This Sporting Life Questionnaire 1995/1996

Please note that is in no way associated with This Sporting Life, or Triple J, or Roy & HG and has not sought permission to publish the questionnaire below.  Hopefully nobody gives a shit and enjoys this material as entertainment.  See the explainatory notes at the bottom of the page for specific details on how the questionnaire was formulated and what answers are expected.  You will get bugger-all for winning any competition associated with said questionnaire.  These are the actual questions asked on This Sporting Life (TSL) as far as anyone knows, but we've all been wrong before.

Exam Questionnaire 

This Sporting Life (TSL) 1995 – 1996

  1. How is Simmo dressed these days?

A)    A colonial pith helmet, leather riding boots and nothing else but a cunning smile.

B)    With green and gold bum-less chaps, a baggy green and a huge log hanging from his mouth.

C)    Long shorts just below the knee and the cap on backwards, strange manner of speech and a walkman with a volume knob that goes up to 15.

D)    Don’t know.

(answer by Melanie from Bayswater WA, 18th March 1995)

  1. How does Tommy (Raudonikis) sign pacts?

A)    With a bit of brown.

B)    With players’ blood scraped off the footy field.

C)    Always left handed and always in the dark.

D)    Don’t know.

(answer by Stewart from Perran, 18th March 1995)


  1. Who built Arthur Tunstalls kitchen cupboards?

A)    Jeff French (Fenech).

B)    Aussie Joe.

C)    Stephan Scriggins.

D)    Don’t know.

(answer by Michelle in WA, 25th March 1995)


  1. At the (rugby) league crisis meeting what was written on Arko’s sheet of paper?

A)    Nothing but a drawing of Mickey Mouse standing to attention.

B)    A blank sheet of paper with “Ideas” written at the top and nothing below.

C)    Kill Chook!  Kill Chook!  Kill Chook! (with gradually deteriorating handwriting).

D)    Don’t know.

(answer by Unknown from who-knows-where*, 1st April 1995)


  1. Who was the first to stand on the banana?

A)    Simmo.

B)    Wim van Saarloos.

C)    Slobodan Grujic.

D)    Don’t know.

(answer by Darren from Chipping Norton, 1st April 1995)


  1. Who did “Mr. C” represent in the Jockeys Code?

A)    Rooting King.

B)    Tullock.

C)    Handbrake Harry White.

D)    Don’t know.

(answer by Stacy, a tourist from Canada, 8th April 1995)


  1. What should have been the highlight of Stacy’s stay (the tourist from Canada in question 6)?

A)    Sniffing out The Shark at the Australian Open.

B)    Shooting bush pigs with Noel and Les Cleal at Warialda.

C)    Seeing the Prime Minister at Winton playing Waltzing Matilda with a gum leaf on the back door.

D)    Don’t know.

(answer by Unknown from who-knows-where*, 8th April 1995)


  1. What brand of whistle did Tim Mander wedge between his teeth?

A)    An “Acme Thunderer”.

B)    The “Enforcer” with all the options and lip attachment.

C)    The “Black Pea” with chrome highlighting.

D)    Don’t know.

(answer by Jim from Newport Sydney, 22nd April 1995)


  1. How long did the Madigan-Stains head-in-a-bag fight last?

A)    One round.

B)    Two rounds.

C)    Three rounds.

D)    Don’t know.

(answer by Bernice from Vaga Café near Newcastle, 29th April 1995)


  1. What were the four words in Costas’ (Bill Mordy) contract?

A)    Fight you little bugger.

B)    I own Costa completely.

C)    Vodka vodka, fight fight.

D)    Don’t know.

(answer by Lucy from Highgate Hill (repeat offender), 20th May 1995)


  1. What are two (clear) signs of a boxing comeback?

A)    Being a bouncer and being a model.

B)    Being a bouncer and being a used car salesman.

C)    Being a bouncer and applying to join the Queensland Police.

D)    Don’t know.

(answer by Lana from Mudgeeraba, 18th June 1995)

  1. Name two Olympic swimmers in the boning room of the Olympic Games Abattoir at Homebush?

A)    Ian Thorpe and Dawn Fraser.

B)    Shane Gould and Lorraine Crapp.

C)    Michael Wenden and Murray Rose.

D)    Don’t know.

(answer by Peter of Glen Waverley, 28th April 1996)


  1. Who offered Coach Gould “the beer” in the players’ tunnel?

A)    Cement Gellespie.

B)    Fuifui Moimoi.

C)    Dish Head Dowling.

D)    Don’t know.

(answer by Wayne of Seville, 22nd July 1995)


  1. What are two promotional photographic ideas that could be used by the Victorian Shield team in season 95-96?

A)    The whole team in batting pads and nothing else pictured at Parliament House and the MCG.

