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An Album for Murder

The Fat Man

An Album for Murder 

Dec 29 1950



CAST:

ANNOUNCER

1ST ANNOUNCER

2ND ANNOUNCER

VOICE

SINGERS


THE FAT MAN

NELLY

PRINCE

McKENZIE

CARAWAY

PINKY

CARVER

LAURA




1ST ANNCR: How mild can a cigarette be?


2ND ANNCR: John Wayne knows! 


1ST ANNCR: Rise Stevens knows! 


2ND ANNCR: Paul Lukas knows! 


1ST ANNCR: These stars are among the millions of smokers who know how mild Camels are! Make the sensible cigarette test - smoke Camels for thirty days - and you'll know, too, how mild, how flavorful, how thoroughly enjoyable a cigarette can be! 


2ND ANNCR: Yes, and you'll discover why more people smoke Camels than any other cigarette


There he goes ... he's lighting up a Camel cigarette ... he's stepping on the scales ... 


(COIN IN SLOT)


VOICE: Weight 234 pounds ...


(CARD EXPELLED)


VOICE: Fortune ... danger.


(MUSIC: STING AND OUT)


VOICE: Who is it? 


FAT: The Fat Man. 


(MUSIC: FAT MAN THEME ESTABLISHED - FADE DOWN AND UNDER)


FAT MAN: Statistics show that the death rate may vary slightly according to professions. A doctor who worries about his patients may not live quite as long as his dental colleague, while the guy who makes his living selling pots and pans may outlive both of them ... But the death rate goes up like a helium-filled balloon when the statistics are concerned with a private detective, because even a fifty-fifty break is optimistic ... when you work too much with murder .... 


(MUSIC: BRIDGE) 


FAT MAN: Nelly is fifty-five, and she cleans my office. She's a cheerful gal with an ample torso and a wisp of hair that hangs perennially over one eye. Her hours are rough - from midnight till eight - but whenever she works a little late and we meet in the morning, she never forgets to give me a very cheerful and toothy hello. That's why I was puzzled when I walked into my office early one A.M., and found her sitting in my swivel chair with her back to the door. Her head was bent over a morning newspaper.


(MUSIC: OUT WITH)


FAT: Good morning, Nelly .... 


NELLY: (SLIGHTLY OFF, STUNNED) What?


FAT: I said good morning ... 


(PAUSE)


NELLY: (COMING ON, DAZED) Mr. Runyun...it...can't be you!


FAT: Why not?


NELLY: But... you're... (FAINT) Mr. Runyun... (SIGHS)


(BODY HITS FLOOR)


(MUSIC: STING)


FAT: She crumpled up like a sack of Idaho potatoes, and I had a job getting her off the floor and on to the couch. A glass of water brought her around - but her eyes still popped like marbles, and she looked at me like she was staring... at a ghost...


FAT: Don't you feel well, Nelly?


NELLY: (WEAK) I... I feel fine, Mr. Runyun...


FAT: Well, then what's it all about?


NELLY: (LAUGHING A LITTLE) It - it... really is you, ain't it. You're alive - an' everything.. You're not layin' in that funeral parlor with a lily in your hand.


FAT: What funeral parlor? 


NELLY: In the paper, Mr. Runyun - the place where they announce who died. They got your name there - an' you're supposed to be buried.. tomorrow.


FAT: Where's that paper? 


(RUSTLE NEWSPAPER, WITH)


NELLY: Here - the third one from the bottom... 


(PAUSE)


FAT: (SLOWLY) Hmm - Someone seems to have made me a candidate - for the morgue... "Died," "Brad Runyun. Private Detective. Services at Walker's Chapel tomorrow at noon. Burial... private." 


NELLY: I guess somebody made a mistake, Mr. Runyun....


FAT: Yeah - a minor error... Well, you go on home, Nelly, and don't worry about it. I think I'll mosey down to Walker's Chapel - for a preview of my corpse.... 


