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Driving Through Roadblocks

posted Mar 11, 2014, 8:51 AM by Lisa Crane   [ updated Apr 21, 2014, 9:21 AM ]

The last time I spoke with my shrink we were discussing my transition and she wanted me to set some firm dates. Well all I could think of is how hard it will be for me to tell my family, hair issues etc. I was putting up roadblocks to my transition, oh they were and still are legitimate roadblocks but I'm finding them to be less and less substantial everyday.

The first and perhaps biggest roadblock I had come to was passable or not, I want to blend in to society not stick out like a sore thumb, even in a short skirt! Well the last year has had me going out and interacting more and more every chance that I get and it just gets better and better. I love just being one of the girls and not having to put on a charade. I had always been told that I was one of those ruggedly good looking guy which is about as far away from feminine as you can be so I would have sworn that I wouldn't pass ever and yet I do.

The second road block was hair, like many other trans-women I had a case of MPB (Male Pattern Baldness) not too severe but it was huge to me! I knew I didn't want to have to wear a wig every day and I used that as an excuse for many years to not move forward with my transition. Not only did that cost me years of potential happiness but it also cost me even more hair follicles! I've now reached the point where if I have to wear a "hair system" then so be it, I won't be the first nor the last lady requiring one. I'm actually quite hopeful that my hair will come back in full and I just love what I have now, it is almost thick enough to get by as is but with Rogaine and prescription drugs I think I may not need hair transplants. I'm fortunate to have extremely thick hair on the sides and back so plenty of follicles for transplants if I need to do that method. Wow, it seems like these roadblocks are pretty easy to got through if you just hit them head on!

My third and one of the biggest roadblocks is telling my family that I'm transitioning and will be named Lisa in the future. I don't have a wife or kids to tell so that is a good thing, I do have four sisters and 2 brothers to tell only one sister and one brother live nearby though so that is good. We aren't a close family but I do try to see my sister at least once a month or so. I have been hiding from her and my brother since I pierced my ears but I'm coming to the conclusion that I don't much care if they see the hair and the earrings. My brother and I don't get along if we're around each other much so losing him won't be too bothersome to me, he does have a four year old niece that I would hate to not watch growing up. Her mother is a tomboy so I hope that I will be the one to turn my niece onto Mac. LOL My brother saw me dressed years ago once when I was only 12 or so and he even told me back then he thought I would have a sex change one day. He's spotted me at a distance a few time as well when I was in my mid twenties so he knows it hasn't gone away and I think when he next sees me with earrings and long hair he'll know the time is nigh! My sister is a fairly religious lady and I have heard her make negative remarks about a girl I went to school with who is now and even back then to some extent a butch lesbian. My sister thought she was a man in the salon and men don't belong in there. I've always been a loner due to my gender issues and I hate the thought of losing what human contact I have with my family I have slowly come to the conclusion that even if I'm rejected I've not lost much as if they can't accept me for me then I don't need nor want them in my life. Recently I found a sister I didn't know I had in Rocky Mount and she and another lady staying with me are all the family that I need in my life they not only love me but accept me in every way. I also consider our sister hood of trans-women to be family as well. I can't say that I've gone through this roadblock yet but I'm going to be hitting it pretty soon now, most likely within a few months. Should someone ask me straight out if I want to be a woman or words to that effect I will not lie about it any longer.
Well other than at work which is my fourth roadblock I'm not sure how to go about broaching the subject with HR nor do I know when to do it. I do know I will do it at some point it's just a matter of timing. I presently plan to only come out at work after my hair has came in and my facial hair is gone. I want to get to the point where it is harder to be appear male than it is to be female. I'm pretty sure the HR person will be against me but his boss will be behind me 100% if not more! I'm not sure about anything else so I do have a lot of planning to do before I hit this roadblock. I'm planning to attend the Keystone Conference and I will be attending the class on coming out at work as well as the one on coming out to your family.  Keystone Conference
Ladies I guess what I'm trying to say is if you know in your heart that you should have been female then don't waste your time get started by seeing therapist NOW don't wait ten years think that it isn't possible for you. I thought that  I could never pass on a daily basis yet I do with ease, I thought my hair would never grow enough to be female that issue will be resolved one way or another. No matter what roadblocks are thrown in your way you CAN drive right on through with a bit of hard headedness and perseverance. It seems to me as I approach what I had thought were roadblocks on my road to happiness once I actually get there they are just little bumps. I'll soon find out if the same can be said about informing my family or not.
Thanks for letting me vent ladies, love ya