B)    Dean Jones robbing a bank dressed up in Bushranger gear, or in jail, or being hanged.

C)    Give a camera to each player, get them on a bender “five day test” and just see what they come up with.

D)    Don’t know.

(answer by Stephen from Nova Gardens, 19th August 1995)


  1. What’s the diameter of the Don coin?  With the supplementary question of: What’s the duration of the Don stench?

A)    2 meters and stenching since 1908.

B)    5 meters and stenching since 1928.

C)    15 meters and stenching since 1948.

D)    Don’t know.

(answer by Shay from East Melbourne, 17th March 1996)


  1. Who did crickets’ sub-continental singing bird describe as “Mr. Big”?

A)    Phil Tufnell.

B)    Ian Chappell.

C)    Clive the “Big Cat” Lloyd.

D)    Don’t know.

(answer by Mark from Chester Hill, 17th March 1996)

  1. Who described the number one hole at Augusta as a natural laxative?

A)    Fuzzy Zoeller.

B)    Laughing Lee Trevino.

C)    The Dark Shark.

D)    Don’t know.

(answer by Bridget from Wodonga, 15th April 1996)


  1. Who got the better of Bozo at Warialda?

A)    The cockatoo.

B)    The kangaroo.

C)    The pig.

D)    Don’t know.

(answer by Emma from North Carlton, 14th July 1996)


  1. What’s the minimum number of kiddies allowed into the ring at the end of a bout?

A)    Twenty.

B)    Thirty.

C)    No limit.

D)    Don’t know.

(answer by Scott from Baddo Bay, 14th July 1996)


  1. What AV Jennings design feature is the centre-piece of Brad Fittlers’ new house?

A)    "The Benny” back door.

B)    “The Fenech” tiled roof (each nail has been punched in).

C)    The Brezhnev Hole.

D)    Don’t know.

(answer by Lucy from Highgate Hill – yes, yet again…, 25th August 1996)


  1. At what time (EST) did the news break that the "Queen of Haught" was to play the Hopman Cup?

A)    4.00 AM, 25th August 1996.

B)    7.00 AM, 25th August 1996.

C)    Exactly 1 minute to mid-night, 24th August 1996.

D)    Don’t know.

(answer by Peter from Lane Cove, 25th August 1996)


  1. What is the first weight division in the Jeff Fenech FAI-Milo-Cadburys-McDonalds Primary Schools all age boxing competition?

A)    20 Kilos.

B)    15 Kilos.

C)    10 Kilos.

D)    Don’t know.

(answer by Sandra from Brighton, 4th August 1996

  1. What was the ball type Gary Player (Cheating Mongrel) kept in his trousers?

A)    A Titleist with a little nick on the end.

B)    A Hot Dot with a little nick on the end.

C)    A Dunlop 65 with a little nick on the end.

D)    Don’t know – how is it possible to find an “end” on a golf ball?

(answer by Chris from Bondi Junction, 21st July 1996)


  1. What was Slobodan Grujics’ table tennis technique?

A)    Breaking his bat over the opponents head.

B)    Breaking the table.

C)    Breaking wind under the table so the stench oozed out down at his opponents end just before the serve.

D)    Don’t know.

(answer by Gabby from Hampton Park Victoria, 28th July 1996)


  1. Who was the only person NOT drawn to Queensland Trade Tools by Joe Bugner?

A)    It was Roy.

B)    It was HG.

C)    It was Wim van Saarloos.

D)    Don’t know.

(answer by Wendy in Victoria, 3rd June 1995)


Email answers to Results will be published on on 20th December 2008.  The winner gets bragging rights only – there is no prize!


Please note that the questions above were asked by Roy for the phone-in segments of the TSL show on Triple J.  TSL never used the “multiple choice” format but given the dumbing down of Australia following recent decades of education underfunding felt it was the only way to tempt people into undertaking the test. has therefore simply made up all the other alternate answers – that’s how multiple choice works – there’s only one correct answer (this will not be explained again – one correct answer per question only).


Please also note that the answers given are generally faithful to the actual answers given by the original contestant (or partner in the background) and without exception every answer was duly authorised true and correct by Roy & HG who bestowed the appropriate prize.  It may well be that some answers given were not entirely faithful to information supplied earlier in each show (sometimes not even near it) but if the reader knows this for a FACT you’ve got way too much time on your hands - take up kite sailing.


*Note: for all sorts of reasons the identity of some original contestants is not known.  If you have any further information regarding the missing contestants why not just keep it to yourself?  Oh well, if you absolutely must, send the details (this is not compulsory, sometimes it's just fun to have a secret).  Again,