(MUSIC: STING)


PRINCE: May I help you, sir? Mr. Prince is my name.


FAT: I'm looking for Mr. Runyun ... 


PRINCE: Oh, yes - room B. But the funeral won't be held until tomorrow. 


FAT: Yeah - I know that - but I'd like to see the body now, if I may...


PRINCE: Are you a relative? 


FAT: No. But you might call me a friend. 


PRINCE: And your name, sir? 


FAT: Brad Runyun... The Fat Man.


PRINCE: Yes, I - (DOUBLE TAKE) What did you say? 


FAT: I said my name is Runyun. 


PRINCE: But - there must be some mistake.... 


FAT: Yes - That's just what I was thinking when I heard about my funeral... 


PRINCE: Well, come with me, Mr. Runyun....


FAT: Um.... Tell me - how did this guy die?


PRINCE: A hit and run driver, I believe.... 


FAT: And who brought him here? 


PRINCE: The city morgue authorities.... 


FAT: He came from the city morgue? 


PRINCE: Yes. The body was found in the street.... He would have been buried in Potter's Field if it hadn't been for a kindly gentleman named Carver. Mr. Carver is paying for a private burial. 


(DOOR OPENS)


PRINCE: In here, Mr. Runyun.. The body.. is lying on your left...


(MUSIC: STING)


FAT: The man in the coffin was big and heavy - just about my weight. He had my color skin and hair - and his features were more or less regular, like my own... If we stood side by side, you could tell the difference - but if his back was turned - or the evening was wet and foggy - you might easily mistake him for me... particularly if he was wearing a suit of my clothes - which, incidentally - he was ..


(MUSIC: OUT WITH)


PRINCE: Do you know him, Mr. Runyun?


FAT: Yeah... Yeah... He used to be a vaudeville actor years ago. I knew his wife before she died. 


PRINCE: A label was found in his coat... It was the only way the city morgue could make an identification... 


FAT: Those clothes he has on are mine... 


PRINCE: Yours?


FAT: Yeah, I saw this guy for the first time in several years about four weeks ago. His name is Hoople. He was down on his luck - and he came to me for a touch for old times' sake... I loaned him some money - and gave him a suit of clothes .. That was the last I heard from him .. until now.


PRINCE: Odd there's such a resemblance ... 


FAT: So he was killed by a hit and run driver?


PRINCE: Yes - his internal injuries were proof of that. And that hole in his head was probably caused by the bumper of the car. 


FAT: Uh... What hole in his head? 


PRINCE: Here - let me lift him a bit... (WITH AN EFFORT) Do you see it? 


FAT: Hum... Mr. Prince - head injuries like that aren't caused by car bumpers... A ton of steel at forty miles an hour would crush his skull like an eggshell. That wound is too clean - and too well placed behind the ear... 


PRINCE: Well, then - what do you think was the cause of it? 


FAT: Well, I'd say he was slugged with a blackjack or a narrow piece of steel.... 


PRINCE: But... But that would mean -


FAT: Yeah... Murder. (PAUSE) Uh - just one more question, Mr. Prince. Where was the body found? 


PRINCE: In front of a small apartment house - I believe it was number twenty-seven - thirty-six Elgin Street...


FAT: You can add that to your list of oddities, Mr. Prince... The address you just gave me - happens to be my own...


(MUSIC: BRIDGE) 


FAT: In my business you make a few friends - but you make a lot more enemies. And when a guy who looks like me and wears my clothes is found dead in front of my own apartment - the long arm of coincidence is stretching just a little too far. I convinced my friend Lieutenant McKenzie of this down at headquarters - after bringing him over for a view of the corpse...


(MUSIC: OUT WITH. . .) 


McKENZIE: You're right, Brad. He was slugged first, and then run over.


FAT: Yeah. And it's ten to one they were after me.


McKEN: Yeah. Got any ideas? 


