Crossword Clues

Every issue has a fake crossword puzzle with ridiculous clues that make no sense and could never work with the puzzle we put on the page.
Click edit page and add to the list.  Here are some examples.

Below you can contribute to the next issue's crossword.


  1. Make way for _ _ _   _ _ _ protests.
  2. Feelings are this color
  3. Two, To, Too, ____
  4. Ffffuuuu...
  5. "Yeah, I'll have the minestrone" - ________
  6. __________: the same mustard as before.
  7. Does the name _______ ring a bell?
  8. If you don't pay your exorcist , you'll get_________.
  9. Last note of Scherzo No. 9
  10. Feel free to _________
  11. Red onions
  12. More likely
  13. 0x000000004e
  14. Marin Luther's 94th thesis
  15. Therefore, spoon
  16. Subvert adverts
  17. Basement casement
  18. My flagella  brings all the boys to the _________
  19. Be if not but never without which?
  20. Yellow? Discuss. 
  21. Like 11 push-ups 
  22. Something that inexplicably reminds you of cows
  23. What you were going to say, but with more cowbell

  1. "I speak for the fleas!"
  2. Thomas Theodore Wallace Jr.
  3. Uninflammable
  4. The very model of a modern minor general
  5. Is the answer to this clue "No"?
  6. Sic semper fatuis
    1. Note: this means "Thus always to idiots". It is a perversion of what John Wilkes Booth said after shooting Lincoln.
  7. I built that
  8. Elbonian choke hold
  9. Can't find _________
  10. What time is it?
  11. Can't Dutch this
  12. Radio Comptrolled
  13. Cigar pet
  14. Ask and ye shall percieve
  15. Tough and tasteless
  16. Quicksilver, slowgold
  17. When in worry when doubt run in circles scream and ______

Old Crossword Ideas (used)


  1. Neh
  2. Sauce spring
  3. The third clue across
  4. Literal etceteras
  5. The only meerkat in the world
  6. Underthrown
  7. The bird threw clown
  9. I don't know anymore
  10. The thingamabobulator
  11. Midas Well produces _______
  12. Omega is what
  13. What do you call an angry Joe?
  14. The jelly bean dispenser went here.

  1. Fruit of the DOOM
  2. What not to fret about
  3. The third clue down
  4. A knife in my _______
  5. Why for fifty-three years he's put up with it now!
  6. That soul patch
  7. The blue curd town
  8. Overdog
  9. The blurred throwdown
  10. What now, brown cow?
  11. The Answer
  12. Enumerated cookies
  13. Define well-adjusted
  14. If life gives you lemons...


  1. Simultaneous text
  2. Wonder and blunder
  3. Websense Nonsense
  4. Sports Hernia
  5. How often Alex uses Math 
  6. ID'd by the knees
  7. Greek word for "liar"
  8. The official unit for measurement of Cheeto length
  9. Number of hours in 370o F
  10. Legal owner of Neptune
  11. Mouth, esp. sailor's, needs _________
  12. ______________________ing

  1. Axel Rose's current weight
  2. Topsytail
  3. French Algebra
  4. Dain Bramage
  5. Another word for Marxist
  6. 3 down x 8 across - Your age = ?
  7. 45 letter word for "lung disease" (Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis)
  8. Fill in the blank: "I_NY"
  9. 17-letter German word for "this crossword sucks"
  10. He smelt it, thus ________
  11. The Twelfth Reich
  12. P__________-_______m G______ng_______mt

PS: Message from Emmet: I challenge you to find a phrase that actually fits in 12 across. The blanks can be any length and contain any letters. If you find something I will be very surprised.
I thought this site might help us generate funny clues.  If you find others, feel free to add them.

More to fill out issue one or start us off for issue two:

Cee Lo says
Punch out tools
The original CSAP icon
Hike out to lee
That train has sailed
Go and shake a tower
Beavis’ last name
Taboo Tabloid
Pawnshop ettique
The type of snark never to be hunted
The most common misspelling of the the publication's title
This number has the same number of e's as this sentence
On the edge
_________ Street
Emponymous career
Crispy __________ is
What IKR stands for
Jack be ________, jack be quick
Yoble Nuke of Dork
Where the bodies are buried
A Well-Boiled Icicle
Enter your Leek coupon code for a free hint!
________, thus it is Friday
Nor be it ever be it now
Thou buffoon!
I agree, ______________

Below, I uploaded a previous back page to give you an idea of how it might look.  You can see it by clicking "view."
SelectionFile type iconFile nameDescriptionSizeRevisionTimeUser
View Download
  1188k v. 1 Nov 12, 2010, 11:20 AM andrew pfouts