McKay/Sheppard AU; G; ~560 words
The humans were being noisy again. Rodney did not approve. Here he was, curled up in the best puddle of sunlight he'd seen for weeks, and he couldn't even fall asleep. It was monumentally unfair; if he were a vindictive sort of cat, he'd be shredding their slippers right now.
Actually, that sounded -
"Rrrrodney!" John said happily, landing on Rodney's belly. "Wake up, Rodney! I found a mouse in the kitchen!"
John's claws were tucked away, thank god, but he was still heavy, and he kept moving. "Off, get off me!" Rodney hissed, batting at John's face and kicking his hind legs out until John got the message and leapt away, curling his tail around his rump as he sat. His eyes were ridiculously green with the sun in them like that, which Rodney thought was just unfair. "Hmph," he said and got up - because he had decided it was time for a snack, and for no other reason at all.
John trotted along next to him, paws clicking against the wooden floors in his trademark tough guy way. While Rodney lapped at the water bowl and ate a few crunchies, he explained, "I think the mouse is dead already. It's stuck behind the fridge by that noisy thing the humans call a 'fen,'" as though Rodney really cared, adding, "I tried to reach it, but I got some weird smelly stuff on my paw."
"Weird smelly stuff?" Rodney asked suspiciously.
The last time John had encountered weird smelly stuff, he'd been shipped off to the vet and come home with half his fur shaved off. He'd moped for weeks and only come out of the laundry nook when Rodney had coaxed him with the promise of illicit catnip. Rodney didn't want to go through that again if he could help it. When John moped, Rodney had no one to nap with.
John twitched his ears agreeably. "It didn't hurt or anything, it was just kind of gross. And it smelt like chemicals."
"You didn't lick it, did you? John, did you? It could be harmful. It could - you could die or," Rodney soft-pawed at John's chin, looking at him from all angles to make sure nothing was out of the ordinary or growing a way it shouldn't, "or turn purple or grow a second tail -"
Purring, John leaned into Rodney, eyes slitting with pleasure when Rodney absently patted him again while looking for a hidden set of gills. "Not stupid, Rodney, don't worry. Washed it off in the water bowl." Rodney froze, and was still working up the proper amount of horror to answer when John touched their noses together sweetly for a chaste kiss, said, "Just kidding," and padded off towards the refrigerator, leaving Rodney to wobble after him in a happy daze.
Later, Rodney would blame his allergies for the fact that he'd nearly walked into a chair leg.
(Later still, after they'd fished the mouse out from behind the fridge and set it carefully in the middle of the living room where the humans could see it, John would bump his head into Rodney's shoulder as the female human shrieked and say, genuinely pleased, "I think she likes it." Rodney, avenged at long last, would bump back, pushing a little harder just to feel John support his weight, and let John have his delusions.)