FAT: Yeah. Let's keep it quiet, Mac... and let the burial proceed as planned.... 


McKEN: But what about the investigation?


FAT: Well, let's not have any - for the time being...


McKEN: What?


FAT: Look, Mac, Hoople's murder was accidental. They were obviously after me. Okay. Let him get buried as the Fat Man - and see what happens when his executioner finds out he's made a mistake.


McKEN: How will he know? 


FAT: Well, there's a good chance he'll show up at the funeral - just to make certain his plans were on the nose. And I never saw a murderer yet who could resist a final look at his victim if he could get away with it. 


McKEN: Do you want us to spot a couple of boys at Walker's Chapel? 


FAT: No. They might tip our hand. Let me handle this myself, Mac...


McKEN: By attending the funeral?


FAT: Umm. I'm going to be right there with the mourners... as big as life.. And Mac.. 


McKEN: Yeah, Brad?


FAT: Please.. omit flowers... 


(MUSIC: STING)


FAT: I purposely got there late to make certain all interested parties were present when I arrived - and I had Mr. Prince delay the funeral cortege until I made an appearance... I met him just outside of Room B after the preliminary services were over.


(MUSIC: OUT WITH. . .) 


FAT: Who's in there, Mr. Prince? 


PRINCE: Just four people, Mr. Runyun... There's Mr. Carver - the gentleman who's paying the bill... and a young woman named Laura Trent.. 


FAT: Umm.... Yeah?


PRINCE: Middle-aged woman named Caraway - and a man named Kane.. 


FAT: Kane? That's interesting...


PRINCE: Do you know him? 


FAT: Well, the only Kane I know is Pinky Kane, a second rate hoodlum with a first rate record and a nasty disposition. I gave him a warning once about keeping away from a client of mine..


PRINCE: Do you know the two women? 


FAT: No - but I'm getting myself an introduction.. right now.. Oh - uh... Did you keep the coffin closed as I asked? 


PRINCE: Yes, Mr. Runyun... 


FAT: Okay. Then let's go in - and pay our respects, eh?


(DOOR OPENS) 


CARAWAY: (FADING IN, SADLY) And he was a good man. Why do the good ones have to go so soon? 


PINKY: What was good about him? The Fat Man was an overstuffed dick who wouldn't keep his nose clean! Well, he got what was comin' to him - in spades!


CARAWAY: How can you talk like that - in here?


FAT: And what's more - take your hat off. 


PINKY: (CHOKED) Runyun!


FAT: Hello Pinky... how's the grifting these days? 


PINKY: (LEAVING MIKE) No... no, keep away from me. What goes on here? Who's layin' in that box?


FAT: A man named Hoople..


CARVER: (COMING ON) Excuse me. Hoople did you say? 


FAT: Yes. There's been a slight case of mistaken identity. My name happens to be Runyun. Who are you, Mister? 


CARVER: My name is Carver..


FAT: Oh... You're the guy who's paying for the funeral...


CARVER: That's right. 


FAT: Why? 


CARVER: Why? 


FAT: Yeah - why? What makes you so altruistic? We never met before.


CARVER: It doesn't matter to me what the poor chap in that coffin is named. I'm providing an unfortunate man with a decent burial. And that's all that counts.


FAT: Well, what about you, Pinky?


PINKY: (SULLEN NOW) I was just goin' along for the ride. 


FAT: You look a little pale around the gills. Go on - open that coffin and convince yourself... 


(SQUEAK OF HINGES)


FAT: Well?


PINKY: (LOW) I - I don't know this guy. I never (LEAVING MIKE) saw him before in my life. 


FAT: Where are you going, Pinky?


PINKY: (OFF) Home! You just took all the laffs outa my afternoon!


(DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES, OFF) 


LAURA: (COMING ON - QUIETLY) Well, I suppose... you're wondering what I'm doing here, too.... 


FAT: Umm... uh - Are you Laura Trent?


LAURA: Yes... 


