November 0003

 


 

WHAT HAPPENED TO REX GORMAN – A THRILLER.

Gorman crouched at the bottom of the cliff on a narrow band of seaweed-slippery rock. This had to be the toughest mission he’d ever undertaken. Tougher than anything he’d ever done in the SAS. Was rescuing the delectable Ms. Pimbleman really worth it? Would even her Creole cooking be worth it? Was it even possible to save her?

Above him towered the bulk of Krak des Scharfs, the sinister castle home of the equally sinister Ropkind Scharf. Beneath his feet the rocks ended in razor sharp edges, the seaweed making them slippery as if covered in oil. To his left and right were terrifying eddies and whirlpools and tidal races. Behind him was only the fwoombing of a treacherous sea. He’d never realized the Caribbean could be so cold. And somewhere out there lurked Oleg Petrovsky, ex-Spesnaz, his rival for the charms of La Pimbleman, and the only other man alive who had cracked the secret code in which she sent her messages from the Krak. Above the roaring of the surf, he fancied he could hear human screams – they couldn’t be from Alphonsine herself could they? Or were they just the gulls?

Krak des Scharfs! He’d managed to find a little information about it. Built as recently as 1974, it consisted of thousand tonne black granite blocks, interlocked, and polished to mirror smoothness, tied together with 20 mm titanium rods. The walls were forty metres high, and the towers at least twice that. That was all Architectural Review could tell him. There was no floor plan available. For the first time in his life, Gorman felt the situation was hopeless. For the first time in his life he felt deep fear.

It had all seemed so promising when he had arrived at the airstrip in Port-au-Prince a couple of days ago. He’d breezed through customs. Getting a taxi to that remote harbour which was closest to the Isle des Phantasmes was a cinch too. But then the problems started. “Find ‘Ti Pierre, and get him to take you out in his boat” they’d said. But ‘Ti Pierre had been slumped in a bar, comatose, when Gorman found him. When Gorman did finally rouse him, ‘Ti Pierre was uncooperative:

“Isle des Phantasmes! You crazy, monsieur! Ropkind Scharf, he live there! La Isle, that one ver’ bad place!”

“That’s who I want” said Gorman.

“You

FREN’ of Ropkind Scharf Monsieur? That the craziest thing I ever hear!”

“Lets just say I’ve got a little score to settle with Dr. Scharf”

“You

ENEMI of Ropkind Scharf? That even mo’ crazy! The leetle feeshes, they waitin’ for you! ‘Ti Pierre, he not goin to no Isle des Phantasmes, not for all the Gourds in Port-au-Prince! You take my advice Monsieur – you go back to your terre, where you safe. That isle, you no unnerstan’, no-one unnerstan Isle des Phantasmes, maybe no Ropkind Scharf ‘imself! An’ crazyman, you want go tonight of all nights! My hougan, he say to me, tonight, the zombie, he ride on the shark, and Monsieur, there plenty hammerhead this time of year. An’ Baron Samedi ‘imself, he live on that island! Baron Samedi he out faire promenade tonight! Baron Samedi he mebbe go out faire pipi on your ‘ead, Monsieur. ‘Ti Pierre, he stay in the bar, drink plenty rum! Mebbe go fish next week, not ‘fore.”

Gorman had never before realized just how much you could need to bribe a truly resolute individual. In ‘Ti Pierre’s case it took 500 grammes of 22carat gold.

“You on your own now, you poor crazy Monsieur. ‘Ti Pierre, he sorry for you. He look for you in his fishin’ nets mebbe next month” had been ‘Ti Pierre’s parting words, as his little boat chugged away.

Coming Soon! Chapter 2!

 

Amazing Discovery in Cheam!

Builders in Cheam, Surrey, England were recently working on an old house. Their works involved excavations in the basement. They found the strange skeleton seen in the photograph below.

 

 

Initially, they reported their report to the Police, reasoning that whatever had happened, and whatever the skeleton was, it was too late to be of much interest to the Ambulance Service. Scotland Yard was baffled, and called in the Science Museum. After lengthy investigations, their Chief Investigator (sites, UK), Andy Gillespie came to certain conclusions which he has revealed exclusively to Wonderful World: “There’s no doubt about it. This is the skeleton of a fairy. As you can see it is a male one, and we estimate it’s been there for about 200 years. It seems to have been badly crushed. This is a sensational first, as no-one has ever found a genuine fairy skeleton before. It’s going to have pride of place in the Science Museum, right next to the Newcomen steam engine. There’ll be a proper announcement in the spring, but for now, I’d like Wonderful World to break the news to everyone”

Thank you Andy.

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