Angry yoga begins with the union of anger and openness and progresses into the union of human complexity and clarity.
1. There are many types of anger. While anger has a place in a healthy life, hatred does not. Hatred rots the person who hates as well as creating suffering for those near that person. Hatred may be hardest on the individual who hates, it may be hardest on whoever is hated, and it may be hardest on those who are closest to us. It is possible to feel anger without hatred.
2. There is a difference between being an angry person and feeling angry. Part of this work is separating the feeling of anger from an unchanging belief that mistakenly portrays the person as being and remaining an angry person. It is possible to feel anger without always feeling angry.
3. The methods of directing one’s mind may be simplified into two essential methods. The first method is to allow attention to flow, to move, to be not-stuck. The second method is to focus or concentrate, to be precise with one’s attention. Either of these methods, when applied skillfully, will address nearly any situation. But due to one’s personal characteristics and familiarity with these methods, it is better to apply one method or the other in certain situations. It is possible to choose how one addresses anger in different situations.
4. Every system that teaches meditation incorporates breathing. Placing one’s attention on the breath is a powerful method for directing awareness. Since the breath changes when one’s physical state changes, becoming aware of the breath can teach us to become more aware of ourselves. Since we are always breathing, it is always possible to use awareness of the breath as a means of remembering ourselves, even when angry. If am awake and breathing, I have some control over what I do.
5. Every noticeable change of one’s physical state affects both the heart and the muscles. Chronic anger has negative effects on both. Just as our breath can tell us something about ourselves, our heart and muscles can tell us something about ourselves. We have more control over our muscles than over our breathing and more control over our breathing than over our heart function. By paying attention to heart, breathing, and muscles, we learn to appreciate different degrees of control, and we get a sense of what the mind can and cannot do alone. It is possible to increase one’s degree of control and health at the same time.
By exploring these five possibilities together, chronic anger can be met head on, and people dealing with chronic anger can develop flexibility, openness, understanding, acceptance, concentration, flow, relationship, centeredness, and balance. As these characteristics develop, psychological space is created in which both joy and serenity are allowed to arise naturally.
Men cannot live well on anger alone.
If there’s peace on one side and humor on the other side–and think about this, see if you think that’s true–why ride the fence?
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Walking Through
Following are some of the questions people have been able to ask themselves in the moment when they feel angry. Since most chronic anger tends to be habitual--sometimes chronic anger can be seen as more systemic or reasonable--most of us can find that two or three of these questions are most often relevant when our individual and habitual anger is sparked. Sometimes asking a few of these questions in a row suggests a way to begin moving one's thinking forward rather than feeling stuck or unable to move due to over-focusing. By contemplatively exploring anger rather than immediately trying to control it, we create the mental space for learning how to influence and direct our responses rather than trying to control our emotions. With habitual anger, we practice creating a deluded sense of the world that justifies habitual anger. When we can separate the emotion from violent reactions and separate the emotion from deluded justifications, the emotion can remain as "infinite energy". In Chogyam Trungpa's words, "Anger without hatred is the energy for compassion." When we allow ourselves to hate, we chain our compassion and sense of righteousness to delusion.
Anger that is free of hostility may be valuable. Does this anger come with hostility?
Anger with a purpose may be valuable. Does my anger have a direct purpose? Is my purpose harmful?
Did the purpose exist before this anger, or did this anger come before I connected a purpose to it?
Is this anger protective of myself or others? If so, how?
Is this anger a reaction to fear, sorrow, loss, isolation, betrayal, or pain?
If I could feel something other than anger right now, what would I want that to be?
What do I actually want right now?
If someone was here to help me, who would I want to be here? How would they help?
Is someone intentionally trying to hurt me? Am I in danger?
Is someone cheating or being hypocritical?
Will I be able to laugh at myself about this tomorrow? Can I laugh about it today?
If I could say anything right now, what do I most want the people around me to know?
If the situation that is provoking anger were to improve in three very small ways, what would change? If this situation were to improve significantly, what would change? What can I do to improve this situation?
If there is nothing I can do to change the situation, how do I want to feel?
Do I want to attack, defend, or withdraw? Are there other options?
Am I motivated by helping myself, helping others, or gracefully mastering or improving the situation? Where is my heart? Where do I want to establish my heart, the center of my motivations? How much do I mean it? How long may it take to do so? Will I begin now?