FAT: Haven't we met before? 


LAURA: I didn't think you'd remember... 


FAT: Seems to me I helped you out once - in front of a cafeteria... 


LAURA: Yeah. That's right. I was broke - and hungry.... I fainted - and you gave me some money... to get a meal... 


FAT: Well, the details are pretty vague in my mind - but I certainly recall your face...


LAURA: Well, I... felt that this was as good a way as any... to thank you, Mr. Runyun... (PAUSE) I - Gee, I'm very happy to see it isn't true... and you're alive and well... Gee, the best of luck to you, Mr. Runyun... (LEAVING MIKE) Goodbye...


(DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES, OFF) 


FAT: You - you must be Mrs. Caraway...


CARAWAY: (SADLY) Yes. When I read... that the Fat Man was dead... it almost broke my heart... You've no idea how much I admire you, Mr. Runyun... Gracious, I - I didn't stop crying for hours! 


FAT: Why - you - you don't know me. 


CARAWAY: (SMILING) Oh, yes, I do... In any case, what does it matter? Death - makes good friends of us all... 


CARVER: (IMPATIENTLY) Oh - uh - Mr. Prince! 


PRINCE: (COMING ON) Yes, Mr. Carver? 


CARVER: I think it's time we left for the cemetery... We'll only need one car, now that two of our mourners seem to have left us. Oh - You haven't changed your mind about attending, have you, Mrs. Caraway?


CARAWAY: Goodness, no! I wouldn't miss it for the world!


CARVER: And what about you, Mr. Runyun? 


FAT: Oh, yes - Include me in, Mr. Carver. It isn't every day you can attend your own funeral...


(MUSIC: CURTAIN)


COMMERCIAL:


FAT MAN: There were certain similarities between myself and the deceased..physical similarities..but I can assure you that our personalities were quite different. Most cigarettes look pretty much alike, but there are important differences and I think you should know about them.


1ST ANNOUNCER: Most smokers agree that they want mildness in their cigarette..they want continued smoking enjoyment.


2ND ANNOUNCER: In a coast-to-coast test, hundreds of people smoked only Camels for thirty days. Each week, noted throat specialists made careful examinations of the throats of these smokers and reported not one single case of throat irritation due to smoking Camels!


1ST ANNOUNCER: Make your own thirty-day Camel mildness test..the sensible cigarette test..and you'll discover, too, how mild Camels are, how well they agree with your throat, pack after pack, week after week. You'll find out about Camel's rich, full flavor..a flavor you won't find in any other cigarette. Yes, you'll see why people say, "Once a Camel smoker, always a Camel smoker!" 


SINGERS: How mild,

How mild,

How mild can a cigarette be? 

Make the Camel thirty-day test 

And you'll see... 

Smoke Camels and see!


1ST ANNCR: And now here again is The Fat Man.


[(MUSIC)]


FAT: Imagine talking to mourners at your own funeral! Carver, the philanthropist. Mrs. Caraway, who doted on funerals. Laura Trent - and Pinky Kane ... I was convinced that one of those four people wanted to knock me off ... All I had to do now - was to make my choice..


It was late afternoon by the time Mr. Carver, Mrs. Caraway and myself came back from the cemetery. Carver didn't do much talking as we rode towards town and got out just before we turned into Riverside Drive. Mrs. Caraway and I continued downtown. 


(MUSIC: OUT WITH. . . . )


(MOVING CAR) 


CARAWAY: You've no idea how I've been looking forward to meeting you, Mr. Runyun... I've always thought of you as my ideal man...


FAT: Is that so? 


CARAWAY: Oh - I've been keeping track of your work for years.... Sometimes when I read in the newspapers what narrow escapes you've had, my heart just goes pitter-patter... 


FAT: Well, I didn't realize I had any secret admirers...


CARAWAY: Admirer? (SMILING) Oh, I'm more than that... 


FAT: Where can I drop you off, Mrs. Caraway?


