after a few years away, 'In Bed With Medinner' returns
in a new format, but with the same old gags. Quickly
zapping into a job about the Welsh, Bob tells us his
mum is Stella Rimington (now that's a name from
the past.... http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stella_Rimington)
and introduces the Magic Microwave. Quite how Medinner
got recommissioned after three years, I'm not sure,
but the writing and presenting here is pretty much on
Bit of a cracking clip to begin the series- a Paramedic
who really looks forward to major accidents. "Yes!
Yes! We're going to have some serious stitching up here!"
Bob reflects, as he stitches up the paramedics, erm,
stitching up a middle aged man who is totally nonplussed
at his heavily bleeding head. There's a great moment
when Bob clocks that the guy, who has been attacked
with an iron bar, is still dancing to the distant sound
of music playing in the pub!
to part two, Bob tackles religion by looking at a house
of Christians who are looking for a new housemate- hopefully
a Christian too. The prospective flatmates are generally
a bit odd- Bob gets a few laughs from the person who
seems to be after a four-in-a-bed with the Christians,
and eventually they find a nice young girl to move in
to a couple of weeks later. Oasis blares out from her
room, there's a 'Trainspotting' poster on her wall,
and her 'special friend' is sleeping in her bed- but
the Christians are sure that he's just poorly- well,
that's the reason they give for the late-night noises
and screams coming from her room....
The Health Show
Bob has been out with a model who has no arms, gets
a bit of soreness in the back of his legs, and has been
having a bit of grief trying to dump Nicole Kidman.
A great Kula Shaker joke heads us into one of Bob's
progs, London Tonight visiting the Natwest Tower which
was ripped apart by an IRA bomb. Michael Heseltine is
there, waiting to press the button which will turn on
the Christmas Lights set up on the building. Cue two
trumpeters announcing.... no lights. Nothing. The camera
fixes on the building, and waits... waits... waits to
no avail. Bob urges Alistair Stewart to fake an excuse,
and AS mutters 'What a splendid sight... that is....
going to be...' and urges the viewers to write in and
complain! It's a fairly amusing clip that allows Bob
to riff on the nature of how precise TV is, and how
when things go wrong they are completely thrown and
professionalism goes out the window completely.
into part two, and in my opinion this is where Medinner
really starts building into a cult classic. 'Stay Alive'
aka ''The Health Show' is a slice of amazing 70s television.
Presented by 'a fat Northerner' the style of the programme
is at real odds with modern television making- and Bob
loves dissecting every minute detail of the programme.
Rather randomly, the prog is presented by Colin Welland
who wrote 'Chariots of Fire'. He was also in Z-Cars
and Kes. When Bob tells us this, it seems like he's
running another one of his lines (there's no reaction
from the audience), but in this case, it's all true!
So, on with the clip, and Maggie Makepeace talks about
experiments on monkeys whilst wearing a kaftan. The
monkeys are given electric shocks, and have foot levers
which may or may not turn the shocks off. Her description
of this random experimentation goes downhill from this
point, and we're left wondering what the programme was
actually about- especially when Colin encourages the
audience to down their fizzy drinks before telling them
that they've all just imbibed massive quantities of laxative. Awesome!
Sumo Wrestlers and
of the most legendary and requested episodes here. It
starts interestingly with the only pre-credit sketch
ever seen on the programme- Bob buys some fruit. The
first time I saw this, a few months back, it confused
me. It's obviously a build-up to something, but what,
and why does it need to be pre-credits? Anyway...
reads a poem out to the audience. Cut to a teacher reading
the same poem in class. It's a lovely musing on accepting
and treating people fairly, and goes spectacularly wrong
as she loses control of the class.
to the main draw here- the British Sumo Championships.
The top three to represent the country were drawn from
the three competitors who turned up (true story!) and
brilliant quotes abound- 'I think I'll come in the top
three cos I love eating chocolate and cakes and all
that'. I don't want to spoil this funny as hell episode
with my usual synopsis here- so just watch the clip
with another episode of 'Ghost Files' hosted by the
supremely spooky Billy Roberts (who appears to be on
fire) which sees Roberts investigating 'spooky sweet
smells', Bob rapidly progresses on to the real gem of
this episode- the Great Missenden Riots. Bob starts
by saying he gave a young lad a break and let him do
the voiceover- it's Danny Baker- a nice in-gag as if
you read my exclusive interview with the mighty Bob
you'll see Medinner kind of came about due to Danny
Ghost Files and
the Great Missenden Riots
On to the documentary- which seems to recall a
few of www.medinner.co.uk's nights out- it begins with a recap
of a specific night of violence between the two gangs.