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What Needs to Change
1. Perfectionism. Pursuing perfection is different than pursuing excellence. Chasing perfection is a sure way to make frustration one of the most predictably consistent parts of life. Pursuing excellence is different than constantly expecting excellence. Realistic expectations are a sign of groundedness and intelligence. Improvement is a process, not a gift.
2. Criticism. Criticism that does not lead to improvement just spreads the stink. Like so much with anger, it is not criticism that is problematic, it is making criticism overblown that is problematic. Ask yourself if it might help to criticize less often. When you choose to offer criticism–either to yourself or to others–check to see if it is understandable and functional. Criticism marks a desire for improvement. Ask yourself whether by criticizing you are improving your situation or not. If not, stop.
3. Reactivity. Anger usually leads guys into blowing up, “losing it” in some way, or coldly walking up to and over some edge. The cold anger may look different, but it is just as abrupt when the edge is reached. Working on reducing reactivity is key. Instead of reactivity, work on developing a feeling of dignified maturity and proportion.
4. Speed. For some types of anger, slowing down alone will take care of many of the problematic results. Pay attention to ways which you can slow down during your day, even if that means only allowing your thoughts and emotions to move more slowly or taking the time for a few deep, relaxing breaths. Sometimes march if it fits, but sometimes stroll.
5. Isolation. Even though almost everyone needs time alone in order to find peace, many angry men spend far too much time alone. Spending too much time alone often means they don’t develop the skills to communicate complex emotions and the determination to stick with other people while they’re working through and with their emotions. The role that isolation plays in your life must be considered.
6. Enjoyment. It is impossible to be angry and joyful at the same time. Consider how much time has been spent gaining expertise in angry responses versus how much time and attention has been spent on joy and enjoyment. If you’re an angry expert, congratulations! That means that you can gain expertise in certain emotions. Try gaining expertise in joy and expertise in precisely when and how to respond with anger as well as when not to respond in anger. If you’re better at anger than at joy, you may not have a very balanced perspective on how to choose. First try allowing yourself more enjoyment. Play.
7. Righteousness. Every moral system I’ve seen talks about humility as a virtue. Some also see anger, when used appropriately, as a virtue. If you don’t have a feeling for humility, then you may be tying your anger to a false sense of righteousness. If you have chained your sense of righteousness to your anger, you are not creating righteousness. You are developing moral hatred. If righteousness is important to you, ask yourself: besides anger, what are other–perhaps more important–expressions of righteousness?
8. Seriousness. Chances are, you’d enjoy lightening up. There is a time and a place for focus, but if you’re always focused, that hypervigilance will wear down your body and your sense of concentration eventually, maybe as hypertension or ulcers or a heart attack and maybe as some form of burnout. If always focusing on achieving something has made you chronically angry, then it has also taken away from the depth and meaning of your successes. If you can’t laugh at yourself, life is a long, rough road. Give yourself a break.
9. Appreciating others. Whether this is something you do or something you want to do, it is always possible to improve your sense of appreciation. Learning to appreciate others more and more has positive benefits in nearly every aspect of life. People are more fun when they aren’t just seen, and treated, like a pain in your ass. Your ass isn’t that special.
10. Flow. Anger is a stuck emotion. It can help us focus on what needs to be done. But when anger becomes too much, it is a prison cell–for some people literally, and for others, figuratively. Any emotion at its simplest is energy. Any energy that does not flow can turn into a significant problem under adverse circumstances. Flow. Energy that flows feels and looks something like grace. Angry guys tend to be passionate guys. If they and the people around them can recognize that, they don’t need to be dangerous, and they can limit their anger. If you’re only expressing your passion as anger and lust, you’re selling yourself short. Learning how to express your passion allows flow.
11. Competitiveness. Anger is always directed at something, and sometimes that thing is a someone. Many times when this is the case, it is either due to not knowing how to be competitive in a friendly manner or to letting friendly competition go too far. Competitiveness especially fits with seriousness and righteousness. It’s good to be aware of whether we’re just taking something too seriously or if there is a righteous component in our competitiveness. In the same way that anger often motivates people to stand up for what they believe is right, competition can be important for motivating us to improve ourselves and have fun with others. The key is to not let fun and improvement spill over into anger and hatred.
12. Alcohol and caffeine usage. This one is pretty straightforward. Alcohol reduces inhibition and also a sense of mature responsiveness. It encourages us to react more impulsively. Caffeine, on the other hand, can increase mental focus and physical arousal and tension. When consistently angry folks stay consistently focused and tense, explosions are just around the corner.
Copyright 2007 Todd Mertz