CARAWAY: Oh, I'm going home - and I'd love you to come up with me for a cup of tea...


FAT: I'm - I'm afraid I'm too busy... 


CARAWAY: Oh, please! Don't disappoint me now! I've waited so long to meet you - and there's something important I want you to see! I insist that you come, Mr. Runyun.


(PAUSE) 


FAT: (SLOWLY) Well - All right. I'll come up for one fast cup..


(MUSIC: STING)


FAT: She lived in a three-room brownstone flat in the West Seventies - and the place was furnished like a mid-Victorian museum. She ushered me into her rococo living room like I was visiting royalty - as she hung up my coat in a closet, I saw her run her hand down the lapel ... as if she were petting a cat... 


(MUSIC: OUT WITH. . . . )


FAT: Do you go to funerals often, Mrs. Caraway? 


CARAWAY: Oh, yes - as often as I can! But I never go to see women buried. (SMILING) Only men ... 


FAT: Why the distinction?


CARAWAY: Oh, I don't know. (GIGGLING) Everyone to his own taste, I guess...


FAT: Um... uh... What was it you wanted to show me? 


CARAWAY: (LEAVING MIKE) You probably don't believe me when I say I know you for ages - and I want to prove it to you...


(OPEN DRAWER, OFF, WITH) 


CARAWAY: (COMING ON) I have an album here that ought to interest you... 


FAT: Oh - What kind of an album?


CARAWAY: Oh - Newspaper clippings - photographs - and I've got lots of things about you... Sit down next to me, Mr. Runyun... and don't be shy... (GIGGLING) I won't hurt you...


(TURN ALBUM PAGES)


FAT: I hope your husband is a broad-minded guy, Mrs. Caraway..


CARAWAY: Oh, I have no husband.. 


FAT: He's passed away? 


CARAWAY: He's never existed! 


FAT: Huh!


CARAWAY: I just call myself Mrs., because it makes me feel so much happier.. I've always been waiting... for the right man to come along.. (PAUSE) And I think he has.. at last... 


FAT: Uh - Let's get back to the album..


CARAWAY: Here's the first article I ever clipped from a newspaper about you, Brad... You don't mind if I call you Brad?


FAT: No! No! No! No!


CARAWAY: And here's another newspaper story - the most exciting one of all... Do you remember a man named Tony Gates? 


FAT: (SLOWLY) Yes - I do.... 


CARAWAY: You helped the police track him down after a murder. The whole story's in this article - I have clippings of the trial and everything... I even have a picture of you testifying in court. Oh - I read all about it. You were wonderful... and I made up my mind if I ever found you... I'd never let you go... (SMILING) Well, I've found you, Brad... Isn't it... just wonderful. 


(MUSIC: CHORD. . .)


FAT: She was staring at me now - with a silly expression in her watery eyes... and for the first time, I knew what I was up against... I'd seen women like her before - middle-aged spinsters who'd never found a man to dote on, or who'd been jilted in their youth... and they were usually as harmless as a ball of yarn... But this one was different. This gal had taken her loneliness a little too hard. (PAUSE) (MUSIC: STING) You only saw her type - in an institution... for the insane....


(MUSIC: OUT, WITH. . . )


CARAWAY: What are you staring at?


FAT: Uh - uh - Was I staring? 


CARAWAY: You look at me - as if there's something wrong.


FAT: Mrs. Caraway - 


CARAWAY: (SMILING AGAIN) Oh, call me Clara... 


FAT: How long have you been out? 


CARAWAY: Out of where? 


FAT: The hospital? 


CARAWAY: (BLURTING) How did you know?


FAT: (QUIETLY) Now look - we're friends. You can talk to me...


CARAWAY: (UPSET) I haven't done anything! I've been behaving myself! I report once a month for an examination, don't I? All I do is go to funerals! There's nothing wrong in that!


