If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you
Misquotations are the only quotations that are never misquoted.
The KKK say they hate blacks, and Jew's so people around so everyone would like them.
To come up with a bad name, all you need to do is sit down and brainstorm for a few minutes.
To come up with a really horrible name, you need to give a million dollars to a marketing firm.
I want more out of this relationship then I'm willing to put in.
Architecture is the art of how to waste space. - Philip Johnson
Do you suffer from BWDS? ( Bisexual When Drunk Syndrome) Then come on down to Kxpuc's House of Pancakes for your drinking then curing needs
Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse.
Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.
Confusion is always the most honest response.
Failure is not the only punishment for laziness; there is also the success of others.
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
I am drunk. I am so very, very drunk. How did I get drunk? I look at the empty Zima bottle perched in one of my five hands accusingly. That can’t be more than my second one so hows am I’s drunk? I look over at the three Sarah's that are talking to me. Whatta [sic] bitch. She waits till I’m smashed to reveal the fact that she’s triplets. Jeez………it’s like she has no manners. I’m just about to tell her just what I think about her and all her sisters, when all three of their heads swing around simultaneously. Well, that’s just creepy.
BED TIME STORY
One night George W. Bush is tossing restlessly in his White House bed. He
awakens to see George Washington standing beside him. Bush looks up and asks, "George, what's the best thing I can do to help the country ?" "Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did," Washington advises, then fades away.
The next night, Bush is astir again when he sees the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moving silently around the bedroom. Bush calls out: "Tom, what is the best thing I could do to help the country ?" "Respect the Constitution, as I did," Jefferson advises, and then dims from sight.
The third night sleep still evades Bush. He sees the ghost of FDR hovering over his bed. Bush lowers his voice and asks, "Franklin, what is the best thing I could do to help the country ?" In that golden voice of his, FDR replies, "Help the less fortunate, just as I did," and then he disappears.
Bush still isn't sleeping well the fourth night. He tosses and turns, and suddenly another figure moves out of the shadows. It's the ghost of Abraham Lincoln. "Abe," Bush pleads, "what's the best thing I can do right now to help the country ?"
Lincoln pauses, then replies, "Go see a play."