60 arrests, 29 convictions, the police sealing off the
village, the scene set is one of a place out of control,
terrorised by.... well, it wouldn't just be 'four little
herberts', would it? Supremely funny, a great look at
a documentary crew trying to make something look much
more exciting than it actually is.
Heavy Metal Documentary and
Knife Etiquette: Wrist
Rolex is knackered, and he questions the whole concept
of Kinder Eggs- if there's a 'surprise inside' and you
know it's going to be a toy, where's the flaming surprise
then? Starting with a crime appeal programme featuring
a pretty young Penny Smith (GMTV) which ludicrously
asks viewers to identify rioters from an aerial shot,
Bob has a proper laugh at a full-scale riot. As
much as this clip recalls the earlier Medinner stuff
like the fighting sticks, the second clip brings us
something new. Danny Baker, who was sort of responsible
for Medinner in the first place, narrates a black and white documentary about heavy metal
fans. Focused on a top metal club that attracts atomic
scientists who turn up with pretend guitars, the documentary
is an absolute gem of a find. Lines like "A thousand
people a night pack into this disco" (two), "Jimi
Hendrix", and "I've left it a bit too late"
make this a real must-see episode.
Part two then,
and Bob is writing a letter to a mystery celeb (there's
a reveal after the main prog) when he notices we've
returned from the ad break which surely featured ads
for gay chatlines (it usually did, remember?). With
loads more to pack into the episode, there's no 'Casualty
Location Man' or books written by Bob, and he's straight
into a clip about self defence. Kelly Warden, who looks
a bit like a beaver and uses interesting typefaces takes
us to his back bedroom and educates Bob in 'knife etiquette'
and 'wrist manipulation'. A cracking episode which
sees Bob on top form. It's interesting to note that
there's enough material in this episode for at least
two full episodes with padding, but the Medinner team
keep on packing it all in to create the funniest collection
of clips they can. Good work people!
Pet Psychic and
another idiotic psychic programme. It's funny to think
that now, in 2008, there are still loads of this sort
of programme on Sky. It's a simple gag- the psychic
can tell callers if their pets are having an affair.
Bob quips on farting during the title sequence, the
presenter's zebra skin trousers, and the slightly creepy
nature of the psychic. The callers are legendary- a
caller who found her cat in a dustbin and calls it Bosnia,
a woman with big breasts- all easy pickings for Bob,
who is on fire in this episode.
to the second clip, there's a bloke hiding from the
police in a loft. The malandrist voiceover woman tells
us that the 'burly police officers' don't want to go
up, so they call in a female dog handler and her alsatian.
The dog doesn't want to go up, so things get really
the ad break, there's a surprise return to the police
dog- and eight minutes of the coppers trying to get
the dog back out of the loft...
for the Dodo and
A Few Lonely Hearts
probably had more emails asking for this episode than
any other- and at last I have got it! So on to the programme...
which starts with a few Les Dennis gags, then moves
on to what we've all been expecting since Medinner started-
a transsexual. Looking like Harold Steptoe in a dress,
'she' puts sausages on the main presenters belly, and
relates 'her' plans to recreate the Dodo using turkeys
and Dodo bones. No, i'm not making this up! Oops, I forgot
to say that there's a short clip of Tony Fisk but that's
just 'hard luck' (watch the clip to see what I'm on
After the break Bob looks at a few lonely
hearts. Single blokes in bedsit rooms with shabby furnishings
and no chance of future happiness. Hmmn, I think I know
exactly the person.... ;-)
Essex FM with Robbie Dee and
Force: No Cycling
showcases Bob's feud with The Prodigy, recounts his
punch-up with Grant and Phil from Eastenders, and allows
him to tell us he's "a very good friend
of Kate Moss" despite the fact that he's not a
drug-addled third-rate indie singer. Bob's then off
to the very local radio station 'Essex FM' where Robbie
Dee is, in a Bob style, out and about. After a brief
examination of the body language of the slightly frightening
presenter (who has the stereotypical face for radio)
the cameras track to Robbie who's trying to find Walsingham
Road. After asking lots of pedestrians, it kind of dawns
on us viewers that a roving reporter needs two things:
a map that works, and a bit of common sense. Robbie
Dee has neither, and shows this by finding the wrong
house. The 'reveal' at the end of the segment is absolute
comedy genius- there's no predicting what happens! The
extended sketch Bob performs later in the prog spoofs
Robbie Dee perfectly- watch out for it.