FAT: I didn't say there was... It's - it's just that someone's out to get rid of me - and I wanted to eliminate you... from the list...


(PAUSE)


CARAWAY: (SOFTLY) I'd never hurt you, Brad. I'd never hurt a soul. I just collected your clippings, that's all... And you're so photogenic, too... Just look at this... 


FAT: All right, all right, now we'll - Oh - ... Just a minute here... Let me see that picture... of the courtroom at the Gates trial? 


CARAWAY: There it is....


FAT: What's this one over here? Another newspaper photograph of the Gates case?


CARAWAY: Yes... it came from a tabloid paper... It's the house where the gangster was captured... They've marked his room with an X....


FAT: Clara - would you do me a big favor?


CARAWAY: Oh, anything at all!


FAT: Do you mind if I borrow this album?


CARAWAY: Not if you promise to send it back. 


FAT: I'll take good care of it....


CARAWAY: What do you want it for? 


FAT: I want to refresh my memory, Clara - and do a little research.... on homicide ... 


(MUSIC: STING)


FAT: To play it safe, I checked with the hospital..and found out she was as harmless as I thought. I called McKenzie and told him to meet me downtown in a place called Angelo John's. Angelo's was a bar and grill..with a bowling alley in the back. It was a tough little joint..and the food was crummy...just like the clientele. One of these steady customers was Pinky Kane. I remember McKenzie picked him up there for questioning a couple of times. When I left the cab, I looked at my gun once more -- and then stepped inside to the smelly, smoke-filled dining room..McKenzie apparently, hadn't arrived yet. As I started for the bowling alley, someone I hadn't expected to see came up to greet me. 


(MUSIC: OUT WITH. .)


(SOUND OF BOWLING SPOTTED..MUFFLED, OFF MIKE) 


LAURA: (COMING ON) Oh - hello, Mr. Runyun... 


FAT: Well, Laura Kent..What are you doing here? 


LAURA: I work here. I'm the cashier. 


FAT: Well, then maybe you can help me. You know Pinky Kane.. 


LAURA: Yes.. 


FAT: Is he here right now? 


LAURA: He may be in the back room..bowling..(LEAVING MIKE) I'll find him for you... 


FAT: No - No - Never mind..(PAUSE) I'll go myself...


(MUSIC: STING)


FAT: The back room was big..with four bowling alleys stretched across the floor. There was only one game on and Pinky was sitting in a chair kibitzing. He didn't change his expression when he saw me. He merely uncrossed and re-crossed his skinny legs..and kept watching the game... 


(MUSIC: OUT, WITH. .


(BOWLING ON MIKE..SPOT)


FAT: Hello, Pinky... 


PINKY: What're you doin' here, Fat Man?


FAT: Just thought I'd drop in for a little sport...


PINKY: How was the funeral?


FAT: Not bad. Sorry you missed it. 


PINKY: Yeah. So am I.


FAT: You bowl, Pinky? 


PINKY: (SMILING) Sure.


FAT: Want to take me on for a game? 


PINKY: You sure that stomach of yours'll let you bend over to pick up the ball? 


FAT: Let's try a couple - and see..Go ahead, Pinky...roll one..


PINKY: Okay, Big Shot..move over. 


(PAUSE)


PINKY: Now watch this ..an' learn somethin'... 


(ROLL BOWLING BALL AWAY FROM MIKE) 

(FALLING PINS, OFF) 


FAT: Aww - Too bad, Pinky. You've got a split...


PINKY: (ANNOYED) Oh! This alley is cockeyed! Maybe I'll make it a spare!


(ROLL BOWLING BALL AWAY FROM MIKE)

(PINS FALLING, OFF)


FAT: Eh, not bad. Not bad at all. You walked that pin right across the alley.


PINKY: Let's see what you can do, Fat Man... 


FAT: Well, I'm all set for a strike.


PINKY: Yeah? 


FAT: On two counts, Pinky..One with the ball..


