed. You can examine my house carefully before we go in. I assure you, you won't regret it, but if you insist on going to headquarters now, I'll never tell my story.


HENDERSON: Oh, no? 


KENT: Take him up, inspector. What can you lose? 


BATMAN: That's what I say.


HENDERSON: Huh? (BEAT, GIVES IN) Well, okay. We'll go to your house, Jones. But remember, don't try any tricks. It won't be healthy. 


PHILLIPS: I quite realize that. Shall we go? 


HENDERSON: Yes. And remember, I'm right behind you -- with a gun.


SOUND: CONGREGATION MURMUR FADES OUT BEHIND--


NARRATOR: (HUSHED) Handcuffed together, the slender, scholarly looking choir leader and Lois Lane start away from the church, closely followed by Inspector Henderson and a puzzled Clark Kent and Batman. (UP) What is this strange and terrible story Mr. Phillips -- or is it Mr. Jones? -- has promised to reveal? Well, it's a strange story, fellows and girls -- one you won't want to miss! So be sure to tune in tomorrow -- same time, same station -- for "The Adventures of Superman"!


ANNOUNCER: Faster than a speeding bullet!


SOUND: GUNSHOT, WITH RICOCHET


ANNOUNCER: More powerful than a locomotive!


SOUND: TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS, LOCOMOTIVE RUMBLES


ANNOUNCER: Able to leap tall buildings at a single bound!


SOUND: LOUD RUSH OF AIR ... CONTINUES IN BG


NARRATOR: Look! Up in the sky! It's a bird!


ANNOUNCER: It's a plane!


NARRATOR: It's Superman!


SOUND: LOUD RUSH OF AIR ... UP AND OUT BEHIND--


ANNOUNCER: Fellows and girls, be sure to follow "The Adventures of Superman," brought to you every day, Monday through Friday -- same time, same station -- by the grand old Kellogg Company of Battle Creek. And for other thrilling adventures of Superman, see your local newspaper. Superman is also a copyrighted feature appearing in Superman-DC publications.


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