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Who's the favourite movie star for people named Stuart? 

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Hi people... Hmm... where to start? It has come to my attention that people with the name Stuart (Either spelt like that or Stewart) as afirst or surname have a high probability of being squinty! Coincidence? I think not... Please read below for more information...


One of my friends is called Stuart and yes he is squinty... However in some sort of pre-cognitive move he has removed all bar one of his pictures of from both his myspace and faceparty profiles in the last week or so ... This is the only picture I can find of him online:

 

Agent Smith? Agent Squint more like!

As you can see his rather cool sunglasses hide his squintiness... HOWEVER through modern technology (a pissed Aikon with a camera phone a good while back) I've managed to capture the following photo:

 I'm the fat fuck on the left... No I'm not Pete Doherty (please see "What's Wrong With Society" for more on Doherty and people with the name Peter). Stuart is the one on the right... Clearly Squinty.


So what has all this got to do with people named Stuart being squinty? Well people please read on...


Case Number 1:

  Stewart Lee: Comedian and Comedy Writer

As you can see this fellow is squinty.... For people outside of the UK he's a famous-ish comedian and also co-wrote "Jerry Springer: The Opera). His first name is Stewart and he is squinty. Also someone with the same surname as him is Bruce Lee who is also squinty:

  Bruce Lee: Famous Martial Arts Actor

Although he's squinty he's Oriental so that's perfectly normal and ok!


Case Number 2:

 Stewart White: News Presenter for BBC Look East


This happy chappie is the local news presenter on BBC's Look East, which is the regional news program on BBC 1. Squinty yes?

Case Number 3: 

Stuart Pearce: Former England Football Player and current England U21 Coach

 Ok not a happy chappie in this pic... But he's well known here in the UK.

Case Number 4:

 Stuie Griffin: Baby from Family Guy and extremely evil!

Evil and squinty... also very intelligent... Squintiness and Intelligence close at hand!

Ok so far we have looked at people with the first name being Stuart or Stewart... Let's take a look at people with the surname Stuart (Or Stewart)... Seriously I started this as a piss take but the more I research the more I find that scares me... Take a look at this:

Case Number 5:

 Ivan "Ironman" Stewart" Off Road Racer Champ

Anyone who can remember being a kid in the 80s should remember this game! In the arcade you could have up to 3 players... This game also came out on nearly every computer/console at the time. Maybe he's squinting because of all the dirt and dust being blown up from the track who knows?


Case Number 6:

Martha Stewart: Famous American Housemaking person type thing! Also went to jail for something or other...

 Americans should know who she is... Look on Wikipedia I just can't be arsed to add anything more here! My girlfriend thought of this one!

Case Number 7:

Patrick Stewart: Famous Actor
 
Starting to see a pattern here? Most famous for playing Captain Picard in Star Trek TNG. Maybe squinty due to constant high warp speeds on the Enterprise.
 
Case Number 8:
 

 Jackie Stewart: Former Formula One Champion
 
Possibly squinty due to driving extreme speeds in Formula One with an open cockpit.
 
 Case Number 9:

Rod Stewart: Singer
 
OK there is always an exception to the rule and Rod Stewart is that exception... He's not squinty however here's a picture of him with Jesus from South Park. Enjoy!

 
Rod Stewart (seen here squinty) with Jesus
(poo'ed his pants)
 
 
Case Number 10:
 

 French Stewart: Actor
 
Most famous for playing Harry in 3rd Rock From The Sun. First of all this guy is constantly squinty. I've never understood how people like that can see clearly, as when I try squinting my eyes my vision is blurred.... Seriously how can you see when your eyes are nearly closed???  Secondly what kind of first name is French... He's American though and they do tend to have stupid first names. The gf reminded me of this one as this was originally on the now defunct www.squintyeyes.co.uk.
 
Case Number 11:
 

 Stuart Wilson: Big Brother 5 (UK)
 
Squinty and pretentious fuckwit from BB5. Maybe the constant smug grinning made him squinty.

Case Number 12:
 

Alastair Stewart: Famous UK News Presenter 

Famous news presenter for ITV and also for Police Camera Action! (A TV programme that usually involved police chases). Ironically enough according to Wikipedia: "In 2003 Alastair Stewart's contract to present Police Camera Action! was ended due to a second drink-driving conviction in Winchester, Hampshire." However there was no mention that his squintiness played a factor in it.