A Fictional Rejection Letter

April 1, 2012

Dear Ms. B'Forre:

We regret to inform you that at this time we are not able to accept your novel, Paper Castle, for publishing, as we feel that in its present form, it would not prove profitable for our company. The following are our comments on the manuscript, along with our suggestions:

First, the premise of your story is too original and will not get very far in today's market. Paranormal romance is the current fad, not original fairy tales. 

Also, your theme of right versus wrong is outdated and the reader will not connect to it. We suggest that you give your villain a miserable childhood so that the reader can shift the blame of his actions onto his parents and onto society as a whole.

Finally, we fear that your book is too clean. Nobody will want to read a novel that has no dirty scenes. The modern reader expects some grime. May we suggest that you drop your manuscript into a mud puddle and then mail it back to us?

Ima Paine,
Head of the Department of the Tormenting of Innocent Authors,
AlphaBeta Publishing
Kalamazoo, MI

© Copyright 2011 by Mariah B'Forre

DISCLAIMER: In case you were wondering, this is not supposed to be a satire. It was just an absurd idea that popped into my mind when I inadvertently mixed my dream with a daydream. My life as a writer wriggled into the mess somehow. Interesting things happen when my dreams influence my writing...