a bit more Essex FM to come, with a great piece to camera
from a female presenter who unbelievably works 23 hours
a day. Bob's mate Kevin Costner gets a brief mention,
then there's a documentary featuring Bob's old Police
Division. Bob gets carried off pissed from his "Police
Academy", and then the previous nights 38 Campari
and Lemonades take their toll. Basically the trainee
officers are really crap, and this gives Bob the chance
to take the piss out of them mercilessly. There's a
great bit when a piss-poor copper tries to tell a young
woman that she can't cycle on the pavement, then lets
her cycle off, then the coppers go into a graveyard....
December 2015: this episode has now been found! Uploaded to YouTube by Alltheworlds Astage
review is going to be a bit short, because I only have
12 mins of the episode! Silas is a guy called Billy
Roberts, who is 'genuinely posessed by spirits from
another world', in the words of Millsy. This pretty
much means that Billy, who is Jewish and from London,
is posessed by unlikely spirits from the East End of
London, who are also Jewish- although the spirit of
Silas is from Egypt... Anyway, another spirit eventually
turns up, a London entertainer who is also Jewish and
goes to Catford Dog Track to watch horse racing- as
Bob points out, there's been no horseracing there since
1832. Anyway, the spirit doesn't have a clue who the
most successful jockey of the time was, and becomes
very unimpressive rapidly.
Bob ends the episode
talking about his time in the SAS.
The Guy Who Measures Things and
'Me Son's a Grass'!
classic clips featuring two unique people. The first
clip is of a man with a hobby- he enjoys measuring things.
From viaducts to the distance between sleepers in a
railway tunnels, there is nothing too boring for this
bloke to find incredibly interesting. Bob is more bemused
than anything else, and I can't blame him! The second
clip starts with a white haired old gent showing the
camera a photo of his son as a baby in an incubator.
He says "If I what he was going to do to his family
I'd have smothered the bastard." Turns out his
old man has put a £10,000 contract on his head
because he's found out he's a Police informer. His wife
wants to keep a photo of her son in the house, but her
husband is upset. How can they compromise, Bob ponders?
I won't spoil the surprise- but it's unbelievably funny!
There are some Yogic Flyers after the break, but nothing
can be as funny as the angry Mancunian who hates his
Dance for Jesus and
now and again Medinner hits a run of a couple of crackingly
good episodes- and following the excellent ep11 comes
this classic. Starting off with a couple of excellent
gags and a great magic microwave skit, Bob tells us
he had nothing to do with making 'Noel's House Party'
before gliding into the first clip.
you can't dance don't try" says Bob. The clip is
about a bunch of believers who are 'really handsome'
and play twister for Jesus. Kula Shaker gags and granny
toppling add to the general hilarity, and Bob spots
Lulu in the Churce, as well as Eric Morecambe. The clip
ends with one of Bob's best spots- Christian businessmen
who are 'dancing like dickheads for Jesus'. On to Credo,
which did have an amazing theme tune. Bob rocks out
to it, and then we're back to the first clip for an
the break, the legendary phrase 'Banana Queer' comes
into play. Bob heads up to Middlesborough, where the
cops are interviewing a bloke who has been picked up
for kerbcrawling. His conversation with the copper is
really odd, he seems to be asking for humiliation and
Bob suggests that he's probably getting quite turned
on. Cut to a pissed up bloke wearing chinos who is getting
a bit teary, and the episode's almost over...
Christmas Coppers and
Fell Out of a Plane
episode contains several key elements: drunk people,
accidents, and verbal nonsense. As such, it is something
of a classic! The episode begins with Bob recounting
a night out with the Prodigy, and how he shouted abuse
at Sheryl Crow. He also labels Alanis Morrisette as
a malandrist. Cut to Liverpool, snow on the ground,
and a drunkard who has narrowly avoided being hit by
a bus. The copper talking to him decides to arrest him,
which leads the guy to 'arrange' an accusation of police
brutality- all live on camera, obviously.
