It's inevitable; at some point in your life you'll be a victim to a dog who tries to hump your leg. A stern "Bad Dog!" will usually let the dog know he's barking up the wrong tree so to speak. After it happens you really feel sorry for the poor dog, after all it was just trying to share it's affection . Well there's affection and then there's Hirsh, Allison Margolin's one year old chocolate Lab. or as I like to call him LA's Horniest Lab.
I first met Hirsh soon after his release from doggie boot camp. Allison opened the door and Hirsh pounced on me, doing the "Pet me, pet me, tail wagging out of control" thing. I gladly obliged and that was my first mistake.
Allison and I sat down to discuss the blog. I soon felt Hirsh attempting to pry my legs open; His nose wedged between my knees, his head moving back and forth. "Now. Now Hirshey..." I scolded, "You know better than that. Stop right now!" No dice... Hirsh turned more aggressive and starting using his paws as if digging for a bone. Come to think of it...
Allison couldn't contain a laugh before coming to the rescue with cheezedoodles treats to distract Hirsh, She handed me a box and I winged a several across the living room. Hirsh scooted for them and returned instantly for more. I zinged a few rapid fire, in different directions to confuse LA's Horniest and buy a little time.
"Hirsh is this way with everyone." sighed Allison. She explained how Doggie Boot Camp didn't pan out, and how she and husband Steve have continued to do everything imaginable, short of castration, to moderate Hirsh's behavior.
"Well what do you have planned next?" I asked. "We might try acupuncture, and if that doesn't work maybe we'll get Hirsh a companion." I stared down at Hirsh nuzzeling furiously near my crotch.
I dropped a couple of cheese doodles down by my feet and watched them just lay there. "First things first Allison," I shoved Hirsh away from my groin ..."First this dog needs to get laid." In a flash Hirsh was on the couch behind me, humping my back.
Criminal attorney Allison B Margolin