(ROLL BALL AWAY FROM MIKE)

(PINS FALLING, OFF) 


PINKY: (LOW) Lucky shot...


FAT: (LAUGH) Strike one, Pinky..(PAUSE) And you're strike two...


PINKY: (UNCOMFORTABLY) What're you gassin' about? Hey, what's your pitch, Fat Man? You didn't come down here to bowl. 


FAT: That's right..I didn't. (PAUSE) I came down to show you the old family album. 


PINKY: Huh?


FAT: Take a look at these pictures, Pinky..They were taken at the trial of Tony Gates.. 


PINKY: So what? 


FAT: You attended that trial, didn't you?


PINKY: Who says so? 


FAT: Look at the fourth row of spectators..third from the left..Isn't that your ugly pan?


PINKY: What about it?


FAT: Someone knocked off a guy named Hoople because he looked like me. There's only one reason I can think of for someone trying to put me away..you know what that reason is, Pinky?


PINKY: (WORRIED NOW) No, what?


FAT: Revenge. A payoff for a pal. I was the guy who spotted Tony in that tenement before the police closed in. And I was the guy who sent that murderous bum to the chair.


PINKY: What's that got to do with me?


FAT: You must have been a very good friend of Tony's to take a chance attending that trial, Pinky. You're the kind who usually crawls into a hole to avoid any contact with the law...


PINKY: (UP) Are you tryin' to pin that Hoople rap on me? 


FAT: Well, you attended the funeral, didn't you? Why?


PINKY: (SNARLING) Because I don't like you, that's why! 


FAT: How much don't you like me, Pinky? Enough to knock me off?


PINKY: (FLUSTERED) Now wait a minute..


FAT: (DRILLING IN) Maybe I don't have final proof, liverlips..but at least I've got a motive and some pictures! The boys down at headquarters may be able to squeeze out the rest!


PINKY: (SHAKILY) I tell yuh you got me wrong! 


FAT: Look at this picture again, Pinky! How about this tenement house?..Look - Do you recognize it? Do you..(BREAKS OFF, SUDDENLY) Hey - that house..and that restaurant underneath! Now it makes sense! Now I remember... 


McKENZIE: (OFF..YELLING) Brad! Look out!


(TERRIFIC CRASH OF BOWLING BALL, ON MIKE, WITH)


LAURA: (OFF SCREAMING) Let go of my arm, you lousy flatfoot!


MCKEN: (COMING ON STRUGGLING) Don't make me tie you up like a pretzel, baby! Now you'd better relax!


FAT: Thanks for the warning, Mac.. 


MCKEN: Good thing I showed up on time. She was trying to heave that bowling ball right through your head! 


FAT: That sort of ties up all the loose ends, Laura...Mac - take a look at the clipping in this book.


MCKEN: Yeah? 


FAT: Do you see that cafeteria on the ground floor underneath the tenement? 


MCKEN: Isn't that the house where we grabbed Tony Gates?


FAT: Yes..And if you remember, I was going in first to smoke him out...Laura spotted me..and she pulled a faint in front of the restaurant to stall for time...It didn't do her boy friend any good, though..We nabbed him anyway.. 


MCKENZIE: And she's probably been looking for a chance to square accounts with you ever since... 


FAT: How about it, Laura?


LAURA: Get lost, Fatso! 


FAT: Frankly, I didn't suspect her at first, Mac - until I remembered that cafeteria..and saw how close it was to the house where Tony was nabbed. It might have been very uncomfortable for Pinky here...if Laura hadn't tried to crease a new bowling alley along the upper side of my skull...


PINKY: (SHAKILY) Listen...I'm in the clear, see? Sure she was Tony's chicken..but I didn't know you was even dead until she told me about the funeral!


LAURA: Why, you - you double-crossing..


FAT: I'm not dead, Pinky...As a matter of fact, I'm not even on my way out.... 


MCKENZIE: But this dame is! Okay, Laura...


