old fashioned equivalents for modern swear-words. please don't visit this page just for the swear words; that's so not the point. the point is better discourse through more jovial, less insulting language.
This is intended to be a useful guide for those who wish to shift from using modern phrases as perhaps unkind insults, to using their relatively ancient equivalents as lighthearted insults. Hopefully this can elevate the level of discourse, or something. The person with whom I am conversing at the time of this writing seconded the idea of this perhaps ill-advised venture, but we'll see. At the least, let's hope that this encourages people to reserve terms like "bull****" for when they really really feel pissed about something. Note that the swear in bold is to be used, by this guide, only when you feel you really need to use it to emphasize your anger. Contributions to the page can be sent via the form to its left.
and now, the old-fashioned swears
generic insults to be used in place of swearing
"[Thou art] a disease that must be cut away."
"Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!"
generic exclamations to be used in place of swearing
ass (as in donkey)
hell as specific exclamation/swear
da** as specific exclamation/swear
s*** as specific exclamation/swear
bullhorn (the sound?)
"You speak unskilfully: or, if your knowledge be more, it is much darkened in your malice."
f*** as specific exclamation/swear
Direct contributors: Eric Brooks, Allison Porter Ewer, Greasemonkey, Dan Lower, Nana Porter, Austin Scott, the internet
Indirect contributors: English speakers everywhere, Shakespeare (listed by one direct contributor)