Craving, aversion, and delusion are called The Three Poisons in Buddhism. Along with a psychological perspective that incorporates biology, this categorization points out a simple way of understanding dissatisfaction along with the path out of or through dissatisfaction. In the past, the human desire to appreciate others and be appreciated has confusedly been described as selfishness. When the desire to be appreciated is demonized, we lose motivation for acting compassionately with and for others. This absolutist/Calvinist approach to morality is emotionally stifling and largely inaccurate or incomplete.
Biologically, we can say that arousal (the basic vitality or movement involved with having a functioning nervous system) predicates and allows for awareness. Building upon awareness, acceptance of reality as reality allows for intentional action. When action is based in awareness without acceptance, it is less intentional or unintentional. Because humans are capable of imagining infinities of alternatives to how things actually are, acceptance can be very difficult for us. Sometimes we need to put effort and intention into acceptance, we need to make acceptance conscious, chosen, in certain circumstances.
The opposite of acceptance is denial. Denial here implies a certain amount of awareness as in the situation where someone denies being an alcoholic. If alcoholism isn’t part of a person’s awareness, it cannot be denied. Instead of intentional, life-affirming, positive actions, reluctance and delusion follow from denial. Without acceptance, human behavior tends to be unintentional or actively reluctant or deluded. Such behavior tends to be impulsive–or compulsive–and wearisome.
Denial is based in adulterated awareness. Awareness is adulterated–muddied or confused–by clinging. With a positive feeling-tone, clinging can be experienced as caring. When we care for someone, we usually want better for them than what random chances might bring. In such cases, partially because of care, we may be motivated to deny reality in this person’s favor. For example, if we do not want a friend to “look bad” in front of others, we may try to help him by denying his alcoholism along with him. “He doesn’t usually drink this much.” Care is not the problem here; connecting care to delusion is the problem. When we deny, we try to put something (alcoholism) out of our mind either by not thinking about it or by refusing to recognize it as real when we are aware of it. “It’s not really that big of a problem.”
I would say that both craving and aversion are types of clinging. In both cases, we’re attached to an illusory outcome or image–getting what we don’t have or being away from something we’re not separated from. While anticipation can be enjoyable, I’ll speak of craving as anticipation without enjoyment. Craving lends itself to psychological suffering even though it may be an evolutionary adaptation. It may help with survival (like craving food when we’re hungry) but not with psychological wellbeing (easier to be content with a full belly).
The healthy progression then is from arousal through awareness, through acceptance, and into affirmative action. The unhealthy progression occurs when arousal is directed through craving or aversion and into delusion. In deluded mental states, reluctance is experienced in one form or another. We cling to a favored illusion rather than facing reality. While craving and aversion lead to denial, reluctance, and delusion, awareness and acceptance open the door to mindful appreciation and engaged activity.
Copyright Todd Mertz