Ice Cream Wars and
Big Cat Chasers
details to come.
How to Pass a
fantastic VT-based comedy from Bob. Keen fans of s4
will recognize the potential comedy gold whenever Bob
digs out an old beauty contest. No gags or setups are
really needed, the clips are just so damn funny themselves.
episode begins with yet another visit to some coppers
on patrol. They pull over a drunk driver, breathalyze
him, and try to arrest him. After telling the driver
he's arrested and going to be taken to the station,
the driver tries to confuse the coppers with his illogical
on to the great "Miss TV Times". Talk about
low budget! Filmed ostensibly in a pub by a Millsy lookalike
and featuring Bernard Manning as announcer (how random
is that!?), the contestants are the usual selection
of wonky-eyed freaky-haired gimpesses. From the super
promotion girl who works 'not so far abroad' in Wigan
(imagine trying to promote Wigan mind!), to the big-headed
Eccles girl who may or may not drink her own pee, and
the lesbian Greek/ Polish girl- these girls are real
winners. This episode leaves www.medinner.co.uk
rather bemused at times!
Mr W**ker the Farmer (A Room With Two Views)
with a short clip of a motorway police patrol clearing
up an accident, in which Bob uses the classic line "They
have their own specific rhyming slang" which naturally
is followed by the voiceover saying "This is what
they call a rear-end shunt", this episode keeps
the main clip hidden during the introduction. With the
fairly low-key start to the programme, Bob surprises
the viewers with not only one of the best clips ever
featured on the prog, but one of the most smug, self
satisfied, ignorant, idiotic people ever seen on TV.
Farmer Bill Weeks is pitted in a conversation with Juliet
Gellatley, a vegetarian who normally would be edited
to show her as a bit of a right-on hippy, if normal
TV standards apply. But the farmer, who is a bit of
a Kelly, is impossible to show in a good light,
Yeah, he's a farmer and relies on the consumption of
animal flesh to earn his EU subsidies, but when the
lovely but a bit ginger Juliet describes the horrific
conditions that chickens endure in battery farms, his
response, that its okay to keep them in this manner
because 'they're with all their friends!' shows just
how much of a Kelly he actually is! Of course,
Bob doesn't help much, referring to Juliet's observation
that the chickens are kept in cages the size of small
microwaves by noting that this is simply market economics-
any larger and the chicken wouldn't fit in his cooker.
to David Boothroyd
who emailed me the following information:
The farmer guy who didn't like Muselly in s3 ep16 is called Bill Weeks and
comes from Seahouses in Northumberland. He's also a local councilor:
(link dead as of 2015, but Weeks still seems to be active
up in Northumberland in his 90s and has been a real friend to his local community)
He first fought for a seat on the council because he objected to the charge
of 20p for public lavatories.
His opponent in the debate was Juliet Gellatley:
A couple of interesting links- especially Juliet's wiki page. Thanks mate!
here to watch "Mr
here to watch "Mr
In School and
Bus Driver Magician
purpose of Medinner is to find archaic clips and mock
them, relating modern viewpoints to old concepts of
programme-making. 'In School' features the fly on the
wall style of documentary making that is still embraced
by many modern conceits. The clip opens with a number
of pupils rolling in late to school- nowt different
there then... apart from the excuses. Medinner.co.uk
remembers saying that a grandparent had taken poorly,
or the alarm clock had failed to go off, but these pupils
are inventive: 'had to carry heavy bag' (fair enough),
'rescued cat from tree' (arguably complete bullshit),
'put cat up tree' (absolute genius riposte!) The clip
continues with a confession from a schoolboy that really
places it in early 1990s popular culture- a lad is chided
for telling a teacher to 'suck his plums'; regular readers
of Viz circa 1990 will recognise this!
jumps rather than segues into 'Bus Driver Magic' where
a Northern bloke tells about how he has learned fairly
inventive magic tricks to impress his passengers. What
programme was this on? Has there ever been a series
on bus drivers who have additional skills beyond PSV
and HGV capabilities? Who knows.
two is the classic 'Aaaaaaabingdon' clip. An inebriated
rocker, a bus stop, a policeman- pure Medinner enjoyment.
Again, as I watch and review these- what flamin prog
did this come from Bob???
