Do you know
how to almost drown
well?
Start with an impressive dive.
Swim deeper or farther
underwater
than ever before.
Something catches you--
in your bluegreen peace--
unawares.
An ocean current pushes you
under a rock ledge
you can't escape.
A friend, playfully, pulls you down.
Or pushes.
Peace becomes panic and
your heart is desparate.
Your mind clutches
but cannot grasp.
One time you confuse up and down,
swim madly towards the bottom.
At another, your world is only
an irresistable tugging
on your foot.
Your hands pull through water
as if your life depended on it.
It does.
You kick like anywhere is better
than nowhere.
Then, gasping.
You suck water into your lungs
as if it is life.
And it is.
That's the second surprise.
Out of fear,
you pull the water in.
It doesn't matter
why you breathe underwater.
Fear passes.
Panic returns to a deeper peace.
Your eyes searching upwards,
enclosed in a quiet blackness,
no fear in this dark. No struggle.
When you stop fighting,
the current relents. You drift.
Your friend lets go when you
let go.
The body floats to the surface on its own.
You aren't worried
about seeing
when you don't need
escape.
The water knows
which way
is up.
You wonder, and in this awed stillness,
ask, in a totally new way,
if it is worth going there.
Immersed within a moment
embraced within you,
is there anywhere to go?
There is no almost
in doing anything
well.
You already drown in
what drowns in you.
Copyright 2007 Todd Mertz