LAURA: (LEAVING MIKE..ANGRILY) Stop pushing me or I'll spit in your eye! 


FAT: Nice refined type, isn't she..(CHUCKLES)


MCKENZIE: What are you laughing at?


FAT: This is the first time I've ever gotten myself as a client, Mac..You suppose I could take the fee off my Income Tax... 


(MUSIC: CURTAIN)


CLOSING COMMERCIAL:


ANNCR: (OVER MUSIC) The Fat Man will return in just a moment.


1ST ANNCR: What cigarette do you smoke, Doctor? 


2D ANNCR: That question was asked of doctors in every branch of medicine, doctors in all parts of the country. 


1ST ANNCR: What cigarette do you smoke, Doctor?


2D ANNCR: The brand named most was Camel! Yes, according to this recent nationwide survey, more doctors smoke Camels than any other cigarette!


1ST ANNCR: Camel's costly tobaccos are properly aged and expertly blended for your smoking enjoyment. Make the sensible cigarette test..not just a puff, not just a sniff. Smoke Camels for thirty days and see how mild, how flavorful, how enjoyable a cigarette can be! 


SINGERS: How mild,

How mild, 

How mild can a cigarette be?

Make the Camel thirty-day test

And you'll see ..

Smoke Camels and see!


1ST ANNCR: Now here's The Fat Man with a special message.


(MUSIC: FAT MAN THEME AND FADE.)


FAT: As a tribute to the men and women who have served our country, the makers of Camels send gift cigarettes each week to hospitalized servicemen and veterans.


ANNCR: This week the Camels go to: Veterans' Hospitals, Outwood, Kentucky, and Hines, Illinois...U. S. Army Station Hospital, Stewart Field, New York...U.S. Naval Hospital, Oakland, California. 


The Camel people have now sent more than one hundred and ninety-four million cigarettes to servicemen, servicewomen and veterans.


(MUSIC: CAMEL THEME...FADE OUT UNDER...CUSHION. . . .)


CONOVER: Jot this down in your memory, friends: next Friday and every Friday evening thereafter---at this time and over these stations, the makers of Camels will bring you - Dick Powell - starring in his great new mystery show - Richard Diamond - Private Detective. Intensely exciting, romantic - a brand new note in he-man adventure. You'll enjoy every story in the new series Camel Cigarettes are bringing you -- Dick Powell, starring in Richard Diamond -- Private Detective. Plan to be with us next week, and every Friday night, for Dick Powell as Richard Diamond. 


VINES: (TWO SECOND PAUSE)..This broadcast concludes Camel's series of The Fat Man, starring J. Scott Smart. The Fat Man will be heard Wednesday nights over most of these stations beginning next Wednesday, January third.


Tonight's program was directed by Clark Andrews. The music was under the direction of Bernard Green. 


(MUSIC: CAMEL THEME..CUSHION..THEME FADE AND OUT . . .)


MUSIC: CAMEL THEME CONTINUING UNDER:. . . .) 


ANNCR: Listen, next week and every Friday for Dick Powell as - Richard Diamond - Private Detective.


ANNCR: Men, pack your pipes with Prince Albert. The rich flavor and natural fragrance will tell you why P.A. is America's largest-selling smoking tobacco! Prince Albert's choice tobacco is specially treated to insure against tongue bite and it's crimp cut to smoke cool and even. Get Prince Albert..it's the National Joy Smoke!


(MUSIC: CAMEL THEME CONTINUING UNDER:. . . .) 


(MUSIC: BOARD FADE:. . . . . . .)


ANNCR: Don't forget to tune in to the Fat Man next Wednesday night. THIS IS YOUR FBI - the official broadcast from the files of the FBI - follows immediately. Stay tuned. 


(TWO SECOND PAUSE)


This program has come to you from New York. 


(TWO SECOND PAUSE)


THIS IS....THE AMERICAN BROADCASTING COMPANY.

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