The Most Blinkyingest
Person Awards and
The World Disco
Dancing Championship (NW)
episode starts off and seems a little bit uninspiring
at first. Let's face it, a gag about a woman who blinks
quite a lot and a fairly mundane visit to coppers undertaking
a drugs raid in Lincoln are hardly likely to be listed
amongst any top ten 'best Medinner clips ever'. But
Bob and co never give up, and rather than have a wholly
substandard episode, they pull a really great clip out
of the bag: "The World Disco Dancing Championship
(North West Final)". Hosted by Simon Bates and
with a stellar judging panel, Bob finds a clip with
so much to laugh at, and so proceeds to lay the gags
on fast and thick. The clip was obviously so successful
that Bob revisits the programme in s4 ep18 to arguably
greater effect (the clip used in the later episode is
generally funnier, even if he does recycle all of the
best gags from this episode.)
Sorry if you think
I'm far too pensive about all of this, but hell- I own
Medinner.co.uk so I can say what I want!
Chris Serle Investigates... Modelling
the episode, review to come soon...
Vinnie Jones and
the episode, review to come soon...
the episode, review to come soon...
Channel Tunnel and
Depardieu Joins the Vice Squad
the Ghosts of the Ancient Ram
great Spice Girls sex joke kicks the episode off, then
Bob looks at a clip which was recorded when Gerard Depardieu
went undercover with some vice cops. The camera follows
prostitutes as they get arrested along with their potential
clients. "Does your wife know you're here?"
asks the vice cop, "I promise you, Officer, that
I wasn't contemplating paying for sex" replies
the punter, to which Bob ponders whether that means
the bloke was going to do a runner after shagging her.
to more supernatural TV, Bob looks at the "Ancient
Ram Inn" (a great name even before the 'most
haunted house' claims begin to look ridiculous). Looking
like a cross between Lionel Blair, Kevin Keegan, and
an Orc, the Ram Inn owner tells unlikely stories of his
experiences with the ghosts in his building.
two sees a new type of prog; the live hospital documentary.
"Healthwatch Live" was a one-off programme
following the events of the night in a hospital in Manchester.
A road accident, a kid who's banged his head, and an
assault victim are mentioned, then we get into the action.
A boy who has fallen over and not hurt himself at all
is featured, and a girl whose plastered arm was giving
her a bit of gyp so she's returned to get it stretched
out a bit is shown. Exciting stuff eh! Bob's bald sister
Tracy appears to round the programme off to a finish.
'How To Stay Alive' When You've
Got VD and
been reading the manual for his million quid magic microwave
and shows a great trick with a picture of Murray Walker
and a potato. On to the main prog then. Bob introduces
'How To Stay Alive', a decidedly 70's health programme
which tackles an issue that effected Van Gogh, Dostoyevsky,
Schubert, three Popes, and Cleopatra- Venereal Disease.
Introducing a guest in the studio 'who's had it' and
is kind of proud of that fact, Colin Welland starts
this crackingly mad prog. Now, quite often in issue-based
TV programmes, the producers look to explain slightly
complicated issued in innovative and non-literal ways.
Quite why the producers of 'How To Stay Alive' decided
that the best way to explain how VD treatment works
would be to give Maggie Makepeace a selection of firearms
and a puppet theatre, well, that's something Bob ponders
at length here. Lovely dress though Maggie.
keeping with the unhinged first half, Bob introduces
a news show that showcases not only the best presenter
ever, but also three sado-masochists and a selection
of gay Vicars. I've just done a bit of research on Ishmael
Skyes, the main 'perv' in
the clip, and he's a pretty well-known personality on
the 'scene'. Do you know him then Kelly? Bet you do!
Breathe deeply and check out this
link which details some of his, erm, 'achievements'
and seems to be a bit of a desperate attempt to get
Julie Hughes to go out with him if she ever googles
his name! www.medinner.co.uk does not support using
your bottom as a fire door, by the way.
won't give away any more details- just watch the YouTube
clips. You won't be disappointed! This is possibly the
quintessential 'Medinner' episode. Nobody except Bob
could get away with showing two bizarre clips in the
one programme- I think when Dan Clapton, a friend of
the site who worked as a researcher on many of the shows,
says "... obviously we took risks that could never be taken again...
" featuring these clips is part of what he's referring
Taxi Touts and
Proby in 'Blackpool- Las Vegas'
the episode, review to come soon...
The Clocks, Bob
Greaves, and Cardiff Cops
the episode, review to come soon...
the episode, review to come soon...